Just a little instrumental track I threw together today that I thought I would share. Hoping to finish up some more substantial projects in the near future.

sedated (instrumental)

Just a quick demo I threw together in a raw moment. Not at all polished, but I haven't uploaded anything in quite a while so I thought I would throw it out there.

"Well I love you so
So it hurts to know
That I can't follow where you go

It might be the way
That you have to take
And I, I can't make you stay

I just wish that I could take your pain away

And the ties that bind
Will not come untwined
But I will miss you on this way

And where was he
In your misery?
And why is he silent to me now? 

It feels like I'm just screaming at the sun"

follow

A song for the new year.

I want to get back to posting more demos in 2023, so I'll kick it off by just sending up a very simple and unpolished instrumental recording, mistakes and all. Hope you enjoy.

a dirge (instrumental)

vignette (instrumental)

A song for Easter.

"When death's penumbra swallows up
Every living light
Its fleshless fingers groping out
Beyond the bounds of night
I strain to hear on sighing winds 
Of hope beyond my sight
But all is still and silent 
Save the carrion fowl's flight
These heralds of Hades bring his boast
The taunt of death they sing
'Can you not see my victory?
Do you not feel my sting?' 

Death is not the last word"

the last word

Every ending's the beginning
Of the same old ending
And I'm running, no displacement
Only distance, my existence
Such persistence in letting you down again
Perhaps it's time...
But you won't let me go

graduation

Heal me with a wounded heart
Animate my failed resolve
Pull these wires from my skin
They'll tear the flesh, but I'll be whole within

And begin to live
Like a human being

'Cause I've lost control and I'm growing tired
Can't trust myself 'cause I'm a liar
I'm losing hope and I need to know
What is the key to being whole?

Now I've a noose for every limb
They suffocate rebellion
So rend the sinew from the bone
Displace the ones I've let upon your throne

For who you serve
Comes back in turn

I've lost control and I'm growing tired
Can't trust myself 'cause I'm a liar
I'm losing hope and I need to know
What is the key to being whole?

Please realign all my desires
'Cause I've lost control and I'm growing tired
Can't trust myself 'cause I'm a liar
I'm losing hope and I need to know
What is the key to being whole?

Fracture

A vagrant with a feckless heart
Preparing to depart again
Eyes are strained upon the dark
Ever searching out the stars

This darkling world
A wilderness
And we are doomed
To wander it

Stumbling listless, roaming blind
By a legend ill-defined
The firmament that separates
Is firmer than his trust so desolate

This darkling world
A wilderness
And we are doomed
To wander it

Wander

Bind them up, these broken hands
Idle to the point of death
Fingers limp as splintered spears
Holding loose what should be dear

Tear them out, these vacant eyes
Perceiving only starless skies
Blind unto the waking world
Best not to see until they're cured

Until They're Cured

Every ending's the beginning
Of the same old ending
And I'm running, no displacement
Only distance, my existence
Such persistence
In letting you down
Again
Perhaps it's time
But you won't let me go

Graduation

Fourteen eyes upon me
Seven heads surround me
As them, I am nothing
My head they are crushing

Seven times assailed
Fourteen years I've failed
They say I am nothing
My head they are crushing

I'm surrounded, these thoughts an ocean
Waves are crashing in constant motion
I am drowning, I am devoured
Can you hear me? What is the hour? 

Can you calm my cerebral chaos?
Can you calm my cerebral chaos?
Can you calm?
Can you calm?

Cerebral Chaos

Solar eclipse, apocalypse
It's dark beneath the sun
Solar eclipse, nightfall affixed
Before the earth has spun
Before the day is done
Before the night's begun

Solar eclipse, the stars aren't fixed
Have they fallen to the ground?
Solar eclipse, great dark abyss
In the sky they can't be found
In the sky no longer housed
The sky has been uncrowned

But you don't own me
And I don't owe you
So why am I staying?
Why am I in the dark?

Solar eclipse, this orbit skips
A hundred thousand days
Solar eclipse, I do predict
Tomorrow as the same
Tomorrow once again
Tomorrow darkness reigns

Solar eclipse, nocturnal fix
Addicted to this shade
Solar eclipse, I am transfixed
It makes me feel afraid
It makes me feel detained
It makes me want to break away

But you don't own me
And I don't owe you
So why am I staying?
Why am I in the dark?

Solar Eclipse

When death's penumbra swallows up
Every living light
It's fleshless fingers groping out
Beyond the bounds of night
I strain to hear on sighing winds
Of hope beyond my sight
But all is still and silent 
Save the carrion fowls' flight
These heralds of Hades bring his boast
The taunt of death they sing
"Can you not see my victory?
Do you not feel my sting?" 

Death is not the last word
Death is not the last word

The Last Word

"If I'm telling the truth
I'm not sure I love you
I'm not sure I love 
Anything but myself

Might not make sense to you
But I feel I've got to prove
That I can live my life for you

You know
You
You know 
It's all that I can do

So you go 
You
You go
And do what I can't do

A half-hearted creature with fake plastic features
I'm not the man I thought I knew
I'm just a shadow
A shadow passing through

It's time to face the facts
There's no such thing as selfless acts
No such things
What is it that I'm trying to do?

You know
You
You know 
It's all that I can do

So you go 
You
You go
And do what I can't...

Do, oh oh oh

So interested in survival
I've torn myself to shreds
As if there's some solution
Just waiting in my head
All it contains is solitude
Isolation and decay
I'm at a loss for self-denial

You go
You
You go
And do what I can't do

'Cause you know
You
You know
It's all that I can do"

This is a song about selfishness and self-interest, and trying to understand the motivations and intentions behind love and living.

all that i can do

"Your dead-end eyes make me realize
That there's no surprise beneath the surface
Just the entropy of life and of all purpose

Your blood-stained lips only give me Judas' kisses
Betraying my investments and my interest
In perpetuating this futile existence

Oh Eve, oh, you're really killing me
I do believe, oh, you'll be the death of me

Your listening ear is cold and deaf its clear
There's no parlay against your senseless violence
Caught in the waves of a destructive tyrant

Your whispered words are all turning into curses
Sending me sweet dreams of death and hearses
When I awake I see that all you have is worthless"

Eve comes from the Hebrew חַוָּה which means "life" or "to breathe".

Jacob DeBoer

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