Jeff Dorchen Truth Moment

I'm in my 30s and Jeff Dorchen is in his 50s. Guess which one of us had to look up how to spell pinochle. In this new Moment of Truth, the old Jeff Dorchen travels backwards in time (demographically,) runs from Mad Men, dresses down grandparents, critiques the state of modern assassination, and offers up absolutely no wisdom to pass to the next generation.

According to his contacts on LinkedIn, Jeff Dorchen can do just about anything. He’s a visual artist, songwriter/musician, actor, essayist, poet, playwright and screenwriter. He’s also an amateur scholar of Judaic, Hindu and Japanese spiritual lore. His many unfinished novels are still unfinished.

Old-ass Jeff Dorchen optimistically announces the end of youth culture.

Jeff has taken to meaninglessness like a fish to a cold, uncaring abyss. In this latest installment of the Moment of Truth, Jeff turns back to the New Testament's prequel, riffs on our recent David Graeber interview, considers his own meaninglessness and how much people love him for it, loses himself in a metaphoric sonic fog, and unyokes the yoke of wage slavery.

According to his contacts on LinkedIn, Jeff Dorchen can do just about anything. He’s a visual artist, songwriter/musician, actor, essayist, poet, playwright and screenwriter. He’s also an amateur scholar of Judaic, Hindu and Japanese spiritual lore. His many unfinished novels are still unfinished.

Jeff Dorchen renews his commitment to meaningless, inefficient fun.

Fred Phelps just died and one of the few people to be sad about that fact is only pretending. In his latest Moment of Truth, Jeff Dorchen dons a neon funeral sign, claps for Westboro's avante-garde Jesus-monster theatrics and helps Phelps open a can of food with his eyelashes. Listen, it will end up making more sense  and be about as entertaining as a Westboro protest sign.

Jeff Dorchen contemplates the profound and subversive sadness of Pastor Fred Phelps.

So last week Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts tweeted out a genuinely racist or satirically racist tweet that shook the very foundations of America's democracy but no one talked about that because at the very same time a fictional talk show host dismantled another safeguard in the already rickety system of protections shielding or at least attempting to look like its shielding Americans from the long teeth of the uber-wealthy's vampiric thirst for capital. I think that's what happened. I wasn't paying attention. Jeff Dorchen was. He'll take it from here.

According to his contacts on LinkedIn, Jeff can do just about anything. He’s a visual artist, songwriter/musician, actor, essayist, poet, playwright and screenwriter.

Jeff Dorchen poorsplains outrage and privilege because you obviously just don't get it.

"Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts."

- Groucho Marx. Or Yogi Berra, or Mark Twain. Who cares, it doesn't matter. No one agrees on anything anymore and we each get our own realities to yell at each other from. Autism causes vaccines,  creates jails and freedom is slavery.

Jeff Dorchen surveys the end of meaning and tries to tell everyone what's wrong, but no one can tell what he means.

Jeff Dorchen points out America's current location on this map of Easter Island.

Before Jeff Dorchen wasted his time on BuzzFeed, he wasted his time watching an interview about the racial makeup of the cast of a Hollywood movie, reading the user comments on an article about white privilege and considering his own belligerent A-hole magnetism. Then the quiz. Which turned out to be a waste of time, because oppression isn't quantifiable. But then how else would a waste of time BuzzFeed quiz work?

According to his contacts on LinkedIn, Jeff Dorchen can do just about anything. He’s a visual artist, songwriter/musician, actor, essayist, poet, playwright and screenwriter.

Jeff Dorchen interrogates Buzzfeed's Privilege Quiz and questions its authority.

Those people claiming the world is going to end are going to be right at some point. No matter how nigh-ish the end is, Jeff Dorchen is going to be right too, about white supremacist movie reviews, childhood ozone fears, oligarchs on oligarchs on oligarchs, Obama's mouth noises, Antonin Scalia's doughy middle finger, and dystopian celebrity scalp conditions. Try fitting that on a comical sandwich board.

According to his contacts on LinkedIn, Jeff Dorchen can do just about anything. He’s a visual artist, songwriter/musician, actor, essayist, poet, playwright and screenwriter.

Jeff Dorchen worries about the apocalypse so you don't have to.

Jeff Dorchen left the house. That was his first mistake. Then he got into his car, revved the engine and left the cultural embrace of urban existence. That was his second mistake. Somewhere between LA and San Francisco he found himself in a vast, goyishe wasteland, with only radio scripture, woodpecker tongues, Latino tea-baggers, and rhetorical analingus to keep him company.

According to his contacts on LinkedIn, Jeff Dorchen can do just about anything. He’s a visual artist, songwriter/musician, actor, essayist, poet, playwright and screenwriter.

Jeff Dorchen traverses the scorched narrative sterility of the Goyishe Radio Desert.

Jeff Dorchen makes up a lot of crap but a cheese board in the shape of America with hearts cut out marking the sites of 9/11 terror attacks is beyond his powers of imagination. It isn't beyond the power of America to make a buck off any person, place, thing, animal, vegetable or mineral.  Jeff divides America into chumps and con-men, and if you have to ask which one you are, then enjoy the cheese.

According to his contacts on LinkedIn, Jeff Dorchen can do just about anything. He’s a visual artist, songwriter/musician, actor, essayist, poet, playwright and screenwriter.

Jeff Dorchen and PT Barnum exit through the 9/11 Museum gift shop.

Everything Elliot Rodger did and said last month has already been wrung through the Internet think-piece machine as fast as possible, but for all the hashtagging and forum-scanning, a lot of big, simple, complicated questions have been left unasked. Are normalized (albeit shitty) social values to blame in the actions of an abnormal human? What makes misogyny a unique hatred? Why isn't everyone oppressed killing everyone who oppresses them?  Jeff Dorchen has some answers, but mostly more questions.

According to his contacts on LinkedIn, Jeff Dorchen can do just about anything. He’s a visual artist, songwriter/musician, actor, essayist, poet, playwright and screenwriter.

Jeff Dorchen wonders whether outcasts are bound by the social contract.

Tired of pushing the Wilhelm Scream button throughout the show, an in-studio Jeff Dorchen gets inspired by a recent Thomas Frank article about tuition costs, and totally misinterprets the whole thing. From albedo feedback loops to Ronald Reagan's conquest of the un-American poor, Jeff finds the invisible hand shifting the pieces, pulling the strings and bitch-slapping the bitch-slapped. Maybe he got the Frank article right after all, but he can't help getting the Koch Brothers' name wrong.

Live in studio, Jeff Dorchen bites the invisible hand that feeds him.

He might have read the article last week. Or maybe next week. Anyway it got Jeff Dorchen so confused he lost track of when it is - past, present or future. Does it matter? Is this what the future looks like? Would you have thought so in the past?

Jeff Dorchen looks forward to looking back to the future of the present day.

SPOILER WARNING: Jeff Dorchen is going to spoil whatever the screenwriters of the new Planet of the Apes movie didn't already. In the future, monkeys give everyone the cold, people are still making poor gun-shooting decisions, apes stand in for Israelis / Palestinians / Atreides / Indians / Colonialists / Nazis / Jews / vampires / whatevers. Jeff blows it all to hell.

According to his contacts on LinkedIn, Jeff Dorchen can do just about anything. He’s a visual artist, songwriter/musician, actor, essayist, poet, playwright and screenwriter. His many unfinished novels are still unfinished.

Jeff Dorchen trades his monkey suit for scrubs and vivisects Dawn of the Planet of the Apes.

Jeff Dorchen really really wants people to stop killing each other so he can eat kibbeh in peace. What's stopping him is cross-border antagonism and the Israeli leadership (who is looking for a partner in peace,) and Hamas (who is looking for a partner in peace,) just happening to wander past each other, again and again, facing only to exchange missiles, while the people who actually want peace are left hungry.

According to his contacts on LinkedIn, Jeff Dorchen can do just about anything. He’s a visual artist, songwriter/musician, actor, essayist, poet, playwright and screenwriter. His many unfinished novels are still unfinished.

Jeff Dorchen finds partners for peace, and dinner, among his own chosen people.

This is the one of the rare Moments of Truth that is funny in absolutely no way. What can you say that is funny after you read an essay titled "I’m a cop. If you don’t want to get hurt, don’t challenge me"? What can you say after you get past the reality of that title and read the actual words of an essay titled "I’m a cop. If you don’t want to get hurt, don’t challenge me"? 

Jeff Dorchen spends the first installment of a multi-part monologue examining how realities of American life breed the kinds of powerful, violent narcissism we see unleashed on the streets of Ferguson. If you're a violent, narcissistic cop and you don't want to get hurt, don't read this challenge.

 According to his contacts on LinkedIn, Jeff Dorchen can do just about anything. He’s a visual artist, songwriter/musician, actor, essayist, poet, playwright and screenwriter. His many unfinished novels are still unfinished.

Jeff Dorchen looks in the mirror and reflects on the narcissism of violence.

After his first segment on the narcissism of violence, Jeff Dorchen is back to prod self-obsession with a sharper, slightly longer stick. Last week was Ferguson, this week, Islamic State. In both places, Jeff figures everyone needs to take chill pills. John Rawls gets involved to universalize a theory of justice, but Dick Cheney ruins the whole thing by reminding us that we're all chumps. Thanks a lot, Dick.

According to his contacts on LinkedIn, Jeff Dorchen can do just about anything. He’s a visual artist, songwriter/musician, actor, essayist, poet, playwright and screenwriter.

In part two of a series on violence, Jeff Dorchen pokes narcissism in the eye with a sharp stick.

Unarmed black teenagers being gunned down and unarmed journalists being beheaded sort of put Jeff in a dark place the past few weeks, so he's lightening things up by imaging the violent end of America. Tom Friedman will be there, playing a redesigned game of RISK. Francis Fukuyama will be there too, still getting things wrong, besides history actually ending, which it will. Atlas will be there too, but it'll be hard to shrug with his own guts in his mouth. Jeff will be there too, sailing away in a pirate ship with the few remaining chumps.

According to his contacts on LinkedIn, Jeff Dorchen can do just about anything. He’s a visual artist, songwriter/musician, actor, essayist, poet, playwright and screenwriter.

Jeff Dorchen counts down to World War 3 with all his mutant friends.

O'Connell took the day off, so Jeff Dorchen walks into the interrogation room and plays the good cop. He ruffles your hair, offers you pancakes and coffee, he makes love to your mother and watches your birth. This piece was originally performed at Write Club LA, and won some sort of award. We're unclear what award, but it definitely deserved it probably. It's Jeff at his weirdest and (hopefully!) most sinister.

According to his contacts on LinkedIn, Jeff Dorchen can do just about anything. He’s a visual artist, songwriter/musician, actor, essayist, poet, playwright and screenwriter.

Good cop Jeff Dorchen walks into the interrogation room and kills an innocent man with kindness.

Jeff Dorchen isn't going to convince you that torture is wrong. Jeff Dorchen isn't going to convince Dick Cheney that torture is wrong. So you, or Dick Cheney, need to get used to living in Jeff's America, where dissent and consent walk hand-in-hand, justice and injustice don't, and nothing gets put up anyone's anus without them being okay with it.

According to his contacts on LinkedIn, Jeff Dorchen can do just about anything. He’s a visual artist, songwriter/musician, actor, essayist, poet, playwright and screenwriter.

Jeff Dorchen and Dick Cheney torture further the already tortured logic of torture.

In a Moment of Truth, Jeff Dorchen mounts the world's priority pendulum, stuck firmly in the "greed" half of its arc between communalism and self-interest since the Reagan/Thatcher years, and warns that mounting debt for the poor and bailouts for the rich, and shrieking bats for CNBC and riots and corruption and naked greed only last so long before the violence swings back around.

Jeff Dorchen Truth Moment

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