Boss

Simulation

Never Know

LongDays

Keys

A weird little nonsense song landed in my head while working and I doodled it into a fucking bizarre country/house thing that made me laugh my ass off.

LongBear Country/House Jam

Good Fuckin

Ham Around

I handled a bag of cereal poorly, causing it to shed its contents all over the counter. When I looked down I said:

 "Son of a bitch... what kind of an ass-fucking is this?"

This is the song that followed.

Spilt Cereal

Touch My Goose

Scufi

Dame todos tus buenos olores
Ahora por favor
Necesito tus buenos olores
En mi nariz please

Si te preocupes por mí 
Si quieres entender mi amor

Dame tus buenos olores
Y te daré mi calor

In English: 

Give me all your good smells.
Now, please
I need your good smells
In my nose, please

If you worry about me
If you want to understand my love

Give me your good smells
And I'll give you my warmth

Olores

BopBop

Hilph

Strollin

A song about being ok with now. Maybe a little sarcasm mixed in?

Wemypouw

Beaf Kids

Frosty Weeners

Too Much Midtones

These lyrics dance on two sides of a fence:

On one side it really is about putting your depression and anxiety into context in order to get relief. "At least I'm not in a concentration camp..."

On the other side, its some intense sarcastic mockery of people who belittle depression and anxiety. 

From those I love most this year I've heard repeatedly that I should "try to look on the bright side", or other similar platitudes ("There's always tomorrow"). I've learned that not only do some people not understand anxiety and depression, but those who don't usually also don't care to try. And... I very honestly don't blame them. 

But, being the haunted one who is also misunderstood is pretty alienating. The shallow/hollow expressions of care and "helpful" suggestions fall flat and just end up widening the distance between myself and those who serve them up. They add insult to injury.

I totally know that others don't owe me anything of substance, but I do reserve the right to be spared from excuses to move on that are thinly veiled to appear as expressions of care. Please spare me... I'm anxious and depressed... not stupid.  Do us both a favor and just fucking shoot straight. I'll still love you.

Contextualize

Inspired by the style of Milli Vanilli.

Lyrics: 

Now what you say has got me down
I just thought you should know
Those cracks about my messy room 
It really goes to show

That I take pride in other things
That ain’t no trouble wrong
My mind is where the order lies
Behold this beat real strong

That’s strength baby
That’s sugar
That’s love baby
I shook her

Trouble in the danger’s place
That ain’t no disgrace
Save that face
Make it pace (Yeah)

Grab that shit and toss it out
It's better to be clean
I wanna eat that shit right off your tits
And then I’ll make you cream

Don’t hold it back just let it in
I showered don’t you know
There’s nothing wrong with a messy room
As long as I clean the bone

Clean - Millie Vanilli Parody

A song about an ant. When I was a kid I squatted for many hours at a time marveling at ants... somehow knowing what to do at all times nad just going about it.

Curiosity

A song about missing Oregon. Mallory was the street I lived on in Portland. My oil diffuser had rosemary and juniper in it the other day and it hit me like a ton of bricks. The place I lived at on Mallory had a huge rosemary bush, and the smell of juniper just takes me back to Bend.

Lyrics:

The sweetest breath I ever drew 
Was on an autumn evening in Oregon
I’d never been in the high desert when
The rain fell in a torrent

I’m not ashamed that tears were welling
From the flowers I was smelling

And though I sit here pouting
My heart will slowly mend
As Rosemary reminds me of Mallory
And Juniper brings me to Bend

Despite the crazy embrace
I received when I settled
Opportunity took me over the hill
To Mallory, and Rosemary nettles

Had croissants in Provence
Oh The 1905’s Ambience

And though I sit here pouting
My heart will slowly mend
As Rosemary reminds me of Mallory
And Juniper brings me to Bend

But the rug was pulled from under
The frame I’d made
When options wilted I wondered
Where to go that was safe

I drove back home to Anchorage
Family helped to raise my chin
But I’m alone at home in December
And nostalgia’s setting in

I’m not ashamed that tears were welling
From the flowers I was smelling

Even though I sit here pouting
My heart will slowly mend
As Rosemary reminds me of Mallory
And Juniper brings me to Bend

Mallory & Bend

I cut my hands
Was happy to have  
you there, you there

Slip on the past
Nothing to spare
Not a care

Wasn’t all that easy to keep on
Wasn’t cupping my hands
Something musta materialized
As we warped beyond the pewter bowls that cost us our new plant

Chew on a cork
Its not a sin
Not a sin

Mouth full of pork
And I grin
I’ve won something

Keeping all my music to soft chords
Haven’t been to Japan
I could never resent the meticulous team
That reduces folded stitch work into sand

I don't know what I'm doing with my life
I don't know if I'm gonna die

At a Loss

Strange tracks made for others to contemplate and enjoy, should they so choose.

Popular tracks by Van Sanders