Another question mark, another sketchy, spontaneously written and recorded song, on doubting, sarcasm, impudence and commitment issues... It’s midnight and my voice is a little strained, since I’m in the process of processing doubts concerning whether my friend’s enthusiasm is sincere or not, and whether it’s worth the fuss to commit to devotions, emotions and what not. It’s easy and pleasant to care infinitely much for a few seconds and then forget all about it. So, could it be that commitment and care is a zero-sum-game? Written and performed by me.

Recorded in Chisinau, August 2019.

Lyrics:

I think I have to share another question mark with you 

Apprehending your enthusiasm
A mere phantasm 
Since I’m sensing your indifference
Exacted by my reverence

Perhaps I should start an iconoclasm
This neoplasm 
Has grown malignant and intense 
My exaltation makes me tense 

So I tried committing to my own devotions 
They ended up turning into distortions
How could the yearning for my dreams depose me further from my mind 
and leave me rattling in my disbeliefs
 
I tried committing to my own emotions
They ended up turning into extortions
How could the yearning for my soul 
Depose me further from my mind 
And leave me shackled to my disbeliefs 
Still feel I have to share another question mark with you 

Each regret will hit me like a spasm
I need sarcasm 
Or else the pain turns into evidence
A telling kind of impudence 

Apprehending your enthusiasm
A mere phantasm 
Since I’m sensing your indifference
Enacted by my reverence 

So I tried committing to my own devotions 
They ended up turning into extortions
How could the yearning for my dreams depose me further from my mind
And leave me rattling in my disbeliefs

I tried to follow through to my own devotions
They ended up turning into distortions
How could the yearning for my dreams leave my desires way behind
And leave me shackled to my disbeliefs 

I give up
I have zero expectations
Still I go on
And I run in joy

I let go
I don’t crave any answers
Still I feel joy 
Every time I ask

So I tried committing to my own devotions 
They ended up turning into distortions
I started tweaking my desires to spur me faster to my goals 
And render fantasies offering relief 

I tried committing to my own emotions
They ended up turning into extortions
How could the yearning of my dreams depose me further from my mind
And leave me shackled to my disbeliefs

Still I need to share another question mark with you 

Perhaps I should start an iconoclasm
This neoplasm
Has grown malignant and intense 
My exaltation makes me tense 

You see each single message that I send 
Feels like the end 
Still I do cherish to my temptation 
To propel my inspiration

So I tried committing to my own devotions
They ended up turning into distortions
How could the yearning for my dreams leave my desires way behind
And leave me rattling in my disbeliefs 

I tried committing to my own emotions
They ended up turning into extortions
How could the yearning for my dreams depose me further from my mind
And leave me shackled to my disbeliefs

Apprehending Your Enthusiasm

https://open.spotify.com/artist/54SpTjq6U3B9jTGD27xrCP?si=V_1ic2dMQ3GwfnMfTjszMg

Musikalisk idéblogg. 
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Jag förstår, bearbetar och reagerar på saker och ting genom att hitta på soundtrack till allt som händer runt och i mig. Allt ska skildras.

Vinglar syrran runt på styltor? Stapplande melodi till det, i huvudet. 
Drömde jag att det var brontosaurusinvasion i Uppsala? Höh, kaos, ran-tan-di-ta-ti-da-taa...
Tappade jag min kära iPad (det första jag gjorde när jag äntligen, kl. 04.35,  hade lyckats ta mig fram till Prag) på kullerstenar så att skärmen sprack i tusen bitar? Sorgsen sonat infinner sig i mitt sinne, varav några fragment kanske letar sig in i något av det jag lägger upp här. 

Dessa fragment förbifartsslarvar jag ner med hjälp av diverse notationsprogram på min iPad, vilket resulterar i att det dyker upp lite röriga, spretiga, osammanhängande verk av alldeles, alldeles vedervärdig ljudkvalité här, från och till.

”Most people die with their music still locked up inside them” siade Benjamin Disraeli, ”without music, life would be a mistake” bekräftade Friedrich Nietzsche och “I would rather write 10,000 notes than a single letter of the alphabet” envisades Ludwig van Beethoven. Kombinera innebörden av dessa tankar och voilà; du har oss på Gotlands Tonsättarskola, även känt under smeknamnet ”Tonis”. Oss tonisar.
Här finner du våra tankar, känslor, viljor, fobier, drömmar etc. Med andra ord: vår musik.

*slutfanfar*

Apprehending Your Enthusiasm

Verazza