I wrote Loving on Empty during one the hardest parts of my life. It was written from the deepest parts of my soul. In spite of the wonderful blessings in my life, there are some days that I still this way. Tonight is one of them.

Work My Fingers to the Bone

A long time ago, I used to lay in bed next to my now ex-husband and wonder why he couldn't hear the silent tears running down my face. It wasn't as if I didn't try to communicate directly, but my feelings sometimes overwhelm me and pound so loudly in my heart and mind that I'm amazed when anyone around me can sleep. 

Over the years I have come to appreciate the fact that emotions, no matter how loudly I feel them, are like the proverbial tree that falls in the forest, if there is no one to hear it fall, does it actually make a sound?

I sometimes make my husband crazy these days, because I've come to believe that communication is a must for any lasting relationship. I'm sure he wishes I didn't communicate with him so well sometimes, but if it's supposed to be forever thing, isn't understanding each other necessary in both directions? 

He's out of town for a while now. The silence in my newly empty home is deafening to me. He's become a really good listener. Anyone who knows me well, knows that's a requisite skill for survival around me LOL. At least I come by it honestly, compared with my dad I'm as quiet as a church mouse. 

I spoke to him over the phone for a while today and realized how attuned I've become to his feelings as well. I long for the time he can come home--he sounds as lonely as I once felt so long ago. As I gradually learn to use this format, I apologize for any repeated songs, but tonight I'm dedicating this one to him with all my heart. I know he hears me; I want him to know that I hear him too.

You Could Hear a Tear Drop Fall

Sometimes it's easy to think that life would be easier without the complications of marriage and family. However, I've found that adversity can bring great blessings; my children being the most important. Untangling the intertwining of lives through divorce would not be my first choice if I had a do-over, but left without a time machine that's not really an option. It can sometimes seem like the easiest choice, but i wouldn't recommend it. 

Inevitably, new relationships are even harder than the one left behind. I still have sorrow and regrets from allowing my children's home to be broken, but I suppose sometimes those types of painful learning experiences are what life is all about. Generally, I think most people find happiness and fulfillment only when they choose to find what they already have. I wish I had truly understood that sooner.

Music & Lyrics by Juliann Farnsworth recorded by STMedia 1992

Where Do I File My Tears

I wrote this song years ago when I was trying to find a way to go back to the good times without going backwards. I thought that if we could draw from the happiness of the past then maybe we could move forward and find something better than we had in the beginning.

Life tends to loop around in cycles until we get the point of whatever it is we are supposed to be learning. I always believed that I did the best I could with my first marriage, but over time--like I've heard others say--I've realized that the greatest change in my life is my willingness to give it everything I've got.

Maybe I didn't have as much strength back then, I don't know, but I have found that things don't get easier. Now, when I think back to the past, I remember good things that I missed. I hope that means I'm stronger now. I hope that in spite of the wounds from the battle of life, that I'm a better person for it. 

If this life is about personal growth and becoming our best self...well maybe I didn't do so bad after all. What seems the most important to me now is gratitude for my many blessings. 

If Yesterday Can Find Tomorrow

SECRETS MAKE YOU BLIND
written by Juliann Farnsworth
recorded by Violet Lightning with Alauna Sauveterre

Lyrics:


whispers:


SECRETS MAKE YOU BLIND
SECRETS MAKE YOU BLIND
I know your dirty secrets
I know what you are thinking
I know what you've been doing
And what your not re-thinking

whispers: SECRETS MAKE YOU BLIND

I see through your disguises
And all your false surprises 

whispers: SECRETS MAKE YOU BLIND

I see what you see
and I see what no one else can find
The secrets of your mind
SECRETS MAKE YOU BLIND

You might think I've intruded
In lies that you've secluded
But baby I've concluded 
You're getting quite deluded

whispers: SECRETS MAKE YOU BLIND

Your eyes are turning blurry
And you should start to worry

whispers: SECRETS MAKE YOU BLIND

I see what you see
and I see what no one else can find
The secrets of your mind 
SECRETS MAKE YOU BLIND
Now I see You are lost in black WATERS of your eyes
The mirror of your mind!
SECRETS MAKE YOU BLIND

(bridge)

I see what you see
And I see what no one else can find
The secrets of your mind
cause SECRETS MAKE YOU BLIND
Now I see You're lost in black waters of your eyes
The mirror of your mind

SECRETS MAKE YOU BLIND
SECRETS MAKE YOU BLIND

Ooh.....
Ooh...

whispers: SECRETS MAKE YOU BLIND


Copyright 2018 MindAspire LLC

SECRETS MAKE YOU BLIND

ROCKSTAR
written by Juliann Farnsworth 
recorded by Violet Lightning with Alauna Sauveterre

Lyrics:

You'll prob'ly think it's a mystery
When someday soon we are history
Maybe we should talk soon or maybe I should go
But maybe's not enough I need to know

'Cause who baby, who do you think you are?
Should quit while you're ahead 'cause you been thinkin' you're a ROCKSTAR
Ooh baby, you know you've gone too far
Be better not to ask but look WHERE ITS got me so far

If you come home and I'm not there
Maybe you will start to care
Babe we should have talked more, there're things you need to know
But babe enough's enough I had to go

'Cause who baby, who do you think you are?
Should  quit while you're ahead 'cause you been thinkin' you're a ROCKSTAR
Ooh baby, you know you've gone too far
Be better not to ask but look WHERE ITS got me so far
'Cause who baby, who do you think you are?
should quit while you're ahead 'cause you been thinkin' you're a ROCKSTAR

You'll prob'ly think it's a mystery
When someday soon we are history
Maybe we should talk soon or maybe I should go
But maybe's not enough I need to know

'Cause who baby, who do you think you are?
Sshould quit while you're ahead 'cause you been thinkin' you're a ROCKSTAR
Ooh baby, you know you've gone too far
Be better not to ask but look WHERE ITS got me so far
'Cause who baby, who do you think you are?
Should quit while you're ahead 'cause you been thinkin' you're a ROCKSTAR

Musical Bridge

Where baby, where do think you are?
'Cause you're heading for the surf, but baby that's where the rocks are.
Ooh baby, I know you've gone too far
Been thinking there's a cure
AND THAT's why I'M with you so far
'But who baby, who do you think you are?
Should quit while you're ahead 'cause you been thinkin' you're a ROCKSTAR
Ooh baby, you know you've gone too far
Be better not to ask but look where its got me so far

Copyright 2018 MindAspire LLC

ROCKSTAR

LOVING ON EMPTY

ONCE UPON A TIME (You Loved Me)
written by Juliann Farnsworth
recorded by Violet Lightning with Alauna Sauveterre - guitar by Minor2Go

---
Lyrics:

A
ONCE UPON A TIME (YOU LOVED ME)
And I thought that that is how It'd oh ...would always be
But now my broken heart and mind disagree
'Cause It's apparent love don't come with any guarantee
oh mm

A
How your broken promise hurts me
It like a hurricane that's driving me, oh me insane
I so wish you'd only love me
Cause tears burn down my face just like they're made of acid rain
oh mm 

B
Ooh oh
How I wish I could trust you
Ooh but no 
it's a crying'  game 
Never knowing who's to blame 
So much sorrow and so much pain
And your lies i keep.  
always wondering how you sleep 
How I wish I could trust you 

A
ONCE UPON A TIME (YOU LOVED ME)
And I hope someday that you will see 
How it could be
I'm holding back the fears that find me
Thinking someday  that
You will see it was always me
oh mm

A
What is it making you despise me?
I given everything that I could give including me
Is hate the only word to describe me?
Is holding onto you the right thing ooh 
oh that I should do?
oh mm

B
Ooh oh
How I wish I could trust you but no 
it's a crying'  game 
Never knowing who's to blame 
So much sorrow and so much pain
And your lies i keep.  
Always wondering how you sleep 
How I wish I could trust you 

A
ONCE UPON A TIME (YOU LOVED ME)
And I thought that that is how It'd.. oh....would always be
But now my broken heart and mind disagree
cause It's apparent love don't come with any guarantee
oh hum 
---

Copyright 2018 MindAspire LLC

ONCE UPON A TIME (You Loved Me)

ONCE UPON A TIME (YOU LOVED ME)

I think most people feel this way once in a while in their relationships... I'M IN LOVE WITHOUT YOU by Violet Lightning and Alauna Sauveterre. Music and lyrics written by Juliann Farnsworth, piano by Minor2Go.

I'M IN LOVE WITHOUT YOU

Alauna Sauveterre is the lead singer in the band Violet Lightning, and will release her new album RAIN this month written by author and composer Juliann Farnsworth.

Violet Lightning

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