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Love is a Masochist

VIVEYNNE's third self-produced album release Aug 2023

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Fire Fight

There was a summer rain that poured on the floor;
It pours down the face of my adored.

Lilly water; sown on fodder.
Living in the shadow of another.

I would wait but it never came.
Summer seems so far away.

I could wonder and wander for hours
and you'd still come back to bring me back and catch me.
I can do no such thing.

I envy your friendly face.
I'm so sorry for being so selfish and callous.

How does it feel now to be open ended?
Everything you said that you wanted.

Buy The Album

Into the Woods

Boy, look at you looking at me
I know you know how I feel
Lovin' you is hard, bein' here's harder
You take the wheel
I don't wanna do this anymore
It's so surreal, I can't survive
If this is all that's real

All I wanna do is get high by the beach
Get high by the beach, get high
All I wanna do is get by by the beach
Get by, baby, baby, bye bye
The truth is I never bought into your bullshit
When you would pay tribute to me
'Cause I know that
All I wanted to do was get high by the beach
Get high baby, baby, bye bye

Boy, look at you lookin' at me
I know you don't understand
You could be a bad motherfucker
But that don't make you a man
Now you're just another one of my problems
Because you got out of hand
We won't survive
We're sinkin' into the sand

All I wanna do is get high by the beach
Get high by the beach, get high
All I wanna do is get by by the beach
Get by, baby, baby, bye bye
The truth is I never bought into your bullshit
When you would pay tribute to me
'Cause I know that
All I wanted to do was get high by the beach
Get high baby, baby, bye bye

Lights, camera, acción
I'll do it on my own
Don't need your money, money
To get me what I want
Lights, camera, acción
I'll do it on my own
Don't need your money, money
Money, money
Money, money

All I wanna do is get high by the beach
Get high by the beach, get high
All I wanna do is get by by the beach
Get by, baby, baby, bye bye
The truth is I never bought into your bullshit
When you would pay tribute to me
'Cause I know that
All I wanted to do was get high by the beach
Get high baby, baby, bye bye

Anyone can start again
Not through love but through revenge
Through the fire, we're born again
Peace by vengeance brings the end

Cover

High by the Beach

High by the Beach [Lana del Rey Cover]

Let Her Go [Remix]

Let Her Go [Passenger Cover] [Remix]

All I wanted was the truth to get me through
I wanted to believe in you
I couldn't get around the fire fight
I couldn't even look you in the eye

Where do I go from here?
Whom do I know from here?
Who will take me back again?

When I finally crossed the line
I understood that I would be left here for good
I couldn't get around the fire fight
I couldn't even look you in the eye

What I saw before, I can't ignore
I can't pretend I'll simply shut the door
I wanted to forget and just move on
But how can I forgive what I did wrong?

Who'll take me back from here?
If there is such a place
Who'll let me home again?

Who'll take me back from here?
If there is such a place
Who'll ever let me there again?

All I wanted was the truth to get me through
I wanted to believe in you
I couldn't get around the fire fight
I couldn't even look you in the eye

Where do I go from here?
Whom do I know from here?
Who will take me back again?

Take me back again!

ORIGINAL VANILLA BEAT:  KingDMrPerfect on Soundcloud
LYRICS, MELODY, MUSIC ARRANGEMENT, AND BEAT REMIX:  M J Straatsma [VIVEYNNE]

Single

Do you want to go and catch a train
Go far away?
Anywhere you'd like.

Do you want to go and change your name?
Change your face?
Be one of us.

Sad Jackie alone across the universe
floating in worlds against the tide

A E I L I R A

Did you know I often was afraid
We're not the same
Was I right? 

We drove for hours until the morning light.
We're far away; anywhere you like.

Sad Jackie alone across the universe
floating in worlds against the tide

A E I L I R A

Sad Jackie

Take a look;
the answers to your questions are inside our reprieve of anger.
Your hands are like your sword; they crush, carass, and bleed.
Do you want to see your anger?

I'm a friend (I'm a friend)
Let me in.
I'm a friend.
I'm a friend (I'm a friend)
Let me in.

I'm a friend;
someone who'll hold onto until the end.
Devastate the enthralled and collared mind; it is too late.
Take a turn; he fell into the well of hell's cistern.
In his mind, he churns inside until the end of time.

I'm a friend (I'm a friend)
Let me in.
I'm a friend.
I'm a friend (I'm a friend)
Let me in.

Cistern

I can look through anyone; I thought you should know that.
I can breathe with fire words, I really thought you knew
He thinks he's not hurting anyone but doesn't want to lose the tools by which he builds himself;
Constantly hides the truth

For all the things I've done, I'm letting go of you
I think you'll find your heart is free once you can do this too 

I fooled myself again
I fooled myself again
Kept under the weight of the things I can't escape
I fooled myself again

I will try to place myself in a mindset to feel enough to truly visualize that both of us are real
No one knows when I'm around; when I come or when I go
I just wanted to belong and play a role within this show

I fooled myself again
I fooled myself again
Kept under the weight of the things I can't escape
I fooled myself again

Fooled Myself

You were the sun shining on my face
You were the Earth and I couldn't see myself

Making this worse
Making this hard for me
Making this worse

What do you want from me?
What do you want?

You were the pale digging inside me
You were the worst thing I can't describe 
I couldn't see you

Making this worse
Making this hard for me
Making this worse

Making This Worse

They tell me to call so I came and I waited but never want
Then I fell through a crack in the floor but I waited
I never talk

They all built me a bridge to walk over
and I did but no one was there to greet me but I waited;
I never talk

Do you wanna tear through the storms in my eyes?
Do you wanna fight though the fire in my mind?

There is a room in which I was poisoned and devoured by other worlds
I wanted to bend and walk over but I waited too long
Now it's gone and I sit here in a song
How long will this go on?

Do you wanna tear through the storms in my eyes?
Do you wanna fight though the fire in my mind?
Do you wanna find the truth in all of my lies?
Do you wanna cry sometimes?

Do you wanna tear through the storms in my eyes?
Do you wanna fight though the fire in my mind?
Do you wanna find the truth in all of my lies?

Overload

I seemed so serious, how were you supposed to know
that you shouldn't believe it?
I can no longer share my thoughts with you anymore,
you never see it.

I want to tell you, I want to let you know
exactly how infuriating all this ignorance is for me.
But I am stopped by the desire to utilize all your traitor's tricks
and never-ending loyalty.

We were so amazed by you that day.
We were so amazed.

It's insufferable how contradictory you are
to everything you say you admire so much and stand for.
My lungs bubble up with rebuttal
to your poorly-put retorts.

I don't need a friend. Indeed, I swear it.
In fact, I feel I'd much rather be left alone by everyone and everything without some formidable merit.

I don't want to hold on to a dying notion anymore
Don't you think it's wrong that I must settle out a score
I had no part in before?
It's all awful from here.

Was it an accident or your bold master plan
to pull away and remove from me everything I am?
Obviously, I see your tendency to persecute others in poor positions
is grandiosity.

You don't require anything but what you desire!
It never mattered much and, frankly, I don't care enough.

Seemed so Serious

Near me, you are so dangerously near me.
You are the only thing that I hold to me, arduously.
Near me, you are so dangerously near me.
You act as if you don't hear me; as if I couldn't see
this coming undone since it begun
I run, but I fall to a pattern before

Oh, I know it may be gone.
I will focus on space and words.

Fear me, I know they always grow to fear me
I know I often don't speak quite clearly.
As if you couldn't see my own awful thoughts
are the things we all want?
To mean what we claim is a fruitless game.

Near Me

For you I was the flame
Love is a losing game
Five story fire as you came
Love is losing game

One I wished, I never played
Oh, what a mess we made
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

Played out by the band
Love is a losing hand
More than I could stand
Love is a losing hand

Self-professed profound
Till the chips were down
Know you're a gambling man
Love is a losing hand

Though I battled blind
Love is a fate resigned
Memories mar my mind
Love is a fate resigned

Over futile odds
And laughed at by the gods
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

Love is a Losing Game (Amy Winehouse cover) (ft. Eleanor Page)

Love is a Losing Game [Amy Winehouse cover]

Everyone knows, but everyone lies.
They don't think about it?
Everybody knows and everybody tries
but I can't go without it.

Waking up the wind.
I begin and end within the same crib.
I can't think of anything better than this.

Everybody goes and everybody dies
but we don't talk about it.
I try to walk the line, I try to compromise
but I can't forget the inevitable end.

I Can't Think of Anything Better Than This

Warm rain was running on the rooves below.
It pours so slow in the summer.

If I were to tell you all the things I knew,
it'd change the way that I meant them.
If I were to ask you the places one should go to
you'd say go where it rains.

Where it rains in March and in April too.
All of the colours bleed with the blue.
In October and November too.
Maybe it will rain here soon.

Go Where it Rains

I'm absolutely awful in every shape and form.
I'm absolutely awful; I should have never been born.
Don't try to educate me on where my soul is going to take me,
I know perfectly well I'm going to hell.
Don't try to change my plans. I am who I fucking am;
A sociopath with a tendency to yell.

Why would you think that a man like him
would make me want to have anything to do with love?
I can honestly say I've never felt compassion for anything
or anyone.
I know it was more than a thrill or a dare;
I don't care who was there or who saw what I did
on the 13th Tuesday of October.
I'm already older,
I don't regret it.
Why would you even think that I would even blink
before I take a knife to your throat?
Who knows?
I'm almost completely pathologically, what some would call,
a total eclipse of the sun,
I'm utterly through-and-through
absolutely awful.

I'm absolutely awful until the day I die.
You couldn't change me if you fucking tried.
Every time you call my name the answer's going to be the same.
I can do with or without you, anyway.
Every time they look at me, they see just what they want to see;
a wicked woman wavering wildly on her two feet.

Absolutely Awful

I'm resisting the urge to make you one of us.
I'm resisting the urge to make you one of us.
I'm resisting the urge to get in your head,
to take your arms and make you repent for your sins.

I'll tie you down and take you home with us.
I'll feed you to the lion growing in my room.

Trust me, you don't want any confrontation.
You do not want any close-shave situations.
You should not make any bad decisions;
the gods made me too vindictive.

I'm resisting the urge to make you feel like us.
It's a real cold place and I am sure you would enjoy it.
I'm resisting the urge to come after you.
Oh my god, it's difficult.
I never wanted this so much.

I want to knock your ego down, set fire to your town.
I want to cut the cloud you're on and prove to you you're wrong.

I'm resisting the urge to make you one of us.

Resisting the Urge

Twenty-five years 
and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope...
...for a destination.

I realized quickly when I knew I should,
this world was made up of this brotherhood of man;
whatever that means.

So, I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed,
just to get it all out; what's in my head.
I, I feel a little peculiar...

So, I wake in the morning and I step outside;
I take a really deep breath and I get real high!
I scream from the top of my lungs:
"What's going on?"

And I say, "hey, yeah yeah".
I said, "hey, yeah yeah".
I said, "hey, what's going on?"
And I say, "hey, yeah yeah".
I said, "hey, yeah yeah".
I said, "hey, what's going on?"

And I try; oh my god, do I try!
I try all the time in this institution.
And I pray; oh my god, do I pray!
I pray every single day for a revolution!
Yeah!

So, I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed,
just to get it all out; what's in my head.
I, I feel a little peculiar...

So, I wake in the morning and I step outside.
I take a really deep breath and I get real high!
I scream from the top of my lungs:
"What's going on?"

And I say, "hey, yeah yeah".
I said, "hey, yeah yeah".
I said, "hey, what's going on?"
And I say, "hey, yeah yeah".
I said, "hey, yeah yeah".
I said, "hey, what's going on?"

Special thanks to Marlowe Lainn for background and main vocals!! <3

VIVEYNNE's Covers

What's Up?

What's Up? [4 Non-Blondes Cover] [ft. Marlow Lain]

HEAR THE MASTERED VERSION:
viveynne.bandcamp.com/track/drowned

Cast me not away, for I have come in peace.
You don't have to be afraid 
of something as small as me.
Hold me closer now; I can't breathe.

(Tell me you love me, baby.)
(No air, no air, no air)

Gasp.

(No air, no air, no air)

I can't be sad, my baby's bad!
This kick is the best one I've had.
You turn me on; you tear me out.
Is this what it is?
Then, now I have drowned.
(I have drowned!)

Do I not astound you? 
(I know it's not worth it)
Am I still incomplete?
(You sound incomplete)
Am I really that person, 
(You're that person)
that you don't want to meet?

Tell me you love me, baby.
(No air, no air)

I can't be sad, my baby's bad!
This kick is the best one I've had.
You turn me on; you tear me out.
Is this what it is?
Then, now I have drowned.
(you turn me on.)
You tear me out!
Is this what it is?
Then, now I have drowned.

Drowned.

Oh, I remember when I fell 
into the deep and ominous well.
Oh, I recall calling out for help.
I scream, I shout, I save myself.

You won't be with me anymore.
You won't forgive me anymore.

Two words could be used to describe how it felt
to fall so deep in love with the self;
outrageous arrogance and doubt. 
A paradoxical devout.

You won't be with me anymore.
You won't forgive me anymore.

The Well

Is it yet waking hour? 
What is in store for me?
Each day is getting darker; 
it's painful to see.

I can't ever win at this game.
I never had the skills to play.

When will you finally come back and tell me it's over-due?
When will you finally come back?
It isn't the same without you.

Holding on with these hands; 
too cumbersome for me.
I wish I could just stand,
alone out in the sea.

I won't ever swim the ocean waves;
I never had the words to say.

When will you finally come back and tell me it's over-due?
When will you finally come back?
It isn't the same without you.

Move on. Fall back.
Take this. Take that. 
Move on; so far.
Bad life; sad heart. 

I won't ever find someone who's like me;
I never found any affinity.

When will you finally come back and tell me it's over-due?
When will you finally come back?
It isn't the same without you.

When will I ever go there?
When will I pass beyond the veil that hides the other side?
Will they miss me when I'm gone?
When?

Affinity (When Will You Return?)

Verse 1:
He was a bad one; I can feel it.
When I look in his eyes, I can see it.
Everybody else acts oblivious. 

If you really want to dance, then bring it!
Beat the drum, wield the axe; unstring it.
All the evidence was hanging from the ceiling,
it was impossible to tell what I was feeling.

Chorus 1:
If you push me, then I'll attack;
You took my heart, now give it back!
You swing at me, it all went black.
You took my heart, now give it back!

Give it back!
Give it back!
Give it, give it, give it, give it

Verse 2:
Oh, why leave so soon? Stay awhile.
Here I thought you were enchanted by the vile.
I found you kicking and screaming like a child.
I picked you up, brushed you off, and smiled.

Chorus 2:
If you push me, then I'll attack;
You took my heart, now give it back!
You swing at me, it all went black.
You took my heart, now give it back!

Push me.
Push me.
Push me.
Push me.

Chorus 3:
If you push me, then I'll attack;
You took my heart, now give it back!
You swing at me, it all went black.
You took my heart, now give it back!

I can't make up for what you lack;
You narcissistic maniac!
If you push me, then I'll attack.
You took my heart, now give it back!

Push Me

In my defense, I didn't stand a chance
against what's vile, wicked, and docile
It makes me wonder for what do I hunger?
Absurdist violence or eternal silence?

All I ever wanted was to escape from where I am,
but I'm trapped inside a moving house of glass.

I waited for hours under celestial towers
for a sign from Apollo; a path I must follow
but they did not hear me, 
the gods did not come near me
For all they saw in my pleading was human greed;
a poppy grown much too big for its seed!

All I ever wanted was to escape from where I am,
but I'm trapped inside a moving house of glass.
All the words ever written cannot describe what holds me back;
I am trapped inside a moving house of glass.

House of Glass

House Of Glass

I remember when we were just kids,
What with all the dangerous things we did
I remember he and I, we weren't just friends
He broke my heart and f**ked my head

I remember the time we burned my bed
and all the crazy s**t we did;
I know that I cried when he did depart
He f**ked my head and broke my heart

Cry, baby, cry;
It's just so sad.
He's letting go; can you feel that?
Run baby, run;
No matter how fast 
You chase him down
He won't come back...

So sad...

Over time, it just didn't last
and what I thought we had did pass;
I fell to muddy dirt and grass
I watched him through this house of glass

I decided that I was coming back
To take him off his deadly tracks
Only to discover that he'd finally slipped down through the cracks

So sad...
Can you feel that...?

Cry, baby, cry;
It's just so sad.
He's letting go; can you feel that?
Run baby, run;
No matter how fast 
You chase him down
He won't come back...

Cry Baby

Well I wish there was someone
Well I wish there was someone to love me
When I used to be someone,
I knew there was someone that loved me

As I sit here frozen alone,
Even ghosts get tired and go home as they crawl back under the stars...

I wish there was something;
Please tell me there's something better.
I wish there was something more than this saturated loneliness...
I wish I could feel it and I wish I could steal it, abduct it, corrupt it...
But I never can; it's just saturated loneliness.

Does the silence get lonely?
Does the silence get lonely? Who knows?
I've been hearing it tell me
I've been hearing it tell me, "Go home."
The freaks are playing tonight;
They've gone and turned out the lights...

I wish there was something;
Please tell me there's something better.
I wish there was something more than this saturated loneliness...
I wish I could feel it and I wish I could steal it, abduct it, corrupt it...
But I never can; it's just saturated loneliness.

I wish there was something;
Please tell me there's something better.
I wish there was something more than this saturated loneliness...

Tearjerker

Tearjerker [Korn Cover]

I can't be sad

Drowned...
Drowned...
Drowned...
Drowned...

I can't be sad

Cast me not away, for I have come in peace
You don't have to be afraid of something...

Of something...
Of something...
Of something...

Drowned... (of something, of something, of something, of something)
Drowned... (of something as small as me)
Drowned... (of something, of something, of something, of something)
Drowned... (of something as small as me)

Drowned. [Faded Mix]

Setting Fire to Juliet

Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
Love comes slow and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep

'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go
Oh oh oh no
And you let her go
Oh oh oh no
And you let her go

Well, you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

Covers

Let Her Go

Let Her Go [Passenger Cover]

Oh, baby, I know
I know that you want to let your demons out
But, baby, I know
I know your still my friend and it won't happen again

I doubt you won't run;
Oh, run 'cause it's fun to see what I've become
Baby, you know,
you know I won't go because I told you so

Darling, it's hazardous
Killing a pacifist
We'll be like Lazarus
Love is a masochist
Became too bad for this
Often disastrous
Love is a masochist

I, I just don't want to see what I've turned out to be;
It's killing me
It's a thought I won't grasp or the feeling won't last
and I can't never leave.

Darling, it's hazardous
Killing a pacifist
We'll be like Lazarus
Love is a masochist
Became too bad for this
Often disastrous
Love is a masochist

Love is a masochist
Love is a masochist
We'll be like Lazarus
Love is a masochist

LYRICS AND MELODY: VIVEYNNE
INSTRUMENTAL COMPOSITION AND PRODUCTION: DR OPTIMISER
VOCAL PRODUCTION: VIVEYNNE

Her green plastic watering can
For her fake Chinese rubber plant
In the fake plastic earth

That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans
To get rid of itself

It wears her out
It wears her out
It wears her out
It wears her out

She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns

He used to do surgery
For girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins

And it wears him out
It wears him out
It wears him out
It wears

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love

But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run

And it wears me out
It wears me out
It wears me out
It wears me out

Fake Plastic Trees

Fake Plastic Trees [Radiohead Cover] [Live/Acoustic]

You don't remember;
I'd hang on every word you'd say.
But something, it kept me
isolated and ashamed...

You spoke then to just me;
I knew the time but not the place.
You told me you'd love me;
You lied straight to my face.

The hearts that you break and the things you feel.
The people you hate and the things you steal.
The bones you shake and the blood you spill.
Those dice you played on Vanity Hill.

I often would ponder:
Which curse compelled you if not I?
I made a decision:
I choose you over a good life.

I wrote you to tell you:
"Meet me to be free of this place!
It hurts but we'll go there".
I lied straight to his face.

The hearts that you break and the things you feel.
The people you hate and the things you steal.
The bones you shake and the blood you spill.
Those dice you played on Vanity Hill.

The songs you write without true intent.
The ghosts at night and the ones who wept.
With the spinning of time on the fortune wheel.
The people you hate and the things you steal.

The bones I shook and the joy I kill.
Those lives I took on Vanity Hill.

Love is Masochist

Vanity Hill

Who is this little lady?
Why does she never go to bed?
Has she just gone crazy?
Is this all inside her head?
Who is this empty person?
Why does she always go out late?
Did no one ever tell her
that was her first and worst mistake?

When I go out at night,
I meet strangers in the street.
I bring them home with me and then we have a party!
It was lots of fun,
until the violence had begun;
and then, honestly the escapade got too real for me.
I just want a friend
but now I can't go home again;
I know they're there still waiting
and they'll try to find me!
Now that I'm doomed to die,
I must confess I've lived a lie;
I never knew what it was like to just be happy.

Who is this little lady?
Why does she only dress in black?
I can't shake the feeling baby;
that she's not coming back.
Who is this empty person?
Why does she paint herself with red?
Is it jaded nature
or is she already dead?

When I go out at night,
I meet strangers in the street.
I bring them home with me and then we have a party!
It was lots of fun,
until the violence had begun;
and then, honestly the escapade got too real for me.
I just want a friend
but now I can't go home again;
I know they're there still waiting
and they'll try to find me!
Now that I'm doomed to die,
I must confess I've lived a lie;
I never knew what it was like to just be happy.

strangers+in+the+street

---------------------------------------
V I V E Y N N E is a solo musical project based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada that emerged to wreak havoc on the world.

VIVEYNNE||Burns

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