Long time no music!! I hope you like this one, I've spent forever on it and I can't get it out of my head!!

Lyrics:

I swear it to you, I just don't know what to do
I've got my hands tied up and I'm waiting for word from you.
I know this isn't what you wanted me to do,
But I've got my hands tied up— tied up in you.

I did what you told me never to do
You said you never wanted me wanting you.
But now I've gone and I've sold my soul to you
It's too late baby, you've run me through.

And it's too late, too late, too late, too late for me now
And I can't take, can't take, can't take, can't take these chains off.
And I'm falling for you faster than I could ever choose,
So what's to lose,
When I'm tied up in you.

I already told you you're not my kind of guy
You're too warm; too much heartache in your eyes.
And I know that you're so larger than life
You say you've changed, but I don't buy.

I want you
            I don't want you
I need you
            I told you
I love you
            You're not my kind of guy.
But baby...
            Don't call me-
Don't leave me!
            You're crazy.
But maybe we could be something on the side?
            NO!

And it's too late, too late, too late, too late for me now
And I can't take, can't take, can't take, can't take these chains off.
And I'm falling for you faster than I could ever choose,
So what's to lose,
When I'm tied up in you.

Tied Up In You

I posted a version of the beginning of this back in 2016 as “Soft-Fragment”.. but here it is as a fragment no longer 💛

Lyrics:

My heart is made of glass and gold
And I lay in the field and glow.
I am floating up to the tops of the mountains, where I’ll sit and watch the sun-
No clouds on the horizon.
I don’t need anyone.. I’m just a reflection.
But when I want to, I know where to find you…

💛

goldenhour

this is the first song i ever finished and i wrote it for my best friend ever, Darcy, whom i love very much 

Lyrics:

Is it cold? Is it cold, where you are?
'Cuz I will send the heat from distant stars
To warm your veins.
Is there dust? Is there dust and sand in your heart?
'Cuz I will send the mists and salt of the sea
To cleanse your soul.
Horrors may happen
Horrors may happen
And ghosts may take the stage,
But do not give in to the age of gloom and solitude.

Song for Darcy

idk i love this so much i still can't believe it was live.... might as well share!!

(ps he gave permission at the concert for people to take videos and upload them as they pleased!! so its ok to post)

this is from Chris Botti's concert at the Mission Hill Winery in Kelowna on July 24, 2015

The Very Thought Of You - Chris Botti And Sy Smith

This is the theme song I wrote for my friend's webcomic "Poppies"!! It's gonna be about gays in King Arthur's court!!! IT'S OFFICIALLY OUT, GO READ IT STAT!! >> https://tapastic.com/series/poppies
seriously, HE'S AMAZING.. go check out his art blog while you're at it!!! >> maldecorum.tumblr.com

Lyrics:

Poppies are the drug of love
To sleep, perchance to dream
But never love.

Nothing stays a secret for long,
Even if you tie it up with a red ribbon...

Poppies do no prisoners take
We all must answer to the Lady of the Lake.

***

(temporary) Image Credit: https://www.instagram.com/inkprintrepeat/

Poppies

I'm only uploading this because it calms me, even in a fragmented state, and i thought it might help calm others in this terrifying time
(will delete later)

Lyrics:

My heart is made of glass and gold,
And I lay in the field and glow.


(Photo credit : http://doecarcass1.tumblr.com/post/149998468354/weird-memories-trough-haze-and-clouds)

Autumn Estephan's Album

Soft (FRAGMENT)

I've had this old thing bootin around in my head for way too long so here it is, I'm bored of it (as you can tell, I was way too lazy to even re-record and get the metronome outta there oops sorry)

Lyrics:

I stand alone, in the heat of an ancient sun
I lose control, and my body is ragged.
I see the souls of the ones who have come before
Like I, to fall soon hereafter.

Cover art by me for once

Ancient Sun

I made a quick little song for the D&D campaign I started running! This was a clue to the mystery my players had to solve, and it was sung by dead bodies at the bottom of a lake.

(YES i'M WORKING ON REAL MUSIC.... ABSOLUTE HEAPS OF IT... and I desperately want to re-record my old stuff... it's just that actually polishing the audio is really difficult for me. :/ So here's this for now.)

Lyrics:

We are the lost, we've paid the toll
We've known things we shouldn't know.
She whispered to us of the name,
We came here to do the same.

Voidbird

Keykeepers - Riddle Song

It has been WAY too long since I've posted one of the 60+ songs I am currently working on (no lie, I counted!!)... this one's on the simpler side, but it's still pretty fun!! 

Lyrics:

Let’s be honest, you’re not here for my heart, though
That would have been nice to know from the start
And I find myself rather disillusioned 
About you and all you said you could do for me.

Just admit it, you were well on your way, but
People told me all the things that you’d say.
You weren’t counting on me being a player,
But I found your game and then I played you away.

And the last thing I need is you coming back around
Ask before you just show your face in town (It’s the least you could do).
Thought I’d found a man with a sense of style,
But not on my expense, not on my own dime! 

Let’s be honest, let’s be honest, let’s be honest.

Let's Be Honest

Let’s Be Honest

The sparse, simple songs are the easiest to record... here's another retro-type, femme-fatale-vibe track! hopefully I can have some of my more complex songs on here soon too!


Lyrics:

Well, it seems like the end is near
Take me by the hand, my dear
Show me slow what you know. 

Lilacs and evergreens,
Tell me what you’ll do to me.
Get comfortable, let’s take this slow...

And yesterday’s news is another man’s flame
By the look in your eyes, someone’s to blame.
But I’m here in your arms, and I’m playing your games 
Cuz I really don’t mind what’s on the other side of your name.

Love, I’m accustomed to 
Steal another kiss or two
So are you, when I’m beside you...

But someone’s inside your head
When I’m inside your bed—
Like I said, I don’t mind it....

And yesterday’s news is another man’s flame
By the look in your eyes, someone’s to blame.
But I’m here in your arms, and I’m playing your games 
Cuz I really don’t mind what’s on the other side of your name.

Yesterday's News

Yesterday’s News

Here, at long last, is the official themesong for my new webcomic, Godflesh! READ IT HERE!! --> https://tapas.io/series/godflesh
You can also check out godfleshcomic.tumblr.com for updates & more info!!

LYRICS:

Is the prophecy true or false?
There are whispers coming through the walls.
Will there be anarchy to follow? 
There will be blood, blood, blood upon the floor.

And the people say, ooh
Follow the king, follow.
You can't ask the gods, they don't listen anymore
Just follow the blood upon the floor.

There are things awash in pale seas
Will they bring blood or harmony?
And the long-since-dead have come to feast
We are bidden by their teeth.

And the people say, ooh
Follow the king, follow.
You can't ask the gods, they don't listen anymore
Just follow the blood upon the floor.

Godflesh Themesong

I have never spent so much time on a song in my life..... (only partially because GarageBand fried itself and deleted everything I was working on partway through and I had to restart).
Not entirely happy with it but I want to move on haha...


Lyrics:

There is something that I cannot talk to you about,
But I'm tempted to give in.
In your eyes there is a storm, biding time,
And I know I shouldn't talk to you - 
Talk to you yet.

Started in November... can you even tell
What you don't remember about sending her to hell?
Sad, you really don't know where your words go
When they leave your lips.
You should have known by now
That you've been torturing Marissa.

Neatly, tidily, she came into your life.
You decided she should stay.
First you guarded her, and then discarded her-
At the start, I should have chased you away

With a broom, and a dustpan, and a pyre of burning hay.
I should have known then, but I know now what you did that day.
She is forgiving as an eastern autumn day
Not so much me ... you'll see.

There is something that you still refuse to think about,
But it's time for that to change.
Lose the storm clouds, they no longer scare me away.
Listen closely to what I have to say.

Said it started in November... can you even tell
What you don't remember about sending her to hell?
Sad, you really don't know where your words go
When they leave your lips.
You should have known by now
That you've been torturing Marissa.

Let her go, let her go...

Torturing Marissa

I wanted to get this done in the winter and I FINALLY did... a year later...
I wrote the entirety of the lyrics and melody within a week last December, and then could NOT figure out the context for them! But I think I didn't do too bad!

Lyrics:

When the frost comes, I’ve got a quiet place to lay.
When my heart numbs, I know it won’t be long til I away. 
So lay me down, my love.
Something borrowed, now lost.

Jack Frost is a dog, and he gnaws my bones.
I turn and I toss, but my blood’s gone cold.
I ache for my love, but he’s gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

In my new bed, I lie and dream of springs and winters past 
When you said that you and I would make our summer last.
But you lay me down, my love. 
Something blue, now now out of luck.

Jack Frost is a dog, and he gnaws my bones.
I turn and I toss, but my blood’s gone cold.
I ache for my love, but he’s gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

And I wait for him, in my bed
Underneath the snow, roots ‘round my head.
Even if he came back, I couldn’t return
‘Cuz I’m gone, gone, gone, gone.

When the frost comes, I’ve got a quiet place to lay.
When my heart numbs, I know it won’t be long til I away. 
So lay me down, my love.
Something old, now turned to dust.

Jack Frost Is A Dog

Jack Frost is a Dog

This is just a lil guy from an abandoned creative writing project at my old university. Maybe I'll do more in the same vein........

Lyrics:

Away in the willows, the sun shines.
There's so many lost ones, so many alive.
I can be as golden, as glowing, as knowing,
If I can induce them to then begin flowing through me.

Songspell #1 - For Beauty

This one's sort of a sister song to Torturing Marissa, as in, it has the same opening hook but takes it a different direction. I've been working on this song since 2016... it's given me no end of grief and i can't say I'm completely done with the wretched thing but it's high time I shared it!! I'm ready <3

Lyrics:

You’ve been around me for so long, for so long.
I’ve been waiting for you to notice what I’ve noticed in me.
And it’s strange and unbearable, 
And it’s nothing I’ve felt before.
It’s a weird kind of wonderful... 
Could this be love?

I don’t know if I could ever bring myself to realize
What this feeling is inside me.
I just want to carry on; tell myself I’m wrong, that I’m being strong. 
I don’t want to rearrange—I don’t wanna change.

Happily ever after seems such a silly thing to say—
I don’t even want to tell you that I’ve been thinking this way.
And I know it’s untenable, but I have to attempt it or
To admit that I’m falling in.... falling in-
NO DON’T SAY IT! 

I don’t know if I could ever bring myself to realize
What this feeling is inside me.
I just want to carry on; tell myself I’m wrong, that I’m being strong. 
I don’t want to rearrange—I don’t wanna change.

And I have to fire the gun, but I’ll bite the bullet hard when it comes
And I’ll fight the urge to run, so I’ll sit in my car but I’ll turn off the engine.
And it’s safe to be alone, but I gotta get out of my comfort zone
So I’ll tell the skies above,
“THIS COULD BE LOVE!”

This is love, this is love, this is love, love.

I’ve been going solo long as you or I have been alive,
But in my dreams, I’m sitting, waiting, for my lover to arrive. 
And I know it’s always what they say, that your love is only fingertips away
And I don’t wanna tell you but I 
Don’t wanna lose you...

This is love, this is love!
Are you listening to what I’m telling you,
My love? I’m in love!
I’m in love...

Could This Be Love?

I wrote most of this a few years ago, but finished it in a burst of inspiration last night! Here it is!!

Lyrics:

I left her face on the fireplace,
underneath the back porch, and inside my pillow case.
I left her there, I left her everywhere
Cuz I didn't leave her.

I kept her words on the answering machine, 
in the magnets on the fridge, in the braille on the ceiling.
I kept her there, I kept her everywhere
Cuz I couldn't keep her.

And the day you told you I'd never see your face again still rips me up inside.
And the way you left me for dead, you left me blue with nothing else to do but hide-
So I'll hide.

I saw her face in my dreams last night.
We were out on the pier, in the salt and the sunlight.
I saw her there, I see her everywhere
Cuz I'm not seein' her.

She took my hand, she took my heart,
my hopes and dreams, and tore them apart.
She took me then, and left me here...
But I didn't leave her.

I Didn't Leave Her

I Didn’t Leave Her

Unfinished WIP! a themesong of sorts for my DND party, cuz i'm a big nerd🙈
i've had this privated since last year but eh, i won't be finishing it any time soon so might as well share!

(Cover image is my character for the campaign, Jules Warden! Their verse is the one about the Farlands)

Lyrics:


In the Old Wood, a silence creeps
through the old back door in our memories-
Bringing things we don’t want to know; we don’t want to be known-
Taking things that we’ll never know;
never notice are gone.

In the Old Wood, a darkness grows
from the backs of our minds to the tips of our toes.
There are holes in our histories, there are 
We are Schrödinger’s playthings; together alone. 

In the Farlands, I lost my way.
But everyone else rather liked it that way.
I was abandoned to die alone,
But instead, now I’ll never be on my own.

On the prairie, we got by,
a happy family ‘til my father died.
And then my mother, and sisters too-
I’m adrift, without anything left to do.

In The Old Wood

In the Old Wood

I started writing this song over the winter holidays, looking out at the mountain that my family calls the Sleeping Giant. He's very peaceful I think, so I wrote him a song <3

Lyrics:

He sleeps in the mountain, cedared and warm,
A blanketing fog under the crook of his arm.
Rain, rain, rain.

Looking out the window, through rivulets of water
Slipping down the rooftop, spilling past the gutter.
Rain, rain rain.

Giant sleeps in valley deep
                                              -ly dreaming of golden haze 
and days gone by.

The Sleeping Giant

This song means a lot to me... I’m very excited to finally get to share it. 💛

Lyrics:

There are insects crawling ‘cross the floor
Don’t look down, you don’t sleep there anymore.
Your body has risen to the air
Don’t look back, my love, nobody’s there.

There are holes in the linen of your gown—
What a shame, it used to be a pretty thing.
It’s good attire for where you’re going now
Don’t look back, don’t look down.

There are flowers growing ‘tween your teeth,
It’s a thing to behold when your silence speaks.
Love them, leave them, you yourself are free—
Free to change, free to leave.

The other worlds are waiting.
Take the coins from your eyes, fledgling.
The only thing you need is your soul,
Leave your body, let the bugs crawl.

There is sunlight slipping through the leaves,
The smell of oranges on the breeze.
If you follow,  you know where it leads
Don’t be afraid, follow me.

Insects

Going through and finishing all the songs I've had in my archive for years is SO satisfying... I wrote this one on a ski trip, even though it's about fire... (The Great Fire of London in 1666, to be precise!!)

Lyrics:

I was on fire, streets burning under the moon.
When I looked in the water, everything was out of tune.
My reflection said, 
"Hey, what's up with you? Your lips are turning blue..."

There was an unholiness in the air.
I looked over my shoulder a thousand times, but no one was there.
My reflection said,
"Who are you looking to find? I think you've lost your mind..."

Can you feel what is and isn't real?
Spirits spinning 'round within my head,
and bodies bogging down the riverbed.

I was a monster, can't tell which feelings are mine.
I lost my Jekyll, now I've got nowhere to hide.
My reflection said,
"Woah, I think you're a liar... I saw you start the fire."

Can you feel what is and isn't real?
Spirits spinning 'round within my head,
and bodies bogging down the riverbed.

What's left of my body steps out onto the bridge.
I look in the water - my reflection doesn't exist.
Still, I hear it call...
So I let myself fall.

1666

I have made... a song about my gay demon oc’s.... AGAIN. (Black Black Heart is also about these two). It’s an old song, but I finally finished it!! I’m excited to share! :’)

Lyrics:

I’ve waited so long, kept all thoughts from my mind
I didn’t want them to scare you away.
I told myself that I loathed you, that the feeling was mutual,
that I’d never caught you glancing away.

But now you’re here in my arms
(I must be dreaming- but your lips are so sweet!)
How could someone like you ever stoop to love someone like me?

I don’t know why you love me, aren’t I just tying you down?
I try not to stare, oh my darling, but you’re wearing my heart like a crown.
Something flickers inside me- am I falling, or diving?
Hurtling headlong into your embrace...

And now you’re here in my arms
(I must be dreaming- but your lips are so sweet!)
How could someone like you ever stoop to love someone like me?

But now you’re here in my arms
(I must be dreaming- but your lips are so sweet!)
I guess someone like you’d have a weakness for someone like me.

Someone Like You, Someone Like Me

FOLLOW VOIDBIRD ON BANDCAMP! ✨
I’ll be posting cleaner versions of songs there + any new ones I write from now on!

hi i'm ellison i'm nonbinary and i like to write songs for fun!! 

icon & header drawn by me

voidbird

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