atlas II

a song that functions as a coping mechanism

maybe i'll leave home today and drive or walk around
i could meet some friends for dinner at a restaurant downtown
but something tells me it's a bad idea to outside
that little voice inside my head that whispers "you might die"

maybe i'll get out of bed and go down to the store
i could buy a couple candy bars or bleed out on the floor
i'm so prone to accidents and awkward little habits
i don't wanna leave my room, i wanna hide out in my attic

i am afraid of everything
i run away from everything

i think i'll go out tonight, and maybe see a movie
'cause there's so much to fear in life, but also so much beauty
i know that my condition is difficult, alright
but i'm sick of letting all my friends believe that they're disliked

so i'm gonna leave my house today
i'm gonna say all that i need to say
and i'll talk to strangers and compliment them
to prove to myself that i'm strengthened again

i am okay with everything
i'll be okay through anything

anxiety; self-reliance

artwork was shot by mae <3 tysm

we keep drifting through these weekends
i keep wondering what's keeping
me away from ever speaking
properly in conversations

i can't swallow medication
you keep forgetting to take it
wonder how my name keeps ending
up in stranger's mouths

in all these conversations

nothing like anonymous comments
to make you feel like everything's fading out
i'm not waiting, i'm not waiting
for the sadness to go
too much time on my hands, yes
it's obvious that i am blessed
but something tells me i can't rest
until i find something good to do

i can't keep staying up all night
i can't keep waiting for daylight
i can't keep watching the sunrise
i can't keep hoping that something will rescue me

i can't keep staying up all night
i can't keep waiting for daylight
i can't keep watching the sunrise
i've gotta fix this shit now

been losing my friends and severing ties
we walked to the ending and said our goodbyes
but somehow, no matter the passage of time
they always fucking talk about me

conversations

it's never enough </3

lyrics:
i'm prodding around this vacancy
this empty hole you left in me
i thought i'd fill it soon
with someone else's skin and you would too
i'm sorry for you how feel
i know you see that swerve behind the wheel
you see yourself inside the ground
and i know i can't fix you with sound

but i can try

if you'll open up your eyes
and i'll show you the way i dive
into this ocean of dismay
this terrifying grey in which i sleep
and there's no disguise
i just wait for my demise
as it comes towards me
it can't ignore me...

anymore

and i'll keep losing friends
whether it's to death or to the wind
it's such a passing trend
being a breathing and living person
at least it seems that way these days
with how often my loved ones slip away
i'm growing concerned for my safety...

i hope i'm not next
i'm too scared to die
the concept is frightening
but still i can try
and i hope you're not next
i love you too much
everything you say
i use as a crutch

so open up your eyes
and i'll show you the way i dive
into this ocean of dismay
this terrifying grey in which i sleep
i know the void
all my patience is destroyed
when i start panicking again
and start ignoring all my friends

but i hope i'm not next
i'm too scared to die
the concept is frightening
but still i can try
and i hope you're not next
i love you too much
everything you say
is never enough

NEVER ENOUGH

i just wanna buy you flowers (and also i wanna die a little bit)
cover art drawn by https://www.twitter.com/phiIotechnicaI

lyrics:
i wanna work at a flower store
and steal you all the roses that i couldn't afford
i don't know if i wanna live anymore
it all feels the same as it did before

i wanna feel like an open door
a shattered window on your bedroom floor
i don't know who i really am anymore
it all feels the same, but i'm never quite sure

i wanna wait here with bated breath
and cry in the corner while you lay and rest
i can be your shoulder when you feel upset
just lay your head down, honey, please don't fret

i wanna sleep in a stranger's bed
just to overanalyze every word you said
i don't really know if there's anything left
but i don't wanna fall in love, i wanna fall to my death

flower store

download <3

seasonal depression is kicking my ass, so here's some music
cover photo taken by corey "deko" gilbert

lyrics:
laying up at night 
no concept of myself 
i'm lost inside my head 
you're lost inside, as well 

i'm breathing in fresh air 
on my grandparents' front porch 
while you're laying in the grass 
or you're staring at the floor 

and anxious like i am 
i'm panicking again 
'cause i'm losing touch with all 
the people i call friends 

you're losing in a staring contest 
with whatever's in your mirror 
you are me and i am you 
but we're not one and i'm inferior 

i'm three beers past five too many 
i'm two bowls past too high 
i'm one forehead kiss away 
from falling asleep when i realize 

that my whole life is up in the air 
my heart is out on a tightrope 
and my mind is so unaware 
that the safety net was cut a long time ago 

so why should i remember 
when good times come around 
if the deafening silence of anxiety 
will drown out the prettiest sounds 

at the bottom of a riverbed 
my nightmares are coming on 
they feel like my favorite song 
if i didn't know the words whenever it came on

atlas II

LEESY