At the age of thirty five, Stede Bonnet could count the number of times someone had hugged him on one hand. His mother, before leaving for boarding school. His teacher, who found him crying and homesick. His aunt, at his mother’s funeral.

Touch wasn’t something Stede associated with happiness - the embraces in his life had been associated with melancholy and lonely memories. More reminders of how alone he was, than of the connection he had to others.

Stede could count the number of times he’d been held on any number of hands. Because that number was zero.

Stede had all but resigned himself to a life without intimacy of any kind until he comes across an article about professional cuddlers. Upon finding an all-male group of cuddlers called Blackbeard's, Stede books an appointment with a cuddler named Ed that will change his life in more ways than one.

*This is an updating podfic with a total of 13 chapters

Come On and Hold Me (Rated E)

Ed got bored easily. He didn’t understand how people did it, working the same nine-to-five, rotting away in traffic and a cubicle until retirement, followed quickly by death. That was never going to be him. Ed liked to set his own hours, be free to choose what he wanted to do. Besides, every teacher he had since Ms. Zeizhoff in kindergarten had always been keen to mention his ‘problems with authority figures’. Ed Teach didn’t listen to bosses. He was his own boss.

When Ed takes a job as a Hospital Baby Photographer, he meets Stede - and his baby. With Stede's wife in the picture and the crew meddling, Ed has to figure out how to untangle this mess without further complicating his life.

Notes:
This fic is inspired by my own Ed-coded ADHD and history of very weird jobs (multiple jobs and stories in this fic are true, please feel free to guess or ask in the comments). This is based on my time as a hospital baby photographer, so medical accuracy and details may be a bit dated or inaccurate.

Ed Teach, Hospital Baby Photographer - Rated E

Ed is a researcher investigating human comprehension of nonverbal cues in a romantic context - aka flirting. His study is ruined by the outlier data of Stede Bonnet, who scores the first ever 0% in correctly identifying flirting behavior.

Instead of being upset, he is intrigued...

One in a Million

Ed had a crush.

Not just a crush, he was a smitten kitten, he was the human embodiment of heart eyes, his chest felt like it had been stuffed full of fluffy pink cotton candy, he was a fucking goner.

He knew that first day. That first fucking second. Knew his whole world was about to be turned upside down.

Ed is head over ass for the cute blond at his co-working space but hasn't said word one to him. Until one day, he thinks up a brilliant (read: boneheaded) plan to ask him out

Smitten Kitten

Ed and Stede meet as strangers one night on a New York subway platform when Stede discovers an abandoned newborn baby. Both men are instantly infatuated with him (and each other). When they attend the court hearing for his case, the judge spontaneously decides to offer Stede custody, which he accepts– only to realize afterwards that she assumed they were a couple.

The two men immediately craft a plan to pretend to be together in order to keep the baby, creating fake backstories, coaching their friends, and moving in together... into the same bedroom... and the same bed. But what they didn't anticipate was falling head over heels in love, not only with their son, but with each other.

Inspired by the TRUE STORY outlined in this article: https://www.bbc.com/news/stories-56409764

Features: a very fast slow burn, fake dating, only one bed, pining while fucking, and other tropes

On AO3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53535766

Baby Baby Baby

At the age of thirty five, Stede Bonnet could count the number of times someone had hugged him on one hand. His mother, before leaving for boarding school. His teacher, who found him crying and homesick. His aunt, at his mother’s funeral.

Touch wasn’t something Stede associated with happiness - the embraces in his life had been associated with melancholy and lonely memories. More reminders of how alone he was, than of the connection he had to others.

Stede could count the number of times he’d been held on any number of hands. Because that number was zero.

Stede had all but resigned himself to a life without intimacy of any kind until he comes across an article about professional cuddlers. Upon finding an all-male group of cuddlers called Blackbeard's, Stede books an appointment with a cuddler named Ed that will change his life in more ways than one.



This story is based on real-life professional cuddlers - I wanted to create a universe full of gentle, non-toxic masculinity, a space for queer men to be soft and intimate and express themselves without judgement. Inspiration taken from Cuddlist.com and this article - https://gcn.ie/cuddle-club-gay-men-creates-intimacy/ Thanks to my amazing betas lookinglass, AO3Bendifferus, NifaFifa, and Dr CF for your lovely comments and gentle fixing of my run-on sentences, and to my irl bff who was kind enough (despite being very confused about the concept of fandom) to provide sensitivity reading for this fic. You are my ride or dies and I don't know what I would do without you!  Note: There are consent issues in this kind of relationship! In preparing for this story, I interviewed the CEO of a cuddling agency, to learn more about the profession and how they handle complex situations like these. I have their internal policy for when cuddlers and clients fall in love, and am following it closely so that our boys can have a healthy and enthusiastically consensual experience 🥰  Title is from "Hold Me", by Fleetwood Mac

Come On and Hold Me Ch 1 - To Have and to Hold

Stede arrives at Blackbeard's for his first cuddling appointment, and he and Ed finally meet.

Come On and Hold Me Ch 2 - The Smooth Move

Stede joins the crew at Blackbeard's for dinner, and experiences something new for the first time.

CW: Social drinking, social use of cannabis (legal in New York)

Come On and Hold Me Ch 4 - Take a Lap

Ed Teach, Hospital Baby Photographer - Chapter 1

Ed adjusts to his new role at the hospital, and meets someone new.

Ed Teach, Hospital Baby Photographer - Chapter 2

After his meet cute with Stede, Ed confides in the crew about his feelings over happy hour drinks. Meddling ensues 😉

Trigger warnings: Alcohol consumption; British slang with homophobic language, said by a gay person in a double entendre

Ed Teach, Hospital Baby Photographer - Chapter 3

Ed deals with the emotional ramifications of his kiss with Stede, and new information comes to light that may change everything.


TW: homophobic language - used by a gay person; mention of childhood domestic violence; mention of foster care; mention of alcohol abuse/drug addiction

Ed Teach, Hospital Baby Photographer - Chapter 4

All is finally revealed, and we earn our E rating 😈

Ed Teach, Hospital Baby Photographer - Chapter 5

The morning after Stede's dinner at Blackbeard's. Deep conversations are had, and Ed and Stede's relationship changes in a significant way.

Come On and Hold Me Ch 5 - The Mirror

Stede has his second cuddle session with Ed. Cryptid infodumping ensues. Things get deep and vulnerable, and Ed makes a split second decision.

 
CW: Discussion of discovery of sexuality/being gay, childhood bullying, features men crying - ends on a happy note!

Come On and Hold Me Ch 3 - The Courtship

Fast forwarding three months, we learn how Stede has spent the time, and Stede reaches out to Ed to reconnect.

Content warning: This chapter goes into more depth about Stede's childhood and the therapy he receives. There is a history of emotional neglect, but not violence or other trauma. There are sad moments, but Stede is happier and in a much better place by the end of this chapter.

I included real details of a type of therapy for trauma and childhood issues called Internal Family Systems.  This is a great intro video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DdZZ7sTX840&t=31s (there are many more at the IFS YouTube page), and this is a wonderful piece https://ifs-institute.com/resources/articles/evolution-internal-family-systems-model-dr-richard-schwartz-ph-d the founder of the therapy wrote explaining IFS if you want to learn more!
Find an IFS provider here https://ifs-institute.com/practitioners or by searching this site https://psychologytoday.com/us/therapists in your area and filtering for IFS under types of therapy.

Come On and Hold Me Ch 6 - Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

After a long morning in bed at Blackbeard's,Ed and Stede spend the day together at Stede's apartment. Stede tries out his Swedish skills, and their relationship is taken to the next level.

ps - there are a few well hidden teaser Easter Eggs in this chapter as well as the last, excited to see if you find them all!

Come On and Hold Me Ch 8 - The Face-to-Face Embrace: Part 1

A continuation of the previous chapter 😈

Come On and Hold Me Ch 9 - The Face-To-Face Embrace: Part 2

Ed and Stede finish a blissful few days at Stede's apartment. Stede sleeps over, and Ed learns something unexpected. Ed and the Bonnet children finally meet.

Come On and Hold Me Ch 10 - Spooning

Ed and Stede finally reunite for good, and we earn our E rating 😈

Come On And Hold Me Ch 7 - Two Peas in a Pod

The crew celebrate the High Holy Days, set intentions for the new moon and new year, and Stede attends his first ever queer party.

Come On And Hold Me Ch 11 - High Homodays

Ed and Stede hit several new milestones in their relationship.

Come On and Hold Me Ch 12 - Fit to a T

Come On and Hold Me Ch 13 - To Love and To Cherish

Tufted Titmouse

Ed had a crush.

Not just a crush, he was a smitten kitten, he was the human embodiment of heart eyes, his chest felt like it had been stuffed full of fluffy pink cotton candy, he was a fucking goner.

He knew that first day. That first fucking second. Knew his whole world was about to be turned upside down.



Ed is head over ass for the cute blond at his co-working space but hasn't said word one to him. Until one day, he thinks up a brilliant (read: boneheaded) plan to ask him out

Smitten Kitten Ch 1

It's been two weeks since Ed first airdropped Stede a meme asking him out. Ed's never been happier in his life. So why is it that everything feels like it's going wrong?

<a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7nbcGg6rIukDStoOLmy4wO?si=64ae60918e1c45ed">Link to playlist for this chapter</a>

Smitten Kitten Ch 2

Ed and Stede meet as strangers one night on a New York subway platform when Stede discovers an abandoned newborn baby. Both men are instantly infatuated with him (and each other). When they attend the court hearing for his case, the judge spontaneously decides to offer Stede custody, which he accepts– only to realize afterwards that she assumed they were a couple.

The two men immediately craft a plan to pretend to be together in order to keep the baby, creating fake backstories, coaching their friends, and moving in together... into the same bedroom... and the same bed. But what they didn't anticipate was falling head over heels in love, not only with their son, but with each other.

Baby Baby Baby Ch 1 - A Simple Twist of Fate

Baby Baby Baby Ch 2 - An Unexpected Offer

Baby Baby Baby Ch 3 - Little Lies

Baby Baby Baby Ch 4 - Not Not A Date

Baby Baby Baby Ch 5 - Come Home  With Me

Baby Baby Baby Ch 10 - Welcome To Fatherhood

Baby Baby Baby Ch 8 - The Call

Baby Baby Baby Ch 9 - Homecoming

Baby Baby Baby Ch 12 - Simmie Meets The Crew

Baby Baby Baby Ch 13 - Reflections

Baby Baby Baby Ch 14 - Family Spa Night

It's London LeatherCon 2023, industry darling Blackbeard's first public event since cutting off his famous hair and beard and shacking up with a man who knits fairisle jumpers for a living. No reason to be nervous, right?

Written Fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/46021822/

Podfic Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61056496/

Unconventional  - Ch 1

Blackbeard vs. fanboys. Lucius vs. an unholy number of penises. Stede vs. two bullies.

Unconventional  - Ch 2

Unconventional  - Ch 3

Unconventional  - Ch 4

Edward Teach has moved his leather workshop from London to a cosy little seaside town in Wales. Life's never been peaceful before, usually stressful, often lonely—but the shop next door is occupied by a knitter with kind eyes and a surprising fondness for leather, and everything changes.

(Fluff and sock garters and seashore walks and midlife revelations and some ridiculous fucking thing called The Sweater Curse?)

weonlyhavethisonelife

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