EMERGENCY POD! What happens when you get a chance to adapt Tolkien's epic for Leningrad TV with no budget, two horses, and a prog rock band right before the fall of the Soviet Union? Khraniteli, the recently excavated 1991 2-part miniseries! It's a weird one, so buckle up, buddies!

What's Lightsabers, Precious?

WLP Episode 82 - Khraniteli (Soviet LOTR)

How is Morgoth like a Captain Planet villain? Who builds a nature preserve next to a black hole? All this, plus spider baby-daddies, Ewok blood rituals, and too much Joh Yowza in our first ever All-Tree Extravaganza!

9 Best Trees in Tolkien - https://www.tolkiensociety.org/blog/2014/08/9-best-trees-in-tolkien/
Dulok - https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/9/97/Dulok_from_SWE.png
Yuzzum (Joh Yowza) - https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/a/a1/Yowza_Jedi_Rocks.png
Teek - https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/5/57/The_Teek.jpg
Gorph - https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/0/08/Gorphs.png
Endor Holocaust - https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/d/d0/Endor_Holocaust.jpg

WLP Episode 3 - Two Trees of Valinor/Endor

How are Elves and Orcs related? Who is the most eligible bachelor on Cloud City? The answers to these questions, plus nice shirts, workplace harassment, and a rap about Willrow Hood.

WLP Episode 6 - Elves Part 1/Mr. Cloud City

A tribute to the Ice Cream Maker Guy of Cloud City.  Written by Matt, performed by Willrow Hood.  Backing track sampled from Credits Where Credits Are Due by Jared Emerson-Johnson, featured on the Star Wars: The Old Republic soundtrack.

The Willrow Hood Rap

Can you sue a god? Are there cats in a galaxy far, far away? The answers to these questions, plus hot gos, tubular transports, and the horrors of the Ho'Din.

Lost City of the Jedi illustrations - https://imgur.com/a/xOzSx

What's Lightabers, Precious?

WLP Episode 7 - Elves Part 2/Lost City of the Jedi

While Joanna is in New Zealand, we've prepared a podcast within a podcast for you - WLPRPG, the show where we play roleplaying games based on the fictional worlds our podcast dissects!  This week we're playing the Fantasy Flight Star Wars system with Ryan as game master and Joanna as Jub-Jub the force-sensitive ewok.  In part 1 of 3, Jub-Jub runs afoul of Gorja the Hutt as she and her "padawan" Skiv Darson attempt to steal a mysterious white cylinder for Willrow Hood...

More info about Fantasy Flight Games' Star Wars RPGs - https://www.fantasyflightgames.com/en/starwarsrpg/

WLPRPG - Jub-Jub's Quest, Part 1

Presenting "Songs in the Key of Gonk, Vol. 1", as performed by the Gonkian Droid Choir.

Track list:
01. The Gonk
02. Amazing Gonk
03. Awesome Gonk
04. Barbie Gonk
05. Cantina Gonk
06. Gonkcerning Hobbits
07. Gonke Maria
08. Gonks Just Wanna Have Fun
09. Never Gonka Gonk You Up
10. Since U Been Gonk
11. The Gonk (Reprise)

Download tracks here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1CeNaQPKM0hnKLtv26sU4M38SUPP4oH3k?usp=sharing

Songs in the Key of Gonk, Vol. 1

Gonkian Droid Choir - Songs in the Key of Gonk, Vol. 1

What's a dragon smell like?  What's the best way complete your tusken raider coming-of-age ceremony without getting eaten? The answers to these questions, plus dragon kids, the truth about moon dragons, and Butch.

Star Wars dragons: https://imgur.com/a/5MQbB

WLP Episode 11 - Oops, All Dragons

Which of Aragorn's many alternate names was the funniest? Which of Star Wars' many interspecies relationships was the weirdest? The answers to these questions, plus Tolkien Society goodies, blaring airhorns, and the winner of Mos Eisley Madness! 

Mos Eisley Madness gallery - https://imgur.com/a/AonMH
Mos Eisley Madness bracket (episode spoilers!) https://docs.google.com/document/d/1aEoSBMGcuXG5OA-2OJwa0St2DFHxf2GD6NB7ZudPMQk/edit?usp=sharing

WLP Episode 18 - Aragorn/Mos Eisley Madness Part 2

How is Greedo like Alexander Hamilton? What should you do if a Dunlending asks for your daughter's hand in marriage? The answers to these questions, plus refugee crises, horses on stage, and an identified Rodian without jacket.

Rhovanion map: https://dnd-wiki.org/w/images/1/16/4-6.jpg
Unidentified Rodian with Jacket: http://darth.wikia.com/wiki/Unidentified_Rodian_with_jacket

WLP Episode 19 - Rohirrim/Greedo

Are Hobbits actually the most dangerous game? Are Ewoks actually a bunch of man-flesh-eating psychopaths? The answers to these questions, plus shamans, weed, and a lesson in basic Ewokese.

Star Wars narrated by Ron Howard - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6XERmXsP-U
Ewoks gallery - https://imgur.com/a/p7g4qpt

WLP Episode 21 - Concerning Hobbits Part 1/More About Ewoks

How did war-time decapitation lead to the modern game of golf? How does huffing paint lead to god-like powers and no ill effects whatsoever? The answers to these questions, plus glitter stim, town holes, and daring to keep kids off drugs.

WLP Episode 22 - Concerning Hobbits Part 2/Spice

What do you  get when you mix insane wigs, ultra-low budget graphics, and a pudgy man in a thong? How about when you mix teddy bears, minotaurs, and the world's whiniest teen? The answers to these questions, plus killer pub songs, large adults sons, and poorly-crafted Ewok ropes.

WLP Episode 24 - Hobitit 1-5/Caravan of Courage

Are orcs really that bad? What do droids fear more than a memory wipe? The answers to these questions, plus pranking Emperor Palpatine, heavy use of sarcasm, and an exciting alternative to Independence Day.

WLP Episode 28 - Orc Liberation Front/Droid Uprising & IG-88

Since when did Bilbo Baggins have a wife? Since when was Star Wars about Vietnam? The answers to these questions, plus Chuie Two Thorpe, Bingo Bolger-Baggins, Beber Fever, and George Lucas' long-suffering friend Jeff.

WLP Episode 29 - Return of the Shadow Part 1/Journal of the Whills

How do you tell someone to eff off in Elvish? How is C3PO like Mr. Mime? The answers to these questions, plus Billy Madison parallels, hopefully-interesting discussions about grammar, and our very first Worst Name Challenge!

WLP Episode 34 - Elvish/C3PO

Why does everyone want to sniff Galadriel's hair?  How did the founding fathers plagiarize Mon Mothma?  Answers to these questions, plus trophy husbands, the canonical heights of fictional characters, and Bothan pies.

WLP Episode 35 - Galadriel/Mon Mothma

What happens when the Witch King's demons gentrify your neighborhood?  What's your creepy shape-shifting uncle doing all day? Answers to these questions, plus Tom Bombadil's fire tracks, Hey Chood, and other thrills and chills in our first installment of Spooky October!

WLP Episode 39 - Barrow-wights/Eaten Alive

A tribute to Mara Jade, set to the tune of Patti LaBelle's Lady Marmalade.

Lady Mara Jade

DARK GREETINGS!!!  KYLO REN HAS ARRIVED WITH YOUR DAILY DOSE OF DESPAIR IN THE KYLOCAST!!!  THIS WEEK'S SEGMENTS:
*KYLO'S HIGH-LOWS
*REN-LATIONSHIP ADVICE
*BB-9E'S RANT OF THE WEEK 
*PISSIN' ON THE RESISTANCE
*KYLO RAPS
DO YOU DARE LISTEN TO THESE DARK TRUTHS?? SHARE LIKE SUBSCRIBE OR SUFFER!!!

THE KYLOCAST!!!

Can you call yourself an anarchist if you support the idea of a stamp-lovin' king?  What do Max Rebo and Celine Dion have in common?  Answers to these questions, plus hot dugs, Secret Stoner Saruman, and the iconic cargo shorts of Droopy McCool.

WLP Episode 60 - Tolkien & Hippies/Max Rebo Band

Which dreamy brother caused Pippin to go through puberty?  How far can you push Looney Tunes references before it becomes unbearable?  Answers to these questions, plus spires, weird elf twins, and furry crack teams.

WLP Episode 62 - Siblings/Jaxxon

The conclusion to the WORST NAME CHALLENGE THUNDERDOME has arrived!  We count down the contenders from best to worst and discuss our adventure into Detroit's SPACE DIVE.  28 names enter, 1 leaves... AS THE WORST!

WLP Episode 63 - WORST NAME THUNDERDOME & Space Dive

Who deserves a Middle-Earth's Greatest Dad coffee mug?  Would anyone actually read something titled Document CO(CL) 56-95?  Answers to these questions, plus ninnyhammers, Shirley Temple bugs, and Khan, all in this special Father's Day episode guest starring Joanna's mom!

WLP Episode 66 - LOTR Dads/Order 66

How did a fresh-faced extra launch a fandom phenomenon? Is a greedy, big-nosed human trafficker a problematic character?  Answers to these questions, plus medicine balls, vintage 2000s internet posts, and the art of the deal.

WLP Episode 67 - Figwit/Watto

Rotoscoping: the economical future of animation or weird uncanny garbage?  Is using literal Nazi propaganda to represent evil a little too on-the-nose? Answers to these questions, plus butterfly balrogs, fairies vs. Hitler, and the secret origin of the WLP theme song in our NICEest episode yet.

WLP Episode 69 - Ralph Bakshi Bonanza

What are the secret origins of J.R.R. Tolkien's breezy children's novel "The Hobbit?"  Why should Splinter of the Mind's Eye actually be a movie?  Answers to these questions, plus pacifist coward heroes, DBZ battles, and cool teen boys at the movie theater.

WLP Episode 72 - Behind The Hobbit/Splinter of the Mind's Eye Part 2

Does Bombur have a personality besides "fat guy?"  Who's the shrewd blue dude Disney was wooed to include?  Answers to these questions, plus in-depth discussions of Force Friday, real Norwegian TV shows, and art appreciation gone wrong.

WLP Episode 73 - Thorin and Company/Thrawn

It's time to get SPOOKY! What's scarier - naked Nazgul or Clay Aiken? When will Tash Arranda learn the meaning of stranger danger?  Answers to these questions, plus THE SPARAT WALD, Boba Fett being cool, and seriously, Clay Aiken?

WLP Episode 74 - The Unseen/The Brain Spiders

How is Mordor like Florida?  How many chapter cliffhangers involving bugs can your book have before actually being scary?  Answers to these questions, plus a rare Lord of the Rings-Star Wars news crossover, Tolkien's heavy metal streak, and the return of the skimboard.

WLP Episode 75 - Mordor/The Swarm

What were Morgoth's bud holes like? What happens when you mix Titanic, 2001, and WarGames with a sprinkle of terrible decisions?  Answers to these questions, plus shilling for Disney, loving lamps, and the glorious return of Dash "The Man" Rendar.

WLP Episode 76 - Angband and Utumno/Doomsday Ship

What's the hoary history of where hobbits habitate?  What's the backstory behind the bounty hunting beskar badasses?  Answers to these questions, plus Witch-King waggery, anti-Jedi jetpacks, and yet more yarns from Yahoo Answers.

WLP Episode 77 - Arnor/Mandalorians

How was the Witch-King like Elsa?  Canonically, how many toes does a Yoda have?  Answers to these questions, plus flossing, Balto discussion, and Werner Herzog telling it like is.

WLP78 - Forodwaith/Yoda's Species

How long have Gimli and Loki been dating? How do you teach Darth Maul about Christmas?  Answers to these questions, plus pregnant Frodo, Luke Skywalker in Barbie pajamas, and other holiday tales to warm the cockles of your heart.

WLP Episode 79 - Festive Fanfic Extravaganza 2019

In this special episode, we pay respects and look back on the life and career of Christopher "Daddy's Books" Tolkien, the patron saint of the Middle-Earth half of this podcast.  Plus, important info about the future of the show!

WLP Episode 80 - Christopher "Daddy's Books" Tolkien

SPOILER WARNING!  In this special episode we talk in-depth about Rise of Skywalker and The Mandalorian, but mostly about Klaud the Banana Slug Monster.

WLP Episode 81 - Rise of Skywalker & Mandalorian Spoilercast

In this inspirational, hyper-informational encyclopodcast, husband-and-wife team Ryan and Joanna attempt to explain their respective nerd passions to each other.  Each week, Joanna schools Ryan on one topic drawn from the web's oldest J.R.R. Tolkien resource, the Encyclopedia of Arda.  In return, Ryan learns Joanna a thing or two about one topic drawn from the deliriously comprehensive Star Wars database, Wookieepedia.  Will they turn each other into Lord of the Rings and Star Wars aficionados or get swallowed alive by two of the most complex fictional universes of all time? There's only one way to find out!

Popular tracks by What's Lightsabers, Precious?