1- Women aim too low
2- Patriotic domestic terror
3- Designed to be unintelligent
4- Planned Grand Parenthood
5- Laws are sexy

#75: Roy Wood Jr. and Al Jackson

1- We register cars, don't we?
2- Hello police? There's an armed militia next door
3- Insane, meet more insane
4- Race has nothing, I mean everything to do with it
5- A word from an expert
6- Guns as free speech
7- Your argument could kill me


#77: Guns Gunz Gunz

1- NFL is a mess that needs a leader
2- Budweiser is going gangster, Tony Soprano would be proud
3- ESPN fumbles again and again and again
4- Drug tests, suspensions, suspensions of drug tests
5- I’m watching Chess
6- Republicans say drug test non users
7- Get your MRAP here kids
8- Scene from movie Crash becomes real life in my hometown
9- Smell your cabbie, no really g’head , smell him

#86: I'm Watching Chess

1-	Sadly here we go again now its Eric Garner 
2-	Jon Stewart couldn’t make a joke Rand Paul was a joke
3-	Imagine if he’d been white
4-	Who’s afraid of a large black man? Apparently Charles you are...
5-	Athletes can protest, I mean, they’re large black men 
6-	Criming While White
7-	What MLK really did
8-	True Hero cops are overshadowed by the cowards but they do exist
9-	Let's stop this, I want to be funny again


#93: Athletes Can Protest

1- Back at it
2- Cops Gone Wild
3- Its my airport gun
4- Sarah Sarah
5- Family values at 1.7 million
6- Oh, that Wu Tang Clan
7- Caitlyn, so...
8- LeBron, you da man

Visit http://www.casper.com/alonzo for a $50 discount on a GREAT mattress!

#107: Cops Gone Wild

1- Amy is OK
2- Lower the flag only 150 years late
3- Hey media, Trump is not real
4- Hillary -- tell us who you are, really
5- What hotels are Justice Scalia staying in?
6- Hey Ken Paxton....maybe Jesus doesn't like fraud more than you don't like gays
7- Hi this is the IRS, "You?re going jail for 14 years"
8- Cosby and Jared walk into a courtroom. Hey, it could happen
9- DeAndre changed his mind and ClipperNation lives again

#110: Hillary -- Tell us who you are

1- Trump's not trumped
2- Carly wins NIT
3- Perhaps we can cook bacon in a pan
4- ALL LIVES MATTER
5- Hey Jon, thanks for the memories

If you've got a car and a license, put 'em both to work for you and start earning serious, life-changing money today. Sign up to drive with Uber. Visit http://www.DriveWithUber.com

#113: ALL LIVES MATTER

1-Heroes
2-Another level of murder
3-We're number 1, sadly
4-Trump yeah, again
5-Long way from Confederate flag
6-ESPN bottom 10
7-Where's my fall guy?

If you've got a car and a license, put 'em both to work for you and start earning serious, life-changing money today. Sign up to drive with Uber. Visit http://www.DriveWithUber.com

#116: Where's My Fall Guy?

1- Brilliant guests: Jeff Korber, Owen Benjamin & Clayton Thomas

2- Don't ask me that

3- Preemptive impeachment

4- Constitution? We shot it.

5- where's my Oxy

6- Forget Oxy -- where's my heroin

7- I'm Tom Brady. Please don't like me

8- Don't steal from Superwoman

#125: Jeff Korber, Owen Benjamin & Clayton Thomas

1- Why is there still a kiddie table?
2- Trump's not funny...intentionally
3- Ben Carson is funny any way you slice it
4- I’m so loyal to Democrats I won't vote for a Democrat
5- Missouri is the show me state:  Show Me the Money oh and football
6- Greg Hardy could learn from Cam Newton
7- Take my gun to jail? Yeah, Ok

#126: The Kiddie Table

1-Cruz out Kasich out -- its all Trump
2-Repubs are rushing to Hillary #nevertrump
3-It all started with Palin...or Bachman or Santorum or insert crazy here
4-Fox News confused
5-Beyonce, CIA, I knew it
6-My nigga
7-Surge in surge costs
8-Stay in school kids so when they catch you, you get paid

#143: I'm With Her

1- Mass shooting cycle
2- Trump wants to fight
3-Florida’s bad week
4- Beauty ruined
5- No Trans Bathroom, but trans porn is ok though
6- Hope in a loss

#146: Here We Go Again

1-Alton Sterling shot, here we go again
2-No CHP this isn’t a movie
3-Guns don’t kill, I did
4-Hillary's not a criminal unless you already believe she is
5-NBA has a black card, that’s a black credit card
6-Tesla auto drives to trouble
7-Noah is back
8-Pfizer says drugs are addicting, in other news water is wet

#147: Stop Or I'll Shoot!

1- Trump said something 
2- Fake story only clowns would believe 
3- Sorry officer...my clown was taller 
4- Batman vs the Clown 
5- Sheriff Joe should be a clown 
6- The Exploding clown phone 
7- Clown ballot

#157: Just Clowning Around

1- Person of the year not NICE person of the year
2- The Russians have attacked, I mean Hacked
3- The Death of Kindness
4- Hidden Figures you should know

#164: The Death of Kindness

1- Great show I didn’t see.
2- Gary from Chicago is da man.
3- I wouldn't do dinner and neither will he.
4- You don’t agree.
5- What level is your racism?
6- I agree with W.
7- Shaqtin' a fool.

#172:And The Oscar Goes To...

1- You sick people are not Making America Great.
2- I’ll investigate, if its ok with you, boss.
3- Hey, Tomi, turns out they hate women too. Who knew?!
4- No leggings except on supermodels.
5- Our bad service is better than your bad service.
6- Everything great in 7.1 seconds.
7- Vegas, baby, Vegas! Get the handcuffs.
8- Swipe right for NBA.

#176: I'm Watching The Game

1- I need a "Where’s my Carrier?" app.
2- Let's go back to the 50’s.
3- Segregation and secretarial pools.
4- No Latinos, no Muslims, and just a few commies.
5- Reefer Madness.
6- You don’t need the internet that you’re using to listen to this.
7- Yoga: Exercise for heathens. You find God in church where he belongs.
8- I’m going to Pakistan.

#179: Back To The 50's

1- Showboatin' with big hands will get you fired.
2- Hey Russia, guess what I heard.
3- Putin says he’ll tell you about secret conversation with no secrets.
4- Russia Smussia, are my taxes going down?
5- Remember the good ol' days when a potato could bring you down?
6- Escape to the NBA.

#182: Not So Fast

1- Smart people are too smart to say it.
2- You didn’t believe that wall story, did you?
3- You wanted the con.
4- Nice, sweet racists.
5- "We was just bein' ‘Merikkkan."
6- A tough job to do well.
7- Ain't easy being white.

#206: It's Like, Really Smart

1- Stop calling cops.
2- I’ll be at the cookout.
3- Doing everything at the police station.
4- Gas is going up. Where’s that coal powered car?
5- Iran, Jerusalem, confusion, war.
6 - I’ll bet on that.
7 - Georgia on my mind.
8 - The Miserable States of America

#216: Put Down The Phone

1. I was wrong. Don’t arrest me.
2. Horrible people, I’m noticing a pattern.
3. Locking up kids. 
4. Control costs more than money.
5. Take some R&R and get laid black

#219: I Was Wrong, We All Are

1 – Armando Frank was killed on YouTube.  No indictment necessary.
2 – LeBron opened a school. People got mad. What The Fuck?!
3 – Don’t count your chickens, or Ostrich as the case may be.
4 – Wilbur Ross is pulling a Madoff
5 – Trump tweets beyond… oh screw it, he’s at it again.
6 – I lost my invisible plane again.  Damn Where did I park it?
7 – Q Anon is coming or maybe… it's here.
8 – Nia Wilson. Say Her Name.
9 – The NRA is crying snowflake tears.
10 – The only thing worse than being called a racist is being a stupid racist.

#223: I Watched A Murder

1- Shout out to the funny
2- The right to life isn't yours.
3- You might not vote in Georgia if...
4- Bombed
5- Her true color is black-face.
6- We've reached a new low.
7- Buy yourself a town

#230: Bombed, Beaten, and Bullied

1- Glad he didn’t know my secrets
2- No f**ks given
3- Black friend for hire
4- Guarantee your loss to AOC
5- Kid sex: Sadly, it' a thing.
6- DO NOT order the salsa extra spicy

#241: The FiXXer

1- I paid my money and my kids goin'.
2- When you’re an idiot, everything is complicated.
3- I can see the prices going up.
4- It doesn’t take a resolution to know it's wrong.
5- Man up, like ballplayers do.
6- Ignore the barrier, feed the cat.

#242: Stupid Goes To School

1– Forget Mueller, Get elected
2– J.G. Wentworth, get your money now
3– A.O.C. and the science of a takedown
4– Jussie, W.T.F.?!
5– Tournament Time
6– Let's play nice

#243: It's The Economy, Stupid

1- One episode, 10 episodes, or all the episodes... THANKS FOR LISTENING!
2- We’re debating early
3- Couldn’t be a scumbag, she’s not my type.
4- Republican power forever
5- Gimme that blood. You have no secrets.
6- Hello, Oregon. We ain’t voting. We got gunz.
7- Conservative comics getting paid. I can't do it.
8- You’re under arrest for turning in the guns he was gonna shoot you with.
9- You’re under arrest for being shot in your pregnant stomach.
10- We’d televise your arrest but NRA TV is BROKE.

#250: WOW 250 EPISODES

1- Crazy travels
2- It's hard to defend my racist.
3- Pelosi vs The Squad: Trump wins.
4- Send pedophiles to gen pop!
5- Heirs property is real wealth
6- Who does he play for?
7- Have FUN.

#251: The Squad

1- Well I’ll be damned... Kavenaugh is a slimeball.
2- “Stay Pending Appeal” needs to stay out of Supreme court
3- When will we question the liar?
4- US to Kuwait by way of Scotland? Let's try that in WAZE.
5- Debate Debate Debate
6- 14 days = 5 years
7- Play ball and please stay out of jail.

#255: Are We Ready For Some Football?

1- Let's drop his ratings.
2- Stay inside and out of Florida.
3- Keep your distance. Really.
4 - Yes. We are that bad.
5- What are you doing?
6- If you’re walking the streets of Brooklyn in a plastic
bubble, you’re winning.
7- I hope there’s hope

#270: In A Brooklyn Bubble

1- Scoreboard Celebrities
2- Hey, Jared. Yes, they’re ours. It's in the title.
3- It ain’t 5G
4- Ok, churches. God gave us brains. Let's use them.
5- Never apologize for mocking stupidity
6- Madea is an angel
7- Lean on Me. Thank you, Bill Withers.

#271: It's A Conspiracy

1- Little orange baby throws a tantrum
2- Council of idiots to open ‘Merica
3- Propaganda checks
4- Your stupidity is absolute, your power is not.
5- Second Amendment vs Tenth Amendment: his followers have
read neither
6- Damn you, Chinese racists.
7- Damn you, NASCAR racists.
8- Thank you, Jackie Robinson
9- Australia don’t give a fuck

#272: Jackie Robinson Was Better Than All Of Us

1- Protest. Liberate. Let our stupid run free.
2- No, you’re not slaves. You’re fools.
3- This is a test, Georgia. It is only a test.
4- Vegas is a gamble
5- Who finances this operation freedom thing?
6- My Pillow, My Masks, My Money
7 - Big business is small business
8- I can get by on 47 million
9- I didn’t get a billion dollars by helpin' people.
10- Stupid will always survive

#273: Are They All Bad?

1- Don’t be like Mike. Pence, that is.
2- "I was just kidding or lying or dumb."
3- We’re #1. One a million and counting...
4- We can re-open, soon as I get over this cough...
5- Ahh, New Zealand...
6- Let’s open the gym because I own gyms.
7- The world is sad and disappointed but oddly not
surprised
8- Not that Tupac, the other Tupac.

#274: I Ain't Mad At'Cha

1- Been busy. Only 1/2 an episode.
2- Thanks for letting me be myself
3- Mask politics
4- Mask Killing
5- Masking common sense
6- Justice for Ahmaud Arbery
7- Just be nice, dammit. BE NICE.

#274.5: It's Just A Mask

1- I doth protest
2- Bill Gates is not out to kill you
3- Call it what it is. Racist, misogynistic baby talk.
4- Obamagate is real. Real BS.
5- Karen Karen Karen
6- Real heroes being heroes

#275: Ain’t Freedom Free To Be Dumb

1- Dog whistles, I mean, racist signals everywhere
2- He ain’t bright
3- Obama congratulates graduates
4- Does he stay or does he go now?
5- Religion vs science: You lose.
6- A Florida man. Imagine that.
7- She flies with with the birds

#276: God Gave You A Brain. It's Okay To Use It

1- Murder, riots, shootings at the beach... it’s only been a week.
2- George Floyd murder, after Aubrey murder after, Taylor murder... Can’t keep up.
3- You realize thugs and looters come in white too?
4- Hey, Kanye, listen to Taylor.
5- Twitter says, "Shut up Trump."
6- It’s not the testing, stupid.
7- Amy can’t go to the park
8- You do realize there are black men in the NBA, don’t you?
9- Amy can’t go to the park

#277: Our First Week Open

FYI to any Soundcloud exclusive listeners: This show is no longer hosted here. You can find it on all other podcast catchers and platforms. Thanks for listening!

1- Long week
2- Boogaloo boys are doing CrossFit with Meghan McCain for Trump. That’s the first 5.
3- Fox News is still Fox News
4- Sports accusations, apologies, and racism
5- Shut up and dribble? No, Laura you should just shut up.
6- Police in trouble on video. Keep breaking laws and heads on video.
7- Black Live Matter Plaza
8- Ella Jones, the first Black Mayor of Ferguson.
9- Rahul Dubey: An American Hero

#278: "Headlines"

A weekly audio podcast giving you Alonzo Bodden's unique comedic take on what's going on in the world.

FYI to any Soundcloud exclusive listeners: This show is no longer hosted here. You can find it on all other podcast catchers and platforms for new episodes and the full archive. Thanks for listening!

Alonzo Bodden: Who's Paying Attention?

Popular tracks