Soft As Chalk (Joanna Newsom cover)

at Pumpehuset Copenhagen, 11 November 2018

car seat headrest - destroyed by hippie powers (live)

NO BLUES

A Portrait Of The Trequartista As A Young Man

divorce lawyers i shaved my head

carpenter/rebuild the body out of birds

lyrics:

hold me closer
wait until i break
i promise i was fine last week but now i am a mess
and i wish that i was better 
like the people on tv
they go outside and do shit
and they dont have ocd
and i promise i was happy once
or maybe i was not
maybe ive been sad forever 
isnt that fucked up?
i cant say: oh i miss the times where everything was great!
cus there has never been a year where things were just ok
my brain is messy ! it slathers slimey snot
i wish i had a scalpel so i could slice it all up
id sort it into pieces
the good and aaaall the sad
id have like 20% left of things that arent bad
and i think that im annoying or maybe i am not?
but everything i say always sound so fucking lost
i cling onto people
with everything i got
hoping they wont squish me like a tiny nasty bug
cus i lure people in with my patheticness
then i run away cus i dont like myself
i go from being clingy to distant and it sucks
i wish that i was more than a little fucking bug
cus i lure people in with my patheticness
then i run away cus i dont like myself
i go from being clingy to distant and it sucks
i wish that i was more than a little fucking bug...

hold my hand
and then ill go away
ive sucked all of your lifestream out and now you cant escape!
its like i am a vampire
i feel like im a thief
i steal peoples time because of all my needs
and im sorry i cant hear you when you tell me its not real
you tell me that you have no problem being there for me 
cus my mirror tells me differently
it tells me i am fucked
it tells me im manipulating all the ones i love
and i make myself available for everyone to use
and never actually tell anyone if i need them too
cus im better at just wanting things and never speaking up
cus then i can just tell myself that it is all my fault

that i want all the things that i could never get
that i want a little break from my sicky brain
that i need a little hug so i can dissapear
i need a little hug to make me feel like i am here 
x 2

Vampire

lyrics: 

whatever i draw whatever i do whatever songs i listen to
im thinking of pain im thinking of death  it feels like a glue it sticks to my head
im seeing a corpse when im out for a smoke
it looks like my face just beaten and broke
i look to the sky ask: is this a joke?
if it is   its not that good

im not in the mood for answering texts
im not in the mood for anything yet
i am writing a song to feel like im real
that this isn’t just a truman show deal

if it was it’d be a horrible show
a feel-bad bummer type of series and yo
im all for some drama but my life is just sad
mostly consists of sleeping


wherever i am wherever i go   whatever i think that i know
is just my brain cells telling me stuff and why should i trust them knowing that all
the things that i deal with boils down to  my brain is a bully and i am the nerd who
always gets picked last  tripping and being laughed at

i am still sick so my voice is fucked up
and i am so tired of this gnarly cough
all i wanna do is make music and sing
but i am too tired to do anything

my whole room smells like a litter box
cus my cat does nothing but shit all day long
can’t crack a window to air the smell 
cus im pretty sure shed jump out killing herself


whenever i think or i use my brain  or im squatting in the shower pulling hair from the drain
i think of my body think of my face and how it is moving how it is shaped
i hate that im real and i hate i exist
i hate being aware of everything
i look to the sky like: got an explanation?
but all i get is static

Whatever

The Scary Jokes - What Am I

body works like this:
in dire need of validation
everything will revolve around that then
every little talk every word that comes outta my mouth is desperate
and hungry for a love
and hunger works like this:
been starved for true affection so i cling on to whoever treats me nice
i yearn for hugs and compliments i yearn for hugs and pats on head
like im just a spoiled little child

and im tired of feeling so small  or feeling none at all  or wanting to be seen when someones looking straight at me its like
when am i satisfied? will i ever know if i am? am i just wasting peoples time?

cause i really want to be
a person who is fine without anyone else
not a person isolated but someone who likes themselves
enough to function on their own someone who doesn’t freak out if somebodys looked at them wrong
and wrong is meaning this:
cold or maybe distant   maybe im just paranoid  but i always feel annoying  or maybe i am just annoyed
i just want to be connected   want to be completely fine  tired of feeling so conflicted about everything cause i am

tired of feelings so big  and feeling like shit   and wanting to give up on life every two seconds 
i wish i didn’t know why im so upset all the time
cause the knowing makes it harder cause i always have to compromise

tired of speaking in tongues or never speaking up  and praying everyone thinks i am somewhat good enough
i want to be my own but im at everybody’s feet
bowing to the ground and crying begging that they love me

but theres also

a little bit of fear
of everyone i know
they have this scary power 
to leave me  if they wanted
i thrive when by myself  but im scared of my head   im scared of my thoughts   im scared of feeling dead
a little bit of fear
of everyone i know  
they have this scary power
to leave me in a moment       i like it by myself   but i also need my friends   i need to feel connected   i need to leave my bed

Body Works

https://thescaryjokes.bandcamp.com/

Flowers growing by the side of the highway
Black hills on the horizon
Stretches of road that seem to go on forever
Blinking yellow traffic lights
Half dismantled carnivals
Getting ready to leave town
The house I used to live in
With a strangers car in the driveway

Everything that makes me feel lonely reminds me of you

I went driving late last night
I couldn't get to sleep
The whole town was dark and quiet
Like I was the only one who lived there
And when I drove by the park
I saw two figures standing there
They seemed strangely familiar
Wrapped up in a blanket on the grass
I felt as though I was swallowed in broken glass

I always think I'd see you around town
But I guess that isn't true
How come so many people exactly like you
It isn't funny anymore
It wasn't funny to begin with
But having dreams about someone you hardly remember is a funny thing to live with
I can't even remember the sound of your voice 

Flowers growing by the side of the highway
Black hills looming dangerously over the horizon 
Dark, dark, stretches of road that seem to go on forever
Blinking yellow traffic lights

Lying awake
Lying awake
Lying awake
All night long

Everything that makes me feel lonely reminds me of you.

BEES !!!

Plant Rot

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