This is devastating, I love every second of it 🥹💜

Lately I’ve
been dreaming my
tongue was swollen,
bitten, eaten out,
oh, but they were kind,
they left me with my
eyes, soft and closed
and moving,
generating movies,
a shame to go to waste
if there’s nothing I can say.
If you’d like to be replaced,
we can replace you.

I was holding out,
you were managing your doubt
so well until now,
so well until now,
but I was holding out,
you were managing your doubt
so well until now,
oh, well until later,
but I won’t control my fast cascading temper
forever.

Were the trees shivering?
Or are you hiding in them?
Makeshift shelter
for inclement weather,
an eye in the sky over my head,
or are you leaving me for dead?
Frost forming out here
while I search,
light pouring in the corners
illuminates my breath,
dissolves every circumstance.

If you’d like to be replaced,
you could’ve fooled me.

I was holding out,
shelter held under the clouds
so well until now,
so well until now,
I was holding out,
shelter held under clouds
so well until now,
oh well, rebuild later,
but I can’t control how fast they fell the timber
forever.

Call off the dogs,
call off the knocks,
I know you sent them,
I could use a little privacy,
call off the ambulance,
call off the avalanche,
you know I give into my paranoia easily.

Where are you going?

I know it’s you at my door
and I know what you want.

I was holding out,
checking locks and standing ground,
so well until now,
so well until now,
I was holding out,
so well until now,
checking locks and standing ground,
oh well, you’ll find me later,
but I can’t control my finger on the button
forever.

Call off the dogs,
call off the knocks,
call off the search for answers,
call off the graceless fruitless chase,
call off the dogs.

Dogs (Until Now)

I am here
And I am patient
Digging with my fingernails
Into the pavement
I am here
And i am waiting
For a day when
The world’s less patient

It’s a miracle that no one has
Attempted to put an end to you
Til now

I will find you 
I will find you out
There’s a war that’s raging
Right outside your house
I suggest you move
I suggest you move before
I suggest you move
The cavalry is at your door

I am here
I landed with them

There is an error
In your system
A hairpin trigger
A superstition
You thought you saw a form
Perform in the dark
I’m Limping like an animal
I chewed my way here  
I will gnaw my way into your heart

Limp (I Am Here)

I made a name
In the intervening years
Took care of some things
And started to forget
The songs that I wrote
I must have stood by cause
I scrawled them in my blood 
And we’re still catching up
And the size of my heart
That is caught in my throat
Didn’t shrink like i thought it would 

Kerosene keeps me warm

Kerosene keeps me warm
I’ll burn until it’s gone
The years cascade I’m overfull
The runoff is lapping at your door
Eulogized and atomized you
For the sake of song
Kerosene keeps me warm
I think I’ll hold out  until the storm is gone
Then i’ll be out for more

You should see what I am writing about now

The endless thrum
Has just begun
In the mountains
That i met you in

The walls closing in
Are a part of my skin
It’s been a while since i
Embarked into the wilderness  

I was Bitter i thought
For a justified cause
Because  taste in my mouth
Never sweetened enough
And the shift in perspective
That i thought wouldn’t come
Didn’t hurt like i thought it would


 

Kerosene keeps me warm
I’ll burn until it’s gone
The scars are healed a decade in
I couldn’t see the future then
An eternity of knowing me
Feels just a little long
Kerosene keeps me warm
And to burn it all down
By this point feels wrong

Kerosene Pt. 4

Paragraph after paragraph
You can speak them all
Until your breath is gone
There’s a surfeit of surfaces that you
Can write my name on
Motive lost
Fingers crossed
There’s a pit that you were
Tossed into 
You told them the truth
You think you owe them
But you were just a 
Lesser god
And you got caught

I thought I was taught
To be sinister and innocent all at once
Take what all you’ve got
To escape with and leave no remainder
Better be estranged in a stranger’s world
Than to be caught unexpected on your toes
I thought I was taught to be sinister and innocent

Bombs were tossed
In what was lost
I expected to find scraps of you
Scurrying to somewhere dark and warm
I was hoping you would learn from me
You were suffering
For the light you seek so
I told them a lie
I do not owe them my time
I wouldn’t pay a debt
To a filthy pest

I know that it’s unfair to you but
No one’s keeping score
Aging gracefully
Painterly
They don’t know they own you
They don’t know they owe you

Sinister & Innocent

I hope the toll was light
You're picking at my scars
The dust occludes your face
I wonder who you are

The stage is nearly set
They're begging us to start
They'll drag us into place 
I wonder who you are

You are
The dust

My carapace is cracked
They pin us to the board
They're spreading out your wings
I wonder who you are 

A consolation prize
They're picking you apart
The fever in your eyes
I wonder who you are

I wonder who you are
The dust occludes your face
You are
The dust

Carapace

I’ve seen limbs like yours discarded on the highway
From scurrying burrow to burrow
They’ll rip you from your home
I’ll see you on the road
Finicky
There’s tumult in the gesture
Circulation
Pressure on the temple
I think if you were wise
You’d source a tougher hide

Fennec 
Think I could hunt you down
Root you out
Underground

A fool waits for repercussions
These tools were made for piercing the soil with
A fool waits for repercussions
The tools are in the soil
It’s best to play it cool

I was on my stomach when the water started rising so
I sunk my claws in and then started moving earth
When I struck gold it wasn’t worth
What I was told it was
Malleable
flesh gives way to physics
Statuesque 
Still frozen in beginnings
I think if i was kind
I’d live a tougher life

Fennec 
Think I could hunt you down
Root you out
Underground

A fool waits for repercussions
These tools were made for piercing the soil with
A fool waits for repercussions
The tools are in the soil
It’s best to play it cool

Fennec

A wall surrounding empty air
A feast there to fatten all the guards
We left our lives for recompense
A dirty coin passed down from oligarchs 
To fit the slot inside our hearts

I am getting swallowed up
I’m dredging through distasteful stuff

The skin of the bulb is off
The flesh of the fruit is soft
You can get away with harvesting
But not if you spill your gut
 A motive to spite the cause
The map to the pit is gone
Pain is just pain so i hope for your sake
The impetus will be to stop

Somehow not used to my body
I took more than I could carry
I  poked around and found something
I never felt 
There’s always something
Pushing down, a resonator plucked
Reverberate the sound 
A horn to fuck your hearing up

I am getting swallowed up
I’m dredging through distasteful stuff

The skin of the bulb is off
The flesh of the fruit is soft
You can get away with harvesting
But not if you spill your gut
 A motive to spite the cause
The map to the pit is gone
Pain is just pain so i hope for your sake
The impetus will be to stop

Stop the sacrament
Only holy for the innocent
A plague be on the rest of us
Present company excluded of course
Anatomy knows how to get the best of me
Apologies, i forgot to be anything, that’s right
I forgot to be anything

Distasteful Stuff

It’s new
The pieces I detached to bring to you
And I may slouch as I get used
To moving in this way
I tried
To separate the muscle from the hide
And what is left, my very best
Impression of my life

I’m going to lie down

My life
Bundled up in parts and auctioned off
And trying to be grateful for the price
You think I’m worth
For now
The walls around my heart are coming down
Exposing the bare wires that spark
To cough the ideas out

I’m going to lie down

A month
I tried to live deliberately and failed
Frustrated, I continued to persist
The person that I was
Take note
The well is dry, I hope I filled you up
And what you got was nourishing enough
I’ll still be around, but

I’m going to lie down

I'm Going To Lie Down

You Are Compromised

i’m waiting for the evening
to poke holes in the ceiling
maybe with fresh air
I’ll pinpoint the meaning
the meaning’s corrupted
the hope I showed up with
got pissed away early
I swallowed a stopwatch
to keep time from slipping
away from the present
the more I get desperate
the louder it ticks
I played tricks on my allies
I coddled my foes and
god only knows
why I do what I do

pardon the fool that’s patient with me
pardon the fool that’s patient with me

they say don’t fall in love
with the first thing you see
don’t know who they say it to
they couldn’t mean me
my roots are thirsty and
my stomach is strong
and if I anchor here
I can never get lost
put stock in the simple
demand at least one 
of the smallest of seats 
at the table to speak
I say “i think it’s important”
they assure me it’s not
and honestly if they’re right
well, then that’s a load off

pardon the fool that’s patient with me
pardon the fool that’s patient with me

if I went panning for gold
how could I keep my hands clean (x2)

well the traffic is pointing 
away from this town
and if I let you down 
well I won’t be the first
stack collateral damage
on top of the plans
that contained quite a lot 
of destruction themselves
it’s a tactical failure
to fail to present
a positive presence
to the people you need
I mean the people you meet
I mean the ones you call friends
I mean the ones who give shelter
until you take off again

pardon the fool that’s patient with me
pardon the fool that’s patient with me

Panning For Gold

Finally! Finally! Finally!
Some semblance of peace!
akin to a coin in a jar
at the last place you worked that you hated
and I didn’t understand
how to just simply mourn and
so I tried to fix all your problems
and you scowled at me and you rolled back over

assigned to be yours
a train in a yard
a trespassing sign
an unfamiliar dog
whose teeth have a familiar bite

but you know a reprobate like me
I am always clawing at the door
always trying to guilt you into
letting me free but I don’t know where I’ll go

hastily hastily hastily
fingernails sick with soil
Where you were a minute ago
where the sun set and it flashed green for just a second
and I didn’t understand
why the future didn’t work for me
so I tried to move heaven and earth
and the sound woke you up and you rolled back over

resignedly yours
a plot on the sun
a grave to be tilled
a lingering pestilence
that I was never comfortable with

But you know a reprobate like me
I am always crawling through the window
always trying to guilt you into
letting me free but I don’t know where I will go
but you know that it’s my greatest sin
getting out and always wanting in again
always trying to guilt you into
letting me free but I don’t know where I will go

Kerosene Pt. 4

WOE.BEGONE

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