These lullabies represent my journey toward serenity through surrender in the presence of that which I neither cannot nor need not control. They are perfectly imperfect encapsulations of child-like innocence presented through little psalms to death meant to guide us from one plane of existence to the next.

A Series Of Lullabies (solo piano)

Ciclo 2 is the product of the vision of choreographer and my collaborator, Angelica Mondol Viaña. It was commissioned in conjunction with The Spark Movement Collective in Brooklyn, NY, as a part of their show, Stories Uplifted, in November of 2021. This show featured works that centered the personal stories, family lineages, histories, and communities of their members who made up the bulk of the choreographers.

Ciclo 2

Heal.4 - HB

Throwback.3

v0.1_DiscoDuet_072419

My mind is often a muddled mess. I was talking with my partner last night about how sometimes speaking sentences is a struggle, especially in stressful situations. I explained to her that words often swarm my mind obscuring the thoughts I am trying to form. In order to complete a sentence, I need to sift through the swarm to find the perfect word to perfectly express an imperfect, often felt but not entirely formed, idea and tether it to the sentence before it flees. But sometimes, when I shower, all the noise is drowned out a bit. The hot water soothes my senses and the noise of the drops falling somewhat eases my mind. Shower Thoughts illustrates this fleeting clarity and the serenity this brings me.

Commissioned and Performed by Ian Fales. Audio Recorded during the Facebook Live premier. Made possible with support from the Robert Black Foundation.

Shower Thoughts

muzak tells the story of a musical force that yearns for expressive freedom but, bound my a sense of self-preservation, acquiesces to the powers that be and thus self-relegates to a position of politeness and respectability. Like the shopping music of yore, I designed muzak to embody an inoffensive, wall-paper aesthetic—to some degree. I was inspired to write this piece by a dilemma in which I often find myself (though, I’ll admit, I wasn’t fully aware of said inspiration until a bit after I finished writing muzak). I rarely feel safe enough to be fully vulnerable and expressive with people. So, I hide my emotions behind a veneer of respectability and politeness. Many emotions I have suffer this fate, but I feel that because of the way I look and my physical stature, anger is the one that suffers most. I’ve learned time and time again, throughout my life, that anger, when channeled through me, is threatening. muzak, in turn, takes anger as its primary protagonist, held prisoner just beyond the yawning by the false expectations of social order. There are moments in muzak in which the facade of inoffensive respectability cracks and the anger begins to break through. When this struggle reaches a boiling point, it’s hard to say whether the anger is ever fully free, the emotion full realized, but either way, the nature of the music from this point forward is different. Politeness no longer feels inoffensive but instead tragic, tinged with aggression and resignation.

Premiered by the JACK String Quartet on 05/04/22 at The Auditorium at The New School

muzak (string quartet)

The title "Smell the Roses, Blow Out the Candle" evokes a breathing exercise that encourages us to delve into deep, calming breaths. Envision cradling an imaginary rose in one hand and holding an ethereal, flickering candle in the other. Inhale, as if savoring the fragrance of the roses, and exhale, gently extinguishing the candle's flame. Let your breath flow in through your nose and out through your mouth, relishing each moment.

I remember encountering this exercise as a substitute teacher in vibrant Los Angeles. I found myself in charge of a TK class, the youngest of the little ones, where the teaching assistant guided them through this ritual just before story time on the cozy, class rug. To my surprise, the children enthusiastically embraced this activity. I think I even witnessed some of them independently employing the exercise during moments of heightened tension or volatile emotions, likely during their playtime. Though they may not have possessed the words to express it, I strongly believe that they intuitively understood the profound influence that breathing has over our emotional and mental well-being.

As adults, we often neglect this vital connection. "Smell the Roses, Blow Out the Candle" serves as a gentle meditation, reminding us of the cyclical nature of our breath and its significance. It beckons listeners to momentarily surrender themselves to the soothing rhythm of their breath and mindfully engage, not merely with the musical composition's development (of which there is very little), but with its evolution through each ‘breath’ cycle. As the harmonies descend, seeking a sense of groundedness, they create a gravitational pull that draws the audience into a microcosm where nothing exists beyond the music's soothing repetitions.

Just as the "smelling the roses" and "blowing out the candle" exercise teaches individuals to connect inwardly with their breath, "Smell the Roses, Blow Out the Candle" seeks to transport the audience into the gentle, pulsating rhythm of their own existence, intricately intertwined with the music's tranquil yet transformative journey. It invites them to escape from the chaos of daily life and immerse themselves in a space where serenity prevails and the breath becomes a gateway to too often neglected introspection.

Smell the Roses, Blow Out the Candle

This is my arrangement of the Star Spangled Banner. It serves as the much needed cathartic expression of my feelings as an American and towards the current sociopolitical climate of America in way that my words had failed me.

XavierNathaniel

Pinned to spotlight

Popular tracks