I'm a quitter! 
don't come to my funeral pretending like you ever cared about me 
they said to pick a struggle and I said that I just wanted to be happy 

what is "like me"? it could be easier? 
should I keep telling my friends that I'm okay? 
I'm not clinically depressed; I'm just INTJ 
paula, are you still sparking little lights? are you okay? 

I'm a quitter and I like it 
I'm a frequent bullshitter and she likes it 
naw, I'm hyper-real, everybody gets me 
tweet it and delete it quick, my new account is the real me 

what is "like me"? it could be easier? 
should I keep telling my friends that I'm okay? 
I'm not clinically depressed; I'm just INTJ 
paula, are you still sparking little lights? are you okay?

quitter

don't want frozen foods
just want big moods
RIP my cat 
and scream in to me like I'm your void
and permission will protect you 
violence is a fair last resort to feel something 

I wanna eat more; I'd rather lose weight 
I'm pretty sure he doesn't love me 
I think I'm neutral; I think I'm just dirt 
hoping being bitter means I still love you 

drain the Bunn and let me take you out
'cause I'm idle in my car and the a/c's on loud

lo-cal fruit loops

you didn't mean to but you fucked with my head [apparently version v2024.04.27]

happyday [v2024.07.30]

she says it's not my fault if you just don't feel safe 
I don't feel heard till you say back what I say 
you get mad whenever I get mad or sad 
you get annoyed when I let you know that I'm annoyed 
he says that it's too hot to go outside, and "I'm not still that proud of who I am" 
and "how can I even counter this? when I know that what I want isn't worth it" 

and "this is one of those things that I have to do by myself" 
"this is one of those that I can't do with help" 
"this is one of those things that I gotta do on my own 
if I want feel grown and prove I'm worth sowing" 

nothing is broken but everything hurts 
when you talk like that and I'm forced to listen 
the sidewalk is hot and I go outside, 
got burned as soon as you looked me in the eyes 
I told my old friends but they just didn't get it 
you see my doubt on my face and it makes you feel afraid 
I feel like the wood's gonna crack when it's hot 
I put my guitar in the back of my car 

I've been listening to songs when all I wanna do is write 
you just thought I was acting up when I had those asides 
but why didn't you ever tell me you needed me 
or give me any little hint I made a difference in your life? 
so please don't do this to me again; I told you, you are my friend 
wouldn't you love me like this? doesn't it just go like this?

lion dread

it was such a bad time, I’m not going back 
I don’t get really mad, but I did not deserve that 
he says ‘you’re still on that? I thought we were good' 
guess the way I talk would– guess I just come off like– 

I should go outside, talk a walk, fix things on my side 
I feel like such a bad friend, I don't want to be here 
nothing’s really wrong, I’m just acting like a bitch 
‘you had to time fix this’? ‘you had to time fix this'  

my head hurts and I don't want to sing 
I slept in my car for weeks–will this change me? 
I think I could put up with a little more 
*I gave up my life for this night*-core 

I know I shouldn’t be this way but I thought it’d make you love me 
the love I don’t deserve just never really felt right 
but it couldn't be you, "it couldn't be you"? 

I look in the mirror and I am eight years old 
I can see my ears stick out, and I just hear what I'm told 
cover them with my hands? or I could cut them off 
or I should fold them back? no, I'll just cut them off 

I am just so bad at this 
I am just so bad man 
I am just so bad at this 
I am just so bad man

I'm not a burden, don't even get sad 
I'm still your virgin that doesn't get mad 
climb through the window to the top of your house 
you said it won't hurt when we hit the ground 
'cause it's not that far down 

I feel the same way as you, nothing's wrong 
I'm just a version of you who writes songs 
I just want the best for you, it’s really not deep 
promises I cannot keep, but I sing 
it's not that far down

sad_mad

instr

he says, "I gotta go, my friend just texted--
he said he found unattended copper by his work" 
when I said, "have you been losing weight?"
"no, I've been in my feels, losing my appetite, otherwise doing fine" 
he said, "I've heard more *he's one tap*s than *I love you*s
and they were always lies"--"just don't interrupt my work"
then he says, "this is how I just how I look when you spit in my face" 
"I know you'll leave anyway" "one more shot to be safe"

she says "I have these dreams that I don't think that you even believe in" 
and "I have all of these needs that I don't think that you could ever meet"

I wanna get up but my body's sore 
it's not sped up, it's nightcore, I've been feeling sorta bored 
can I still get into heaven if I just kill myself? 
all this anger was once love, never been hurt, not hurting anyone 

fake smiles, bullshit; say I don't care then get pissed 
it sounds sorta fucked up, saying "I spared you, don't waste it" 

she says "I have these dreams that I don't think that you even believe in" 
and "I have all of these needs that I don't think that you could ever meet"

am I sick? am I bad? don't look at me like that when I'm sick 
sorry you had to see me like that

I didn't think I would really let you down like this 
or that it'd hit you the way that it seemed to 
I can feel most of your pain like all of the time 
but now I can tell it's a stunt to put me under your thumb 

what a wild thing to say so you don't see me mad 
it took a decade just to admit I don't need you that bad, 
sick of denying myself and saying things so 'I'm in' 
your friends are close to your chest so you don't have to cringe  

go ahead and do that for you and I'll do this for me 
I don't know but that sounds sorta fucked up to me 
if I were you then I'd just leave 

I'm just trying to do something that you wouldn't understand 
you wouldn't ever really listen, I got used to that 
it's like you couldn't even hear me 'til I scream out loud
--good lord, I'm so glad you can't treat me like that anymore 
and it's time to say goodbye and it's time to let us try 
and grow out of that and I know that sounds a little too hard, 
it's not right time or place; I've always been like this, 
can't you love me this way? 

and I know that you don't want to talk about this anymore 
and I know that you are saying things that I cannot ignore

home

well damn dude I wish you would've told me sooner 
I would've stayed up with you, I would've called in a sick 
I don't give a fuck about what's good in life 
if you're not feeling all right, if you're not even in it 

'fucking bullshit, you never listen to me 
you never ask me how I'm doing 
when you know I'm going through it 
I know you'll make your stupid jokes 
and you'll sing your shitty songs 
and I know all you want is to go back' 

it's not enough, it's not enough yet 

and I know I'm good enough
but I can tell you don't believe me 
and it's not enough, it's not enough yet

goof

I paid you upfront and trusted that you wouldn't scam me 
turn my back on my past anytime you @ me 
you're the only one who will lie to me so I can hear what I need to hear 
to get my shit together and put aside my dread 
and make a future I could picture for myself 
without feeling so upset 
you promise you'll pull through me if I pull through for you 

you get up and make your bed 
record for me, bye quiet dread 
feel seen instead, read my messages 
reply to me, heal me, make me sing 

bitch give me a fry

I want to send you memes I like and songs I write and someone's else words 
that tell you how I feel I got no reason to distrust you 
safe-for-work scene I wrote up for us to bust to 
and I know that you know how I feel and you want it feel it too 

I know I'm still obsessed with you 
quiet, withdrawing, or saving my pride, 
I think that you're cute, I hope you feel cute 
I know how to talk, I just don't talk to you  
and I'm sort of in love with you 
planning our thirties, switch and you get me, 
I think that you're pretty, I hope you feel pretty 
I know how to talk, I just don't talk to you 

she says, I don't really need a man who listens anymore, 
I more so need a man who actually articulates things clearly 
what you want, what you need, put me on a leash 
and tell me what to feel when you do those things to me 

and I know she recorded that one for me 
will they believe me in group therapy? 
she gives me enough, at least when it's tough times 
like these, and she's rough when I need her to be 
we'll change when we're ready, I'll be super steady 
I'd pay in cash, my teeth barely gnash 
you give me enough, last second, first 
it's not quite what you say you think I deserve 
and I know that you know how I feel and you want it feel it too 

puppylove

I have something that I want to show you 
I made something that I thought you'd like 
I made a safe little home for you 
and it's built on trust and with you in mind 

do you remember when I couldn't call you 
I was working on this, couldn't tell you 
for three months I prolly seemed too distant 
but I couldn't tell you I loved you without this 

so I made this bed where you rest when you need rest 
and made this desk where you can play close to your bed 
the vibe's a blend between wholesome and degenerate
that's both part self-aware and fully present 

here's where we record at the same time 
here's where we can sleep at the same time 
here's where can eat at the same time 
here's where we can write at the same time 


xlalaalex

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