Chickadee dee dee
Infection plagues humanity
Mockingbird outside my door  
Six feet distance at the store
Life is nasty, brutish, mean
Not for me, in quarantine 
I’ve got bird immunity
I’ve got bird immunity

Sixty dead in ICU
Tufted titmouse flies on though
Failing lungs, freezer truck
Essential oils for good luck
An albatross is at my door
Doing my part to win this war
I’ve got bird immunity
I’ve got bird immunity

Crow. Hawk. Cough. Hock. 

Fulfillment centers, left and right
Saw a barred owl Sunday night
Lenny dropped off my paper plates
The crows outside have all found mates
Lenny turns back: looks deranged
Not quite the service I arranged
I hear him mutter, hear him cough
I see a cardinal
It flys off

I see Lenny at CVS
Feverish now; he’s out of breath
I revert to my instinct’s base
Bandana wrapped around my face
Paper towels in my talons
Lenny’s wheezing; sweating gallons
A screech rings out my reptile brain
Flap my wings, it starts to rain
Hawkeyed vision, I see my prey
The delivery guy from yesterday
I circle around him, high above
With my Prime account and rubber glove

Footprint in the Loam

Bird Immunity

“Own Homership”

property marked as sold 
a shelter from the cold 
abode for growing old 
a hidden stranglehold 
time to clean the gutters
time to check the pipes
first I’ll do my laundry 
then I’ll air my gripes

product of my labor
I can’t stand my neighbor 
I think his name is Don
time to mow the lawn 
admire my gumption 
conspicuous consumption 
admire my bank loan 
this prison I don’t own

own homership
own homership
home ownership 
home ownership 

pissed away my years 
vigor, hair, and tears 
to afford a creaky box
broken doorknob locks 
I claw at the door
trying to get out 
I can barely walk
my toe has searing gout 

own homership
own homership
home ownership 
home ownership 

smash my window hard 
I step upon a shard 
a mortgage that I tout
now I’m bleeding out 
I crawl to my garage 
efforts are in vain 
man-cave, man-grave 
today it’s all the same 

rug is clotty red
at least I’m almost dead
from this suburban slaughter
replace me with a squatter

Own Homership

"The Dayjobs"

start the coffee 
feed the dog
a final peace 
before the slog

up at five 
the crack of dawn
my bladder is 
my new alarm

bound to chains 
of nine to five
we’re desk jockeys 
we’re half alive 

tinnitus 
incessant rings
above the drone 
of meeting pings

The Dayjobs.
The Dayjobs.

weekend’s here
no time to rest
its just a different 
kind of stress

fix the washer
clean the shed
mow the lawn 
to stay ahead

basement studio
late at night
American Dream
we'll rewrite

open sores
domestic dread
thinning devilock
on my head

S-B-O-J-Y-A-D

we are the Dayjobs 
here’s what we’re about 
we are the Dayjobs 
here’s what we’re about 
suburban sprawl 
financial woe
we don’t have time 
to play a show

we are the Dayjobs 
here’s what we’re about 
we are the Dayjobs 
here’s what we’re about 
suburban sprawl 
financial woe
we don’t have time 
to play a show

D-A-Y-J-O-B-S
The Dayjobs
D-A-Y-J-O-B-S
The Dayjobs
D-A-Y-J-O-B-S
we just spelled
The Dayjobs

The Slog EP

The Dayjobs

Underneath fluorescent bulbs
Soul cries out “Get back to nature”
Off to REI I go
To learn the latest nomenclature 

Boots! Axe! Bear mace too! 
Along with straps to hang my lamp on
Camelback! Hydro-sack!
Don’t forget a pair of crampons

Hunched over, parsing data 
Poring over Yelp reviews
All to answer just one question:
Which walking stick should I use?

My clothes are lined with flannel
Boots are Gore-tex; sherpa-lined
I found Patagonia coupons 
Now it’s time to find the time

Don’t. Mountain Don’t.

Weekends are filled with softball
Till the very end of Fall
Then it's time for Tis the Season
Finding discounts at the mall
Weekend’s free in early March
Destination: Moab’s arch
All packed up, it’s time to jet
My whistle first I need to wet

Check the fridge!
Mountain Dew
Sitting there since ‘92
Kick it back!
What’s that smell?
Stomach churns
I feel unwell

Can’t put my hand to handle
Spewing like a Roman Candle
Never been this sick from beer
Guess I’ll try again next year  

Mountain Don’t.

Mountain Don't

kicking ass knitting style
taking names for awhile
aristocrats in a pile 
storm the bastille!

selling wine and drinking tea
murdering aristocracy
Darnay don't mean shit to me
storm the bastille!

friends call her Madame Defarge
Evremondes are still at large 
she’s gonna kill you 
she’s in charge           

kicking ass knitting style
taking names for awhile
aristocrats in a pile

Storm The Bastille!

apartment living long forgotten 
floor was soft, moldy, and rotten
I have weathered several decades 
slowly filled my life with upgrades

things I thought once brought me clout
now i cannot live without 
Bad Brains vinyl
diamond stylus
what’s a hundred plus or minus?

hamster wheel consumer
debt is like a tumor
growing without notice
that’s my diagnosis 
lifestyle creep
don’t treadmill on me
lifestyle creep
don’t treadmill on me
on me 
on me 
on me 

vacuum cleaner must be dyson
bagless ball of dust
Yeti coolers ‘stead of Coleman
ice cold for three days: a must
paid more now than I could dream
when I was a squatter teen 
ninety thousand bucks in debt 
and that’s before you count the ‘vette

hamster wheel consumer
debt is like a tumor
growing without notice
that’s my diagnosis 
lifestyle creep
don’t treadmill on me
lifestyle creep
don’t treadmill on me
on me 
on me 
on me 

neighbors got a big green egg
situation’s a powder keg
competition’s a sharpened sword
seduce you with my pedal board

Lifestyle Creep

I am the omnimal 
I’m from the everywhen 
I eat a dead cow 
to transcend who I am

grass underfoot
sky overhead
meat on my plate
spirit is fed
glow of the embers
charcoal’s white light
grill conquers darkness
I conquer the night

grass fed beef I will buy
cardiac arrest I will die
steakholder meating 
anemia’s retreating 
my humors! my flesh!
my humors! my flesh!

I am the omnimal 
I’m from the everywhen 
I eat a dead cow 
to transcend who I am

i slather on sauces 
I’m alive, I’m rotund 
I work sixty hours 
four ribeyes I fund 
all of my humors
are tightly aligned 
steakholder meating
physique is refined

lay me to rest 
in a bovine stampede
my body becomes grass 
on which cattle feed 
the shank it infuses 
my bile and my phlegm 
I eat a dead cow 
elevate above them 

I am the omnimal 
I’m from the everywhen 
I eat a dead cow 
to transcend who I am

I Am The Omnimal (Steakholder Meating)

the other day
I sought advice from a sage
he told me that I have road rage
threw my car into first gear
now all his innards are smeared
crashed through his humble abode
I am the king of the road

Honda, Toyota, Geo Metro
I don't give a fuck
I always keep a chainsaw in the
glove compartment of my truck

the other day
I sought advice from a sage
he told me that I had road rage
pedestrians all in a line
looking like asinine swine
I swerved my car off of the road
get me away from these chodes
I am the king of the road, road, road… 
rage!

Screeching tires
Broken bones
Engine fires
So alone
Screeching tires 
Broken bones
Engine fires
Going home

the other day
I am the king of the

King Of The Road

I am a rat 
I have a leash 
too big to fail 
segmented tail 

I am rodent 
I am vermin 
I am the rat with the men
I tell you what I want
how, where, when
I am the rat with the men 

I am Rolodexter Holland
I am Cup o’ Joe Strummer 
I am The Black Flagship Store
my puns will ruin your summer 
I am Gang of 401k
I’m the Deadline Kennedys 
I am just a Senior Threat
I’m The Business Casualties

I am a rat 
I am a rat 

I am rodent 
I am vermin 
I am the rat with the men
I tell you what I want
how, where, when
I am the rat with the men  

I’m The Descendental Plan 
I’m known to Circle Jerk back 
I’m The Clash flow spreadsheet  
paste The Dayjobs in your Slack

sexual harassment training pistols 
I am GBHR
I am the joy divisional manager
puns blast from your car
 
rat king made of sebum 
of the dumb
of the dumb
rat king leads too many
kingdom come 
kingdom dumb

I am the ratfink
with bruxing teeth
tile floors
goats underneath
in a glue trap
stuck to your seat
your transformation 
is complete

I am rodent 
I am vermin 
I am the rat with the men
I tell you what I want
how, where, when
I am the rat with the men

Rat Leash

1, 2, 3, 4 
we are coming through the door 
in Worcester town, where the streets are alive 
there’s a bar called Scruffy Murphy’s, where the spirits thrive 
4, 3, 2, 1 
grab your daughters, grab your son
this place is packed, the whiskey flows free
it’s a haven for lost souls like me

4, 5, 6, 7 
whiskey flows, a glimpse of heaven
whiskey jacks, broken bottles
we dance and sing all night
8, 9, 10, 11
don't have one, have six or seven
whiskey jacks, raise your fists
fight for what is right 

raise your glass to Scruffy Murphys
where the music never ends
from fiddles to guitars
we’re all here as friends

through the haze of smoke and the neon lights
there’s a sense of freedom in these rowdy nights
with tales of battles fought and lovers lost 
in Scruffy Murphy’s bar, we pay whatever the cost

we’ll let the world fade away 
and we’ll sing our songs
and we’ll dance and sway
for tonight, we’re all Irish in this corner of the Earth
at Scruffys Murphy’s bar 
we’ll have our rebirth

raise your glass to Scruffy Murphys
where the music never ends
from fiddles to guitars
we’re all here as friends

Scruffy Murphys

got bit by a snake from the yard 
now I’m blue; my skin is hard 
sunken eyes and a sullen gaze
my boss at work was hardly phased
  
sit down, son, we need to talk
before the neighbors start to gawk
sorry to say but your old man
he stalks the night with extended hands

get good grades
do well in school
grey matter flan
it makes me drool
synapse salsa -  slatherin’ on
I’ll take the brain bourguignon

I was animate 
interstellar dust
now eating brains 
is a must 
petty thoughts of humankind 
no food for thought
I feast on mind

“hi, Dad, I’m Hungry”
“hi Hungry, I’m Dad”
my skin falls off 
my jokes are bad
“hi, Dad, I’m Hungry”
“hi Hungry, I’m Dad”
my joints are stiff  
future be damned

hair falls off
hacking cough
lights turn off
roach crawls off
brains are soft 
bats in loft 
eating oft 
skin falls off

“hi, Dad, I’m Hungry”
“hi Hungry, I’m Dad”
my skin falls off 
my jokes are bad
“hi, Dad, I’m Hungry”
“hi Hungry, I’m Dad”
my joints are stiff  
future be damned

HI HNGRY IM DE!AD

the boss he follows his routine 
head is filled with cold poutine
no hobbies and no joy at home
his office is his catacomb

Luang Pho Daeng in the C-Suite 
at the helm but life’s complete  
BluBlockers sit unnaturally 
to hide a gecko hatchery

Torch Clinger
can do it better than anyone 
octogenarian
Torch Clinger
I’m important… I am needed…
stay until my life’s completed
Torch Clinger
middle management is waiting
betting on his death, debating 
Torch Clinger
who will have the torch bequeathed?
who will have the torch bequeathed?

hey hey hey

torch clinger limps to failure 
slowly shuffles about 
has no hairs
leaves no heirs
rather fade away than burn out 
58 year old deputy 
just a little cub 
let me rest in power 
in The 87 Club 

Torch Clinger
can do it better than anyone 
octogenarian
Torch Clinger
I’m important… I am needed…
stay until my life’s completed
Torch Clinger
middle management is waiting
betting on his death, debating 
Torch Clinger
who will have the torch bequeathed?
who will have the torch bequeathed?

hey hey hey

the boss he follows his routine 
alive or dead
somewhere between
no inkling of goings on
no one left to bestow upon
one gripped power in his fists
now stairs require an assist
nothing left for him to do
a modern day Fourteenth King Lou

Torch Clinger

I did it all for you

just escaped a super close call 
on my phone 
almost had to end it all 
so what now
I don’t know what I should do 
and it was all for you

algorithms work through the night
I start to fear they portray me right
mirror image of a shadow self 
and it was all for you

Idaho inmate penpal doc# 183
Idaho inmate penpal doc# 183

“For You” page
women lifting weights
waifus in cosplay 
cringey rage bait
goths grilling steaks  

Idaho inmate penpal doc# 183
Idaho inmate penpal doc# 183

thought I was alone
just scrolling on my phone
when my wife walks up behind me 
and she looks into the glow
tattoo girl making sandwiches
Hawk Tuah on the street
Idaho inmate penpal doc# 183

“For You” page
mugshot hotties
in general lots of bodies
bald woman with tattoo 
I think I’ll click a few 

“For You” page
wife has my passcode
I’m a joint account chode
said she’d leave and take the home 
I’ll buy a secret phone

thought I was alone
just scrolling on my phone
when my wife walks up behind me 
and she looks into the glow
tattoo girl making sandwiches
Hawk Tuah on the street
Idaho inmate penpal doc# 183

For You

what’s your favorite thing to get 
when you’re buying snacks at the gas station for a road trip?

at the grocery store
what cereal do you pick out for your little children?

dark chocolate hummus
lunchables pepperoni pizza
Girl Scouts body wash
peeps family size cereal

I am a 300lb raccoon
I eat trash from dusk until noon
churro ice cream fills my spoon 
I’m gonna be hungry again real soon 
I am a 300lb raccoon
I eat trash from dusk until noon
Oreo boxes fill my room
please give me a crab rangoon 

I’m gooning 

cream-filled Cocoa Puffs
Kit Kat cereal
rap snacks icons
Oreo sour patch

what’s your favorite thing to get 
when you’re buying snacks at the gas station for a road trip?

at the grocery store
what cereal do you pick out for your little children?

I am a 300lb raccoon
I eat trash from dusk until noon
churro ice cream fills my spoon 
I’m gonna be hungry again real soon 
I am a 300lb raccoon
I eat trash from dusk until noon
Oreo boxes fill my room
please give me a crab rangoon

I’m gooning

Raccoon

evade the passion tax!

I refuse to accept there is no point in fighting back
I refuse to file my return for the passion tax

can’t do the things I want 
to pay for the things that I need
so I’ll do the things I hate 
and replace passion with greed

no tax! eyes bleeding from a screen
no tax! working for the green
passion tax you will evade 
through days of fruitless toil  
fight back! keep your dreams at bay

sure, the work is dry, but they give you what you need
sure, the work’s a bore, but they give you ample beans

can’t do the things I want 
to pay for the things that I need
so I’ll do the things I hate 
and replace passion with greed

no tax! keep your dreams at bay
no tax! soul-crushing is okay
sure, the fun is gone
but you’re cashing in 
sure, the dream is gone
you afford Watenshi Gin

I refuse to accept there is no point in fighting back
I refuse to accept there is no point in fighting back

sixty hours spent in meetings
when they could have just emailed me
guess I’ll have to find a hobby 
to maintain my sanity

Passion Tax Evasion

flooding in my basement 
broken sump pump
water damaged mattress
I store it like a chump
water soaking boxes 
ruined Forrest Gump 
Saturday agenda 
Dunkin’ and the dump

don’t just go to dump shit 
that’s not what father taught 
we used to drive around
to different dumps to shop
he’d say don’t be a pansy
be a man and don’t complain
just watch yourself for tetanus 
and then I saw the paint

odd glowing paint can
bring it to my face 
something deep inside me
brought me to this place 
huff the glowing paint can
then she appears 
dump paint genie 
the next thing I hear is…

congrats you found a genie, now I’ll make a wish come true
hurry up and tell me there’s no time to think it through

I blurted out a wish:
more hours in the day
now I have insomnia 
I guess that she obeyed

two more wishes left
yeah I know the drill
please remove my back pain
now my knees can’t take a hill

odd glowing paint can
bring it to my face 
something deep inside me
brought me to this place 
huff the glowing paint can
then she appears 
dump paint genie 
the next thing I hear is…

congrats you found a genie, now I’ll make a wish come true
hurry up and tell me there’s no time to think it through

final wish I asked
stop our college debt
kid flunked out of school
lives at home in his sweats
I wish I never found
that glowing can of paint
now I know that fumes 
make me hallucinate

Dump Paint Genie

2020 Crosstrek
badges I will deck
I’ve joined an elite crew: the family Subaru
which badge best sums up the kind of life I want?
which badge best shows off a life I want to flaunt?

Tady Yoshida:
what are you doing here?
why are you inspecting 
my hatchback’s rear?
he issues a citation
for badges that deceive 
three business days 
new badges I receive

marathon badge:
I’m fitter than you
camping badge:
self-sufficient too
recycling badge:
greener than you
family badge:
projects my virtue

Tady Yoshida 
then firmly decrees 
you need to live with honor 
more honest badges these
affix them to your car
and then you’re square with me
“gluttonous sloth” and “loafing”
“apartment rife with fleas”

respect the badge of ownership 

how will strangers know
without badges that I show?
how will strangers know
without these badges that I show?

pearl horizon blue
riders on the Subaru
measure of my standing too 
cool grey khaki, geyser blue 
hatch back crossover
a message that I send over 
ice silver metallic
respect the badge 
you heretic

respect the badge of ownership 

shiny metal badge 
signaled my virtue 
I guess Tady had a point 
I guess it wasn’t true 
twenty-six mile badge
of marathon hell
now says 26 bucks  
spent at Taco Bell 

Badge of Ownership

long hours at the office
low morale and even lower pay
manager, he’s gonna fix it
he’s got something to brighten your day
gotta show appreciation
for little people that are doing their work
gotta give them an incentive
to make sure they don’t go berzerk

pizza party, pizza pizza party
token of sincerest thanks
pizza party, pizza pizza party
budget won't let us pay for dranks
pizza party, pizza pizza party
couple bucks is all we ask
pizza party, pizza pizza party
then it's time to get back on task

company profits soaring high
breaking every chart
no, you cannot have a raise
but here’s some slices à la carte
we’re choking down these tokens
they’re cashing in their shares
they throw us scraps from tables
but on my slice, there is a hair
everyone has their ‘za in hand
greasy plates and lukewarm Squirt
morale just falls like Dominos 
and our wages take the hurt 

pizza party, pizza pizza party 
token of sincerest thanks 
pizza party, pizza pizza party 
budget won't let us pay for dranks 
pizza party, pizza pizza party 
one pie cut in tiny squares 
pizza party, pizza pizza party 
served to you with plasticware

Crust

my first Black Friday melee
I was unprepared
my sense of human decency
got me trampled on the stairs
eight broken bones and one year later
I am back to take what’s mine
I will steal your Christmas presents 
no, I won’t stand in line 

brass knuckles under my wool gloves
a short blade in my ear muffs
warpath for some discount furbies
hoo hoooo hooooo!
hoo hoooo hooooo! 

I have a pool ball swinging in a tube sock, don't you see?
I have a smiley chain swinging back and forth right next to me 
I’ve come to plunder Elmos, bust in heads, and empty shelves 
department store’s my slaughter floor 
tell Santa and his feeble elves 
don't you see?
and his feeble elves 
don't you see?
and his feeble elves 

I still fight to get the best deals
violence used to be the appeal
I don’t care if greed is a sin
all I want to do is win

Black Friday is forgotten
Ten percent off Pima cotton
deals just start whenever
hoo hoooo hooooo!
hoo hoooo hooooo! 

I have a pool ball swinging in a tube sock, don't you see?
I have a smiley chain swinging back and forth right next to me 
I’ve come to plunder Elmos, bust in heads, and empty shelves 
department store’s my slaughter floor 
tell Santa and his feeble elves 
don't you see?
and his feeble elves 
don't you see?
and his feeble elves

Friday Bloody Friday

The Dayjobs are a dadpunk band. Get off their lawns. They sing about overflowing sump pumps, birdwatching, rising home ownership costs, not having time to play shows, and relocating to remote Airstreams to search for cryptids. D-A-Y-J-O-B-S.  

xthedayjobsx@gmail.com

www.thedayjobs.net

Instagram: @thedayjobspunk

Burt Lentil - guitar and vocals
Baron Tasting - bass and snarls
Travis Mathew - guitar and shrieks
Roland Urbain - drums

Popular tracks by The Dayjobs