we didnt

im like 99.999999999999999% salt, no wonder im always dehydrated

you are my friend {OMG THIS IS REALLY OLD STAY SALTY MY GUYS}

lyrics

i dont have a thing to say
i wouldn't want to anyway

i'll splash water on my face
as i come undone
my hands might shake but it feels okay
as you become someone 
and i'll go home and sleep tonight
i swear this time i will
you're in my dreams, promising
but i know you never will

Call It Off (Tegan and Sara cover)

i just felt like yelling today idk

8 hr max

????

i really hate naming these things

state street

Favorite Ghost

apartment song [September]

blisters [September]

i dont have the perfect pun for this title

poser

Plans

nightmare

she drew us into Le Sommeil
she falls asleep head on my legs
her skin gets paler every day
the sun won't do any favors

she gets nervous and talks too much
she bit my lip and stole my tongue
she asks me what im thinking of
when i know she knows

can she hear me loving her

she thought the sun had gone out
she got up and looked out the window
just neighbors lights, looking for
lorazepam and cbd oil

i hear her heartbeat getting fast
maybe tonight her mind will rest
it catches on the latest scratch
and pulls her down inside

can she hear me loving her

she's from los angeles and im from a small town
she likes black licorice and always pins her hair down
she holds my hand
even when everyone's around

and her favorite flower is lily of the valley
and my favorite flower is lily of the valley
and walking home i picked lily of the valley
holding moss

and i pressed the flower in my book next to the promises i took
back next to the lunch receipts the coin we flipped and every dream
i got lost in her, we lost the time, 
we broke our hearts, we crossed the line

can she hear me loving her

i ask her what she really wants
she knows; she wants security
i tell her the truth in my need
i am so old and silly
all i can do is flash lights in my head
and wonder if she can hear me loving her

she pulled the pins out of her hair
piled them between us on the bed
tried to make my eyes disappear
the way d. a. levy said
her hair rises and
she looks down

can she hear me loving her

can she hear me

maybe someday ill shut up
and we can hear your song for once
pantomime you all the luck
i have in my limbs

i said we spend seven days apart
and i have a change of heart
without fail i always start
to fall in love with you

and the year she spent with me
was the best time ill ever see
she's the one that's in my dreams
every night

i spent autumn sad and green
they spent autumn moving keys
she spent last autumn with me
for the last time

i spent winter drunk alone
they spent winter on the phone
maybe she spent winter at home
i wouldn't know

i spent spring, it was two dollars
and they spent spring forgetting fathers
and she spent spring her father's daughter
i suppose

ill spend summer throwing up
my hamster bites so ill be tough
she'll spend summer somewhere but
i wouldn't know

ill spend summer work and sleep
and they'll spend summer clean and neat
all the words we repeated 
in a better place

you'll spend summer growing plants
and they'll spend summer mending pants
and she'll spend summer with no friends
but in a better place

maybe you help me shave my head
and keep your fingers in my hair
and my hair fall at your feet
and your hand brushes my cheek
maybe you tilt my head, hand on my chin
maybe you lean in. maybe i lean 

maybe it happened, maybe not
we won't know for sure. my hair is on your floor
maybe we lean in again

maybe im at home alone
clippers on turned off my phone
hair on my skin's not romantic
it's just itchy 

maybe when i brush my teeth
i think of you when i can't sleep
i go outside and put my feet
into the moss on my lawn

maybe she drives past my house
and she's filled with thoughts and doubts
maybe i walk past your house
filled with the same things

maybe we'll just watch farscape 
at a safe distance then ill take
some space, some time, ill move two states
away just to be safe

if you know what was in my head
you wouldn't tell your fiance what i said
but ill repeat it just in case

just in case

i've been crying since 11:30
and im so scared of the dark
walking down my road, i'm
scared of all the cars
headlights see right thru me
someone might call the cops
you've spent hours listening to me
im gonna scare you off

ive been crying since 11
and you can't fall asleep
and you ask me questions
some i answer. some i keep
cuz ive been crying since december 3rd
ive been crying since november 1st
ive been crying since july 23rd 
and since june 8th

standing in the field like we said
naked except for my clothes
staring up at god, the moon and the stars
how could we have known
standing in the field like we said
never this vulnerable
staring up at god, the moon and the stars
she promised, i broke

it's june again

june again

your song plays in my head
and i can't fall asleep
it keeps me awake
and i can't stop the repeat
with all this in my system
your infinite wisdom
the squirrels move like wave forms
the cars move away from
im bathing in vanity 
soaking the would-bes the could-bes the maybes
im grinding my teeth
i dont want her to want me

you'll go everywhere 
trying to find your destiny
and i'll die 12 miles 
from where my mom gave birth to me
i wrote these words to your tune
and they fit it perfectly
the bus won't take my change
and no one will sit next to me
the baby squirrels cross the road
they rest their tails in the debris
i grind my teeth
i don't want her to want me

teeth

walked you to the bus stop in the rain
you kissed me on the sidewalk all over again
and i dropped my umbrella to the side
and caught rain inside it while the trucks drove by

played you a love song in your bed
stumbling along you know what i said
you sang and tried to remember the chords
and i cant remember who this is for

say it together, say it with me
i love you im sorry
i love you im sorry

i wrote a list things about me
stuff that would keep you away from me
i never wanna tell you, i never want you to see
i never wanna tell you in case you believe me

say it together, say it with me
i love you im sorry
i love you im sorry

when i give back your shirt its gonna smell like sweat
we know its gonna hurt but it doesnt yet
you're shaking are you okay
we'll dry our eyes and take off all the same

how could we have known i said
that you would feel like home this fast
you held my face in your hands you said i knew
i dont understand i dont understand 
i dont

say it together say it with me
i love you im sorry
i love you im sorry

i love you im sorry

will you kiss my white knuckles
as i shake into the bed
this isn't where we started
but it's where ive always lead
by the compulsions
demons screaming in my head
they wanna see me drown
they won't be happy til im dead

will you kiss my pulse racing
on my neck under the skin
til my pupils shrink, my heart stop
can't find where to begin
will you kiss my face blank and slow
im sleeping on the floor
will you help me up unsteady
i dont want help anymore

white knuckles

you talk of spring and kitchy things
we’ll fill our apartment with
in your doorway and i’m late
to work, i step back in

maybe immaturity, maybe
dumb luck or clarity
all i ever want to be
is with you

you sleep but it’s not restful
oh, you dream and it’s so stressful
will you lay gentle next to me

your mind it goes and pulls you down
lays on your chest, knocks you around
but you lay gentle next to me

the sun set earlier today
there was a chill in the wind
and you weren’t there to keep it away
when will our lives begin

spring will come and go and then the
snow will melt the summer above
and we’ll have a summer again
like the first time falling in love

when it gets cold i’ll wear a sweater
we’ll hold hands wrapped up together
now we’re worse, it’ll be better
when it gets cold you’ll wear a sweater
put on our coats and boots together
every day we’re getting better
every day we’re getting better

you talk of spring and sugar snow
the cold that brings red to your nose
you ask me what im looking for 
i know you know i know

(i wanted another verse so i made it up on the spot but its. bad)

gentle

Breakup Song (march)

count my teeth in the bathroom mirror
cuz if i have to live with them i might as well know
how many are there

cuz ive never known my body
and ill never know my body

my real name isn't here but my old name is dead
i've been dragging it around by the leash around its neck
and i'll wave it around if it's what you wanna hear
the truth is it's been dead for years

she asked if i was mad when i slammed the visor til it clicked
she always says it's a joke, she always gets frustrated
when i don't get it. and i don't ever get it
and she doesn't want to explain

and she doesn't know my real name
and she doesn't know my real name
and if you can't tell your friends, who can you tell
if you can't tell your friends, who can you tell

she says she's getting better, she says she's getting so much better
that doesn't understand where I'm coming from
she says she's getting so much better, she's trying so hard to get better
that she doesn't understand where i'm coming from, i'm coming from

and i don't know my real name
i don't know my real name
i don't know my real name
cuz nothing feels right
nothing ever felt right
nothing will feel right

id bum a cigarette but i don't want you to look at me
i don't know what you'd see

Count My Teeth (january?)

i should be sleeping but i'm learning how to play tracy chapman songs
and you should be sleeping but you're kept awake by everything you've ever done wrong
and we talk about apartments, we talk about welcome mats and rugs and making rent
we talk about cottages, we talk about goats and gardens, kitschy teacups quilts and baking bread

your cat's starting to like me but im still a stranger in your home
i sleep on your side of the bed, i can't take their place when they're gone
your empty house, us on you couch, feels like it's been forever in the making\
but i spend my days daydreaming and planning for the day you take off your ring
if they really knew about us this would not be allowed
if they really knew about us they might tell you to break if off, would it break you down?
I carry your heart, I'm feeling the weight now
I carry your heart in my heart but i'm falling down, I'm falling down now

we talk about when, not if
I cry walking out your house
we talk about when, not if
loving you selfishly, silently saying when if not now?
i try not to think about it but it clings to every part of this
i can't touch your hair, you take of my shirt
you wash your hands and rinse our kiss
i can't tell anyone, I can't make us the villains
it's hard enough to justify this kind of hedonism
so we cling tight vice grip through til the night and let go
leaving is always harder than i know

i said i would be watercolor, said i would be temporary
you refused to wash me off or let me be momentary
sitting in the dark outside we cried together solitary
you carry my heart
i said you should do what's right
like i really know what that means
you said you wish you were strong enough
but strength doesn't always mean coming clean
sometimes strength is surviving
you've been doing that without me
how long can we keep this up
feels like every day we're dying

i give you your coat, you say see you so soon
i dont think i believe you
picking a scab i watch you go
always harder than i know

Faster Car

i wrote my best songs in her apartment
and we haven't talked in a month
and i haven't drunk in seven
but im back to thinking maybe just once

just one night where i can cry
like ive been doing for 38 days
and blame it on something other than
i really thought she would stay

i say that ive done all my crying
but we all know that's a lie
cuz there's always something under my skin
that'll breach at the very worst time

what does it say about me
that my best friend would disappear
i didn't say i love you the last time i saw her
i hope this won't haunt me for years

Favorite Ghost Pt 2 (december 2017)

i keep getting nosebleeds at work
ramona's never had one before
i want to let it drip on my shirt
and on the tiled floor
i eat wasabi peas 
when i can't take more
antihistamines
sleep for 12 more hours 
til i can breathe

i blow my nose on a
dusty tissue and
wipe my hand on my bottom sheet
blow my nose into my hand
walking down the street
and watch it as it bleeds

i keep getting nosebleeds at work
i just sit in the bathroom
i want to let it drip on my chest
like i do when i'm drunk

sometimes i wish i could
still sit under picnic
tables playing mice and
owls living all together
with lizzie and hannah
trobaugh sometimes I
wish I still had to 
raise my hand to 
leave the lunchroom
who knew it would be like this
what i would miss

Gross (march)

you got a new haircut and it's cute
i swear i'm not stalking you
you just work at the only place to get food
when i'm on break
and i hope you didn't see me
cuz i've looked like a mess since you left
so i'll take my bougie fruit salad
try to ignore the voices in my head

saying "why did you leave?
what the fuck is wrong with me?
why didn't i notice
you were so unhappy?
could things have ended differently
if you weren't you and 
i wasn't me?
how long will this hurt?
do you have me? do i hate me?"

I saw your mom at work today
i greeted her before i recognized her face
and ran away
i hid in the bathroom, hid in the back
hid in the aisles and asked my coworkers
to tell me when she left

cuz i don't know what she believes
but she probably knows more than me
about why you won't speak to me
and i don't want to see it in her eyes
when she makes small talk with me

and im asking "why did she leave?
what the fuck is wrong with me?
why didn't i notice
she was so unhappy?
could things have ended differently
if you were you and i was me?
how long will this hurt?
do you hate me?"

Haircut (march)

you're the high priest and im just a page
cups or swords, it all turns out the same
you're the heirophant, im the hanged man
all tied up, all according to plan

i can't go on like this
predator and prey
tell me that's life, well
I don't wanna play
move your piece around the board
I wanna see you soon
roll a three or roll a 16
just be home by the next blue moon

you're a queen and i'm just a pawn
you're moving all around, all my friends are gone
you're the queen's bishop, I'm a black square
wherever you go, you can't take me there
yeah in fact you're min/maxed
but i'm not one to talk
you're a fighter, your steps are lighter
i'm a bard that can't walk

chorus

High Priest (April)

LOST (march)

wow this was my super emo account that id forgotten about but this is gonna be where my demos are and my other account- mousepartyband- will be where the Real Finished Stuff lives

youngdeer

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