You have the innocence of a child molester.

Child Molester

Escalator

I made myself a delicious cake for my birthday.

"Sex in a hot tub. Like rubbing my junk on the inside of a balloon."

I become mildly more depressed than usual.

"I can't support abortion. I just can't yo."


A rectal exam. Seriously, it was over in less than 10 seconds

You can eat candy for dinner.
You don't really want to, but you can.

"Mosquitos and Wasps. I wish every last one would just explode and die"

I take Reddit comments and songerize them.