-senior year existential crisis pt. 2
-produced by my sibling and me

~~

lyrics:

why can't you be her?

she's watching me, eyes always open
a souvenir of seventeen
she keeps count of promises broken
and every time i make a scene

screaming,
you have to do better
what happened to the girl that you were
you used to work so much harder
why can't you be her?

you have to come closer
face your fears and fight for a cure
you used to burn so much brighter
why can't you be her?

why can't you be her?

she's getting worse, jealousy feeds her
my words are bland, my rhythm's rough
the more she is, the more that i need her
though i will never be enough

she says,
you have to do better
what happened to the girl that you were
you used to work so much harder
why can't you be her?

you have to come closer
face your fears and fight for a cure
you used to burn so much brighter
why can't you be her?

why can't you be her?

do better (demo)

-an exploration of false hope (a.k.a. i was sad)
-dedicated to John Blaylock
-produced by my sibling and me

~~

lyrics:

on the rooftop in the afternoon
wishing sunday hadn't come so soon
i never check off my to-do list
think of all the plans i missed

sweating and sulking in the afternoon
wishing i'd wake up to it being june
nobody takes me up on my word
i just can't get my voice heard

but when summer comes
i won't spend sundays
soaking in loathing and regret
when summer comes
i'll make those memories
that i will never forget
so just wish the time away now
happiness will come any day now

sitting idle in the afternoon
wishing the sun would give in to the moon
i think some sleeping off's in order
i need me in my own corner

going crazy in the afternoon
i'm wondering why i feel so out-of-tune
no, not one short minute passes by me
without time feeling so untimely

but when summer comes
i won't spend sundays
soaking in loathing and regret
when summer comes
i'll make those memories
that i will never forget
so just wish the time away now
happiness will come any day now

sunday, sunday, sunday
sitting on the rooftop
sunday, sunday, sunday
when will my mind stop?
sunday, sunday, sunday
sitting on the rooftop
sunday, sunday, sunday
when will my mind stop?

sunday (demo)

-the end of summer is rough
-produced by my sibling and me

~~

lyrics:

bright blue mornings, everything is
sun-kissed smiling, you can tell i
fell for summer’s deadly trap
i bit the apple, there’s no going back

sweet and lazy, days are dying
go replace me, i’d be fine with
staying here forever lost
but paradise always has a cost
 
look at me now
sick with summer
i’m beyond all hope or reason

watch me fall
out of rhythm
i can’t risk a change in season

fall is looming, i'm still stuck in
daisies blooming, just my luck
it's funny how times pushes through
without consulting me on what to do

colors fading, guess i'm losing
climate's changing, i'm accusing
august of a deadly crime
if he doesn't do something to stop time

look at me now
sick with summer
i'm beyond all hope or reason

staying still
far from ready
i can't risk a change in season

keep me here with peace and laughter,
there can’t be an after
all my twisted fears unwind when summer’s on my mind
i don’t want to have to change to fit in with the rain
i’m begging you to leave me behind

sun slips away, nothing i can
do or say will ever make a
difference to the bitter cold
cause everything’s out of my control

head is aching, heart is pounding
legs are shaking, faced with how
impossible it is to grow
immobilized with freedom, i can’t go

look at me now
sick with summer
i’m beyond all hope or reason

stuck behind
no more chances
couldn’t risk a change in season

summer's trap (demo)

-inspired by a tv show character
-produced by my sibling and me

on a dime (demo)

-worked on this song from august 2022 to august 2023!
-produced by my sibling and me

august song (demo)

-produced by my sibling and me
-mixed & mastered by my sibling

~~

lyrics:

blissful ignorance
it’s a slap in the face
to see you so different in the same old place

hard decisions cost
more than i could’ve guessed
but i’m happy to watch you leave everyone impressed

giving you space has been good for you
people will say it’s been good for me too
but knowing you’ve been growing creates new fear
are you better off without me here?
being alone has its benefits
and now we’ll find out how lonely it gets
when i see how you’ve been free it becomes so clear
how you’re better off without me here

how you’re better off, better off

and i never change, i never change
rearrange my face but the habits stay
i never change, i never change
fight the old battle and lose the old way
i never change, i never change
i moved across the country to be someone
but i was counting on the fact
that you would be the same til i was done

goals in line, plans made, heart set
will it be me that you forget?

giving you space has been good for you
people will say it’s been good for me too
but knowing you’ve been growing creates new fear
are you better off without me here?
being alone has its benefits
and now we’ll find out how lonely it gets
when i see how you’ve been free it becomes so clear
how you’re better off without me here

now you’re better off, better off
now you're better off, better off

better off / never change (demo)

-produced by my sibling and me
-mixed & mastered by my sibling

~~

lyrics:

little letter
i know better
than to place all of my trust in you

but words are hard
each broken shard
bleeding all my sharpest feelings through

so i’ll send you off with a kiss and a wave
hoping beyond hope that each path that you pave
will forge a way into my lover’s heart
we’re all counting on you, my little work of art

and i stay up all night folding paper cranes
as if their wings could take me
‘cross the land and sea
and i spend the daylight watching passing planes
as if one might just carry
you the thousand miles to me
time crawls on and on and on but my feelings persist 
how could i ever tell you how very much you’re missed?

little letter (little letter)
i know better
than to place all of my trust in you

but words are hard (words are hard)
each broken shard
bleeding all my sharpest feelings through

so i’ll send you off with a kiss and a wave
hoping beyond hope that each path that you pave
will forge a way into my lover’s heart
we’re all counting on you, my little work of art

little letter (demo)

-produced by my sibling and me
-mixed & mastered by my sibling

~~

lyrics:

it’s the sourest of notes
bitterest of tastes
to see the disappointment
play out on your face
think it’s best if you go
better now than later
before the hole in my heart
becomes a crater 

cause it’s just within my mind
all this graying matter
i watch the dream dissolve,
the illusion shatter 
think it’s best if you go
save us both the aching
before you’re under my skin
and there’s no mistaking
 
this foolishness i hold
so close to me
it could be
a sign of love
but i’m afraid
to succumb
to symptoms
when i’ve been numb
don’t want to be another victim

this hopefulness that clings
to everything
it could mean
that i’m in love
but i won’t stare
at the sun
for too long
i won’t be won by daydreams
just to be wrong

it’s a rollercoaster ride
it’s a tug-of-war
cause when it starts to rain,
it really starts to pour
think it’s best if i go
i’ll invent excuses
before we’re caught in the game
and someone loses

there’s so little left to say
when you ask me questions
deflecting to protect,
our connection lessens
think it’s best if i go
i will volunteer
before the day that i blink
and you disappear

this foolishness i hold
so close to me
it could be
a sign of love
but i’m afraid
to succumb
to symptoms
when i’ve been numb
don’t want to be another victim

this hopefulness that clings
to everything
it could mean
that i’m in love
but i won’t stare
at the sun
for too long
i won’t be won by daydreams
just to be wrong

so run away, run away
run away, run away

run away, run away
run away, run away

symptoms (demo)

-produced by my sibling & me
-mixed & mastered by my sibling

~~

lyrics:

every cloud over the mountains is a sign
you read the wind like it’s your birthright
no matter what, you’ll find a line
telling you it’s time to take flight

when the skies get rough,
you choose to glide
when the storm rolls in,
you choose to hide
flying coast to coast,
you choose the sun
every chance you get
you choose to run

what does the world look like from a bird’s eye view,
from a fairweather friend,
have you always seen it like this, and is it pretty?
does it slow your heartbeat down
to go search for yourself in the nestless, restless evergreens
of a brand new city? (tell me how)

every smile at a stranger’s just for fun
you burn your bridges before they’re halfway done
no part of you would survive a fall
so you complain that the world’s too small

when the skies get rough,
you choose to glide
when the storm rolls in,
you choose to hide
flying coast to coast,
you choose the sun
every chance you get
you choose to run

i see you watch my routine
i hear you ask about my dreams
but until something stills the sea
you can’t find your home in me

your pen pal

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