Requiem 

give me a minute, a little requiem
for my stone cold heart 
baby, lately my life’s been a river 
is it you? is it you?

it’s all right if you don’t know 
what i’m talking about 
i’m just so used to being unrequited
my world hasn’t moved since the fall began

baby, play my out-of-tune guitar 
and tell me that you feel the same way
oh, I planted you a garden 
do you see it? do you see it?

‘cause baby on a monday you’re my apple tree
but baby by a friday you have poisoned me
i’m scared that i lost something i might have never had
do i have it? do i have it?


This song means a lot to me because it was one of the first songs I ever wrote, and this version uses a sample of me playing my ukulele from all the way back then. I like to think that publishing it now means my 14yo-self finally gets the requiem she was asking for, and now she can rest.

Requiemfd.wav

I Am Wiser Now

i used to think
there was something i was born to do
born to lose

i used to hide
now i wear my secrets tattooed on my face
so people see them when i walk by

stay in a box 
just to keep me from being used
i am so much wiser now

ive come to find
i'm only happy when i'm kicked while i am down 
i am so much wiser now

(i am so much wiser now....) 


note from 12.8.21: 

i wrote this on the fly which is not usually the approach i take to writing songs (which is kind of my problem bc then i overthink it). i just really felt like singing and making something and finishing it. but my personal philosophy is that the relationship between art and meaning is not structured.  so by the time i was done w it, it did end up having a meaning. i think it ended up being about creative block and frustration at not being able to articulate myself. i started just by singing totally random shit and kind of just making noises, and then cut up the parts that actually sounded decent, which ended up sort of reflecting communication problems. i realized that "i am so much wiser now" is sort of vague on purpose and could refer to a lot of things and be interpreted a lot of ways. is it sarcastic? am i implying the rest of the lyrics exist in the past tense and i'm reflecting on growth? or is it present tense, and i think the thought processes in the lyrics are wise? and then when i sing "im only happy when im kicked while i am down" it's louder and more loose than any other part of the song bc it's the only thing i/the narrator am certain of. and then the song ends by everything sort of fucking up bc at the end of the day it's just useless self reflection which im constantly stuck in a feedback loop of. so none of it even matters.

i am wiser now. 4.wav

give it up to god in you 

who are you / in the grass / blazing serpentine / show me you / sans charisma 

who sent you / i think you are / a hired gun 
sent to drag me back / to a much smaller /
way of living

love to me is / an early frost 
but you're just having fun / aren't you 
i picture you just laughing to yourself 

i think you see right through me /
i think you do it all on purpose /
i think you figured out that /
i am weak to your agenda 

credit where credits due / i've got to give it up / 
to these dark-haired men / that get me every time 
god damn, once again / i hang it up for them

i cant sleep /  or read or / write or 
think or do / the things / i'm supposed to
forgive me / andrea / dworkin 
oh how i've let you down 

i give it up / to god in you
in your touch / in the cloister of you

i give it up / to god in you
as solemn as the grave 
there's not a prayer in my clairvoyance
i give it up to god 

you shake the room 
with your / utterances / each one 
i've licked clean / to the bone 

and i take / the long way home and 
i put on neo-soul / and think of you 
i've already lost

give it up to god in you

medieval jazz


posting tracks I consider finished as I work on my first ~album~

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