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In Wav's

Austin Hood - Nevuh

Austin Hood - Come Through

Austin Hood - Coupon Accept

atelier meruru

sometimes a shell becomes a cage, tortoise with a barking head, the shell which once protected turns to bars staving back the free biting spirit, wings tied down, muzzle on the mouth 


MY UNUSUAL SELF


so much for suzaku, so much for four, can hardly manage one
no legend, no falling of the dice in the favor I'd prefer
unlucky may i be
maybe im the misfortune
accept no help but wish always for it 
want more but look for naught but less
no method
i expect yet i do not do, or do i ever wish at all?
something i want, i do wish i already was so that perhaps i could do what i do better
im stagnant for the steps i take are in circular motion
vulture, and i am the carcass
i spill my guts across the sky as if rain falls at all in this barren desert brain
i am my ally and my enemy 
i am those who hate me and i am those who love me
these days those who love me are not stuck in the mind 
at least not the me that loves me
i do not use every tool i can
i actively avoid certain tools at times
all in favor of doing it my way
but will my way work out?
i say i do this to excuse my mind, to clear the fear ive left within
but fear grows and gets left behind
theres rot in my heart and smog upwards of the spine 
i have time
i have time
but i feel as if i have none
as if i dont have enough
is this purgatory?
a prison
a race track
everything is everything and nothing 
perhaps i only feel everything amounts to nothing
i fear my perception is distorted
does everyone see it? does it truly exist? 
i used to think i knew how to persist
but since ive seen my ability perish
off and on, to ash and dust sometimes it seems i dont know what i must 
i ask advice and give my own, yet i seem to forget or listen to none
helpless i hate feeling, yet too i feel solely responsible, like only i know how or only i can do
and its rancid
i hate the thoughts which fly my way
that is not me which resides inside
i will excise.it
these parts that rot
i cant fail now
after all this
i cant fail even in general
lifes a bitch
and i wont let myself be bitched
IM the one who should be bitching life
but no, im the collared dog
so to speak
in a way i am the bitch
i shouldnt be suprised
in fact perhaps i should get used to it
i should know
i feel i do know
this is how its gonna be
nothing can be done 
but in my current state i find it rather dim and so too are my eyes
grim is it
will i get used to it?
will i become what i wish to?
i almost wish i could see inside dates from another time
I want closure for that which has yet to happen
but i guess I'll just have to see it all myself 

stubborn, 

in pursuit of light

I made this song to myself to feel stronger and not to lose sight of my purpose. I'll be working on more music soon as well as uploading my older music I've made in the past.

Art is done by me

trash demon

zoc

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