Mess

Sorry

I've been slacking with writing and recording, so here's a beat I came across on YouTube that I just had to do something over.

When I Die

Beat and hook produced by
https://soundcloud.com/tunna-beatz

I Believe In You

Original beat courtesy of Feelo.
https://soundcloud.com/feelomusic/if-i-fall-untagged/s-GWMoo
After a lot of soul searching lately, and dedicated hard work, I've finally come to terms with things I've failed to let go of for years. This track is all of the progress I've made not only musically, but personally. Struggle never needs to be done alone, we can always make something better out of the bullshit we go through because that is life.
Lyrics:
I’ve had trouble opening up like a can without an opener, all bark with no bite looking like a komondor, life has been an open door but I’ve been stuck looking for a reason to walk through and explore what it has to offer, used to smoke blunts even if they weren’t rolled proper, my only release was through popping multiple percacet as if I didn’t feel worthless yet, a list of regrets to add to the piss in my bed, it’s been a struggle since I turned 13 in my head to see what I made of me and the disease it flees and comes back at least once a week, but I’m no longer weak and my future isn’t bleak, because I can see now what the drugs decided to do to me they crippled me and left me to be just another piece of what I used to be, a child calling out looking for help, my so called childhood friends that put me through hell, yeah you know who you are and why I carry these scars so far when I was tasting the tar, oh how it would’ve been tragic if it ended that day when I ran right into traffic, Shayne Tyler Danny and Joe I hope you hear this shit some day, because my drug abuse could’ve been avoided if you wanted me to stay, but I accepted the abuse and I strayed away, after seeing what it did to my family and friends there was nothing more that I wanted than a means to bring an end to the pretend and keep my mind bent, tried to overdose shortly after I turned sixteen, took so much speed that you wouldn’t believe, I was up for three days straight without a clue in the world, that somewhere out there I could find a girl, no not just a girl but an angel incarnate, the type of innocence that even the slightest touch could harm it, my life I’ve paused it and caused it grief beyond just me, but it’s through and I’m done with being just a worthless son dragging his feet in the sand and blaming all of his problems on another man, I’m going to be a father one day and I’ll protect my young, never will they know how it feels to want to empty the barrel of a gun into their own cranium, insane I am, but I’ll always be reasonable, painkillers in front of me you would be teasing a bull, but if struggle were ever easy now that would be some bull, but I’m full of confidence and believe this time is it. I’ve finally kicked the habit man I’m through with the shit. I never cut or left scars on the outside, because underneath the skin covering bones is where mine hide, I’ve had to watch as 3 members of my family attempted suicide, a father that never cried, and contemplating reasons why I was even here and still alive, tempted by the blade at the end of a knife, nosebleeds were the least of my worries in my teens whether it be from bullies or amphetamines, I lost myself and struggled to bounce back, and every day is still a struggle, but it gets easier with time, and the reason why this time is I’ve finally been convinced I have a reason to fucking be alive so no longer will I hide what has made me who I am today, because when it’s all said and done I’ve been a fighter since day one and will remain the same way, so thank you to anybody and everybody who hasn’t lost hope in me, and to that future I’m going to see one day, hopefully. And that’s just me. Pin. Z.

If I Fall

Beat courtesy of: https://soundcloud.com/feelomusic/preacher-1

Lyrics:
Karma and winter, both be coming soon whore, feel the cold chill as I throw you through the moon door, stay the fuck away from me if you aren’t bringing energy, positivity fuels me when all I’ve seen is treachery, but I’m just vibing soaking in the good times, two faced friends call em Arya while they spew lies. Choking on your words huh? What’s the matter Baelish? I’m just tryin to chill and mow down on this danish. Why you gotta be such an ass? What are you an anus? People think I lack the balls just to say this, can’t be a dick my personality is Theon, but this sex could be on fire, yeah Kings of Leon, we all just need somebody to lean on, just like R Kelly needs someone to pee on, just like cannibals need somebody to feed on, I’m reaching for the top while you’re holding down the seesaw

I’m just kicking it, watching as the world goes to shit. Racism and war? Don’t want a part of it. 
Faith resides here, and I plan on keeping it. I’m not listening if hate is what you’re preaching kid.

Anime junkie, school flunkie, always rootin for the green monkeys, peanut butter creamy never chunky, heart pitter patters when a cutie wanna hug me, but they never wanna love me, oh woe is me it’s lovely and funny that I’m out here getting money and funky, flailing like a maniac they mistake me for Gumby, they wanna silence me oh you bet they try to hush me, ticket times are in the red and now they wanna rush me? If your attitude is sour patch then turn around and walk away, I’m in my zone and hustling, thankful I’m alive today, so if you wanna kill my vibe it isn’t going anywhere, peace love and happiness for everybody everywhere, silly antics in abundance get ready y’all, soaring over competition like this shit is Slamball, oh yea fuck Trump and his ideas about a damn wall!

I’m just kicking it, watching as the world goes to shit. Racism and war? Don’t want a part of it. 
Faith resides here, and I plan on keeping it. I’m not listening if hate is what you’re preaching kid.

Not Listening

Beat produced by https://soundcloud.com/ihaksi.

Lyrics:
Hey you girl over there whatcha doin? I see you movin and groovin, but I really need to know what the weather is, the chances of whether or not you’re leaving this club with me, the MVP of the VIP, so RIP in your bed if you wanna leave before three, you with me is what I’ve been trying to see, and I’ve been dying for a chance to get you next to me, oh and the check’s on me so you eat and drink for free,I can see you feeling something when you’re close to me, honey strut slow when you’re approaching me, cause the beauty in your radiance causes weakness in my knees, caught aroma of your perfume got me falling like some trees, playing hard to get I can see you’re difficult to please, so if you don’t plan on ghosting me you could have it all, treat you like my posters and pin you up against the wall

Life’s a party where we struggle to survive, waiting for our chance at glory to arrive
Hand in hand with you by my side, life could be grand here in paradise

Temperature rising, but nobody touched the thermostat, if you don’t need your jacket then may I suggest you hand me that? like Travolta and Thurman in 94 yo I could give you that, except we’d live longer, ha time who’s still counting that? These butt cheek bandana wearing foolish asshats aren’t what I trust your starry eyes should be looking at, it should be me, the main event being presented right here in HD, I’m a weirdo, but aren’t we all baby? So if I’ve caught your attention here’s what on my mind, what’s it gonna take for me to call you mine? None of us here are gonna make it out alive, so why not chance it all and maybe have a good time? 

Life’s a party where we struggle to survive, waiting for our chance at glory to arrive
Hand in hand with you by my side, life could be grand here in paradise

None of us here are gonna make it out alive, so why not chance it all and maybe have a good time? x2

Life’s a party where we struggle to survive, waiting for our chance at glory to arrive
Hand in hand with you by my side, life could be grand here in paradise

Have It All

Demo of a full track off of my upcoming full length. Beat prod. by https://soundcloud.com/ihaksi


Lyrics:
What is it that you think that you know about me? Do you know about the bouncing from house to house of my friends because I caught myself trying to escape my own family? Fuck no you don’t know shit so shut your mouth until you know about the years of doubt and enough tears to settle a drought while staring at somebody’s ceiling trying to catch some z’s on their couch, what the fuck you know about that? Stealing and slinging drugs that you never wanted to get caught up in, taking so many that concrete feels like cotton, stop him? Oh man we lost him, but they say they’re seeing potential when I start yelling into mics, when I’m belting out notes late into the night, Jesus take the wheel cause I’m swerving to the right, too many cavities to sugarcoat it so I’m done being polite

I’m not letting chances exit like that sign above a door
Too many nights of struggling and sleeping on the floor
I don’t wanna hear a sound, don’t wanna hear a word
If you’re thinking otherwise I’m givin you the bird

Pick up where I left off, give me pillows for Christmas every year just to prove that I’m slept on, I’ve kept on practicing late into the evening instead of grieving for the things I have no control over, I let amphetamines and painkillers slowly take me over, but I’ve got my war paint on, ready for battle at a moment’s notice, hocus pocus, most obnoxious, he’s the dopest, a rose a lotus, just petals floatin, among a swarm of locusts, I’m losing focus, losing this battle though is just a bunch of bogus

I’m not letting chances exit like that sign above a door
Too many nights of struggling and sleeping on the floor
I don’t wanna hear a sound, don’t wanna hear a word
If you’re thinking otherwise I’m givin you the bird

This is the start of a new legacy, the start of something great. And quite frankly you're either with me or you're  against me so, if you ain't with it get the fuck outta here.

I’m not letting chances exit like that sign above a door
Too many nights of struggling and sleeping on the floor
I don’t wanna hear a sound, don’t wanna hear a word
If you’re thinking otherwise I’m givin you the bird

Danger (demo)

Beat produced by www.soundcloud.com/ihaksi

The most personal song I've recorded to date, and title track of my upcoming full length. I'm not going to hold anything back anymore. Sorry mom.

Lyrics:
I apologize in advance cause I’m bound to go ahead and fuck something up, and I can go on ahead and understand if you don’t wanna pick up, when the phone rings you see my name and ignore it, it’s straight though you’re see through I’ve put the pieces back together so we good now, got my mom still blowin up my cell, what the hell, the voicemails are piling up my trash bin been overflowin, wants to see how I’m doin and where I’m goin, but she’ll forget about the answers I give her in the mornin, and it’s tearing me apart Lisa what am I gonna do? When I’m falling apart at the seams again and don’t know what to do? Do I kneel down and pray and question all of my morals? Or hold on to that thought of afterlife until we cease to be mortals?

I’ve been searching so hard
I’ve been holding on for dear life
We’re looking for temporary fixes
Instead of something beautiful

My kids at this rate aren’t gonna know who their grandmother is either, and it’s this terrible tug of war that got me numbing the pain with reefer, haven’t found the Golden Snitch I’m not that great a seeker, you got your concoction of medication like you mixed it in a beaker, I saw the light escape your eyes back in 2012, they said the world would end and I’m pretty sure it did, and you aren’t even gonna know that your other son is in the midst of preparing to have a kid, you tried to keep this family together and I respect your devotion, but did you really tell my brother you wish you had him aborted? I can’t take it, it’s hard to fake it, when you do it so you can make it, the least stressful part of your day, when it still affects your mental even if you go out of your way, to avoid the brutal truths that you can’t dare to say

I’ve been searching so hard
I’ve been holding on for dear life
We’re looking for temporary fixes
Instead of something beautiful

I wish that things were different, that I could change them, but I’m still looking for that magic lamp so I can resurrect our dreams. You’ve believed in me, but I gotta let go, string to a balloon slipping out of my hand, watching the hourglass turn and the falling of the sand, makes me wonder if I have what it takes to be a man, damn…

I’ve been searching so hard
I’ve been holding on for dear life
We’re looking for temporary fixes
Instead of something beautiful

Something Beautiful (demo)

Born December 28th, 1992. Raised in Worcester Massachusetts. Dealt with depression, anxiety, and drug abuse for a majority of my life. Through my music I wish to allow others like myself to know that there are other routes, other options. Safer options. Inspire not only our youth, but anybody willing to give me a chance that we are all in this vicious cycle of ups and downs that life offers together. Equality has been a dying dream since the creation of mankind, however it doesn't need to fully die. We, as a human race, can prove that ignorance and hate are a mere thought of the past, and welcome each other with peace and acceptance. My dream may be absurd and not acceptable by many, but I refuse to not at least try to make a difference with this chance I've been given.

Z-Pin