Spin-off Doctors the right way round

Join your old friends Jim Sterling and Conrad Zimmerman as they get elbow-deep in licensed videogame material. Movies, TV shows, comics (but mostly movies), the doctors are here to examine. 

This week, we start with 2002's Resident Evil, directed by Paul W.S. Anderson and starring Milla Jovovich. 

She kicked a zombie unconscious. 

The Spin-off Doctors: Resident Evil

"You created it all so you could live forever. Why?"

Your doctors are in the house to dissect House of the Dead, Uwe Boll's classic cinematic dog turd. 

Spaniards from Spain, gun continuity, Sega's island raves, and tits within minutes are all on the menu. Alongside some of the crappest zombies ever. 

The Spin-off Doctors: House of the Dead

Your doctors cut open the carcass of DOOM, discussing the total lack of demons, The Rock's sudden heel turn, and anachronistic videogame products. 

Oh, and don't worry... we spend quite some time talking about THAT little first-person segment. You know the one. 

The Spin-off Doctors: DOOM

Raul Julia's amazing performance, Vega's fabulous features, the war crimes of Van Damme, and also Kylie Minogue for some reason. 

These things and more combine, with some help from DNA MUTAGEN, to make an incredible comedy movie that's just like Rush Hour. 

Street Fighter: The Movie is a prequel narrative based entirely around clothes. It's brilliant. 

The Spin-off Doctors: Street Fighter - The Movie

In what may be their finest outing yet, your Spin-off Doctors skewer Mr. Olyphant's performance as Agent 47 in the ridiculous 2007 Hitman movie. 

Why doesn't the world's best killer have an alias? How has an Interpol agent pieced together the work of a ghost? Exactly what happened to any of the forgotten characters? 

Hitman 2007 isn't just a bad movie, it's infuriating. 

The Spin-off Doctors: Hitman (2007)

What does Pokemon: The First Movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back have to say about Adolf Hitler? This is a question your resident Movie Boys have the answer to! 

Pokemon tears can heal the dead, Minnesota is the link between realities, and Team Rocket just can't deliver the goods. 

This movie is out of its damn mind. 

The Spin-off Doctors: Pokemon: The First Movie: Mewtwo Strikes Back

It might be the best videogame movie ever made. It might also have a lot of unfortunate implications. It's Mortal Kombat! 

Why must we mourn Art? Where did Christopher Lambert get his wig? Should Goro have gone out like that? This is a movie with a lot of questions. 

Let's enjoy! 

The Spin-off Doctors: Mortal Kombat

A movie in which Billy Zane outclasses Ben Kingsley and Meatloaf steals the show. Uwe Boll's tits n' guts travesty is... quite surreal. 

Let us enjoy this totally unhinged mess of vampiric nonsense, shall we? It's time for BloodRayne to ruin our day. 

The Spin-off Doctors: BloodRayne

SIR!? SIR, I DO BELIEVE I AM ABOUT TO WRECK THIS!

Is Wreck-It Ralph a thinly cloaked champion of the status quo, designed to consolidate the power of the 1% and disenfranchise the rest of us?

According to the Movie Boys, yes, Yes it is, 

We ruined Wreck-It Ralph. Sorry. 

The Spin-off Doctors: Wreck-It Ralph

What happens when a videogame turns into The Warriors for children? Robert Patrick gets amazing hair is what!

Double Dragon is one of the more curious videogame movies out there, and it's oddly worth watching. 

Let's see what the Movie Boys have to say about it! 

The Spin-off Doctors: Double Dragon

Aaron Paul ditches meth for misogyny in this ill-advised theatrical adaptation of Need for Speed. 

It's basically just a car film but with very few races, too many characters, and some of the stupidest character motivations in cinema. 

Also this may be our most meandering episode. The drugs like me. 


The Spin-off Doctors: Need For Speed

Alice is definitely better than Jill Valentine. Resident Evil Apocalypse NEEDS you to know that.

Let's see what else this wonderful mess has for us.

The Spin-off Doctors: Resident Evil Apocalypse

It's time to enjoy the adventures of the Definitely Persian Prince of Persia. 

Oh, and Ben Kingsley's back, putting in another full-effort performance. 

The Spin-off Doctors: Prince of Persia

Your Movie Boys take their first trip to the Town That Takes, discussing the sexiness of Pyramid Head, the stupidity of our protagonist, and the problems with casting an uncreepy child as a creepy child. 



The Spin-off Doctors: Silent Hill

Complete nonsense. Absolutely, thorough, infuriating nonsense. That's the best way to describe Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. 

It's a shorter running time this week because the film has about ten minutes of plot running through 90 minutes of gibberish. 

Despite that, this is actually one of our most entertaining episodes. A triumph, considering what we were working with. 

The Spin-off Doctors: Final Fantasy - The Spirits Within

Join Jaime Pressly, Holly Valance, and Kevin Nash on DOA Island for one of the most surprising movies we've ever reviewed. 

DOA: Dead or Alive is surprisingly not terrible. In fact, it's actually rather funny. 

The Spin-off Doctors: Dead Or Alive

Dead Rising Watchtower is a strangely faithful film that attempts quite valiantly to be canon. Sort of. 

Rob Riggle steals the show and we learn all about the Internet Movie Firearm Database. 

What a time! 

The Spin-Off Doctors: Dead Rising Watchtower

Lara Croft is a littering, rude, privileged thug. That much we can ascertain from Angelina Jolie's licensed vehicle, Tomb Raider. 

Join your favorite movie boys for a rundown of this ol' movie - one of the better produced, but ultimately less fulfilling films we've gotten to look at. 

The Spin-offDoctors: Tomb Raider

The Last Starfighter comes to us from a simpler time, before Tori Amos took our innocence. 

Let's enjoy this 80s masterpiece, and lament the fate of an arcade playing cosmic doormat.

The Spin-off Doctors: The Last Starfighter

Dr. Isaacs and his mother lived alone in a small house on a hill...

Your favorite Movie Boys are back to look at the third film in the Resident Evil movie franchise... and it's not great. 

Idiot crows, a girl called K-Mart, and the Worst Wesker are all to be found in this wannabe Mad Max.

Spin-off Doctors the right way round

Zer1000