artificial

Restless

angel.data - Asyouwatchmefromafar

my pain

Fuckin' Owl

Greatness comes with a heavy cost...
Again and again, I am paying the price to have a glimpse.
Sometimes I hate myself, sometimes I wave my pride.
Most of the time, I can't see the "great" thing, at anything.
I sank, let all go. I disintegrate, fail altogether.
I thrive, have burnout, and am seen as a disaster.
It's sad to see that it's all in my mind, and nobody actually cares.
But everyone judges the reason why I should be praised.

It is said that in the end, I didn't change; I can't change.
As I realize how pointless all the change is, just to become someone else,
I just lose the passion, I just can't answer who I am.
But it is not about that someone either, I wanted it for myself.
Hurt myself just to escape from pain. That's the irony.

Whatever I do, whoever I become,
Inside of me always craves for that greatness,
To achieve such goals, he needs to suffer.
Killing that just makes me miserable.
To not reach my dreams, not be the one I want to be.
Because of that, I am tired of harming myself.
I am tired of fixing myself.
I am tired of everything.
---

Essentially a remake of my previous piece, The Lost.
The Lost was about, the lost. It overflows with sadness and acceptance.
However, this is not about the temporary moments and individuals. This is about the curse of ambition. Trying to be the number one, searching the greatness, making ultimate sacrifices, hurting people and myself.
I was always a perfectionist. Sometimes, I try to take a pacifist approach, living life for moments, friends, fun and so on. However, I become a shell of myself. If I give up all my ambition, I just turn into a husk of a distant memory...

I am searching for a way to achieve perfection without damaging any more people, or myself.

artificial

0thendrix