produced by sai

//Lyrics

{harmonic moaning}

I wont die young
you coulda told me
but now i look dumb
please
hold me back im stunned
i keep my goals in tact cus i know I can do it all jus for fun
I saw your fists so i pulled up with a gun
this not my time yet im not done
i keep walkin around like I won
and i wont care anymore in a month
I rlly like her
you wouldnt know that
I could be nicer
you couldnt hold back
ur not a fighter
I wasnt told that
your just a liar
whos that bitch that started this fire
wait just leave me alone im tired
ooooohhhh
im always under fire
please just leave me alone im tired once again

{harmonic moaning}

im honest with you oh
so where did i go wrong
can you point it out for me
you open your lips all i see is insecurities oh
i
hate it
im nauseous
and im anxious
sh*t ill be honest
oooohhh
tell me your coming inside
tell me ur gonna abide
tell me that its a disguise
tell me bout the look in ur eyes

dun du dun dun dun du dun dun du du du dun dunnnn x2

I wont die young
you coulda told me
but now i look dumb
please
hold me back im stunned
i keep my goals in tact cus i know I can do it all jus for fun
I saw your fists so i pulled up with a gun
this not my time yet im not done
i keep walkin around like I won
and i wont care anymore in a month
I rlly like her
you wouldnt know that
I could be nicer
you couldnt hold back
ur not a fighter
I wasnt told that
your just a liar
whos that bitch that started this fire
wait just leave me alone im tired
ooooohhhh
im always under fire
please just leave me alone im tired once again

mix by nylan

tired

tired [p. sai]

circa december 2022

oh ill do it my way
just a whisper planting thoughts in my brain
i can't understand why you look sideways
i don't understand why you like dying
move this way ill hold you
you're so pissed off
i told you
i would run if you needed my help
im tired of feeling like im on the shelf
ill splatter my brain and leave it on the walls
im tired of liking you it wont resolve
open that door you know i can't do that
i'm jus a fool with intentions to move back

sideways

ambivalent

this song is all midi guitar

that's one way to make me feel alone
i won't change until i've found my hope
give me a break (break!)
search for my answers, still at the first stage
i won't break unless they make me change

where does pain come from?
is it you or all the deep cuts
you'll forget me soon, so what
is it me or did you move on 
just to leave me in the dust
i've dug myself into this hole
it's in my head out of control
afraid of death but you killed my soul

one day, i'll stop caring about them
if i knew how to stop i would
my mom asked me "look what you've become"
but she's misunderstood
i'm passing by without a goal
no reason to keep my control
this fucking mental takes its toll

where does pain come from?
is it you or all the deep cuts
you'll forget me soon, so what
is it me or did you move on 
just to leave me in the dust
i've dug myself into this hole
it's in my head out of control
afraid of death but you killed my soul

deep cuts

produced by eeryskies
additional production by me
mixed, written, performed by me

yeah, all the bad thoughts tend to loop back
i won't stay here longer if it don't matter
i prefer a walk then to call a cab
who knew leaving home would be this sad?
suppose i had it coming, now i just laugh
yeah, it's all fine if you don't think of it
if you do then you'll drown like an idiot kid
don't make me feel dumb again
give it one more try to make things right
tell me one more lie to cover your ass alright
i'd rather just bat an eye

how'd you like your coffee done? i'd do it right for you
lacklustre attempt at the best
i pour the creamer in and suddenly had knots in my chest
told you with honesty and honestly, i'd rather be dead
i told my mom i'm fine, i gave my aunt a hug
i'll spend my night inside while everyone has fun
i'll flip my insides out
i'll make you proud of me
but everytime that i'm down
it seems like you want to leave

what do you want from me?
i'm pleading down on my knees
what do you want from me?
it's getting harder to breathe
what do you want from me?
we'd make it past it i thought
i'll put my heart in a lock
and i'll just plead to god you'll be here

a couple lines across my arms
suppose that time is just a concept and we all return to god
i'd like to say i'm so mature, i did my chores, i handled love, i broke my bones, might take my life it was traumatic, i tried it twice my mind is rapid
i thought i had it all
now i have no one to call my own

i'll flip my insides out
i'll make you proud of me
but everytime that i'm down
it seems like you want to leave

what do you want from me? / take me back, i love you
i'm pleading down on my knees / take me back, i'll give the space that you need
what do you want from me?
it's getting harder to breathe /  take me back, take me back, i love you
what do you want from me? /  take me back, i love you
we'd make it past it i thought /  take me back, i'll give the space that you need my darling
i'll put my heart in a lock
and i'll just plead to god you'll be here / take me back, take me back, i miss you

coffee

prod me

like damn i hate myself
wish i was someone else 
the packy start to smell
i just need time to heal
but goddamn i love myself
i cant be no one else
i just need time to heal
i just need time to heal

i dont know whats real
i dont know what to feel
yea i just signed a deal
im off too many pills
too late sealed the deal
still dont know how to 
im still alive over here
man fuck yo life its what you hear
boy my vision crystal clear, i got diamonds on my ear
its the same thing every year
i just want to feel okay in my alone time
i disregard my self respect when im alone high

damn i hate myself wish i was some1 else
keep on saying to myself, am i lying to myself?
whos to say that someone else aint exactly like myself

chorus

boy my vision crystal clear, i got diamonds on my ear
its the same thing every year, i hate looking in the mirror
im avoiding all my peers, diamonds on my face they pierced
only gratitude is here, guess what i'm running from is fear
they told me the case is clear, and then i waste another year
all my fans are so sincere, blows my mind that yall are here <3
hard for me to be sincere, i might live another year
still all i've wanted is right here, so i don't need no more life

healing (1sloan)

wtf (prod greyrock)

gone fishing

all songs written, mixed, mastered, & performed by me
produced by micheal harrison
additional production by me, nerc

There's no need to cry
There's no need to worry
I'm right here my love
Tell me you can hear me
When I call your name out
There's something that fears me

There's something that fears you
What are you afraid of?
So what if I get near you?
So what if I know your in and outs?
So what if I know you deep down?
So what if I know your true self?      
Bae I'm never here to hurt you

My pretty girl

I wrote your name on the paper until I fell asleep
I pray to god that you're healing and find some inner peace
I tried to end it couldn't tell you what's got into me
Reach both my hands out and saw something that I'd never seen
We were so damn young
So damn young
So damn-
And it's not your fault
It's not your fault

My pretty girl
You’re such an angel my love
I miss you I miss you so so damn much
I miss you oh I-

coffee

spoder

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