will never finish

i did everything you wanted
i failed
chilling with your ghost leave me haunted
i could give a fuck about an option
i don't like my thoughts they leave me nauseous
it's not fair
at all
i'll be out of your hair
so long
cause this is everything you wanted dear
yea there's nothing left you have to fear

i'm so in love
but i'm afraid i'll fuck it all up
you've had enough
yet i'm afraid that i won't be so tough
i'm hoping, love
that i can move up this boulder
just needed some closure
oh i'm hoping, love
that we could slough it all off
i watch as you shrug
what have i done

haunted

cover of i love you 3000 by stephanie poetri

the lyrics is not based on real events its just the song
after careful consideration i have realized i don't like this anymore.

3000

i don't feel bad for the way that i act
why would i?
can't help but feel stupid
my dumb lies
pick up then move it
i can't feel it but i'm right here
did it all for a dumb ear
lost all my options i tried but i can't hear
been like so long give a hand dear

how long you gonna keep it up?
i fucking hate you
depise you
he could do anything you want better than i do
a fucking nuisance
i don't know if i could do this

i'll make you leave town
ain't nobody around
i'll make sure you're proud
it's all i think about

dumb ear

circa december 2022

oh ill do it my way
just a whisper planting thoughts in my brain
i can't understand why you look sideways
i don't understand why you like dying
move this way ill hold you
you're so pissed off
i told you
i would run if you needed my help
im tired of feeling like im on the shelf
ill splatter my brain and leave it on the walls
im tired of liking you it wont resolve
open that door you know i can't do that
i'm jus a fool with intentions to move back

sideways

i don't wanna hurt you
oh do you
do you think i've hurt you
or should i lie on the ground like i'm supposed to
no i never wanna hurt you
take a breath white lies fill up your lungs
i'd rather give it up this time
you lied
throw it like a dud
i don't remember much
you said a couple words
my face thrown in the dirt
i thought it wouldn't hurt

dirt

cover of peace and love on the planet earth from steven universe

guitar bad because i recorded it

recorded literally a year ago

peace and love

i forgot who prod

overdose on medicine
could you teach me how to feel
i dunno what's real
could you teach me how to feel right
i'mma give it one try
eat well, sleep fine
you don't gotta die yet
newspaper on my desk
i don't have a mind left
black suit n a white dress
i can't get that time back
can't even look a person in the eyes man
i promise i'm sorry cos it was my bad

medicine

Made July 12, 2023
Love you Kyle this song is beautiful

Original description:


cover of cursed by aftrr
https://soundcloud.com/xdkj/cursed

lyrics -
i guess i fucked up again, some shit i can’t undo
why are we toxic as friends? thought i was best for you
we talk, it’s me you can’t stand, i guess it’s overdue
got my face in the dirt this my end, coffin got space for two

feels like i’m cursed
i’m cursed
i’m cursed
like i’m cursed
don’t wanna hurt
won’t hurt
wanna hurt
anymore

repeat

spent a whole month inside this room
i right my wrongs and pay my dues
i told my pop i’ll do him good
guess that’s a lie, i tripped on you
i watch the birds sing
you promised me the world and now i’m losing
it all

it’s so confusing
why’d you go and leave like that you’re ruthless
go kick me when i’m down like i’m fucking stupid
i hate it when you’re around i can not do it

cursed cover

produced by roku
with @heyzeph
cover courtesy of starcat28
this song well over a year old

lyrics - 
[spoder]
this weight all on my shoulders
don't bat your eye
just a second of your time
"don't break these habits"
i know
you've strucken
some gold
like how would i know?
like how would i
grow
dont walk around like you're the star of the show
you've fallen
deep
hoping nobody knows

[zephyr]
And you
Got way too many bad habits
Can’t take this stress, girl this damage
Got me drinking till I pass out
If only you knew the slut that you are
My bad I ain’t mean it I took it too far
But damn all this fussin’ really got me in the fuckin mood

I’m like woah, baby where u tryna go
I could put you on a jet or I could put you on a boat
We got way too much in common to be sitting all alone
Got a man I got a girl but baby they don’t gotta know
You know damn well it’s something bout ya body that’s got me fantasizing about bein wit you

[spoder]
stop if you see the green light better go now
shoot if you shoot it too high itll fall down
life tell me whats life like when you're strung out
knife tell me whats that like when you bleed out
had a couple frens but they lost it
drama queen always love to gossip
watch it fall empty all my pockets
face down bby done w all the harming

chorus

spoder - bruise

angel cover

not a fan of confrontation
you're so overrated
spent the couple dollars that i had on medication
ma told me i'd be fine as long i stuck to all the pages
oh i'll find my way
alone
i'll run through like every province to find somewhere like home
not a dollar in my pocket and my shoes too small for feet
had my brothers all worried, told them i'd be fine next week
not a fan of confrontation
you're so overrated
spent the couple dollars that i had on medication
ma told me i'd be fine as long i stuck to all the pages
last june i had a dream and i don't think i've been the same since
p me

pages

you haven't felt this way so baby oh what's the big deal
dijon inspo

rest on a cold stone
two stories down from my old room
this sad little window

i didn't mean to scare you
i'll hold you i don't mean to scold you
didn't mean to scare you
i can't even find the words
"you make me life so much worse" i know
tell me, what're you ashamed of?
better speak up

you cannot heal
you haven't felt this way
so baby oh what's the big deal
i stare at your blank expression
said i've had a hell of a day
i've had a hell of a day
i've had a hell of a day

yearning for something complacent i had it all wrong
the summer sun changes to autumn thats where i belong
i didn't mean to scare you
i didn't mean to scare you
tell me, what're you ashamed of
better speak up

you cannot heal
you haven't felt this way
so baby oh what's the big deal
i stare at your blank expression
said i've had a hell of a day
i've had a hell of a day
i've had a hell of a day

hell of a day

i've lost it
no passion i'm exhausted
no rest i swear i'm worse than you
it's bad in the fall, get farther from god
mother i've grown so distant
condolence for the way i'm living
spoke too many lies
i'll pack all my bags and i'll move out tonight
but i gave it a try
spoke too many lies
i'll pack all my bags and i'll move out tonight
the strongest of hues are impaling your eyes
although i'm not perfect i gave it a try
i gave it a try
gave it a
i've lost it
no passion i'm exhausted
no rest i swear i'm worse than you
it's bad in the fall, get farther from god
mother i've grown so distant
mother i've grown so distant
mother i've grown so distant
it's bad in the fall, get farther from god

distance

white ferrari

could u tell me really whatchu want
ill be waiting after dawn
by december ill be out and gone
dont hold me to promise
my legs sore
can't do it no more

i told a lie
straight to your face
stay away
i knew you
you knew me
the thought had consumed me
i knew you
you knew me
the thought had
i'm tired
you liar
keep my brain all wired
i'm tired
you liar
the thought is so dire
my name on the grave
tell me you're okay
tell me it's all the same
tell me i don't bring shame to u

sore

one last life
one more try
one last breath
one more cry
is this what love sounds like
show me what love looks like
i ripped out the pages
i lied i threw up
oh the truth, i can't face it
I'll be emanciated
act like i don't recall
what you said about it all
think I'll rest before you call

phone call

give it a month or two, i’ll break my shoes in
cross my hands, it’s so confusing
just tell me how to do it right
just tell me how to do it
don’t you act like i’m clueless
in a month i’ll be cooling
gotta get it for my brothers cause my brothers show me love
you put my head inside the dirt uhh
tell them that i’ll die for them
got me wishing on the stars on them
it’s in my best interest you’re safe and not crying
say hi to my momma, don’t know that i’m fighting
should’ve texted you back, didn’t have the words to reply and
i’m stuck up on things i should’ve forgot like years ago
it’s fuck it though

months

not a reflection of my thoughts now, this was made in september

gave a pretty girl my heart and now it's on the floor
tell me why i lay awake praying you'd would text me on my phone
i swear to god i'll wake up bleeding from a wound i don't remember
eating less from two months back because it's getting closer to december
don't tell ma that it's a problem cause i got it on my own
on my own meaning i lay back on my pillow let it soak
if i had some sorta control, i'd croak a smile so you're happy
did my best for all your reason, so why must you keep on laughing
grab that knife and twist it push it deep inside my skin
im sorry for the vulgar language pops taught me better than to sin
i love my brothers to the grave they show love every ounce they have
but even when we chop it up i always leave feeling so bad
i hold your pitied heart

pitied heart

made in 1 hour

another year countin big dough
big money like tenfold
doubled streams in like three months
still don't even have a damn rode (still rockin the 50 dollar usb mic from amazon)
ON to the NY, 1 7 to the 1 8
call up my brothers and told em im fine just had alot on my plate
done did a lot for my age
told em sorry for da wait :/
tryna get my ass into uni so my dad knows that i'm straight

don't got the time for the hate
got nothing but love for my mates
back when i was fifteen thought i wouldn't make it to the eighteen
swear life been crazy
drop a song and they pay me
i was real down now i'm up cos i done got myself a lady
#PGPSM
yeah i'm back on my mode
guess i done did fold (uhmm but it was for the best)
i'll put it up for my folk
knew before you spoke
still feeling all my lows

another year countin big dough
big money like tenfold
doubled streams in like three months
still don't even have a damn rode
ON to the NY, 1 7 to the 1 8
call up my brothers and told em im fine just had alot on my plate
done did a lot for my age
told em sorry for da wait :/
tryna get my ass into uni so my dad knows that i'm straight

are you sleeping well and eating good?
bite my tongue, misunderstood
all alone did you heal in time
both stuck alone bby fine but not fine
puff yo chest up
spent a couple months over a damn dud
kick it w my bro
treat him like we're blood
done but we rlly aint done
we shoot but we shoot it for fun
tell me j tell me to love
and ill be there aiming the gun

demo 2

i don't know how to say it
if it keeps on i'll be emaciated
another product of harming
crash, fall
i don't wanna be here at all
don't catch me if i fall down
another product of harming
crash, fall
i can't seem to find it, it's lost
the boy i was before
why have grown disheartened
crash, fall

mind my mind you
pick my fights
hand my life over
i rest my soul down been at it since october
don't lie to yourself you're not a toler
you barely know her
think she a showman
petty scars all over
you should've known then
it gets too heavy to breathe
i'm pleading down on my-
i stay up grinding my teeth
my flesh is ready to eat

i don't know how to say it
if it keeps on i'll be emaciated
another product of harming
crash, fall
i don't wanna be here at all
don't catch me if i fall down
another product of harming
crash, fall
i can't seem to find it, it's lost
the boy i was before
why have grown disheartened
crash, fall

product of harm

guitar by will rhead

when it's all said and done
when i leave home and no one's round
will you save me a seat to the sun?
to somewhere i could never be found
i don't wanna let go
oh i don't wanna leave home
i made my momma cry
i told her i'd call her on the phone
i'll kiss my cats goodbye
i'm sorry i left you all alone
oh i don't wanna leave home
oh i don't wanna leave home
i'll do all the things you taught me
i'll try my best, i'll be a man, won't hate my body
stand on my own two feet
i'll make it through twelve weeks
i'lll make it back with my own hands, i'll make you proud of me

proud

i made a wrong move
i tie both my shoes straight
darling what's new?
you're half a world away
i bite my tongue and graze my teeth
at something only god can see
ask the teller, "what's got into me?"
he just sighed and gave me sympathy
my love, what's new?
my love, what's new?
my brown leather skin
your face of an angel
i repent for my sins
hear your voice close my eyes i'm in that condo again
when i was only a kid
when i was only a kid
when i was only a kid

what's new

brown eyes

get back up put your shoes on
the job ain't finished make a new song
and watch like everyone around you get a move on
so get a move on
i smoke another bowl
i wanna be alone
i've seen like everyone surpass me
oh god i miss my family
i'll make it where you can be
just throw me a lifeline or something i can hold
and it's only september how'd it get so cold
do you remember the winter on the phone
it's getting close to december so you know where to go

don't go yet i love you my darling
i feel it rush through my skin and my bones
is it that hard to tell that i've lost it
don't go

vent song

What am I to do?
I'll write another cliche
I'm a handful, tryna behave
I don't act right when it comes time  
Guess the pessimism gets a bit old
Only do it if you said to do so
Only do it cos you told me 
Sometimes I start to miss the old me
Sometimes it feels like you don't know me
Show me where home is
I'm so far away
Don't fix what ain't broken
Sorry my mistake
Stare at the ceiling just hoping you'd stay
Why don't you stay

stay demo

Feel it gritting on my teeth
And cryings for the weak
I was in Turkey months ago
Everything was really cheap
Bought a watch for you out there
And it broke
You said the thought was really sweet
I’ve been pleading on my knees
I just wish you wouldn't leave
I hate that every song is sad
I wish that I could lighten up
I'm finding comfort in the fact
One self is more than enough

oneself demo

Breathe exhale I hope that you’re well
Skip the finer details, I’m breaking my boots in
And now the roofs caving
Feel it once and you won’t be the same
Dear God I can’t bury the shame
One more puff and you’ll be okay
Mother I’m sorry
I should’ve just stuck to the pages
Mother I’m sorry
There’s not a decent way to say it
My heart is racing
And it won’t stop racing

racing

low chance of finishing prolly srry
i got better stuff otw #2026


ma said don't fight it
she's tired of her son not opening up
can't bear the old silence
i shut the door behind me, go out for a walk
cause the rain gon fall either way love
and there's a couple hundred things left to say
came back home and i'm stuck in my old ways
wiping tears running down my own face

so rest your mind
it happens all the time
i'd give you all my life (to make sure you're alright)
i'll rip out my pride
and i'll rewrite those lines
i'd give you all my life (to make sure you're alright)

i love my mom basically is the osng

2poder

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