After over a year away, on a whim, I pressed record and said some stuff over an instrumental. It turns out I missed and needed this. An accident turned into a blessing. This track captures a moment that inevitably became the first step in reinventing myself as an artist. 

(Too faded, so by mistake I played the instrumental instead of the song I wanted, so figured I might as well try a thing.)

Lyrics (if I were to fix the fumbles):
I’m missing you baby
I don’t know how to describe it,
With “I love you”, maybe?

And I’ve been missing you baby
And I don’t know how to describe it
Maybe it’s love
Maybe it’s something else 
Or none of the above…
Sometimes I wonder, how much you really love me back.
Sometimes I wonder, will I ever release this track?

I freestyle sometimes, 
I freestyle, maybe not too frequently, 
but I miss it always.
And I come back to it gently.
Try to be slow, try to slow down.

If I wanted, I could be ruling over this whole fucking town.
Instead, I’m down, sitting in my basement.
I’m sitting in my room, taking drugs, awaiting my doom.
And I don’t even know…
How did I get here?
How do I get out of here even?
IDK, I just keep on breathing, but breathing slowly.
Holding my breath, counting to 10…
What will happen to me then? Where will I end up? And will I be well?

And this beat, I stole it from Juice,
Coz he is one of the very few things in my life that define my truth.
Likewise,  I know I’m not right, but I am not wrong
I just felt like I had to mention him in this very song, hey.

Can you even tell?
I wish I could tell, I wish I could sell, I wish I could say anything else
Than all the things I am saying which I then regret when I end up playing 
With my thoughts, they haunt me and I wish 
I could stop thinking just for a second…

Does anybody want me?
Sometimes I wonder, if I even want myself…
Help me…
I am living in hell.
There is no way out.
I’m stuck here forever.
I know I wanted nothing to do with finding peace,
So no peace for me.
This won’t change, ever.

I’m glad I tried this…

⁺1st December 2024


running on empty - freestyle

Language prison break, freestyle from 16th December 2024.





For most of my adult life, I abandoned, neglected, and severed myself from my mother tongue.  I lost my intuition and awkwardly struggled to form a sentence that sounded natural. I did not grasp how my ignorance limited my self-expression, growth, learning, communication, creativity. I was blind to all the ways I could  shape my reality if I only embraced the language I was traumatised, shamed, betrayed, and lied to in, long before I had any motive to memorise new labels for things I knew already (no kurwa jabłko jest zielone, po chuj ma być green?).

Anyway, I'm glad it fought its way back to me, and even though I wasn't happy at first, seeing it take over my freestyles, sometimes so angry, ready to give up, feeling so incapable I banned myself from listening to polish music (esp. rap). Today I see it as valid and welcome it as a part of who I am, what I do, and how I freestyle. I have a lot to learn, but I’ve come a long way since this track—one of my first mostly Polish freestyles. Soon it’ll be 10 months old.

I had no idea what to name it, the file was called "english lost again". 2 weeks I couldn't decide so I just wrote the first thing that came to mind 5 min ago. As long as  it's out so I can post more.

Cover: photo of a sticker at the Three Sins tattoo studio's cupboard in Amsterdam. Shoutout to Giulio who showed me "something random" when I requested that for the cover. The edit is some birthday filter I found funny, adjustments to it are for you to discover.


No matter the language, no matter the form of expression, my soul is unapologetically emo. If you got here, DM me to pick what you wanna hear next:
 a) emotional af ENG cry track
 b) latest hype free PL
 c) old but good chill groove
 d) random choice from 300 voice files.

jak widać

pole emo soul

Not sure how this happened, but that's low key the usual way I make music. So, guys... is it slapping? 👉👈

Recorded 20th December 2024

The imagined lyrics: xd
And It’s not recording… hey,

I wanted to start recording just a while ago,
But my phone was not really cooperating with me.
How can I show that to you or to anybody else?
What else? Hells…

WHAT THE HELL?
So basically, the story goes like… haah, hey :3
(Kinda chill, kinda groovy, but let’s keep on movin’)
So, I started playing this beat, and I felt like:
“Hmmm, that’s kinda nice, that’s kinda neat.”
And then I opened my phone, 
To then check on my dome,
And turns out that I need to unlock it with my code…
Because I didn’t remember that I just reset it…
Coz it died xd
The battery was finished, at zero, oh I didn’t cry 
I always do it, I always forget to plug it into my charger
But, like, it always happens in those moments, hey
Even now, I should probably be charging it?
But I can’t ‘coz I’m holding it because I’m freestyling…

And
And I promised myself, that I will record all my freestyles from now on
And thenI will do it even more, and I will do it even longer
Now I tatted my face, so I have to be stronger - I have to keep rapping,

IS THIS SHIT SLAPPING?!
TELL ME GUYS, IS THIS SHIT SLAPPING?! XD

If not, then I will slap myself,
Or I’ll slap you?
You can choose.
I can choose.
We can choose. 

It’s kinda cold in my kitchen, so I don’t wanna cook,
I came back to my room and decided I need a broom tbh,
Kind of even a vacuum, the floor is so dirty…
But I’m rapping. Can’t focus on anything else but music,
This is the only shit that keeps me moving
And I’m here still groovin’ 
And am I repeating the same rhymes all the time?
Maybe.
Maybe.
But is that a crime, to make a rap that doesnt rhyme? 

I said it three years ago and I’ll say it again.
If you think you’re alive then you’re better of dead, hey.
I stole that one from Oli. W sumie mnie to pierdoli.
What was that? What was that? That was Polish. 
Welcome to my world… HOLY. FUCK.

Artwork in collaboration with IG: @fat_myth <3 ILY

low on charge < high on slaps - freestyle

So, you're here, listening to some emo kid's thoughts... Something 'bout pace'n'chase, melancholic af. Then-boom, the bars be doin' a backflip. 
Half this, half that, 100% vibes tho. Just letting my brain do its thing. 
Now, which is the "bigger" half?


(10th of February 2025)



P.S. Sorry I procrastinated, sometimes I get shy.

50 free & 50 style (good) - freestyle

One of my favourite throwbacks to summer of 2023. I poured my heart while low-key faded. Then made two more and left the house. Until "running on empty" I did not dare to freestyle again. But I'm back here and I'm chasing :p

Happy late birthday to the baddest pink bitch I know and shoutout to Tinder for bringing this gold class cutie into my life :3

Big thanks to my creative adhd stopper advisor Susan who just gets me. And thanks to the birthday girl for drawing this cute bunny on my wall <3

Stay sober kids its good for ya.

pink freestyle

Circling right back to the raw emotional style of my first upload, I'd love to share another freestyle, initially saved with the working title of "saddo english freestyle", which turned into a wordplay inspired by the absolute classic from Bring Me The Horizon - Shadow Moses. It just so happened I stumbled upon a glass pane with words straight out of this song... So I took a selfie with it and rebranded this unrelated sadgirl confession as a tribute to my absolute life guide of a band. 

Recorded on 18th of February 2025.

Saddo Moses

I turn my hell upside down.
In pursuit of despair, breathing recycled air.

6-gasp QT

Pinned to spotlight

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