this song made me remember to love myself 💗🪼

After over a year away, on a whim, I pressed record and said some stuff over an instrumental. It turns out I missed and needed this. An accident turned into a blessing. This track captures a moment that inevitably became the first step in reinventing myself as an artist. 

(Too faded, so by mistake I played the instrumental instead of the song I wanted, so figured I might as well try a thing.)

Lyrics (if I were to fix the fumbles):
I’m missing you baby
I don’t know how to describe it,
With “I love you”, maybe?

And I’ve been missing you baby
And I don’t know how to describe it
Maybe it’s love
Maybe it’s something else 
Or none of the above…
Sometimes I wonder, how much you really love me back.
Sometimes I wonder, will I ever release this track?

I freestyle sometimes, 
I freestyle, maybe not too frequently, 
but I miss it always.
And I come back to it gently.
Try to be slow, try to slow down.

If I wanted, I could be ruling over this whole fucking town.
Instead, I’m down, sitting in my basement.
I’m sitting in my room, taking drugs, awaiting my doom.
And I don’t even know…
How did I get here?
How do I get out of here even?
IDK, I just keep on breathing, but breathing slowly.
Holding my breath, counting to 10…
What will happen to me then? Where will I end up? And will I be well?

And this beat, I stole it from Juice,
Coz he is one of the very few things in my life that define my truth.
Likewise,  I know I’m not right, but I am not wrong
I just felt like I had to mention him in this very song, hey.

Can you even tell?
I wish I could tell, I wish I could sell, I wish I could say anything else
Than all the things I am saying which I then regret when I end up playing 
With my thoughts, they haunt me and I wish 
I could stop thinking just for a second…

Does anybody want me?
Sometimes I wonder, if I even want myself…
Help me…
I am living in hell.
There is no way out.
I’m stuck here forever.
I know I wanted nothing to do with finding peace,
So no peace for me.
This won’t change, ever.

I’m glad I tried this…

⁺1st December 2024


running on empty - freestyle

<3

Lyrics

-

Ive been running, Ive been keepin bout the same pace
A billion miles an hour, yet it feels like im the fake
Im bout to run into a wall, already at the stage
when I can feel my body drowning right before I'll break

No I don't wanna call my mother back, cuz I'm in pain
I wouldn't wanna make her worry over my mistakes

[Hook]
Oh how it is such a fucked up world, I miss
when not a problem in the world
could make me fall into the dirt

Oh how it is such a fucked up world, i wished
my life would never turn to be this sad
and watch it burn

Finally when I'm an adult ima make a change
Or so I thought but im the same as i was in 2008
I'll go insane if I dont know how it happened
But I'll get through this write my shadows away
Should keep on doing this, my beats always slappin
Another way for me of tellin I ain't gonna break

[Bridge & Pre-Chorus]
I fuckin love what I do and I'm tryna change
Im gonna live it out Imm gonna take my place
But not a soul than mine that I will make it chase
This life, it just ain't fair for anyone to face

I wanna know will I ever try to move on
Keep it up, and I don't think that ima last long
I get these questions, never know what to respond
It's kinda messed up, I don't know where I belong

I need somebody that my heart and mind can lean on
and Im a liar if I say this is my last song
I met my homies not a day that I regret this
My way of livin will improve if I stop actin

[Hook]
Oh how it is such a fucked up world, I miss
when not a problem in the world
could make me fall into the dirt

Oh how it is such a fucked up world, i wished
my life would never turn to be this sad
and watch it burn

where do i belong

I turn my hell upside down.
In pursuit of despair, breathing recycled air.

running on empty - freestyle

6-gasp QT

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