Collabed on this beat with @gaia-zambon-778002978

Lyrics:
so i never wanna leave my bed, i stay lost up in my head
please do not disturb me you could wake me when im fuckin dead
guess im giving up thats why you always gettin left on read
dont talk to me dont hit me up im busy tryna get my bread

dont take my pulse cause i flatlined
i know youll leave just like last time
put on a show like its halftime
like im a poet but i cant rhyme

you never heard a flow so slow, guess ive given up completely but im vibin on the low, i dont got no energy for nothin keep your fuckin hoe, she be slidin in my DMs im depressed but she dont know

said she thought its just persona
said she thought it was an act
said she thought that id be happy cause im piling up these racks
said she plays all of my songs
said she listens to my tracks
said she wanna save me now before im never coming back

Shedontknow

shedontknow (prod. Gaia & HKFiftyOne)

Mascara

Mascara (Deftones Cover)

Lyrics:
Sometimes I wonder if you listen to the songs I do
I know that music's in your blood, it's always in mine too
Since we don't talk this is my way of reaching out to you
And now the sunset makes me think your name in every hue

Sometimes I wonder if you're staring out your window at the moon
You're probably not, but you're outside, you're on the chair, you're looking too
Are you looking too?
Are you looking too?

spookybands:
Are you looking at the moon right now?
I can see it in your eyes, I don't think you ever really loved me
Did you buy yourself a beer last night?
And then some whiskey right after, anyway that's how I'm passing the time

And did you tell her about me? 
That new girl that you seeing
I bet she thought my name was cool

Does she text you while you on your way over
Telling you to look up at the moon
That's what I used to do.

These memories just turn to pain
And then get mixed up in my brain
I won't ever be okay
The bar is open every day

Hold me while I drift away
You don't have to miss me baby
I just tell myself you are
To feel better (that's fucking crazy)

Sometimes I wonder if you're staring out your window at the moon
You're probably not, but you're outside, you're on the chair, you're looking too
Are you looking too?
Are you looking too?

Look At The Moon

look at the moon (ft. spookybands)

honored to have @foreignforest on this
hkfiftyone:
i feel so messed up, like im never right
swear im drained just from putting up a fight
i wont sleep but im tired, so i might
want to be up in the sky

if im real, i just want to stay alive
if i wake up in the morning, i survived
keep it pushing even if i dont know why
know there's something more to life

foreign forest:
my chest
feels like it's full of rocks sometimes
yes
i've been working on my mind
tests
all i ever seem to find is
stress
i don't wanna lose my mind yet

i'm so tired of living in the future
thinking i'll be good
but for now im just a loser
this is not "it"
lost my "present" in the sewer
gotta get it
but i don't know what i'm doing

what if i
have a different story i could
tell in time
though i didn't get it on the
very first try
at least i can say i tried

hkfiftyone:
i feel so messed up, like im never right
swear im drained just from putting up a fight
i wont sleep but im tired, so i might
want to be up in the sky

if im real, i just want to stay alive
if i wake up in the morning, i survived
keep it pushing even if i dont know why
know there's something more to life

im tryna get back up, i swear i try my best
but every time i fall, i feel it in my chest
and then my brain gets numb, so then i make a mess
its like i cant think straight, but you probably get it

hold on
i swear it's gonna be okay
been too long, but swear it wont stay
youre not alone, i know its lonely
youre all in my prayers

Sample from Julia's Message of Hope
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rvhgvmABL0

"It's ok to be afraid, but I don't want you to give up. Because the thing about depression, is it lies. You know, you gotta fight to be here. Because it does get better, and all of these lies will eventually go away. You just have to hold on, 'cause it doesn't get to win. It doesn't get to take you. Because you're stronger than that, and you're worth more than that.
And it's possible."

Stay Pt 2 w/ Foreign Forest

i remember on that day
the sky split open like a wound
the river spelt your name

and once the storm was done
only heaviness remained
my ribs collapsed beneath the weight
a force too strong to contemplate

i swore id find you in the space between
the waves and changing currents
of the way we know we ought to be

thought that no one wanted us
but i guess now its only me
held on tight for way too long
to broken lungs and shattered dreams

fuck, i don't want to let you go
things felt really weird wanting to live but now i know
i swear i got a taste of what this life could really be
when i saw you standing there upon the sand along the sea

fuck, i don't want to let you go
the sky opens again and now i'm drowning way too slow
that's just the way it is i know
i've been living without breathing anyway i suppose

i remember on that night
the stars burned out like cigarettes
their glow was lost in time

and in the quiet i could hear the hollow in your voice
the same as my own emptiness
the words reduced to noise

i said id find you in the space between
but every echo fades before it even ever reaches me

traced your name into the sand
the tide wont let it stay
i guess the ocean always know
the things i couldn't bare to say



i had it all figured out

it hurts so im still gone today
this high wont keep the pain away
i fade but i still feel the same
i hate the way im not afraid

i drain my blood for dopamine
i pray the crash wont bury me
these hollow nights wont set me free
but i still cant stand the weight of me

bury me

DUMMY PT 2

shoutout underoath im sorry i stole ur hook dont hate me i love u

im known for the pain that comes with the silence
you only see grace, not war that defines it
i breathe in the ache, the exhale feels violent
if i lose my home, it's twisted reliance

scared of the past but can't realign it
buried in scars, i learned how to hide it
hope's just a ghost, im stuck in the dry end
but love is a drug, so i still invite it

it's all in my head, if you want, you can look inside
nothing but red, and all the mess i've been
it's all in the way i say what i do mean, i don't think i should
i need to speak of you

created void

its quiet in my head
but it dont feel like peace
a resounding echo of the soul that
im too scared to need

i could be surrounded
tell me im fine but i still feel obsolete
like im watching life through windows
and no ones reaching me

and im sorry for the mess i make when i cannot break free
its never you, its just the war that lives inside of me
i feel you fading every time i lose my clarity
and i wish that i could be anyone
anyone but me

its quiet in my head
but it dont feel like peace
a resounding echo of the soul that
im too scared to need

i text and delete
cause i dont want to seem
like im drowning in things
that come off too extreme
i miss you when you're here
its a curse and a cycle
that i just repeat

and im sorry for the mess i make when i cannot break free
its never you, its just the war that lives inside of me
i feel you fading every time i lose my clarity
and i wish that i could be anyone
anyone but me

i wonder what its like to wake up and simply just be
to love without the fear that it'll vanish on me
to feel a single mood without the need to break free
and i wish that i could be anyone
anyone but me

anyone but me

Anyone But Me

nobody likes when youre fucked, but i swear im just stuck
nobody likes when youre frozen and just cant get up
nobody likes when you say that youre trying your hardest
but still cling to vices, know its not the smartest

but what do you do when you give it your all
and its still not enough to just stand without falling
i drained my whole self and gave up on my calling
but everyone thinks im just out here stalling

nobody likes when youre broken with too much to fix
now im sick of the lies and i wont fall for tricks
so im paranoid daily from 9 until 6
and then thats when i breakdown and just start to switch

and everything goes numb, i lose my whole self
i dont know who i am to begin with, its hell
im trapped in my body, a permanent cell
i wish i could get away, run from myself

Nobody Likes When…

lyrics:
when i draw my blood, is it good enough
i used to drink my pain, all thats left is dust
castle in the hill, i keep the doors locked shut
the moonlight kissed my wounds, the shadows had my trust

i slept for centuries, froze behind my stare
til she found me in the garden where the roses choke on air
she saw the cracks beneath my smile, and said i hope you know i care
for a moment i believed that love could live inside despair

so bury my in velvet, stake the roses through my chest
she whispers to the casket, now her lips are firmly pressed
now i rot with all her love inside my heart but its a mess
now she's married to a coffin, way i walk im living dead

dont know if you still see me, dressed in hope and quiet grace
but the mirror in the hallway still refused to show my face
the shadows called in whispers, soft as lace against my throat
they spoke in tongues of endings that i always somehow wrote

so bury my in velvet, stake the roses through my chest
she whispers to the casket, now her lips are firmly pressed
now i rot with all her love inside my heart but its a mess
now she's married to a coffin, way i walk im living dead

the way i walk, im living dead

Living Dead

lyrics:
no one got your back, like
swear its just a fact, like
swear ill get the bag right

they aint never see the vision, now they asking who that
same ones that laughed at me now watching, group chat
broke boy dreams turned ghost, i had to move that
pain in my chest, but the hustle where my mood at

i just wanna roll it up
clouds in my lungs feeling out of touch
life move fast, i dont do too much
weight on my chest, tryna keep it up

no one got your back, like
swear its just a fact, like
swear ill get the bag right
i been in the trap like
tryna make it stack right
running out my past life
pray i never backslide

i been running from my old ways
i been counting up the long days
im hoping itll all pay
i been counting up the long days

they aint never see the vision, now they asking who that
same ones that laughed at me now watching, group chat
broke boy dreams turned ghost, i had to move that
pain in my chest, but the hustle where my mood at


who dat

Waitin On U

lyrics:
im tryna stack the bands til my pockets blue
im tryna make it back, its overdue
swear i put the work in make it true
ima keep on doing what i do

put the city on my back if it aint too late
thought id be sitting pretty but by now i still cant move weight
fell off overboard and now im hanging by a shoelace
shoutout to my baby, when its stormy thats my crewmate

and someday all this work will pay me back
i aint leaving from my post and thats a fact
i aint going nowhere, you can hate while i get stacks
if i said im sorry, well then shit i take it back

i do it all by myself
i never needed your help
i put the work in i dont think youre clocking the way that im bad for your health

stay in your lane though
i get insane though
heard that you aim low
heard that you chopped, you a lame tho

im tryna stack the bands til my pockets blue
im tryna make it back, its overdue
swear i put the work in make it true
ima keep on doing what i do

Do What I Do

lyrics:
what if they dont like me
yeah like what if im a failure
what if i lose sight of the goal when im chasing all this paper

yeah but what if i dont make it, and she leave
well i dont blame her
she an angel, im a vampire
still do my best to save her

what if she stop calling when the money start to slow
what if i forget myself the further that i go
what if i lose grip if im tryna carry every load
but fuck it i was born to walk this fire down the road

well fuck that, ima be that, everything she need and more
aint no cop out, ima pop out, and i swear that to my core
im so tired now, of being scare now, i just want it even more
if the world fall, and collapse now, im still standing at her door

what if all this grinding just get heavy on my soul
what if every song i drop still never make me whole
what if i go numb and stop believing in the goal
what if i get rich and end up having no control

what if every friend i had, just a phase i never chose
what if every "im okay" was the pain i never showed
what if she get tired of the silence in my tone
and realize that she need somebody stronger down the road

whats wrong with me
just tell me please
i been looking in the mirror like the enemy

and my thoughts are playing tricks
i know they want to play both sides
like "youll never be enough"
and then "youre destined for the skies"

no cop out

lyrics:
dont know myself
how could you know me then?
hundred percent, im feeling lost
always feel lonely then

the root of my problems is all myself
ill just go back to bed
why am i so fucked, i stay inside
think about eating the lead

why do i see myself im dead now when i fantasize
got too much to lose, i dont want to go, so im staying high
id rip out my brain if i only could, so i dont say goodbye
perform lobotomy, im begging, on this brain of mine

its so empty i cant mistake it
hallow chest, but i still can fake it
cold black eyes, my soul cannot take it
if there's hope, then why do i break it

face down, a flood in the basement
i sink the more that i face it
when im awake, the more that i hate it
venom spills, the more i can taste it

i just wish i knew who i was
call me semi-automatic, the same as my gun
its like im stuck on autopilot the way that i run
its like im sinking in myself, but theres nothing, im done


lobotomy

lyrics:
do you know how much i love you
i was down bad still put nothing else above you
i told you all my secrets know it cut through
told you all my moves even shit i could run through

i was in the dirt
picked me out the mud, its like no matter how it hurt
you was by side before i ended in a hearse
swear that you a angel cause you finally lift the curse

i was trippin just to live, you seen the hunger in my soul
you aint even need no diamonds just to say you played your role
loyal to the grave, swear that bond dont ever fold
now its foreign whips and flights, you the only one i hold

you was there when i had nothing
now we counting up in silence
had to hustle through the pain
but you the reason i aint wildin

gave my heart when it was broke
you aint flinch you just stood beside it
want to keep you to myself
but i swear my heart cannot hide it

gave my trust, you never folded, swear you never once denied it
i was lost, you showed the way, like heaven came and just provided
all the pain that we been through, swear we never got divided
you the one i prayed for, i swear this feeling been invited

how much

lyrics:
you probably ‘ready know this
but my soul is pretty ugly
that's why i never feel myself now
'less i'm leaning on a substance

everybody way too normal
i'm informal and i'm fucked up
and i hate to disappoint you
when i still cant get my bucks up

skin crawling out my flesh now
everything i learned to hate
i used to burn it in a blunt
and send it up to outer space

but i'm unstable and psychotic
way i'm feeling as of late
its like i'm stuck in Silent Hill
in here forever shall i wait

suicide when i think about my fate
i know its do or die if i still cant pull my weight
another stupid lie if i say ill be okay
i know its stupid i'm way too old to feel this way

you probably ‘ready know this
but my soul is pretty ugly
that's why i never feel myself now
less i'm leaning on a substance

everybody way too normal
i'm informal and i'm fucked up
and i hate to disappoint you
when i still cant get my bucks up

you probably ‘ready know this
but my soul is pretty ugly
and i ain't even mean to do it
i know its borderline it must be

everybody way too normal
when i'm dying on the inside
feel my skin is still on fire
end this quick dont need an invite

you probably already know this
but my soul is pretty ugly
i hope that God will still forgive me
i cant even ask him humbly
there’s a pit inside my chest
and i feel bad now if you love me
cause i'm sinking in myself
i need a substance, i need something

Ugly

lyrics:
well there's no saving me
if you think that i be trippin it's the same for me
when i die don't want no fame on me
i'm such a wreck that i feel guilty if you pray for me

i put the blame on me
and i think its necessary when i hate on me
cause myself is still the bane of me
the only enemy i have is all the pain in me

i gotta stop when i talk like that
i cannot break it in my mind and then it get right back
a ghost inside me that i cant fight back
i cannot change it any more than i can change my past

i'm everything i hate
i cant escape i hit the cart until i'm MIA
i know i sealed my fate
when i finally came to terms but now i'm not okay

like, who let me get this way
you don't know me i'm a bomb boutta go off
blue poison in my veins
left for dead i need a map now im so lost

Blame

I added some elements and reproduced the drums to fit the vibe.
Hip Bones from Chlorine: https://1cloudboys.bandcamp.com/album/chlorine
Wwaavvyy from Burnout: https://1cloudboys.bandcamp.com/album/burnout

Oliver Francis - Hip Bones + Wwaavvyy Mashup

Photo Credit: https://vsco.co/sofiavels
Sample Credit: Pale Lungs - Roam

Lyrics:
I still got your pictures on my phone
Wonder why you thought you had to go
Left me all alone and on my own
Felt it coming this whole time I should've known

But why, why'd you have to leave me all alone
You know, how you make me feel when you ain't home
My god, it's killing me inside I hope you know
Been dead in my heart for a while though it hurts won't let it show

No time for farewells and no chances for goodbyes
You disappeared forever and you left me high and dry
How you gonna leave and leave me out here left to die
You fed me to the wolves when I needed you by my side

I don't want to say nothing that's bad about you
I still love you girl I'm still mad about you
There was once a time when I would never doubt you
But people change and now I have to live without you

You could have just said goodbye, you ghosted me moved on with life, anxiety and all this strife, and I wonder all the time if you just found a new guy

I just wanna make you proud
Like I used to when you vowed
To never leave my side when I was down
You let me sink and now I'm boutta drown

I can still see your face I can still hear your voice
And I don't even wanna but I don't have any choice
I try to block it out and listen to the city noise
You kill me from inside and now I'm completely destroyed

But the worst part is I don't know
Where you are or how you are or where'd you go
You didn't say nothing you just let me go
Left me with my thoughts left me all alone

I don't wanna see your face anymore
I don't wanna hear your voice anymore
I don't wanna think about you anymore
I don't hate you I just can't bear it no more

Your hair, your smile, your fingertips
Your face, your voice, your mouth, your lips
Your warmth, your laugh, your legs, your thighs
Your love, your hate, your care, your eyes

proud

Special thanks to https://www.instagram.com/fallingap.art/ for the artwork on this <3
https://twitter.com/sayygoodbyye
https://soundcloud.com/goodbyye

Lyrics:
Fuck you I'm just so mad
Got me feeling so sad
Think about the times we had
Why'd you have to leave like that
Left me all alone in fact
I been lonely holding back
Tears in my eyes looking past
Wishing that this could've last

Writing this letter so I could say
Dearest friend I hope you'll be okay
Think about you each and every day
I'm still wishing that you could've stayed
Want you to know that I'm broken
Hear the words that were never spoken
I was fine until I was awoken
A heart is so fragile when it's stolen

Fuck you I'm just so mad
Got me feeling so sad
Think about the times we had
Why'd you have to leave like that
Left me all alone in fact
I been lonely holding back
Tears in my eyes looking past
Wishing that this could've last

So I'll write this note and then I'll burn it
Let the smoke carry up the words and turn it
To a message from below so you learn it
Thought I wanted death before but now I yearn it
I know you want to go
Please stay I'll be alone
If you leave from this home
Don't go out in the cold

Don't go out in the snow

Please don't leave me alone

I don't want you to go

Please don't leave me alone

why'd you have to go

Prod by @cxldblxxd <3

Lyrics:
She been on my mind for a minute
Feel her in my soul and my spirit
Now she in my rhymes and my lyrics
Say she be sad and i feel it

I just wanna save her from herself
Sad girl blowing smoke by herself
In her bedroom being lonely cant you tell ya, Fats'e playing pretty girl you make my heart just melt

I want you in my bed
I just want you out my head
Hear your voice and what you said
Steal my heart i end up dead

You been on my mind for weeks
Got that spark just like i seek
Want you in between my sheets
Wonder if you think of me

Laying in the room with your lights out
Tryna get high is a fight now
Been feeling so numb this my life now
Killing my brain till i pass out

Laying in the room with your lights out
Tryna get high is a fight now
Been feeling so numb this my life now
Killing my brain till i pass out

Cause you dont know what my heart feels
Wake up from the dream nothing real
Cause i been dying in my mind
Might as well just leave cause im out of time


Dont you ever die now
Dont you ever say goodbye now
Spend your days getting high now
Im okay thats a lie now

Nearly every night i stay up and cry
Dont know what id do if you ever die
Why you be so far want you by my side
Why you be so far want you by my side

I want you in my bed
I just want you out my head
Hear your voice and what you said
Steal my heart i end up dead

You been on my mind for weeks
Got that spark just like i seek
Want you in between my sheets
Wonder if you think of me

wantyou (prod. cxld blxxd)

sometimes things just dont work out,
if you wanted me to stay you should know now,
you can tell me anything that you dont doubt,
Park Jefferson in the air while we roll out

cool breeze in her hair got my heart warm,
orange leaves in the air got me lovelorn,
cold fights on the phone make a big storm,
guess ill leave, wanna stay, got my heart torn

when i wake up my bed too big,
sleep in the hole in the grave i dig,
i walk away like i know you did,
turned my back the same time that you hid

some day when we're both alone and lonely,
some day when i want you back to hold me,
think back on all of the things you told me,
miss you feeling like you were my only

Im sorry i ran away
Im sorry i couldnt stay
Im breaking down every day
I know its better this way

can you feel this pain inside
broke inside got me out of my mind
all these days pass by i cry
wanna go back, do it right this time

i been down im so broken
cant stand my hearts been stolen
the way our lives been woven
just makes me sad im frozen

i tried to sleep away my feelings im still sad
i tried to get all of this weight up off my back
i tried to numb all the emotions that i had
i cried and laid in bed for weeks i still feel bad

Im sorry i ran away
Im sorry i couldnt stay
Im breaking down every day
I know its better this way

runaway (prod adjustisac)

zombie

explicit

Lyrics:
im a fuckin peice of shit, why you always gotta bitch
let me sleep in if i wanna, get the fuck up off my dick
know my mind is really sick cause i like it when you kick
-in me down cause i deserve it when i cant learn a new trick

im a dog, im a ghost, im the one you hate the most
im that toxic drink youre pouring raise me up propose a toast
this ones for all of the loosers, the forgotten, diagnosed
cause im one of you but im the king i really hate to boast

if you march right to your grave
nothing will ever be the same

scars on my wrist so you see what im made of
call me a freak i dont know why they hate us
bargained a price but they must not of paid one
locked up inside must be what theyre afraid of

i recorded all my verses, but im still dead like some hearses
and im trapped inside my body i feel like i need some nurses
i feel like i need some surgery, for all the shit thats hurting me
but im a ghost im never seen, i know that yall aint heard of me

write down in chalk, all the shit that i lost
while i run out the clock, just before it gets washed
know the year has been hard, got you down in the dark
cause the future is stark, that you 'bout to embark

if you march right to your grave
nothing will ever be the same

scars on my wrist so you see what im made of
call me a freak i dont know why they hate us
bargained a price but they must not of paid one
locked up inside must be what theyre afraid of
x2

i been living with the pain, yeah
but i know ill be okay, yeah
if you march right to your grave, yeah
nothing will ever be the same, without you

graves

Lyrics:
heard you around, i wont call back
im my own self, not your fall back
i been living fine but yourself i know you got some problems all that

better tell me now what you wanna do
ima listen now then ill run it through
let it all come out while im in the booth
choking it all down what i mean to you

hitting my line like i been lost
where you been living with the cost
staying up late when panic calls
heard you been fine man not at all

now you know me with the fame, and the name, in the place, where im hiding an ace, cuz your fate, is the same, when im dead in the grave, youre displaced, a discrace, while im lost in the haze

marceline whyd you have to go and get me all fucked up
know youre seeing what im posting im just tryna push my luck
got me drowning in gin got a bottle drink it up
cuz you sick in the brain watch me dying from your lust
Marceline, you vampire queen
Drink my blood take my red sheen
Watch it drip from your sharp teeth
Take my life have all of me

you said toughen up why dont you be a man
got bruised on my body so i took a stand
been fighting these demons before it began
it piled up so high i could see all the lands

you know me im not one who lives up in their body
im always floating round i loiter in the lobby
of all the thoughts i run from cuz im getting sloppy
my mind is out of order and im really sorry

marceline pt 2

Lyrics:
I'm so cold right now, hit a low right now
Hit a bowl while I'm drunk I'm in the flow right now
In the gutter right now, get her number right now
Get the number for the plug cause it's over right now

Gotta cope with the pain, get that shit out my brain
I don't need to explain, gotta run from the blade
Gotta stitch up my veins, shawty stay in your lane
Why you call me insane, I got scars you got the same hoe

I'm boutta pass out, (yeah)
I'm boutta crash out, (yeah)
I'm boutta cash out, (yeah)
See the tunnel with no light, (yeah)

You been on my mind too
Shame that I cant find you
No feeling inside you

But nothing can hide you
I know that you lie too
It's okay dont cry boo

I feel a migraine comin on
Shit too real so I run along
Nothin real when I'm analog
World is gone while I'm in this song

HKFIFTYONE

Pinned to spotlight

Popular tracks