4evrx - you're still here ? (scarmaid remix)

Bandcamp (support me)

i’ve been feeling restless

One of the worst feelings a man can experience is taking stock of his life experience and realizing it has all amounted to nothing.

You cannot see your reflection in a broken mirror. I can’t see mine at all. Every time I look, there is nothing. There never has been, nor will there ever be.

That can’t be right.

There is no way I have done nothing. I have memories, I have experiences. I think.

How do I know anything I’ve said or done, anyone I’ve ever met, any place I’ve ever been, is real?

I don’t remember when I fall asleep.

I don’t remember when I wake up.

I always feel pain. I am never numb.

You’re not supposed to feel when you’re asleep, right?

How do I know if I’m awake?

How do I know if I’m asleep?

How can I prove anything is real?

The time is always correct.

The sun always burns. The ice always stings.

Nothing makes sense.

Nobody speaks to me unless spoken to.

On every spectrum of my existence, I am alone. 

Every expression of my life and how I feel ends up a tale of nothing but sorrow and tragedy. No matter what I do, every story I tell is a depressing one. I am physically incapable of truly expressing any type of positive emotion.

But I smile every day.

How do I know it’s real?
She tells me I’m overthinking. She assures me that I am tangible, and that she is too. Everything I see is real, everything I feel is real. Everything is real.

But what reality is she referring to?

What if she’s lying to get me to calm down? What if she isn’t real, and I’m not real either? What if she knows this and is trying to trick me? Who do I trust?

If life is fake, then death is fake too.

I am too scared to prove this.

Why am I so scared? If nothing is real, then I shouldn’t care. I should be afraid of anything if there isn’t anything to be afraid of.

If I am not real, then nothing ever happened. If nothing ever happened, why do I remember?

If I am not real, why does it hurt?

If I am not real, then why did it happen? Nothing can happen if nothing is real.

I need to know which is my reality, and which is just a dream.

I want to wake up.

cava. 

adiuva me obsecro.

verus es.

ego quoque verus sum?

nihil verum est.

attamen omnia vera sunt.

lebensmüde

kagura.

soft ruin

feel like i’m rotting

old song originally named flatlining
 ε(*'-')з†

you can go back but nobody will be there

Silence

Know You Better

behold a wall of sound. this is an ancient relic dug up from my hard drive. this has been rotting for well over a year. lowkey derivative af.

collab with sibyl

buried under a wall of sound

Smoke Screen

feel like i’m rotting

aak3