Wig, derived from the word “periwig”, used by humans as hair-mimicking head covers for societal and political reasons. Fitting for this week’s report which is all about weaves and wigs and wickedness and want and wanted. #MadamSpeaker, #MapisaNqakula, was shoved into the spotlight because of her head gear. She was meant to be arrested, and then all media was asked to do a retraction (including yours truly). Hours later she resigned and then she was charged. Theft, they said. Money laundering, we’re told. A few million rands and a whole lot of bother for the ANC.

I’m Tonya Khoury, I had the long weekend off so let’s try and make head or tail of this huge media event that even made headlines on the #BBC. I watched the charges and bail being decided in our courts. Fifty thousand rand bail is what she “can afford”. She denied that wigs or weaves were code words for bribes: not quite headwear. What was fascinating was that the previous nation’s #MadamSpeaker, #BalekaMbete, was in court to show solidarity with her chom. #BalekaSnakeMbete was the woman who protected #Zuma from secret ballots and was the subject of #AngeloAgrizzi’s testimony as he confessed to #BosasaBribes. One of the key role players in his horrific file drop was #Mbete. Her code name: #Snake. Seems, the madams are keeping fitting company with or without their doeks.

Wigs Big and Small. #MapisaResigns

How am I going to tell you that our top story is #Zuma this week? It’s been decades, literally decades of dominating headlines and #Zuma just won’t let up. Half a million engagements in less than seven days. He’s back! He says he never finished his second term and that he wants another shot. I remember every word I wrote about this man, but #Jacob has a different set of memories. I suppose that happens when you reach the ripe age of 82. Who does this clown think he is? #Biden? #DecadesOfDecay.

#ZumaRules: Welcome to South Africa’s #GroundHogDay

It’s me, Tonya Khoury, and I am so grateful it’s Friday. This is the first week in ages that international headlines have smothered South Africa’s election rhetoric. There were floods in Dubai, Oman, Saudi and Afghanistan. When I say floods think swimming camels. Swimming camels in what was once a desert. Camels battling to find their breaststroke or doggy-paddle ability. That’s the kind of weather I’m referring to. There was an earthquake in Japan and a volcano erupted in Indonesia and there were several tsunami warnings. Russia claims that fifty thousand troops were killed in the #Ukraine War. #Sudan, however, overshadows Gaza and Ukraine, as nine million people are displaced, and no one has bothered to count the dead. Several Google employees were arrested for protesting about software that will aid the war on Gaza. New York Times issued an editorial guide to tell their journalists to avoid the word #Genocide. Meta (Zuckerberg) has been hiding a little project with the name #Lavender where they’ve been silently ingesting all your Whatsapp conversations to introduce their new AI product to Whatsapp users. The Brits issued a warning to their subjects about SA. Allegedly we are a terror threat. Have you been to South Africa man? We eat terrorists for breakfast.

#WorldWarThree, Allegedly

I’m Tonya Khoury, I survived the #PinkMoon and it felt like there was no news this week, didn’t it? There was news, it’s just that you’ve become conditioned to car crash catastrophic chaos for headlines; you’ve been battered, bludgeoned and belted my dear reader. It’s time to lift your heavy head. It’s Friday and it’s time to stand up, lean against the ropes and scratch the surface with Acumen Media.

Howling at the #PinkMoon and the Cracked Actors

Talk about insane in the membrane, did you see it? Netflix true story #BabyReindeer made us understand our lives are not so bad and that we often chase the wrong villain. Everyone is asking who is Martha (the stalker) when we should be asking where is Darrien (the groomer)? And then internationally a survey asked women a simple question. Would they rather come across a bear or a strange man in the woods? All women, and I mean all women, chose the bear. Men were astonished. Why, they asked. Most women retorted: “If a bear attacked me, they would believe me; if a bear attacked, someone would help me; if the bear attacked, there’s a chance I’d survive.” That story was more shocking than #babyReindeer. They chose the bear. Personally, if I go down to the woods, I’m going to go in disguise. #TeddyBearPicnic.

It’s not Safe Here Baby Reindeer; it’s a Highway to Hell.

And you thought I’d left you. Never. Not with a few days to voting, how could you imagine I’d leave you in the media darkness. And for real guys, who are we voting for? I’m Tonya Khoury and I’m sick of media polls. It feels like #Oprah rode into town and said: “You get a poll, you get a poll, everybody gets a poll!”. Regarding these polls, their sample sizes are never more than 5000 people. And we take them very seriously. Yesterday I read that 42% of the sample are not registered to vote or are not voting at all. 42%? Are you kidding me? Go home! If I had to tell you 42% of my data is flawed then I wouldn’t be in business.

So, without further ado, here’s the Acumen Media poll based on a social media data set of posts amounting to more than half a million that have been narrowed down to 216 thousand posts that mention “voting for” or “voting” or “vote”. Want to hear some good news? The ANC is on a hiding to nothing. Although they fill up our timelines, we, the audience, absolutely despise them. The message is loud and clear South Africa: “Do not vote for the ANC”. We have spoken, a lot, and that’s basically all we’ve got, that and what on earth is #MK on about?

Vote or #GoBroke SA. The Real Poll #Elections2024

Is your jaw on the floor? Zuma must fall? Ha! How did we get here my South Africa? Fifty percent of the ballots counted, and we have a new kid on the block. To be fair, it’s not such a “new” kid and to be really fair, it’s not a “kid” at all. Zuma, the not-leader, put his face on a ballot and went home to put his slippers on and watched the chaos unfold. I’m Tonya Khoury and I have an election data hangover. Join me as I krap to see what’s under this smelly surface. #MKLandslide #NotLeaderZuma.

Zuma the #NotLeader and a #CoalitionCollision

And now South Africa?  
A #GNU? Isn’t that a wildebeest? Apparently, it’s a Government of National Unity. But that in itself is an oxymoron. You can call our government many things but “unified” is a stretch. More like a Government of Disunity. I’m Tonya Khoury and we have been played again because #EverybodyLied.

#EverybodyLies – #ElectionCoalitions and Other Fairy Tales

#AndyWarhol (pop artist) is famous for saying “Everyone has at least fifteen minutes of fame”. #Barnes from the NFP had his fifteen minutes yesterday. The whole of KZN was holding its breath as he announced that the National Freedom Party (who had one seat in KZN) would side with the #GNU. And just like that, KZN was zikked from the #MKParty’s back pocket. We are still holding our breath. We’re about to turn blue. What does this mean?

I’m Tonya Khoury and this has been one tumultuous week of media mayhem, hasn’t it? Come with me, into the media trees and let’s scratch the hide of the wobbly #GNU that stands before us. As a media monitor, you have to feel for me, because it felt like Zuma was president again… one press conference after another after another. And yesterday just evolved into a microphone relay between politicians. #15Minutes and #DroppedMics.

#15Minutes and #DroppedMics: South Africa’s #7thParliament

#ScratchTheSurface on media news with Acumen media

Vote or #GoBroke SA. The Real Poll #Elections2024

Acumen Media

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