Is this more than a terrible feeling
Is right if I just repent
Is this world really finally healing
Is this life really heaven sent

Am I OK without ever knowing
What comes next is not guaranteed
It’s too late my heartbeat is slowing
It’s too late while I sit here and bleed

When I grow up I wanna be a martyr
Why try when I can’t reflect
There’s no fire without any starter
There’s no person without respect

What is a life if it not just hard earned
What do I have if I can’t pay the rent
All my time is taken up waiting
All my waiting wanting an end


Come see my whole life on parade
These feelings I dread
Scream out of my head
And no one will be saved


Give me your grace
Give me my space
I’m full out of both myself

A king dethroned
Lost and alone
My own fucking personal hell

No glorious refrain
At the end of this verse
No ship to sink with the band

Alone and forsaken
By fate and by man
O’ Hank if you’re with me just please hold my hand

Watch it all burn
Watch them all run
There’s no happy ending here

Now it’s my turn to have some more fun
Life in the rearview mirror

Don’t fucking ask
I can’t just relax
It’s all spelled out in this song

I’d be much more chill
On a mountain of pills
And with a few more hits of this bong


Come see my whole life on parade
These feelings I dread
Scream out of my head
And no one will be saved


Slowly the guests begin to arrive
Gone without warning, finally it’s time
No leaving no note, no saying goodbye
I know in this peace I will finally thrive
Put me to sleep with my sword by my side
Bury me deep with my family beside
Let the roots creep, reclaiming my hide
These are the sounds that all doves cry

Pour out the beers smoke a few blunts
With any luck we’ll be doing this once
With any luck you’ll be having some fun
With any luck you’ll be doing some drugs
Going all in enough is enough
Let it all go, this life can be tough
If you can hang you’ve made the cut
If you can bang then throw em both up


Come see my whole life on parade
These feelings I dread
Scream out of my head
And no one will be saved

Come bleed emotions on my grave
Why didn’t I try
Before saying goodbye
Or I’d be here today

I see
You’re broke because of me
I know this loss
It’s called paying the cost
Of love eternally

Life on Parade

I hold onto this raft
My ship is sinking fast
I can’t survive this crash 

My world turns to ash 
The sky turns sackcloth black
All my hopes are dashed

Breathe
Deep as your lungs
Start to fill with fire
Catch and release
Burning without a
Desire
Sold to me
At face value to buy
No receipt just the stain on

My soul can’t bleed
I can’t control myself
Won’t someone set me free

My hope is not me
Just as my lungs collapse
Now I can finally be

The sea
Blackened abyss
My body adrift
Rescue me
I can’t exist
Upon this distant
Dream
Somnambulance
Walking towards my
Being
Lost at sea
Body broken and

I hold onto this raft
My ship is sinking fast
I can’t survive this crash 

My world turns to ash 
The sky turns sackcloth black
All my hopes are dashed

My soul can’t bleed
I can’t control myself
Won’t someone set me free

My hope is not me
Just as my lungs collapse
Now I can finally be

The Sea

I can’t escape my head
It’s pushing me off of this edge
Times is up
The second hand stopped
Save no more face
Except the clock

Just one more time around
Until I’m placed in the ground
Illusions shattered
Give way to grief
It doesn’t matter what you need


You see me there’s nothing left to say
I was never going to make it anyway
Believe me, it shouldn’t end this way
Cut the curtain, start the fade in
It’s my life if I want to take it


Bury me ‘neath my regret
It’s more than I should have said
If I give up and open wide
I’ll start the flood of what’s inside

A Pandora’s jar of my
Feelings and reasons to hide
This constant battle I can’t escape
String the arrow, hold the blade


You see me there’s nothing left to say
I was never going to make it anyway
Believe me, it shouldn’t end this way
Cut the curtain, start the fade in
It’s my life if I want to take it

End This Way

Music I made for the main menu of my Fallout Tale of Two Wastelands playthrough

Download the mod here
https://www.nexusmods.com/newvegas/mods/89990

The New Wastelands

Fuck off
I thought I’ve said it a thousand times before
Or you’ll meet my
Sawn off
I’ll pop your head in, brains are on the floor
You’ve got fucking
Cutoff
The truth about it is no goodwill endures
Just go ahead and
Runoff
While you’ve got the feet to hit the floor

As a matter of fact it’s the absence of that
Which made us both brothers, it all turned to black
The shirt off my back, the grind of the axe
I’ll pay this all forward and give it all back

Fuck off
I thought I’ve said it a thousand times before
Or you’ll meet my
Sawn off
I’ll pop your head in, brains are on the floor
You’ve got fucking
Cutoff
The truth about it is no goodwill endures
Just go ahead and
Runoff
While you’ve got the feet to hit the floor

Say it again to my face like a man
You don’t understand, I am who I am
It’s all part of the plan you can’t comprehend
Now game over bitch, there’s no try again

Fuck off
I thought I’ve said it a thousand times before
Or you’ll meet my
Sawn off
I’ll pop your head in, brains are on the floor
You’ve got fucking
Cutoff
The truth about it is no goodwill endures
Just go ahead and
Runoff
While you’ve got the feet to hit the floor

Fuck Off   

Fuck Off

I woke up
5 o' clock on the dot
Felt the morning pull me up
I'm stable
Tryna be what I'm not
The alarm it just goes off
Unable
To give what I got
But I'm sorry is not enough
Hold on
If this ride doesn't stop I swear I will fall off
If this ride doesn't stop I swear I will fall off

Fall Off

Oh
I am in too deep
The blood upon my hands
Is staining


Pestilence a draining rot
Famine from my own face
War in my mind a constant battle
Death my one true fate

This stage is all I’ve got
To perform the acts of my play
If you’ll lend an ear, I’ll weave a story
Of lost eternity

You know I’m all that I’m not
I’m trying my best to see
These fairytales have tragic endings
Thats how it’s supposed to be


Oh
I am in too deep
The blood upon my hands
Is staining


Cloven my feet stamp the ground
With each inch and foot too be won
If only my father could see
My crusade could be done

Hallowed my slumber awaits
In these halls of stone
Do as my will dictates
In this grave I call my home

We shall witness the fall
The coming of the lord
The streets have filled with dead
And the ever rising horde

In this twist of fate
All will be revealed
If it’s not too late
If any of this is real


Oh
I am in too deep
The blood upon my hands
Is staining

No
I can finally see
What’s inside my head
Is failing

Oh
I am in too deep
The blood upon my hands
Is staining

No
I can finally see
What’s inside my head
Is failing

Too Deep

You picked me up, I don’t remember
And I couldn’t tell you why
In these dreams the only place it seems
Where you haven’t died

In the dry early December
No ambulance cries
The silent screams waiting underneath
Tear at us inside

The walls stained cigarette
The floors covered in dust
The place lives on as I remember
Instead of all this rust

Why can’t we go back there
Before time took it’s toll
I need a place I can call home
Before I grow old

No

Nostalgia

I’m back
Hold your cries
I got a black Cadillac
And bloodshot eyes

I’m trapped
It’s my lot in life
You can’t have that
The Lord did not provide

A happy ending where no one really cares
Its just another one sided love affair

And that
Will leave you blind
No pretending
You are not my kind

It’s all over now
I’ll say it again
You keep shooting these lies
Aimed at my head
If you don’t know by now
This is the end
Your pale disguise
Falls down again

We’ve tried it your way now we’ll do mine
A made up story and I’m feeling fine

But you should know by now
This is the end
Over and over, and over, over again

If we could only live again
Remember times you were my friend
If we must falter at the end
From all the lies you’ve had to spin

If we could only live again
Remember times you were my friend
If I should call, lend out a hand
We’ll see how time began

I’m back
For the millionth time
This dragging ending is a fucking crime
And that
Is how you say goodbye
No sign of warning
We’re out of time

Back Again

You think that you see me
For everything that I am
You think that you’ll bleed me
But what you don’t understand
Is pressure’s how I’m made
There’s a fire inside
I never should have stayed
But that is no fault of mine

You think that you need me
That I would hold your hand
You think that I am complete
More like a complete sham
But someday you will see
That I was never alive
I will not judge you for
What you’ve done to survive


Get this thought out of your head
The silence bought my only friend
You know the truth
I’ve nothing to say to you

Turn and toss, it never ends
The deepest loss, I’ve nothing left
Except for you
You know it’s true


You think that you see me
For everything that I am
You think that you’ll bleed me
But what you don’t understand
Is pressure’s how I’m made
There’s a fire inside
I never should have stayed
But that is no fault of mine

You think that you need me
That I would hold your hand
You think that I am complete
More like a complete sham
But someday you will see
That I was never alive
I will not judge you for
What you’ve done to survive


The pain it stops
I can’t hear what you say
We’ve paid the cost
There was no other way

We can’t go on
Can’t live in yesterday
Just sing my song
Tell me it’s OK


You think that you see me
For everything that I am
You think that you’ll bleed me
But what you don’t understand
Is pressure’s how I’m made
There’s a fire inside
I never should have stayed
But that is no fault of mine

You think that you need me
That I would hold your hand
You think that I am complete
More like a complete sham
But someday you will see
That I was never alive
I will not judge you for
What you’ve done to survive

You Think That

It’s all in my head
You could mistake me for dead
But you can’t comprehend
This world is only pretend
Was it something I said
Or what I really meant
You’ve heard all my words
You get what you get

Why try again
When theres no consequence
It turns and it turns
It’s my only defense
It burns and it burns
Like the bridges I’ve met
And by the next verse
I’ll be forgiven

I will not stop
I will not go
I’m all I’ve got
I’ve lost control

Is it real that I feel
Like we’re all just a mass
It sounds so absurd 
But the matter of fact is
To binge and to purge
Is a natural reaction
To live and to learn
How it really happened

How It Really Happened

Oh don’t you see me
Oh god I’d wish you’d see me
Seeing is believing and
And who’d want to be me

Those words left me reeling
I can’t fight this feeling
Who am I really
Who am I really

It’s all part of the plan
You can’t shake me from this
The words fall through my hands
Full of venom and spit

It’s like you don’t understand
You’ve gone and you’ve made the list
The words fall through my hands
It all ends with a fist

It all ends with a fist

Do or die
There’s no reason why
The truth inside
It’s my turn to cry

If suicide
Won’t end this ride
You said I lied
You said I lied

It’s all part of the plan
You can’t shake me from this
The words fall through my hands
Full of venom and spit

It’s like you don’t understand
You’ve gone and you’ve made the list
The words fall through my hands
It all ends with a fist

It all ends with a fist

It all ends with a fist

It All Ends

I
Don’t feel the same as I used to be
Inside
I feel it growing inside of me
I can’t help it
I am

Lost
I am
Found
I am
One
With the ground
I am
Bought
I am
Crowned
I am
One
With the sound

I
Can’t escape my memory and
I
Don’t feel the same as I used to be

I am
Lost
I am
Found
I am
One
With the ground
I am
Bought
I am
Crowned
I am
One
With the sound
I am
Not
Going to break
I am
Not
Some mistake
That you
Made
I am
All
I am
None
I am
Here now I’m
Gone

I Am

Hear me
I’m calling out your name
If it’s only fear I feel then I’m falling down the same, and I said
Believe me
These words will all ring true
Who’s inside my head I’ve never met and I never intend to

Falling apart is the new zeitgeist
I’ve paid the piper and doubled the price
And it’s all just sleight of hand
Time escapes these fingers like sand

Hear me
I’m calling out your name
If it’s only fear I feel then I’m falling down the same, and I said
Believe me
These words will all ring true
Who’s inside my head I’ve never met and I never intend to

I am 
Nothing
I’ll never speak again
Let’s not pretend
I’m something
Other what you said
It’s in my head now
Rotting
I’m better off when I’m dead
I won’t regret
I’m falling
Deeper and deeper yet
The silence comforting

Hear me
I’m calling out your name
If it’s only fear I feel then I’m falling down the same, and I said
Believe me
These words will all ring true
Who’s inside my head I’ve never met and I never intend to
Hear me
I’m calling out your name
If it’s only fear I feel then I’m falling down the same, and I said
Believe me
These words will all ring true
Who’s inside my head I’ve never met and I never intend to


Inside Your Head Is Someone You Have Never Met

In the darkest night
Of my neon dreams
It’s made of light
Bursting at the seams

In sudden fright
I heard a scream
Something wasn’t right
It was coming for me

My body gave chase
My breathing heaved
I needed to rest
I needed to leave

When then I saw
In front of me
An open maw
A fall so deep


The light is blinding
As my eyes break
Finding my footing
As I wake

Shake off the rest
Snap into shape
With each step
The whole world shakes

Crowds disperse
Sirens fade
Clouds adjourn
Time elongates

I am the beginning
I am your fate
Alpha omega
Small and great


Judgement Day
The end is nigh
Sackcloth black
Turns the sky

This holy task
To be incurred
Each whip of the lash
Thrice deserved

Apocalypse now
Chaos reigns
The golden cow
Wrought to flame

The dead will rise
And walk again
This paradise
In my name

Neon Dreams

I can’t breathe
I’m collapsed inside
Each breath a task meant
To wound my pride

I will bleed
To show you mine
Now show me yours
And open wide

Can’t you see
It’s all on the line
Each second I need
I run out of time

I can’t breathe
But I’m feeling fine
It’s all an ask
To help me with my
Dying


Suddenly
It all comes back
Each breath I take
Might be the last

Part of me
Stuck in the past
Yet here I stand
A shadow cast

We’ve tread this road
Worn from our tracks
Not far to go
No turning back

I walk alone
As you react
A stepping stone
A trail of black
Dies

I Can't Breathe

There’s a part of me I wish that I could hide
A slow decay that starts from the inside
I’m crumbling, before my time
An unfinished portrait devoid of pride
All the feelings I get I still can’t cry
All the reasons to live that just don’t rhyme
Days fly past and I’m all out of time
But I can’t go just yet, I can’t say goodbye

I am just the sum of all my faults
Do not get behind me as I drag my heavy cross
Will I become nothing but a tally of my loss
How can I go on living if I cannot pay the cost

I am just the sum of all my faults
Do not get behind me as I drag my heavy cross
Will I become nothing but a tally of my loss
How can I go on living if I cannot pay the cost

I am just the sum of all my faults
Do not get behind me as I drag my heavy cross
Will I become nothing but a tally of my loss
How can I go on living if I cannot pay the cost

I am just the sum of all my faults
Do not get behind me as I drag my heavy cross
Will I become nothing but a tally of my loss
Will I become nothing but a tally of my loss

No
I can’t stand still
Boxing my emotions into little yellow pills
I’m drowning in this ocean I’m not fucking growing gills
Give me a solution that just isn’t getting killed
No
I don’t feel free
Drudging through this daily is just fucking misery
Waking every morning its just me that isn’t dawning
I’m stuck bleeding and I’m crawling
Like the angel I am falling

Nostalgia just seems like a putrid disease
These fucked up memories that have me on my knees
Now will God show herself and hear my fucking pleas
Cause I long for comfort and I long for peace
I’m strong as balsa in a torrent of flame
A whore for anguish but I’m fucked just the same
I can’t be a player if I won’t play the game
I won’t be remembered if you don’t know my name

I am just the sum of all my faults
Do not get behind me as I drag my heavy cross
Will I become nothing but a tally of my loss
How can I go on living if I cannot pay the cost

I am just the sum of all my faults
Do not get behind me as I drag my heavy cross
Will I become nothing but a tally of my loss
How can I go on living if I cannot pay the cost

I am just the sum of all my faults
Do not get behind me as I drag my heavy cross
Will I become nothing but a tally of my loss
Will I become nothing but a tally of my loss

No
I can’t stand still
Boxing my emotions into little yellow pills
I’m drowning in this ocean I’m not fucking growing gills
Give me a solution that just isn’t getting killed
No
I don’t feel free
Drudging through this daily is just fucking misery
Waking every morning its just me that isn’t dawning
I’m stuck bleeding and I’m crawling
Like the angel I am falling
No
I can’t stand still
Boxing my emotions into little yellow pills
I’m drowning in this ocean I’m not fucking growing gills
Give me a solution that just isn’t getting killed
No
I don’t feel free
Drudging through this daily is just fucking misery
Waking every morning its just me that isn’t dawning
I’m stuck bleeding and I’m crawling
Like the angel I am falling

Lifestyle

I need help to clean this mess
I can't help but stress
It's a mess that you made me

My whole life reduced to piles
Can't get around
On my own fucking safely

Can't get ahead no matter what I've read
Just spend and spend til you're broke and dead
It's on my face, it's in my head
This fucking place might be my end

I don't think one thing precludes the other
Could this be something we do together
And it don't matter what they say
It's all our circus anyway

We are the crowd
We are the clowns
We are the flames that burn this down

You are the queen
I am the crown
We are the flames that burn this down

Burn this down

We Are The Flames

Faces all turned their back
The light you cast has all turned black
There are traces of something past
Left alone we show our cracks

Baseless truth in lies
It’s the one thing I can’t abide
So lets take this fucked up ride
Cut all the bullshit get ready to die

You can’t see truth where you don’t believe
You don’t need proof to get on your knees
To pacify your God above
You live in lies and shutter love
You can’t see truth where you don’t believe

The kings crown, a thorned affair
What you breathe is all hot air
You’ll break down from the weight of prayer
Your only hope doesn’t even care

You can’t see truth where you don’t believe
You don’t need proof to get on your knees
To pacify your God above
You live in lies and shutter love
You can’t see truth where you don’t believe

Truth

Separate
You cannot feel this
You can’t say it’s a part of me
As I wait
For it to end

Desecrate
Devour and kill bliss
I can feel it inside of me
Hesitate
My life depends

If it were not for you I’d be collapsing
Fold on myself, my body reacting
Save for my health
Divisions subtracting
Dead

Solemnly sordid I can’t go back there
Visions distorted blurred but you’re right there
Truth be told
I never tried


For You

Turpentine won’t clean it off
There’s nothing left but what you wrought
Deep inside you know the cost
Another day another life was lost

When your time has come and gone
You lived your life like nothing’s wrong 
Like the moonlight haunts the sun
These are all the ghosts you will become


Somethings wrong
No one there
Pass each day without a care
No solemn vow, no mournful prayer
Will bring you back, who knows from where

The name you made now history
Your day to day a mystery
How could you do this to me
Leave all this broken, piece by piece


Turpentine won’t clean it off
There’s nothing left but what you wrought
Deep inside you know the cost
Another day another life was lost

When your time has come and gone
You lived your life like nothing’s wrong 
Like the moonlight haunts the sun
These are all the ghosts you will become


All your plans have up and crashed
Each grain of sand beyond your grasp
Upon the ashes of eras past
Your shadow cast it will not last
From dust to dust to dirt to grass
Year to year they pile up fast


Turpentine won’t clean it off
There’s nothing left but what you wrought
Deep inside you know the cost
Another day another life was lost

When your time has come and gone
You lived your life like nothing’s wrong 
Like the moonlight haunts the sun
These are all the ghosts you will become

When your time has come and gone
You lived your life like nothing's wrong
Like the moonlight haunts the sun
These are the ghosts you will become 

All the Ghosts You Will Become

Hearing you breathe 
Again and again 
Your lips on my teeth 
We are sinking in 
The blood underneath 
This porcelain grin 
You are all that I need 
My favorite sin

I pull away 
But you curl inside of me 
Through night and day 
You stir up the dark in me 
Come what may 
This ache is rightfully 
Where I lay 
With you sighing quietly

Paranoid 
Because I know what’s out there 
Fill the void 
Run your hands in my hair 
I’m destroyed 
With you just gasping right there 
Your voice alloyed 
Hunger feeding despair

Terribly
I know that I want you
Part of me
You know that you want to
Solemnly
Sweetly bearing sharp tooth
Impossibly
Being that combines two

Bruised and bound
You trace what’s left of me
Without a sound
You drink the breath from me
I’m spellbound
This little death of me
Turn around
And take the rest of me

Spellbound

I remember it well
They told us the sun would rise, but I saw it fall
A flash, a roar
That light broke the silent night and left nothing in its wake
Everything I had loved turned to dust


The fall carries songs
On a dead bird’s wing
To avert tragedy
Like a spider’s string

If it were all up to me
We would laugh and sing
Look back on the past
And the beautiful things

Look back at the collapse
Where it all begins
Perhaps we were trapped
From the start of things

It’s thoughts like that 
That get you killed
Take you out back
Till silence fills


In a sky so black
With the stars alight
It won’t change the fact

The sun shines tonight

There’s no turning back
The flames burning bright
With a sudden crack

The sun shines tonight

Your eyes turned to ash
You can’t take the light
The end is coming fast

The sun shines tonight

Goodbye to what we had
Goodbye to the new life
Caught up in the blast

The sun shines tonight

The Sun Shines Tonight


Sick
Why you you always talking to me
Wanna do me
Hit me slay it

Theres an awful lot of truth
I got the proof
I’m gonna say it

You told me 
To count out my words
I’m only folding
And doling out adverbs

This scene again will play tomorrow
The same again will play today
And if you got some sugar to borrow
I can be your honeybee


Seasons
Over and end again
You can’t comprehend

The reason
Why you’re the only one left
There is no more rest

This feeling
Pushing behind your eyes
Pay heed to the wise

My meaning
A twisted hypothesis
Why I don’t exist


Relax
It’s just a modern tactic
Just to light the matchstick
To pretend like I don’t exist

I’m back is just another outfit
To find out about this
Other end of your fucking list

How we bout we take this forward
How bout we push it back
It’s danger we’re going toward
And I got no fucking slack


It’s treason
Enemy behind the lines
There is no disguise

Believing
All your fucking lies
And crocodile cries

I’m reeling
I’m stoned out of mind
I’m going blind

My demons
Hope I fucking die
Fucking try

Honeybee

I am the lover beneath your sheets
I am the hunter
I am the meat

I am the thunder
I am the storm
I am the only
I am the swarm

I am the holy
I am forsaken
I am the last breath to be taken

I am here to remind you that
I am the fear that finds you

I am the thing beneath your bed
I am the ringing in your head

I am the last thing that you’ll see
I am no one else but me

A Darker Breed

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