Finifen Malekey

Loabi lee oyaa.mp3

I Just Wanna Be by Myself

🔻 Song Insight
“Why Do I Do This to Myself?” is a soft-spoken confession wrapped in retro colors and emotional vulnerability. It tells the story of forbidden longing—those moments when friendship blurs with desire, and you're left staring at someone you can't have, heart full, hands still. The lyrics unfold like pages from a teenage diary, capturing a fleeting night where silence says everything, and dreams feel more real than daylight.

The song lives in the quiet between words: a brush of a foot, a shared laugh, a whispered maybe. It’s not just about heartbreak—it’s about almost love. The kind that hurts not because it ended, but because it never truly began.

Framed in lo-fi folk textures and subtle storytelling, “Why Do I Do This to Myself?” resonates with anyone who’s ever wanted more than someone could give... and held onto the hope that maybe, just maybe, they felt it too.

🔻 Lyrics
[Intro]
Laying across from me... just friends
Seeing you move in your sleep
Your foot brushed my leg
Caught in your stare
Blushed... looked away
I know, I know you're not gay
Stop barking up the tree in '93

[Verse 1]
You smirked and smiled
Rolled over
Closed your eyes
Why do I do this to myself
Fall in love
With the one I can't love

[Verse 2]
Looking at you asleep
So perfect
So kind
So sweet
Your eyes
Your ears
Your perfect nose
Even your feet...
Those socks

[Bridge]
I got caught again
You leaned in close
Put your face near mine
And said the best thing I ever heard you say
"I'm not what I used to be
I don't bite
Unless you want me to"
You tilted your head
Pressed your lips to mine
I thought I had died
This sweet perfection... was mine

[Verse 3]
We stayed up talking
Till our eyes gave in
Falling asleep on my chest
Feeling you breathe with me
The best dream I had

[Verse 4]
I sang you a song
One I had written
Long ago
The first time I saw you
The moment I fell
In love

[Chorus]
Oh boy, it's a boy
Got trapped inside
Don’t wanna hide
Come say hi
He's a keeper
A friend for life
He’ll never know
It’s true... it’s love
I feel
Through and through

[Verse 5]
I wished he could see
This love that's in me
It's all I have to be
This light
So bright
Keeps me up all night

[Outro]
I awoke
Thought you were gone
Then realized
It was all a dream
A dream
That can never be

🔻 Personal Reflection
This one hit harder than most.
It’s not about a breakup or a fight. It’s about what never got the chance to exist.
“Why Do I Do This to Myself?” came from a real night—back in high school, back when everything felt so massive and quiet at the same time. I remember laying there, next to him, every nerve aware, every breath like a question mark.

The striped socks were real. So was the tension. So was the moment when he said something—playful maybe, maybe more—and for a second I thought, this might actually happen.
It didn’t. But I remember every detail like it did.

This song is for anyone who’s ever read too deeply into a smile… who dared to hope even when they knew better. It's for the quiet crushes, the never-said-anythings, the dreams that leave a mark even if they don’t leave a trace.

Writing it was like opening a sealed letter from myself… and realizing the ink never faded.



🔻 Copyright Notice
"All lyrics and content featured in this post are protected under copyright (© 2025) and have been securely time-locked and validated through a crypto-based verification system to ensure originality and ownership. Unauthorized reproduction or distribution of any part of these works without explicit consent is strictly prohibited."

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