6/25/2021

What do you want me 2 say

NEVER FORGIVE

Ode to the Girl in the Psych Ward

olive jacket, magenta hair
pale skin with a piercing stare
you see through my eyes to my brain
swallowed whole by an empty void
wondered if i'd be destroyed
but somehow you saved me from it

speak in tongues through a speakerphone
never see what i need to know
i always just do at the end
question morals and need support
swapping spit in a pillow fort
i'm drunk on a sunday again

i'm fading out
but i'll open up
at least i would
but i'm frozen shut
god damn

white lies on the telephone
might cry if i make it home
but something tells me that i won't
water bottle of alcohol
on my teacher's desk in a middle school
we all must find our escapes

broken clasp on a cookie jar
empty cabinets, looking hard
for something to eat in this place
going hungry or maybe starving
myself because i hate who i am
oh, i do, oh yes, i do

i'm fading out
but i'll open up
at least i would
but i'm frozen shut
god damn

i'm fading out
but i'll open up
at least i would
but i'm frozen shut
god damn

frozen shut

an ode to addiction (among other things)

a song that functions as a coping mechanism

maybe i'll leave home today and drive or walk around
i could meet some friends for dinner at a restaurant downtown
but something tells me it's a bad idea to outside
that little voice inside my head that whispers "you might die"

maybe i'll get out of bed and go down to the store
i could buy a couple candy bars or bleed out on the floor
i'm so prone to accidents and awkward little habits
i don't wanna leave my room, i wanna hide out in my attic

i am afraid of everything
i run away from everything

i think i'll go out tonight, and maybe see a movie
'cause there's so much to fear in life, but also so much beauty
i know that my condition is difficult, alright
but i'm sick of letting all my friends believe that they're disliked

so i'm gonna leave my house today
i'm gonna say all that i need to say
and i'll talk to strangers and compliment them
to prove to myself that i'm strengthened again

i am okay with everything
i'll be okay through anything

anxiety; self-reliance

She's Not Right (demo)

this is an album about the fears and tremors that come with love, and the crisis of not knowing your own identity as yours.

enjoy.

Maria

Docile Bodies