non-profit ep. wanted to bring back my old type of music.

2019

released by 99stellar collective (@darkroserecords1)

album cover by sorendipity 

album produced by frevel (@freveltrothy)

mixed & mastered by me (@akiradoves)
________________________________________
featured artists:
kii (@musicbykii)
navyxower (@navyxower)
yokai dreams (@yokaidreams)
b murph (@b_murph)
emptychest (@emptychest)
nokerb (@nokerbforever)
paradyne (@paradynee)
familypet (@familypet)
hamilton (@hammy)
________________________________________
co-producers:
sor (@sor_beats)
northeast lights (@northeastlights)
5head (@prod5head)
jolst (https://soundcloud.com/jolst)

Stray Into The Abyss (Frevel)

Mixed/Mastered By Me And Cutdeep 
Check Out https://soundcloud.com/cut_deep They Make Beautiful Music 
-
Prod By Kuroime
Check Out https://soundcloud.com/kuroimetsuyu https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCguPL7k6YgEieyw2EdwafJA 
They Make Amazing Beats 
-
//Lyrics//
(Hook)
watch that moonlight watch that sunlight I think you're a lie its more than just a lie watch your mouth watch your tone who you speaking to baby not white lies its more than just white lies 
(Verse)
you notice more than this I know its painful now baby don't distant yourself come on and hug me now I just wanna hold you like before we're looking at the stars I loved you from the start
(Cutdeep's Verse)
I can’t be, everything I try so hard You ripped my heart apart Fuck that I don’t go out Up in my head I can’t get out Why you gotta do me like that It’s so sad I’ve been gone for a bit You like that I don’t know if you’re really fuckin into me Feels bad that I wasted all my energy You don’t care you don’t care There’s roses everywhere I’m aware I’m aware I call and no ones there I call and no ones there x2 
So why’d you fuckin lie like that
(Hook)
watch that moonlight watch that sunlight I think you're a lie its more than just a lie watch your mouth watch your tone who you speaking to baby not white lies its more than just white lies

moonlight w/ cutdeep (prod. kuroime)

mixed/mastered by me 
-
prod by https://soundcloud.com/jolst
-
//Lyrics//
days feel like a waste stab my back with a blade what the fuck did I do took my name off your phone tell me if you did tell me is it real I don't even care about myself x2

cant you tell I am tryna get better cant you tell I am tryna get better move away so fast from the world disappear so quick from the world

can't you tell that I am tryna get better tell me why tell me why this is happening I don't care anymore how I die you don't care anymore when I cry

I don't try my best anymore what the fuck did I do why the fuck I'm a ghost I don't know anymore I don't know anymore you don't know don't know why

I don't try my best anymore what the fuck did I do took my name off your phone where the fuck did you go why the fuck imma alone I don't care about me what the fuck do you mean 

days feel like a waste stab my back with a blade what the fuck did I do took my name off your phone tell me if you did tell me is it real I don't even care about myself x3

days feel like a waste (prod. jolst)

mixed/mastered by me and kinshii
-
feat. https://soundcloud.com/kinshii
-
prod by https://soundcloud.com/hellahaunted & https://soundcloud.com/sainttomorrow
-
//LYRICS//
its been a long time I swear that I do miss you its been 3 months and i swear that i am trying I'm still used to this and I'm so sick of this I'm stuck at home all alone i am sick today

in my room and I'm feeling so faded don't know what to grabbing my knife I'm gonna stab myself and you don't love me like before oh before 

its been a long time I swear that I do miss you its been 3 months and I swear that I am trying I'm still used to this and I'm so sick of this I'm stuck at home all alone i am sick today every time I wake up feeling wasted times moving really fucking fast and I don't like that why you talk to me I don't talk to you every time I wake up wanna sleep some more

(Kinshii)
now my beds the place i spend my days i can’t get up staring at a screen i do this every night and i don’t want to talk about it appreciate the thought but i’ve been trying to push away what makes me feel alive that’s growing up guess i can’t take it life used to be fun, now i live sedated don’t know why im smoking but still getting faded maybe the clouds free my brain from its cages sike no it’s not, causing a block life’s getting harder and harder than cock prosthetic leg maybe hard as rock kick to the face and it don’t ever stop and my family keeps calling me crazy probably cause i ain’t speak to them lately i been showing the signs someone save me and the reaper just said he’s done waiting truthfully not sure what im supposed do and the voice in my head, who im talking to is convincing enough, i might follow through or maybe i won’t just to stay with you

used to it w/ kinshii (prod. caspr & saint tomorrow)

//lyrics//
(hook)
i took my last my breath till i die I'm praying for god till i cry fuck it i cannot take it anymore you ruin my day till the final goodbye the final good bye why did you lie you told me in my face "why you despise me ?" fuck it i cannot have you anymore you ruined my day till your final stay
-
(verse)
i just wish i always fucking held you staring at my phone screen and i just had a thought don't wanna get lost from this memory 
-
(hook)
i took my last my breath till i die I'm praying for god till i cry fuck it i cannot take it anymore you ruined my day till the final goodbye the final good bye why did you lie you told me in my face "why you despise me ?" fuck it i cannot have you anymore you ruined my day till your final stay

took my last breath (reesoo + xmichaelwarren)

Mixed/Mastered By Me 
-
Prod By https://soundcloud.com/stillvanishing & https://soundcloud.com/killedmyself

it's been a long night (stillvanishing & killedmyself)

Mixed/Mastered By Me 
-
Prod By https://soundcloud.com/idealismus
-
(Lyrics)
back inside my dead room looking at my photos staring at my phone screen no one fucking noticed looking at perspectives tryna fucking figure out myself i don't care what you think to i don't wanna come care to 

tell me yow you to i don't think too much about the past oh no and I'm sorry to eveyone and i will take the blame

never again , i won't love all i care is about lust I'm such a bad person sorry for leading you on I'm to anyone i regret everything i done it's all my fault and i will never say "i blame it on the world" 

back inside my dead room looking at my photos staring at my phone screen no one fucking noticed looking at perspectives tryna fucking figure out myself i don't wanna be different i just wanna fucking fit in x2 

looking at perspectives tryna fucking figure out myself i don't wanna be different i just wanna fucking fit in never again i will love all i care is about lust I'm such a bad person sorry for leading you on





sorry for being a bad person (idealism)

i don't know who i am anymore
-
(Lyrics)

[Verse 1]
and for the better 
remember all the sleepless nights
It was me by your side
it's so hard to wake up no love
and It don’t make sense why won't you show up
And doesn’t feel real who the fuck am I 
I just look at myself 
Look around all so fake 
 
[Chorus]
Who am I don’t know 
Identity crisis 
I don’t know where I’m going
Please take me so 
 
[Bridge]
Cause I’m looking at photos Reminiscing
All the memories are gone 
Like they don’t know fucking exist
Everything far away 
 
[Verse 2]
Feeling retarded she left me for him 
Crying out loud and I’m begging for more
Louder and Louder the voice just won’t stop
Make it all stop I’ll kill someone else
You already killed me once 
Suicidal thoughts are killing me 
I Hope it will stop
Just more sleepless nights
I’m seeing all red 
My hearts getting blue
 
[Chorus]
I’m losing myself 
From who the fuck am I 
Identity crisis
I’m losing myself 
From who the fuck am I 
Identity crisis

identity crisis (afterlife)

Mixed/Mastered By Me 
-
Prod By https://soundcloud.com/nadiakuk
-
(Lyrics)

[Verse 1]
Isolated temple won't take me out back
Just numb the pain with drugs 
It's all I ever had
Fucked up I cannot focus on my bed 
Doing these drugs all I have 

[Chorus]
I still see her in my flashbacks 
Four O'clock and I can't fucking feel a thing
why'd you try to fucking call me
I still walk around on my own two

[Verse 2]
Fuck it up a mess
Silhouettes yeah I'm so stressed 
Taking medicine popping pill for the pain
She was so expressive hit depression
She was just another girl probably from another world

[Sample]
I don't know what's your talking about half the time 
Why is that?
I don't know
I mean you just go on and on talking about nothing 
Why can't you have a normal conversation?
Your always trying to sound like some damn medicine man

[Chorus]
I still see her in my flashbacks 
Four O'clock and I can't fucking feel a thing
why'd you try to fucking call me
I still walk around on my own two
x2

[Outro]
I still see her in my flashbacks 
Four O'clock and I can't fucking feel a thing
why'd you try to fucking call me
I still walk around on my own two

i still see her in my flashbacks at 4am (nadiak)

water flows

Mixed/Mastered By Me 
-
Prod By https://soundcloud.com/johnnyfriend
(Lyrics)

you expected less (johnnyfriend)

Mixed/Mastered By Me 
-
Prod By https://soundcloud.com/hxppytears

maidenless (happytears)

sit in silence (michael harrison + gavin hadley)

(Lyrics)
 
cut down, cut loose I'm nothing but a bad news to you and i just fucking breakdown suicide and everytime she looking at me i wanna die 

we're going out and you treat me like I'm trash and I'm asking why and the way you fucking answer you don't even try i don't wanna wake up and i just drown wanna drown 

let me drown let me rot going down let me rot nothing's the same without you

and you talk too much put that shit on fucking dnd blow it up like that creepy with the tnt fuck it up you're no fun say it to my dead face you dead weight space 

cut down, cut loose I'm nothing but a bad news to you and i just fucking breakdown suicide and everytime she looking at me i wanna die x2

nothing but bad news (johnnyfriend)

(Lyrics)

i swear to god I'm moving out backpack i gotta go I'm leaving now i don't even care if you fucking say they missing me i don't even know i don't even try put me down like trash I'll get you back fight back i don't care what you say 1 2 3 just to fucking sleep you hurt my fucking that so cheap

cut down, cut loose finally I'm free from anxiety i need, need some fucking clarity to breath

i swear to god I'm moving out backpack i gotta go I'm leaving now i don't even care if you fucking say they missing me i don't even know i don't even try put me down like trash I'll get you back fight back i don't care what you say 1 2 3 just to fucking sleep you hurt my fucking that so cheap

i swear to god (frevel x jolst)

mixed/mastered by me 
-
prod by https://soundcloud.com/sshinju
-
(Lyrics)
let go let go my time I'm empty 

I'll never find myself feel like I'm drowning now I'm just seeing new changes i just went through fucking phases I'm just running around gloomy thoughts and it's raining

falling she won't text me anymore suffocating cry I'll be dying in this void

feeling kinda empty and I'm lonely I'm pacifistic bout some shit i don't have time to fight fuck every human every interaction with them is so bad 

I'll be chilling in my fucking room don't even have a clue how to find my fucking certain sound i dont even wanna take the time to fucking learn i just wanna make fucking shit and be happy

let go let go my time I'm empty

I'm just getting tired this music shit is too much I'm inside this cage the reaper just coming out i dont wanna stay this be getting to loud i don't wanna talk i don't wanna make a sound

going thru changes (shinju)

mixed/mastered by me 
featuring @scoobisalright
prod by https://soundcloud.com/freveltrothy & thrashboy beats

//Lyrics//

Devil on my shoulder 
Telling me lies 
She coming over 
She's ready to cry
Think about my future 
She wasting my time 
Cut ties, cut you 
Cut screws needa room to breath
It's an urgency emergency
She texting me and it's fucking aching me 
Dealing with anxiety 
When you're by me by me by me

But I cant
Let this go
Even if I wanted to
Just take my hand

Yeah, its not okay
Its not alright
Remember last fall when
I called you mine

But now you're gone
Passed with time
Can't forget you
And that's not lie

And lately I've been stressed
All because of you
Now I'm crying in this bed
That was made for two

You got me feeling stupid
While I'm feeling blue
As you led me on
While you start anew

Devil on my shoulder 
Telling me lies 
She coming over 
She's ready to cry
Think about my future 
She wasting my time 
Cut ties, cut you 
Cut screws needa room to breath
It's an urgency emergency
She texting me and it's fucking aching me 
Dealing with anxiety 
When you're by me, by me, by me

devil on my shoulder w/ scoob (frevel & thrashboy)

@soundcloud took this song down unfairly after my manager bought the lease. sorry y'all. hopefully it stays up this time

sorry for being a disappointment (misery)

fubuki star world (andll)

Mixed Me & https://soundcloud.com/musicbykii
Mastered By https://soundcloud.com/musicbykii
-
Prod By https://soundcloud.com/freveltrothy & https://soundcloud.com/sor_beats

Braindead

braindead w/ kii (frevel + sor)

(lyrics) 
she remembers who she talk to we were fucking with the lights on my depression just got real bad i was 16 when i first felt love and i got weed inside my backpack sending hearts through my phone on snapchat she said she like it when i give her all this damn time i look her took my name off your phone what the fuck did i do

she remembers who she talk to we were fucking with the lights on my depression just got real bad i was 16 when i first felt love she said she like the fucking pain the i go through and I'll never hit your line cause you never text me voices in my head are killing me until the end 

wtf did i do (stillvanishing)

(lyrics) 
lost in time silver eyes fallen out of love she want mind if i try i can't wake her up lonely skies i might fall bring the devil fall gloomy thoughts when i look out window missing her when i look at my pictures 

waking up and i feel dizzy smoke a blunt and i see a ghost fall down into a comatose all these and imma overdose 

lost in time silver eyes fallen out of love she want mind if i try i can't wake her up

waited for too long (nciku & nothing,nowhere)

mixed/mastered by me
-
lyrics

there's no one in sight I'm feeling alone and i cannont bear this loneliness i want you close i want you here i do not want you to fear and baby come closer it's getting kinda colder their's no escape from this pain i know there's only us and this place 

i know you'll be back to hold me i miss you she hurt me bad it was poison thoughts in my head are dizzy you said you were not coming back home where did you go i see a ghost 

it's not fair at all that you did me wrong i learn from mistakes I'm a human being you don't even care when I'm nauseous I've had enough 

and depression I thought we'd last forever and honestly i think you're texting someone else it makes me feel bad I'm sorry even though i treat you rightfully 

and did you hear me right i said I'm not the best and now you got me stressing I'm not like the rest I'm getting phone calls about my health don't know how to deal with everything that's going on I'm listening to non-sense everything we'll be okay i promise don't leave me

memories are still haunting me (4thirty)

Mixed/Mastered By Me
-
(lyrics)
bad things go bad when I'm myself i had no clue you were gossiping  around scary thoughts and my head is in the cloud now you're acting like I'm some kinda ghost x2  

and i was really nothing special my friends are warning me that i should be careful I'm kinda grateful i had someone but knowing that you won't love me forever cause i was broken down and she won't remember all the times that we had together and my kidneys are failing my health is fucking depleting you don't care and you were forgetful anyway that's what i like the think anyway 

it's what i like to think floating high away lot in my head today i had enough and I'm not enough for you it makes me cry and i know that I'm not special and i wish i could reset my life 

and i wish we could spend more time talking about memories of us i just wish this wasn't the last i wanna stay forever 

forever cause i was broken down and she won't remember all the times that we had together and my kidneys are failing my health is fucking depleting you don't care and you were forgetful anyway that's what i like the think anyway

not enough (cian x ayoleybeats)

you treat me like trash w/ navyxower (frevel + northeast lights)

bloodstains w/ b murph (frevel + 5head)

private and faceless w/ emptychest (frevel + 5head)

(Lyrics) 

you were laughing cause i thought you were something
i guess you were you were not wrong 
someone spilled all my guts
nah nah with all my cuts (swear to god) 
somethings in my head 
wish i could fix this problem 
can you stick this fucking knife right on my throat 
and imma let you know that you weren't the one for me
_______________________________________________________
i can feel my body rot
never really tell if it was love or not
so i guess that i'll have to assume
that between me and you
it wasn't what i thought
you weren't what i want
now i'm seeing red cuz you cut me off
i think that i might have a habit of turning a good thing into a bad one
gave you it all because i thought you'd be the last one
_______________________________________________________
you were laughing cause i thought you were something
i guess you were you were not wrong 
someone spilled all my guts
nah nah with all my cuts (swear to god) 
somethings in my head 
wish i could fix this problem 
can you stick this fucking knife right on my throat 
and imma let you know that you weren't the one for me
__________________________________________________________
i thought that we were something but we really were nothing
ripped my heart into pieces when she left me in the darkness 
i'm so hopeless feeling lost in all these controllable moments 
i'm frozen when i think about what i went through that's just me
when we were looking up at the night sky i felt something
i could take control but i really dont got the guts to speak
keep holding myself down like wtf is wrong with me
gotta get over my blocked up mind it's constantly
telling me shit i dont wanna hear
feel like hell's going down on me
she's inside of my dreams she said she'll never leave
cannot see i cannot see
i can tell they after me
social reject, lonely kid
why's it me?
_______________________________________________________
you were laughing cause i thought you were something
i guess you were you were not wrong 
someone spilled all my guts
nah nah with all my cuts (swear to god) 
somethings in my head 
wish i could fix this problem 
can you stick this fucking knife right on my throat 
and imma let you know that you weren't the one for me

thought you were something w/ yokai dreams & nokerb (frevel)

mixed/mastered by me 
-
featuring @familypet 
-
(LYRICS)
in my room smoke another pack
i can't relax i might relapse
i can't even think my eyes are going gray 
everyone around me put that shit on dnd 
pavement throw me in a fucking cave 
i'm a dead man say what you gotta say 
i don't need that and i drink too much 
people say i gotta chill i don't fucking need that 

dedicate all this shit don't waste my time 
tryna hit my phone you wanna spend some time 
you told me you would stay but that's a fucking lie 
look into my eyes let's watch the moonlight 
at my deadline understand why people look at me 
i don't know why they don't like me 
keep talking from the screen you wouldn't fight me 
everyone surrounding me from this misery
___________________________________________________
running round the city lights 
can't wait to be the sign this time
trying to think and rehearse 
now you're singing alone, alone yeah
i'm on a path of destruction
fuck up my life, like it's nothing 
pull up on me and you  bluffing 
i'm just so high giving nothing
i made a deal with the devil
"shut up and you'll win the bags" oh
popping like its heavy metal
she getting high like I care tho
hop in the show with a rave light yeah
keeping a road with a hitchhike yeah
ice on my wrist been a real hard day
half of this shit not real at work
ice on my neck that you threw away
talking all that shit I could send you away
i've been running out of time i'll never come back
out our relation time I pray that you cry
say that you cry, I don't feel shit
say that you down, I don't feel shit
___________________________________________________
in my room smoke another pack
i can't relax i might relapse
i can't even think my eyes are going gray 
everyone around me put that shit on dnd 
pavement throw me in a fucking cave 
i'm a dead man say what you gotta say 
i don't need that and i drink too much 
people say i gotta chill i don't fucking need that

Song Visuals

pavement w/ familypet (frevel + jolst)

mixed by me and https://soundcloud.com/hammy
mastered by me <3
-
Featuring https://soundcloud.com/hammy
-
(lyrics)
leave me there you don't mind you're seeking for, for health you don't seem to call me now blast off in a rocketship she said ima let down i gotta calm down six feet on the ground I'm digging down don't hear a sound ima see you praying on the shrine ima die young i reached my deadline I'm waiting by the bus stop with a tear drop 

yeah im posted at the bus stop watching cars pass
plastic bags on me like im taking out trash
got margiela on my feet yeah you know i burn racks 
shawty know that imma fiend yeah you know i’ll die fast
when i pull up dive in she know imma swim 
these other boys gonna sink baby im him
only going up i can’t go down 
racing to the top i can’t stop now
person in the top i can't stop now it's rainy in my vision but can it stop now only going up i can't go down 

leave me there you don't mind you're seeking for, for health you don't seem to call me now blast off in a rocketship she said ima let down i gotta calm down six feet on the ground I'm digging down don't hear a sound ima see you praying on the shrine ima die young i reached my deadline I'm waiting by the bus stop with a tear drop

seeking for help w/ hamilton (frevel)

(lyrics)
-
fell in love but it's too late but I'm going down
you don't care about me so i just wish you well
and i just had enough it's just hard to trust 
there's just not a lot to talk about 
fell in love but it's too late but I'm going down 
you don't care about me so i just wish you well 
and I'm just done with you i don't care at all so i wish you goodbye 

wish you goodbye you told a bad lie 
we're falling from the sky let's watch the sunrise 
so let's just cherish this damn time 
and we don't gotta fight every damn time 
_____________________________________________
heart racing i fell out of line
nowadays i have way too much downtime
i'm trying to get up promise I'll keep trying
can't keep up you move too fast all these damn lies
ran out of love so I think it's time to fall back
i feel so distant all alone what can I call that 
i gave you so many chances but you went and threw that
questions in my own head what made you wanna do that
at the top without you is where I wanna be at 
can't even look at you it hurts I don't need this
tired feeling worn out fatigue I feel anemic
all of this is your fault you never had a reason
_____________________________________________
fell in love but it's too late but I'm going down
you don't care about me so i just wish you well
and i just had enough it's just hard to trust
there's just not a lot to talk about
fell in love but it's too late but I'm going down
you don't care about me so i just wish you well
and I'm just done with you i don't care at all so i wish you goodbye

wish you goodbye w/ paradyne (frevel + thislandis)

https://soundcloud.com/prodnvki

loop lmao
//Lyrics//
(Hook) 
Yuh and she sniffing codeine why you begging down your fucking knees lately I be guessing that you hate me love you why the fuck you even begging down your fucking knees why did you never tell me I been inside this cage someone come and free me why did you never call me you rather call him and that really bores me
(Verse)
why when I'm feeling fucking down I I don't wanna fucking drown why are you feeling fucking down I cant take it anymore I feel I wanna drown
(Hook)
Yuh and she sniffing codeine why you begging down your fucking knees lately I be guessing that you hate me love you why the fuck you even begging down your fucking knees why did you never tell me I been inside this cage someone come and free me why did you never call me you rather call him and that really bores me
(Verse)
why when I'm feeling fucking down I I don't wanna fucking drown why are you feeling fucking down I cant take it anymore I feel I wanna drown
(Hook) 
Yuh and she sniffing codeine why you begging down your fucking knees lately I be guessing that you hate me love you why the fuck you even begging down your fucking knees why did you never tell me I been inside this cage someone come and free me why did you never call me you rather call him and that really bores me
(Hook)
Yuh and she sniffing codeine why you begging down your fucking knees lately I be guessing that you hate me love you why the fuck you even begging down your fucking knees

AkiraDoves

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