confucius did irreparable damage to chinese society  - jouissance

petit a - jouissance

we remember wholesale! so you don't have to - jouissance

Fugue State

Fell asleep last night with foundation on 
the third night in a row 
woke up covered in cookie crumbs thinking about my family 
pure guilt 
I could tell you it's all cause of the drugs and I'd be right 
If I could just quit smoking I'd be healthy
 instead of living with sunken eyes, 
shortness of breath and half assed lies 
my hair is greasy in my face 
I get and agitated itchy and angry and hypersensitive
but I wonder if I'd survive if it wasn't for getting high
How else am I supposed to block out the transphobic customers at work who make fun of me, go wide eyed when they hear my voice
Like the lady who was dragged out of the store screaming 
"it's a he!"
like the woman who shielded her childrens eyes and ushered them away because god forbid the youth see a tranny
they might become one
and what makes me angry 
is its the next generation that wont know how to show love
and what makes me angry is it's the next generation that's gonna be fucked up
I need a punching bag
for every cis feminist who proclaims I'm a man
for every cis feminist who proclaims I'm a man invading their cause.
as if the cis are the gatekeepers
as if I even wanna be a part of your club
fucking skin lesions 
and bigots 
I smoke myself out to stop the noise in my head
how the fuck am i supposed to get over the trauma thats imposed on me when its constantly recurring.
assigned male, every two seconds
assigned faggot in every interaction 
persevere, persevere 
thats what they tell me to do
this is always going to happen they say
while doing nothing to change it
well tell me 
tell me Collette
tell me Manager at work 
how many times have you been called a man today
how dare you erase the transmisogyny that makes a five hour shift feel like twelve
how dare you erase the fact that for the first three months of me working here you constantly misgendered me
how dare you 
how dare you warn me to be safe
with your words "that black man"
who came up and asked me for my number
how dare you say you know all about gay culture
because you had a friend in the 80's who died of aids
how dare you say "he's kind of like my boyfriend"
how dare you imply that man was unsafe for asking for my number because he was black
how dare you imply that man was gay for asking my number 
and how dare you imply that I am a man 
and how dare you try to erase my struggle
how dare you

Calling Out Your Old Manager In A Poem Online While Passionately Playing The Piano In Your Moms Home

A LUSH FOREST https://baeleip.bandcamp.com/album/a-lush-forest


Representing Earth.

Numerology 2, 5, 8



The final chapter of the "A" series ~

A NU AIR baeleip.bandcamp.com/album/a-nu-air

A RISING TIDE baeleip.bandcamp.com/album/a-rising-tide

A WARM FLAME baeleip.bandcamp.com/album/a-warm-flame



Album carries 528hz Solfeggio frequency.

"In the 528 Hz condition, mean levels of cortisol significantly decreased, A tended to decrease, and oxytocin significantly increased after music exposure."

"Tension-anxiety and Total Mood Disturbance scores were significantly reduced after exposure to 528 Hz music..."

"These results suggest that the influence of music on the autonomic nervous system and endocrine system varies depending on the frequency of the music, and furthermore, that 528 Hz music has an especially strong stress-reducing effect, even following only five minutes of exposure."
www.scirp.org/journal/paperinformation.aspx?paperid=87146#:~:text=In%20the%20528%20Hz%20condition,in%20the%20440%20Hz%20condition.


Cover photo taken at the summit of Mt. Gardner on 3/23/'23


In memory of my dog Kiela , September 2008 - March 2023

A LUSH FOREST

Dramatic montage inspired by Decision to Leave.

Sugarcoated Tension

Marias Quest pivots away from the punk sound found on the previous "it was the summer of the motorcycle" and lays down Juniper a mediative dark folk song about the struggle with loneliness, avoidance, and a lack of direction.

The sombre tone of the song is set with acoustic guitar, a mournful trumpet and dark synth strings to paint a picture of Juniper, a character who is stuck behind their camera unable to find the positive. Their bitterness seeps into every line as delivered in Marias Quest's signature wobbly voice.

There are no answers given except for perhaps this one: it doesn't matter what you do, you will always be loved."

Juniper

1. intro // water - e!e!(iwale)
2. gec 2 u - 100 gecs manic mix
3. sugar - brockhampton cavities mix
4. nvr mnt - americ anfootball
5. your vibe x my boo - (ridge racer type 4 / ghost city dj's)
6. if i sit still maybe i'll get out of here - ttng
7. reverie - F.N. (seen. nightcore mix)
8. mayira calls me slurs (for listening to twinkle) - patchworkgxrl

toast malone having a breakdown type beat

cobalt ring

As the title implies, 4 years after my last upload, this song took me 2 years to write because I kept dropping ideas and scrapping it over and over again, in reality this was supposed to be dedicated to my fiancé but it turned out way too dramatic and sombre for me to associate it with them, I'm sorry but I promise i'll make you one some day D:

Anyway please enjoy what I think is actually the most interesting piece i've made, I did take the time to brush up on some music theory, compositional techniques and how to write for piano a bit better, the bassline is a lot more interesting this time.

Fugue State

Alex Prodanovic