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audio: self harmageddon by dandelion hands
movie: the perks of being a wallflower

self harmageddon

audio: september sparky deathcap by reno
movie: good will hunting

good will hunting II

It’s no use Jo(slow x reverb)

fantastic mr fox

brokeback mountain x dream

To my dearest Allie - The Notebook

my dearest Allie

lover you should’ve come over X voice memo

Either peace or happiness,
let it enfold you

when I was a young man
I felt these things were
dumb, unsophisticated.
I had bad blood, a twisted
mind, a precarious
upbringing.

I was hard as granite, I
leered at the
sun.
I trusted no man and
especially no
woman.

I was living a hell in
small rooms, I broke
things, smashed things,
walked through glass,
cursed.
I challenged everything,
was continually being
evicted, jailed, in and
out of fights, in and out
of my mind.
women were something
to screw and rail
at, I had no male
friends,

I changed jobs and
cities, I hated holidays,
babies, history,
newspapers, museums,
grandmothers,
marriage, movies,
spiders, garbagemen,
english accents,spain,
france,italy,walnuts and
the color
orange.
algebra angred me,
opera sickened me,
charlie chaplin was a
fake
and flowers were for
pansies.

peace and happiness to me
were signs of
inferiority,
tenants of the weak
and
addled
mind.

but as I went on with
my alley fights,
my suicidal years,
my passage through
any number of
women-it gradually
began to occur to
me
that I wasn’t different

from the
others, I was the same,

they were all fulsome
with hatred,
glossed over with petty
grievances,
the men I fought in
alleys had hearts of stone.
everybody was nudging,
inching, cheating for
some insignificant
advantage,
the lie was the
weapon and the
plot was
empty,
darkness was the
dictator.

cautiously, I allowed
myself to feel good
at times.
I found moments of
peace in cheap
rooms
just staring at the
knobs of some
dresser
or listening to the
rain in the
dark.
the less I needed
the better I
felt.

maybe the other life had worn me
down.
I no longer found
glamour
in topping somebody
in conversation.
or in mounting the
body of some poor
drunken female
whose life had
slipped away into
sorrow.

I could never accept
life as it was,
i could never gobble
down all its
poisons
but there were parts,
tenuous magic parts
open for the
asking.

I re formulated
I don’t know when,
date, time, all
that
but the change
occurred.
something in me
relaxed, smoothed
out.
i no longer had to
prove that I was a
man,

I didn’t have to prove
anything.

I began to see things:
coffee cups lined up
behind a counter in a
cafe.
or a dog walking along
a sidewalk.
or the way the mouse
on my dresser top
stopped there
with its body,
its ears,
its nose,
it was fixed,
a bit of life
caught within itself
and its eyes looked
at me
and they were
beautiful.
then- it was
gone.http://bukowskiquotes.com/2018/11/charles-bukowski-poem-let-it-enfold-you-featured-in-movie-beautiful-boy/

Timothée Chalamet Reads 'Let It Enfold You' By Charles Bukowski

Charlie's Last Letter from the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Why is it your school? Why am i always in the wrong? Why do i have to listen to you when you have zero to say? Because I’m young? All my life i’ve been young. So i never get a turn. This school is lost. If you asked me, you’re lost. Everybody talks to me like I’m the one, you know, i should change. Why should i change? I’ve never got to find out who i am, you want me to change? It’s crazy! You tell me I’m bad before I even get to be anything. What the hell is that?! Original sin or something? I read Plato I read him on a park bench in the Bronx. But let me tell you something. Plato wasn’t afraid, Diogenes wasn’t afraid, Socrates wasn’t afraid of anything. They were Men. Why are you the headmaster and I’m the student? Didn’t you understand? I have to earn your respect but you don’t have to earn mine. What is that? It’s you want for A before we even start but when i say I want the same thing, I’m not right?! I’m not gonna cry. I’m gonna find my place in this world, you count on that. This school has been a miracle for me but NOT BECAUSE OF YOU. Because somebody Mr Hoffman finally saw me! And more than that, somebody a grown person decided I was good before I was good. And you want to throw me out of that? And you know what I say? I’ve never met your God and i don’t want to

Prodigal Son : Someone Saw Me Timothée Chalamet

For those who know what it is like to love some little piece of music so much that it hurts.

Timothée Chalamet Reads 'Let It Enfold You' By Charles Bukowski

Amira Algohary