ok google, how do i keep going

prod. mixed, and mastered by me 
shoutout @prodbyaustyn for the co-prod on this one :)
also @t3rmes for the songwriting on the hook when my brain hurted <3

---------------

20 now, this isn't how 
i thought it would work out 
breaking vows, might take a bow 
because i'm tired of feeling down 
put all my anger into a microphone 
it's no ones fault but my own please just let me be alone 
all my friends they were plastic, and i'm was silicone 
fit into molds, now watch me grow 
i won't see it through, to twenty two 
i thought i had nothing to lose 
maybe views, or my muse 
i hope these thoughts i have the chance to defuse 
buts it's looking that i might just have to give it up 
stay at the bottom while all my friends, they live it up 
i've got potential i guess i just gotta pick it up 
im getting up, i've had enough

falling out of touch with who i am 
revolving, my mind a door, it's turning 
am i deserving? 
stalling all the opportunities at hand 
to hear them applauding, is all that i want, but i'm so exhausted 

i've been so exhausted 
i feel like a hostage
in my brain, i've lost it, 
wilt away watch my friends all blossom
sun don't shine, upon me 
petals they're all falling 
in my head, it's daunting, 
being left behind in the dawning 

the sun never gon shine when i'm stuck all alone 
the stars won't align, when i'm left in the cold
the thought are benign, but they're taking a toll 
the sun never gon shine when i'm stuck all alone 
the stars won't align, when i'm left in the cold
a flower dead in the night, out of sight, decomposed

rumination

zinnia

1st part i sampled reaper by @ccottrill
2nd part is produced by @deadyami
mix and master done by urs truly lol

Part 1 ( Hesitant . ) :
this use to be my room
deciptive and a liar
hurting full of innocence
think all of this was an incident

a date with what seems to be the end
i think i need some steps on how to make new friends
i need u back in my life i need u present
i wanna ask u for ur love but im so hesitant

i asked u for the world that was a kick to the face
i wanna restart everything make sure to give u ur space

-

Part 2 ( Untitled ) :
but i, havent been one to talk much
falling to the ground after i feel ur touch
ur not safe where im at
better off dead at that
and i dont wanna be alive anymore after that

and i checked out with god
after finding whats wrong
and she came to me
i took the knife out her knee
and i aint comin home
desperate on my own
and u aint gonna see the light of day no u wont

deceptive (dead yami)

made this to vent bout my life. just know ur not alone <3

just a kid with a laptop
like to scream into a mic when the lights off
where did that kid go
cause i’m 18 years and i’ve never felt so alone
in my home

i was 14 with a big dream
with these thoughts in my head and my fingers on a string

what does it mean
to be alive to pass the time
hide my face inside my pillows while i cry to be online 

i was 16 with the love of my life 
but he lives on my phone only talks at night

and i wanted love from someone else
cause i’m young and dumb and i hate myself and it sucks

what does it mean
to be alive to pass the time
hide my face inside my pillows while i cry to be online

to be alive to pass the time
hide my face inside my pillows while i cry to be online

online

beautiful track by https://soundcloud.com/dylanlongworth

dylan longworth - aerofoil (austyn remix)

[VA-T] - throw me off (austyn, swazy, vincent & wet salt) [austyn]

got over my airport anxiety i miss u all :((

Butterfly*

[VA-T] - beenfuckedup - (ghostsocial, siilent & swazy*) [reesoo x michaelwarren]

i dont get it :/ (prod. 31sentinel & guda)

all the things i could never say


Sorry i can never tell the truth :(
But honestly its somethings thats kinda scary to do
Emotions are never clear to me, its true
So sorry if it seems like i cant stand u

U dont even notice all youve mended
All the problems that i cause in a panic
Swear im sorry for the way that i treat u
But i swear that im tryna be brand new 

Sorry i can never tell the truth :(
But honestly its somethings thats kinda scary to do
Emotions are never clear to me, its true
So sorry if it seems like i cant stand u

I know its hard, playing a part, that u never even wanted
And i know ur far, from where they departed, i know ur not the same person
But could they realize what i did?
When i was by ur side and
Saw what u became when everybody u needed left u

U dont even notice all youve mended
All the problems that i cause in a panic
Swear im sorry for the way that i treat u
But i swear that im tryna be brand new 

Sorry i can never tell the truth :(
But honestly its somethings thats kinda scary to do
Emotions are never clear to me, its true
So sorry if it seems like i cant stand u

All the things i could never say
Like how i hate it when ur away 
Or when i cant hear what u gotta say
Or when i know that ive always been in ur way
But honestly ive figured it out
Im not gonna argue with the words in ur mouth
So please dont u ever doubt
Im always gonna stick around from now on

U dont even notice all youve mended
All the problems that i cause in a panic
Swear im sorry for the way that i treat u
But i swear that im tryna be brand new 

Sorry i can never tell the truth :(
But honestly its somethings thats kinda scary to do
Emotions are never clear to me, its true
So sorry if it seems like i cant stand u
X2

“And if u cant take no more, call on me”

jan 4th

dreams4u

founded by 
https://soundcloud.com/swazyhq
https://soundcloud.com/prodbyaustyn

banner by @vincent

following members

[VA-T] - beenfuckedup - (ghostsocial, siilent & swazy*) [reesoo x michaelwarren]

various artists - topic