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The Art of Manliness

What if belonging to a tight-knit group that requires loyalty and self-sacrifice is the key to feeling fulfilled and wholly human?

That’s the argument that my guest makes in his latest book. His name is Sebastian Junger. In his book, "Tribe," Junger uses his firsthand experience as a war reporter as a starting point in exploring the vital human need to belong to a group. In today’s show, Sebastian and I discuss how humans are wired for tribalism, how males bond, and whether or not it’s possible to recapture tribe in a large and prosperous society.

#217: The Importance of Having a Tribe

We typically think of reverence as connected with religion, but my guest today on the podcast argues that reverence is a virtue that extends past religious ceremony and is vital for the flourishing of human society. His name is Paul Woodruff, and he’s a professor of Humanities at the University of Texas and the author of "Reverence: Renewing a Forgotten Virtue." 

On today’s show, Professor Woodruff and I discuss what the ancient Greeks and Chinese can teach us about reverence, why reverence has been forgotten in our modern age, and what you can do in your own life to renew this virtue.

#242: The Forgotten Virtue of Reverence

Do you find yourself making the same mistakes over and over again in your relationships? 

For example, do you have a tendency to ignore red flags and constantly end up in relationships that aren’t healthy for you?

Maybe you end up in relationships where the initial chemistry is good, but a few months later, you’re looking for any way out. 

Well, if any of those descriptions describe you (or a friend who needs some advice!), then give this podcast a listen. 

My guests today argue that your problem is that you let yourself get suckered by love. Their names are Michael and Sarah Bennett. Michael is a psychiatrist. Sarah is Michael’s daughter and a comedy writer. I had them on the show previously to talk about their book "F*ck Feelings." In their latest book, "F*ck Love," they focus on the most messed up feeling of all: love. 

Despite the irreverent title of their book, the Bennetts provide surprisingly solid and old-fashioned advice when it comes to establishing long-lasting and fulfilling relationships. They discuss why our emotions can lead us astray in relationships and why men are actually more prone to being bamboozled by romantic feelings than women. They then share both the red flags and the positive qualities you should be on the lookout for in a partner if you want a happy relationship. They also discuss what you should do in a relationship in which you're not happy and why couple's therapy is often not very useful. 

This is a podcast full of laughs, as well as some seriously helpful insights on how to navigate relationships effectively.

Note: Even though the title of the book contains "F*ck," there's no swearing in this episode.

#288: Love is Overrated

This week Andrew Schulz and Charlamagne Tha God are joined by Jas Waters (@JasFLy) and discuss sexual consent, #MenToo movement, Andrew gets some things off his chest about the Aziz Ansari situation, and Jas Waters talks about the moment that changed he life, writing for TV, and more!!

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MEN TOO Feat. Jas Waters (JasFly)

Akaash, Kaz and Schulz are back at again. Akaash brings his newly neutered dog to the show in a pink crate. The fellas talk Tom Brady’s excellence, Philly trash, Cavs are unraveling and more. INDULGE!

Bicken Back Being Brady

It’s been said “Leaders are readers.” But what should a leader read?

My guest today set out to answer that question by polling 4-star generals and admirals in the U.S. military to get their best recommendations. 

His name is Admiral James Stavridis. He's served as the commander of US Southern Command, US European Command, and NATO Supreme Allied Commander Europe. He now serves as dean of the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy at Tufts University. In his book, "The Leader’s Bookshelf," Admiral Stavridis explains why reading is fundamental for all leaders and provides a list of 50 books suggested by senior officers. 

We begin our conversation by discussing the culture of reading amongst military officers past and present, including Generals James Mattis and George Patton. Admiral Stavridis then shares tips on how to read more even with a busy schedule and how to get more out of your reading. We then dig into the list of 50 books military brass recommend most and the lessons on leadership they provide. 

You’re going to be adding a lot of books to your reading list after listening to this podcast.

#373: The Leader's Bookshelf

Episode 20 live from Sundance Film Festival in the season premiere, Angela has a candid conversation with industry heavyweights on the #metoo and #timesup movements. They also delve into the importance of Black women storytellers.

Black Women are Leading the Revolution” (feat Debra Lee, Tessa Thompson, & Stephanie Allain)

You may have heard of Roger Bannister and his amazing feat of breaking the 4-minute mile mark in 1954. But the story leading up to this milestone of human performance often gets overlooked and is filled with drama and lessons on grit, determination, and a living a balanced life. 

My guest today wrote a book sharing the story behind Bannister’s record and the two other men who were also vying to break it. His name is Neal Bascomb and his book is "The Perfect Mile: Three Athletes, One Goal, and Less than Four Minutes to Achieve It." We begin our discussion talking about the lead up to the race in which the 4-minute-mile barrier was broken and how many doctors in the early 20th century believed achieving this milestone was physiologically impossible. Neal then tells us about the lives of the three men racing to be the first to run a sub-4-minute mile, and shares insights from them on the way the ethos of sports has changed as it's transformed from an amateur pursuit to a professional job, as well as the ability of people to push the limits of the human body by sheer mental will.

#374: The Race to Break the 4-Minute Mile

If you’re a parent, you likely want your kid to flourish and succeed. And according to my guest today, the best way to do that is to let your kid fail.

Her name is Jessica Lahey and she’s a teacher and the author of the book, "The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed." Today on the show, Jess gives us a quick overview of the history of parenting in America and why it’s gotten more protective and more involved in the past few decades. We then discuss the many downsides of helicopter parenting and why letting your kids fail is so important for their long-term development. Jessica then gets into the nitty gritty of areas where you should let your kid experience failure and how to make sure these failures become learning experiences.

Get the show notes at aom.is/giftoffailure

#381: Why You Should Let Your Kids Fail

How long can a human run without stopping? What’s the most weight a human can deadlift? Will someone ever run a mile in less than three minutes and thirty seconds?

My guest explores these questions in his latest book, and along the way uncovers insights into all the factors that go into pushing the limits of human athletic performance. His name is Alex Hutchinson and he’s the author of "Endure: Mind, Body, and the Curiously Elastic Limits of Human Performance." 

Today on the show, Alex and I discuss the history of the science of human performance and the three competing theories about how to measure and improve it. Alex first explains the interplay between physiology and psychology when it comes to humans pushing themselves. We then spend the rest of the conversation discussing factors that have an influence on our performance including pain, thirst, muscle strength, diet, and mental fatigue. Alex finally shares insights from the latest research on how you can manipulate these factors to run faster and longer and lift heavier weights. 

Get the show notes at aom.is/endure.

#382: How to Lift More, Run Faster, and Endure Longer

We live in a time of hype and self-aggrandizement. But my guest today argues that what the world needs more of are quiet professionals -- people who’s only focus is to get the job done well. His name is Rob Shaul and he’s the founder and president of Mountain Tactical Institute. We had Rob on the podcast last year to discuss his physical fitness philosophy.

Today on the show, I talk to Rob about his philosophy towards work and life that he’s laid out in a series of essays on his site about what it means to be a quiet professional. We begin by unpacking the foundational definition of a quiet professional, and then Rob walks us through the traits and attributes he thinks one must develop to embody this ideal. Rob’s ideas are refreshingly understated in a culture that puts a premium on bombast.

Get the full show notes at aom.is/quietprofessional.com

#389: What It Means to Be a Quiet Professional

Recent surveys have shown that rates of anxiety are up, especially among young people. What’s going on? And if you’re someone of any age who struggles with anxiety, what can you do about it? Those are just a few of the questions I ask my guest today. His name is Kevin Ashworth and he’s the clinical director at the NW Anxiety Institute. Today on the show Kevin and I discuss the difference between regular worrying and anxiety disorders, the ill effects of anxiety, and its causes. Kevin then explains some of the different ways anxiety manifests itself in men and women and some of the theories out there as to why it's has been on the uptick. We end our conversation with research-backed ways to get handle on your anxious feelings.

#396: How to Deal With Anxiety

In today's world, honor is typically thought of in terms of integrity -- doing the right thing when no one is looking. But traditionally, honor meant having a reputation worthy of the respect of others. If people think about this type of honor at all these days, it's usually in a negative way, associating it with pistol duels, honor killings, and toxic shame. But my guest today argues that for moral life to be robust and vital, a culture of honor is absolutely necessary. His name is Tamler Sommers. He’s a professor of philosophy at the University of Houston, co-host of the podcast Very Bad Wizzards, and the author of the new book "Why Honor Matters." Today on the show, Tamler and I discuss honor— what it is, why it disappeared from our moral ethos and vocabulary, and why we should bring it back. Tamler makes the case that honor culture fosters community and encourages risk taking for the sake of excellence, while our modern dignity culture atomizes us and encourages us to play it small. He then makes a counterintuitive argument that the contained aggression and violence that honor promotes can have real benefits and shares one way honor is making a comeback in the form of the “restorative justice movement.” We end our conversation discussing why stories of honor are so appealing to humans and whether it’s really possible to revitalize honor in modern Western society. 

Get the full show notes at aom.is/whyhonormatters.

#402: Why Honor Matters

Networking. You’re told it’s something you need to do to advance your professional life, but the tactics most “networking professionals” suggest either don’t work or make you feel icky and awkward. 

My guest today argues that you don’t have to go to networking events or hand out business cards left and right to network effectively. You just need to realize you're already embedded in a really effective network right now. 

His name is David Burkus. He’s a professor of leadership and the author of the book "Friend of a Friend: Understanding the Hidden Networks That Can Transform Your Life and Your Career." Today on the show, David shares what’s wrong with most traditional networking tactics and why they’re not really effective. We then dig into the power of the network you already belong to. David explains what dormant weak ties are, why it can be beneficial to silo yourself off from others, how to balance siloing with connecting, and how to turn work-friends into friend-friends and friend-friends into work-friends. Lots of great counterintuitive insights in this episode.

#403: A Better Way to Network

Between 1991 and 1996, Jim and Jamie Dutcher lived with and filmed a pack of wolves in Idaho. From this intensive field work came the award-winning documentary, "Wolves at Our Door." The husband and wife team are out with a new book that highlights some of the things they learned on living a flourishing life from the wolf pack they were embedded within. It’s called "The Wisdom of Wolves: Lessons from the Sawtooth Pack."

Jim and Jamie share what wolves can teach us about family, respecting your elders, play, the importance of belonging to a group, leadership, and what it really means to be an alpha wolf. Tune in for a fascinating conversation on a fascinating creature that has much to teach us humans.

Get the full show notes at aom.is/wisdomofwolves.

#404: What Men Can Learn From Wolves

What makes a great sports dynasty a great sports dynasty? We typically think it’s the result of amazing talent or coaching.

But my guest today argues that it all comes down to the often quiet, understated leadership of a team captain. His name is Sam Walker and he’s the author of the book "The Captain Class: The Hidden Force That Creates the World’s Greatest Teams." 

Today on the show, Sam and I discuss his quest to uncover what makes great teams great and the unlikely answer he came up with. We then discuss the traits Sam found in the great team captains of sports history. Some of them you’d expect to see on a list about great leadership, including doggedness and humility, but a few of them, like the willingness to push the limits of the rules and engage in conflict with the players and the coach, might surprise you. Throughout the conversation, Sam shares insights on how leaders from all fields can apply these lessons in the teams they play on and work with. 

Get the full show notes at aom.is/captainclass.

#405: The Power of Team Captains

If you’re like a lot of people, engaging in small talk can feel awkward and tedious. Consequently, you avoid it as much you can. But my guest today argues that if you want to get ahead both personally and professionally, you need to embrace these little exchanges. Her name is Debra Fine and she's the author of "The Fine Art of Small Talk." 

Today on the show, Debra explains why small talk is actually a big deal and isn’t just a waste of saliva. She then shares the biggest obstacles people have to engaging in small talk and the two mindset shifts you need to make to get over those obstacles. Debra and I then discuss specific tactics you can start using today to start conversations, keep them going, and end them gracefully. Lots of actionable advice that can immediately improve your day-to-day life, so take notes.

Get the full show notes at aom.is/smalltalk.

#406: Why You Need to Embrace Small Talk

We’ve been told since we were little kids to “Be nice.”

But what if being nice isn’t really that good and it’s making you and those around you miserable?

That’s the provocative argument my guest today makes. His name is Dr. Aziz Gazipura. He's a psychologist and founder of the Social Confidence Center. In his latest book, Not Nice, he makes the case that being nice is holding a lot of men back in their lives.

We begin the show by talking about what people think “nice” means, but how it usually plays out in reality. Dr. Aziz then digs into the issues that pop up over and over again in the lives of people pleasers, like anxiety, depression, anger, and resentment. We then discuss what the opposite of nice is, and no, it’s not being a complete jerk. He then shares specific tactics the chronically nice can start using today to be more assertive, like saying no without feeling guilty, getting over feeling responsible for everyone’s feelings, and stating your preferences.

If you’re a chronic nice guy, this episode is for you.

Get the full show notes at aom.is/notnice.

#407: How to Stop Being a Nice Guy

To achieve your goals, you probably think you need one key ingredient: willpower. Grit. Self-control. Discipline. To hear a lot of self-improvement gurus tell it, if you want to get your life together, then just get it together. Just do it. 

Yet while these motivational calls certainly feel good and make us pump our fists, how well does willpower-ing your way to your goals work in reality?

If you're like a lot of people, who have a string of half-finished aims heaped in the dustbin of their lives, you know the answer is: "Not very well."

My guest todayargues that there's a reason for that -- that while willpower does have a role in our lives, there's actually a better source of motivation at our disposal: our emotions. 

His name is David DeSteno and he's the author of the book Emotional Success: The Power of Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride. TodayDeSteno makes the case that cultivating certain feelings will actually enhance our self-control and help us become who we want to be more than simply relying on willpower to get the job done.

Get the show notes at aom.is/emotionalsuccess.