I lost my virginity while I was faded
In a club in Berlin, the smell was putrid
He grabbed to a corner that was dimly lit
Shoved his fingers in me right after we kissed
My mouth was open, filled with his spit
A stranger high-fived me while he pressed on my clit
I thought I was gonna vomit
My body, mind, spirit was split
(Body, mind, spirit, split)

I sucked and gagged on his meat
My friends found me and laughed at me
I tried to say something, but I couldn’t see
Half awake, my body— ten shots deep
He pulled me back up, ‘cause I was using too much teeth
I was pressed down on a leather seat
He asked me if I was clean
Before he pumped his genes inside of me

How did this come to be?
What does this even mean?
What was my answer before he planted his seeds?
Before he cummed inside of me?
(Before, before)

Woke up with a migraine 
Fingertips once covered with purple nail polish paint
Are now grey ‘cause of some strange mysterious stain
I attempted to use soap to wash the grime away
But three times later the color remained the same
My phone was buzzing again and again
It was my mother—
She knew that I was awake
I didn’t want her to see me in this state

No amount of brushing could take away that taste
I guess it’s now forever ingrained in my brain
I try not to think about it the wrong way
But I couldn’t remember if I wanted it in the first place
All I know is that it already happened anyway
There’s no way to go back from whence you came

(There’s no way to go back from whence you came)
(From whence you came)

Virginity Story

Excerpts from Maria Irene Fornés' play, "Molly's Dream" mashed up with a brain vomit poem of mine I dug out of my journal. 

Softer

Ash Dirtgrheim