Hard to believe last time i listened to this she was still by my side and i said we would be together past times existance, i miss her every day

Casually in love with the idea of disappearing

Last time i heard this was 5 years ago back in highschool from a break up

much like me, this song is built entirely of metaphors

unscramble them to find the truth

@tomcbumpz

i don't crave death, i just crave peace (prod. tomcbumpz)

sick (prod. mt. marcy)

@mt-marcy

LYRICS:
i'm sick of trembling in fear at the idea of death
since it's always on my mind i just hide in my bed
"everybody's scared of it" is what my therapist said
but my case seems worse, when i've barely been fed

because the kitchen's too far to desire the steps
it'd take to make it down the stairs and try to find a baguette
or something similar that wouldn't make my stomach upset
it doesn't feel like this is real, yeah, my mind is a mess

the only times it seems clear is when music is played
some relatable creator says i'll soon be okay
or when reading poetry trying to soothe the dismay
and i can lose my insecurities in cute little sayings, like

"why frown when the sun goes down,
if you'll wake in the morning to such nice sounds
when the nighttime creeps, well your eyes might weep
but that's just moonlight tryna find nice people"

"why frown when the sun comes 'round
even if you feel shaken or upside down
when the daytime hits, you'll be great, my friend
just make it through this, just make it through this"

"why frown when the sun comes 'round
even if you feel shaken or upside down
when the daytime hits, you'll be great, my friend
just make it through this, you can make it through this"

meurte

such nice sounds (prod. mt. marcy)

@mt-marcy

and he had... a mind like a great force
with eyes like a forecast, heart like a rainstorm
brainstorm problems with solutions in the same form
of course we're both talented, sweetie, that's what we aim for
perfect match, certified, heard him laugh, curtains wide
watching through the windows while my home was being burglarized
my home being my heart, and the windows being my hurting eyes
you ever met someone cute enough that you'd share your curly fries?
'cause i have... and i can say that truthfully
a demon from below, who'd have thought that an angel'd stoop to me?
see, i don't think god's out there, but i don't care what you believe
i will pray for you to be my darling 'til i lose my teeth
and age into a state that's far from happiness and jubilee
and stay up in the night until i'm growing used to losing sleep
if you're in my dreams, then i'll count sheep, wake up, hit snooze, repeat
and hope whoever's out there can grant the wish you've accrued in me for...

you, you, you, you (x4)

you (prod. mt marcy)

self-produced; this one's pretty cute 

guitar recorded on my fender tele 
drums from a few different sample packs

this is a sunny sky, this is a starry night 
this is an afternoon i'll spend inside your arms, held tight 
this is a question mark, this is a final thought 
this is a happy ending snuck into the epilogue 
this is a seperate building, this is the journey there 
this is the scenic route, this is your messy hair 
this is a promise kept, an honored lesson, taught it to you 
through the momunental light alive inside your amour suit, and... 
this is the reason i've been shaking when i speak 
always terribly afraid to make mistakes and make you leave 
it's a shame i'm scared of heights, 'cause when you sweep me off my feet 
i feel the ground beneath me start to sink into the sea 
i can feel the clouds above me coming closer to my touch 
i can almost taste the heavens, but compared to you, it's much 
the same as everything else... another book on a shelf 
it's just too hard to explain, so i'm repeating myself, like... 

this is a broken record, this is a broken record 
this is a broken record, you'll always know me better 
this is a broken record, this is a broken record 
this is a broken record, so i'll be yours forever 

this is the celebration, this is the party hat 
this is the cellophane in which my heart is wrapped 
and i'm peeling it back, 'cause i'm feeling the love 
this is absolute bliss, this can fit like a glove 
this is peace on the earth, this is me, what it's worth 
i'm not a hundred percent sure, but still 
this here, this is a final draft, this is an epitath 
for every negative emotion on a seperate path 
this is the safest feeling ever to be felt 
it's a message in the morning that intends to make you melt 
and honestly, this is my magnum opus, this is a story book 
where all the illustrations have super-friendly sorta look 
a cordial shook hand at an important event 
with stainless steel silverware and a porcelain dish 
it's the weight of the pull inside of a torrent of fish 
a metaphor used precisely to make it more than it is 

this is a broken record, this is a broken record 
this is a broken record, you'll always know me better 
this is a broken record, this is a broken record 
this is a broken record, so i'll be yours forever 

this is a broken record, this is a broken record 
this is a broken record, you'll always know me better 
this is a broken record, this is a broken record 

art by bennie (www.instagram.com/cozylile)

download <3

broken record

first part produced by @flayvors @smwun, second part produced by me

LYRICS:

coffee in the mornings
afternoons i lay awake
and hope that something's out there
something that can take away
my breaking state of mind
breaking state of hatefulness
it happens all the time
it happens

having coffee in the mornings
afternoons i waste away
and hope that he returns soon
smiling with patient grace
and makes sure that i'm fine
makes sure that my mind is calm
it happens all the time
it happens

it happens, it happens
it happens, it happens

like a plane crash shark bite, i know that the chance is low
but i'll be waiting here until the day that you can stand to go
where i am, 'cause i'm not a patient man
but i could wait forever for another chance to take your hand
and dance in place, break a manic state and start to feel again
drift through space, kiss my bliss away inside a helix spin
wistful hate, self-inclined and self-inflicated lately
i'm no help with livin', dear, i'm just a selfish fucking baby
and that's too real... far too real to ever say it
so i'll rewrite this verse again and strike all the cursive penned
and think of something better, a bit less detrimental
my life is still in beta... my hit-reg existential
for now, at least, i cower in my coward speech
happiness is out of reach whenever you are out of reach
i'd give it all away for just a single hour each
where both of us can come to terms with our off-balance feet
and learn to walk again

bottom of abyss or bottom feeding bottom-barrell staring
old apparel wearing, take the ferry in to bury him
sanitarium i spend my days and my nights quite
often, off it, talking toxic nonsense
common knowledge brought straight to the tables
stray from the fables, play through the cables
so the sound resonates in every nook and every cranny
read the book and popped a xanny every crook i got uncanny
at the last of it, taxing your passages, rapping a masochist
back to the past a bit, adamant savages, mad at him
hold the talisman above my fucking head like a trophy
and hold your head up in the air like a talisman
no battles or second chances around if you tattlin
all these snakes when they rattlin turn to vacancies after it's said and done
no rest for a setting sun, so impressed that you've never done
what you claiming... fuck the game and the statements, i've said enough

peace

IT HAPPENS // DIRT

with @nevermending

lyrics:

fading out
i can't see

something is breaking me
taking my faith and replacing it slowly
with what i don't know as my own
please point me back to my home

'cause i'm so trapped
in this god damn house

and i should be grateful
and swallow my pride
but i can't seem to stop all the longing inside
for whatever it is that i found when i left for you

your hand finds mine
and then we shall shine 

but i might not be
there for you this time

sorry to be
the bearer of bad news
but i can't do this 
you've got me blue

parking garage sesh

trapped

with @nevermending

lyrics:

i turned 19 three months back
and i still can't fathom how to act
'cause this adult shit's kinda whack
i'd rather lay inside and read
and treat my life like a weekend

and all my friends will slowly
move away and change
and i'll be left here feeling strange
with all my comrades out of range
for me to reach

it seems so odd to have to
redesign yourself
'cause you're so much of someone else
that they feel like it's unhealthy

but i guess it's part of life
to surrender what you like
in favor of the things you have to do 
and there's so much i have to do
these days

these days

i'm turning 18 in a month 
going off to art school is coming up 
and i'm scared for what's going to happen

i'm going through a breakup 
and i only cope with things i shouldn't 
i get myself into trouble too much 
lately

all my friends are anarchists
and i don't know what i think 
things are too complicated 
and the world is full of shit 

my inner pessimist is out 
full of anxiety and doubt 

i'm not ready for what's next

i'm not ready

hey, thanks for 50k <3

additional rock stuff at the end by me :~)

lyrics:
thank you for every moment shared
for every hug and kiss when i was stepping over there
to visit you... some might not think it's fair
but all the time i got to spend as yours and all the care
was more than i could ever ask for
you treated me respectfully and that's more
than anyone else... but now i'm sat sore
caught up in my panic like a task force is breaking down my back door

and i hope to see you thrive, to see you thrive

'cause i'm lying in my bed
with my pillow held over my head
wishing that the weight of all this stress
could hold it down and stop my breath

we must go our seperate ways
i know that is the truth
i wish that i could travel back
to the moments spent with you

and freeze time and space in a silent place
to appreciate your smile for a little bit longer

i'll try to be stronger than i am

a wistful remembrance

stronger than i am (prod. mt marcy)

hey, thanks for 50k <3

lil vocal acting by my homies jake & marcus <3

lyrics:
i think that now i'd call myself a wordsmith
but not because of talent of ability
it's more that i can balance the facilities
of living as a human, while i'm sittin' here decal-ing my sililoquies
and i guess it makes sense, in that regard
i use my brain as a capture card
inhalin' every word i stumble upon
to try to catalog 'em all before the rapture starts

so you can tag along and follow all the wacky antics
like all my stupid problems that relapsing can't fix
"keep your head up out the sand, stop scratching that wrist
before you turn into another anxious ativan kid"
well i guess it's too late... a couple hundred panic states passed
and my broken self ran away fast
feels like i lost my body in a hand grenade blast
with all this absence in my soul, and i can't evade that

so i'm stuck... trapped in a painting of myself
that was made before i changed how i felt
i'm hoping that my other friends can break out and help
but to be honest, it seems like they've greyed out as well
i constantly remember back in high school
sneaking out to kick it with no pay stubs
everything was simpler then, i guess
i only feel free when there's something to escape from

so i'll keep writing songs of longing for the olden
looking to the future for my confidence and boldness
it certainly isn't here, and neither am i
but i think that we've established that enough to decide
that it's time for a change; or, rather, time to revert
'cause we all sorta miss the designs that we were
and maybe nowadays what i write's more diverse
but the patrick years back didn't understand hurt

and that hurts

wordsmith ii (prod. purpan)

@southvb

more like GAYboy lmao RT

lyrics:
i just want my hand held, i ain't talking gameboys
and i ain't been in magazines, but me and you can play, boy
i'm looking for the same joy, the same touch and smolder
that i get when i lay my head down on your shoulder
that's real... i always wanna know how you feel
you bring me out my great depressions, i think you're the new deal
i'm staring at you in the mirror like fucking blue steel
wide-eyed, smiling, i'm just tryna help your mood heal

so if there's anything that i can do
to help the weaker side of you
just lemme know and i can move
my schedule up and down

i'm sorry if i haven't been
the best at how i'm managing
the problems that i'm handling
my head was in the ground

and truly, it's a miracle
that you are even near me, whether
fruitless or endearing
i'll be happy you're around

and if you're feeling terrible,
your sicknesses unparalled,
your headache is unbearable,
just step into the sound

i don't mind at all
my ibuprofen and my tylenol
are yours at the sound of your sirens' call
'cause i ain't letting you hurt tonight at all
tonight at all

i don't mind at all
my ibuprofen and my tylenol
are yours at the sound of your sirens' call
'cause i ain't letting you hurt tonight at all
tonight at all

IT HAPPENS // DIRT

atlas

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