You might see refusal. You might hear “no way.” But what if that behaviour is actually fear, not defiance?

This acoustic folk song offers a clear, emotional window into the world of PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), a lesser-known autistic profile that’s often misunderstood as rudeness or control. With a warm strumming guitar and a punchy, honest female vocal, the track breaks through common assumptions to show what’s really going on: a nervous system overwhelmed by pressure.

“It’s Not Control (It’s PDA)” is both educational and deeply human. It's a song for parents, teachers, and anyone trying to understand the difference between “won’t” and “can’t.” Sometimes the bravest thing a child can do is say “no”, not out of rebellion, but out of survival.

Lyrics:
You see a kid who says "no way"  
You think they're rude or gone astray  
But stop a sec, there’s more to say  
This might be something called PDA

Pathological Demand Avoidance 
that’s the name  
But it’s not a choice, it’s not a game  
It’s not about being in control  
It’s how they protect their heart and soul

It’s not control, it’s safety  
Not attitude, it’s bravery  
Every demand feels like a wall  
They’re not being bad, not at all.

So lower your voice, and meet them slow  
Let them lead, let pressure go  
With trust and time, they’ll find their way  
They’re not defiant, it’s PDA

Written by Lolly (AusticZone).  
License: Creative Commons Attribution (CC BY).

It’s Not Control  (It’s PDA)

Autistic Adult writing lyrics for songs for healing from PTSD, Domestic Violence, and Coercive Control and seeking Trauma Informed Care For Front Liners. All my songs are FREE, I invite artists to record my songs as long as words not changed and attribution given to AusticZone. Still building this platform so please be patient while I organise things. Bless you