(i dont know what im trying to get at anymore)

would you visit my house on the harbor?

you are you are
my fading scar

would you visit a house on the harbor?

i want to believe
you would visit me

i want to believe
i want to believe
i want to believe
i-

a small house on the harbor

*on a good day.

written, produced, mixed & mastered by self discovery

// lyrics

am i late
to catch the high tide
i'm afraid that i just missed it
the sea's so inclined to seize peace of mind for the day
it's a crying shame you've never been
yeah, i'm okay
still had a full course on my plate
action was needed
i'll stare at the clock
while my mind keeps a log of the day
and dreams a place i've never lived

you try to hide behind my latency
while i woke up too late to see
that i'd be doing better by the fall
i'll cry a river, you're across the sea
you swear you've heard enough of me
for once i couldn't care that it's my fault
anymore

well give me a break !
it's not the first mistake i've made with you
i'll gesture towards the trauma
but don't expect me to write my stories of you
what can i say ?
it's far from the first time i've "berated you"
when you stirred up the drama
the sorry you sent
to my messages
it never came through

you try to hide behind my latency
while i woke up too late to see
that i'd be doing better by the fall
i'll cry a river, you're across the sea
you swear you've heard enough of me
for once i couldn't care that it's my fault
you try to hide behind my latency
while i woke up too late to see
that i'd be doing better by the fall
i'll cry a river, you're across the sea
you swear you've heard enough of me
for once i couldn't care that it's my fault

you're sending messages across the room
i'm sending messages across the sea
i swear its nothing in particular
but the atlantic's just too large for me
i'm sending letters off to someone new
you're leaving messages to get to me
don't think it's anything specifically
but the pacific's far too wide for me

you try to hide behind my latency
while i woke up too late to see
that i'd be doing better by the fall
i'll cry a river, you're across the sea
you swear you've heard enough of me
for once i couldn't care that it's my fault
i took the train of my hypotheses
thought maybe you won't bother me
you did, i wasn't scared to tell you off
you took a hike to get alone with me
now you'll never get along with me
and i don't give a shit that it's my fault
anymore

anymore

stream !

6.7mb/s* !

Its not that hard.

Art shot and edited by me, and finalized by vai5000

lyrics

I claw and I tear me apart
But theres no sign of wear on my skin
I keep calling it some form of art
Yet I still don't know where to begin

Its not that hard
Its not that hard
Its not that hard
Its not that hard

The dealer, they call out my bluff
And prevent me from playing my hand
And although I don't think its enough
I'm too powerless to make a stand

I'll play my part
I'll play my part
I'll play my part (its not that hard)
I'll play my part (its not that hard)

Oh you're hurtin your hurtin your
Hurtin your hurtin your head 
I don't know how you do it just saying you're fine

And you're getting too comfortable
Lying around on your floor with no thoughts in your head
Only tears in your eyes

And I know that I've got no prescription
That will cure any of my deception
And I can't find some kind of prevention
For this turning into some fixation
So I try 
And I try
And I try
And I try
And I try
And I try
And I try
And I try it again

Oh no you wouldn't get it
No you wouldn't get it
No you wouldn't get it

I admit its not really a problem (but it only serves nothing to you)
Even if you can't look at me right (cause you say what you know isn't true)
I can say that it doesn't affect me (but you think of it everyday)
When you call me the person I was 
But that's all that you see (oh but how did you make it this way)
But I look in the mirror and its not really me (so you try and you try it again)
Its counter-productive cause' I can't the words out (but the cycle it just doesn't end)
And just say what I mean 
Its so tiring

So whats all the point of this trying

And it all seems to burden my psyche
So I mask it all at my expense
Still my body deteriorates beside me
And it just doesn't seem to make sense
And the toller knows nothing about it
And it pains me to pay him the fee
The amount of my life that's been wasted and lost in the weeds
Its still just me
No its just me


And its getting too
Getting too
Getting too
Getting too close to the eminent feeling
That you're gonna die
(but you won't go yet)
(no you won't go yet)
(no you can't go yet)

And now that you are older and
Everything's smaller
Do you start to wonder "where did I go wrong in my life?"

So I lie
Cause I'm fine
No, I'm fine

And I'm so tired
And sick of trying
So why not
So why not


And it all seems to burden my psyche
So I mask it all at my expense
Still my body deteriorates beside me
And it just doesn't seem to make sense
And the toller knows nothing about it
And it pains me to pay him the fee
The amount of my life that's been wasted and lost in the weeds
Its still just me
Its still just me

Body

lyrics:

i run to you as you open the door
my eyes level and my mouth open wide
i bite your skin like an apple
you let out a cry and you tattle

little sister big brother 
i thought you a saint and you thought me a monster
locked you outside while i stole your quarters 
you gave me kindness though i gave you horrors

apple juice

lyrics:

self assisted suicide attempts
call the priest i’m ready to repent
if i believed in god maybe he could right my wrongs
while i write this song

i’m not asking for forgiveness just a little retribution 
my beliefs have turned themselves into disillusions
if i can’t stomach the lies how will i survive
this game that we call life

the man next door is dangling from a rope
the next day he’s at the pulpit preaching about hope
take the blood and the body of the son 
make believe your sins are gone

i’m eagerly awaiting judgement day
they say i’ll burn in hell if i don’t kneel while i pray
i thought i heard the holy ghost whisper in my ear
but it’s the voice of fear
it’s the voice of fear

voice of fear

"Lakes"
19/01/23 - 02/03/24

Lakes is probably one of my favourite songs I've ever made. It's about doubt? or grief? in a way, I'm not entirely sure how to interpret it.
There is definitely tinges of illness in there, and reflections on myself? if that makes sense?
The lake is a pretty simple metaphor for mental illness or just, mentality in general, interpret the quiet however you want, but for me it's that sense of dread or grief when you realise you don't feel anything at all, or that you simply don't care
again, this is what I think it's about; to be honest with you, I don't really know what my songs mean anymore, the lyrics just sort of came to me and I wrote them down, and I sang them, I work out what it means later on, but with all my recent work it just seems very difficult to pinpoint what it's trying to be or represent, and whether that's for better or for worse I'm not sure.

I feel like this is one of those songs that'll outlive itself, when im long dead and the internet is a giant wasteland of dead media, maybe someone will find this and appreciate it, maybe even tell their friends about it, and just enjoy this small piece of me from my little corner of the world, and even if that never happens, that's ok too.

oh well, as always the mix and master is rough, but I think it serves this track well

See you soon!
- Faith


Lyrics:

The lake's gone quiet, my friend
(and) I'm not going where the wind goes
(you look me, anyway)

Look me in the eyes, tell me "this is living"
cast myself out, to the main beams

the lake's still quiet
the lake's still quiet, my friend

Lakes

sleeping by the lake on the shore, i got my sheets on the floor
spiral down, cursed to explore what i just couldn't ignore
yea you've got some shit you won't show, i've got a bit of my own
i hate the way you broke down the door, as if i wasn't alone

and something bout the way that you touch my shoulder makes my blood cold
i wouldn't have admitted i hate myself until we got close

late night, bad dream
what a fuss, whats it mean
i'm in every scene, don't wanna talk about it
call me, every day
spit it out, run away
i can't replace what you've been lost without yeah
i'm a paper stevia packet
you're cocaine wrapped in plastic
who wants another line?
don't you think that it was so tragic
remembering the things that we laughed at
or did you wanna cry?

something bout the way that you hold my gaze is like a knife fight
like every single word is a firework caught in a bush fire
something bout the way that you touch my shoulder makes it alright
lower my defense and you stab my back like you're a vampire

vampire

made in 8 hours after thinking hard to myself for a while.
this project is in 7/4 (mb gang)

-lyrics-
**n33t and hidden contact talking**
**me recording myself in my room**

went far to see the sun rise
i saw her climb into the sky
if things go wrong its alright
i know it gets better with time

do you know what its like
to be cast aside (i know)
wanted to say so much more
im out to give the warmth

what can i do if its me
if things go wrong its alright
i know it gets better with time

what if its me

speedrunning a remix be like

big thanks to everyone who helped me along the way i love you all

porter robinson - cheerleader [marzy remix]

Abrasion

produced, mixed, and mastered by grandfather forest


play loud

voice of fear

Azziah

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