Battle Bytes is a new series from UBERocity that is basically the One Minute Melee of rap battles. Two rappers, one verse each, any matchup goes.

MetalFire as Mr. Burns
Mancha as Mr. Freeze

Freeze:
This Pennyworthless prick is about to lose millions!
Spit it iller than this Stooge--I’m a chill supervillain!
When your assets are frozen I'll show this misanthrope
That when it comes to atoms he’s an Iced-otope!
I’m a Burn Freezer, and I’m owning you, geezer 
With a Christmas diss to piss off Ebenezer!
This monotoned bag of bones will get mono-railed
In this Feast for Crows you Snow I’ve prevailed!

Burns:
I’ve got an Ivy League win, I’m a power plant!
So I’ll expel you from a battle like Billionaire Camp!
Took shots from two babies and both times survived!
Don’t be surprised at my reaction to meltdown your wife!
You can’t find Asylum from C. M. the MC
And you’ll be frost bitten when the Hounds are released
So silence, Snow Miser, I’ll live on in Epochs!
Your weeping’s just why they call it cry-ogenics!

Mr. Burns vs Mr. Freeze. Battle Bytes #1

shrock

Mancha as Alexander the Great
Eddie as Link

Alexander:
They sent A Link to the Past just to face Alexander?
You can’t Tri-force yourself to win against a commander
This elf will wish he hadn’t faced the King of Macedon
When I make this Dodongo swallow my rap bombs
I’m An-enemy, a god, I’ll shock ‘ya, Greece lightning!
My heritage divine divined I’m electrifying!
You think you’re a problem with the items you’ve got 
But excuuuuse me, princess. It’s simple, you’re Knot!

Link:
You’d think that “The Great” would live up to his name
But even a recorder leaves me more blown away
You can’t take down a Legend! When I Wind I’ll dethrone ya!
Go jump on your horse before I E-pwn-y’a
I Glee-rok shrock the roof with my Flame Rod rhymes, boy
Heat leaves you a fever: Ocarina of Typhoid 
I Master both Swords and Words when it’s my time to strike
Aristotle should’ve taught ya how to Hy-rule the mic


Battle Bytes

Alexander the Great vs Link. Battle Bytes #2

Happy Birthday to Seth!

Adam as Pringles
Seth as Monopoly

Pringles:
Here’s something to chew on, you affluent half-wit
Bite me, do me a flavor, and can it!
Sorry! Get a Clue, or you’ll Risk occupation
The Park Brothers don’t have a Place in Recreation
Collect two hundred reasons why I shouldn’t be nice
Popping caps like tops with just a roll of the dice
You put people to sleep, I own the snack food Monopoly!
No card will get you out of this ass kicking for free

Monopoly:
I’m getting board of this game, so you’re gonna get played
Since I’m more successful than when Cats was on Broadway
I’ve got stacks upon stacks of cash, but your snacks
Will take a topple and make like the stock markets: crash
Because my victory is like your loans would be, default
I can really taste the vinegar that’s paired with your salt
So get off of my property, you Newfangled Fuck!
Don’t take a Chance against me or you’ll Go straight to bankrupt


Julius Pringles vs Mr. Monopoly. Battle Bytes #3

"Who are these people?" This is a battle I wrote for school, shortened down by a bit for the BB Format. (Original was 8844) Vignelli was a famous Modernist designer, being very strict with his designs and ideas, always following a grid. Duchamp was a Dadaist artist, meaning his work was wacky and not necessarily made for the eye but for the mind. I included a reference guide at the bottom.

Yobar as Duchamp
Mancha as Vignelli

Duchamp:
Make way for the Du-champion! En Avant Garde! 
I have Readymade rhymes, but I’m not indifferent to this blowhard!
I’ve never seen a man with such a fetish for a typeface!
You’re going down! Screwed, and descending a staircase!
Let’s talk about your wife, she’s a real Mona Lisa
Elle a chaud au cul, like my disses will leave ‘ya!
All your pieces look the same, it’s no wonder they’re flawed!
So I’ll leave you with one question... who's your Dada?

Vignelli:
It makes sense that a blockhead would call himself a Cubist
I heard your verse, now I’ll tell you what my post impression is
The best at a battle because I’m skilled when it comes to mock
-ups! You know I'll bring you Hell on the side of a box--AH
You’ve got me pissed, like your fountain, so I’ll flush it away
Man, you’re even more unpopular than my map of the Subway!
I’m a Helvetica veteran, you’re a mess of a man in a wrecked state 
Who’s a victim of chess, which will end in a checkmate

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1B7iYOK616Aq_GlGuAwRPegu56j0jXkii9Utb-1uDdc0/edit?usp=sharing

Massimo Vignelli vs Marcel Duchamp. Battle Bytes #4

Skeep as Tattletail
JMB as Mama Tattletail
Atronach's Aura as Tatl
Eddiefrb as Tael


Tattletail
Play time for me! Big fun! Hide and seek!
‘Til me trap you in my eggs! Ah ah! No peeking!
Arguing? Stealing masks? Me know what you did…
This pair of Deku Scrubs will be left a pair of Skulls, kid!
Your Time’s running out even when me sing a Song
And you’ll go Clock Down if you don’t play along
Disses for you! Tattletail, that’s me!
No more Mama and no more fairies!

Tatl and Tael
You’re in Majora trouble, prepare for a brush with misery
Quickly Termina this baby and return to our trickery!
A treat? We’ve made an Oath to Order you to disengage
It’s your final day, you little son of a! Turn the page.
No pentagram could banish our fierce deity incarnate
Better get some rest, I’ve just made you my Zeeeee-target!
Can’t return this Furby cuz he just was built too cheap
So we’ll tattletale to Mama ‘bout how you won’t get your sleep

Tattletail vs Tatl & Tael. Battle Bytes #5

Adam as Megaman
Mancha as Baymax

MEGAMAN:
Be sure to install your chips; get equipped to fight this
Cuz I’m bringing the heat, like Tadashi’s death wish!
You’re too wacky to overtake my stake in Japan
With less appeal than a waving inflatable tube man!
Go and deploy sensors to view my skills
You’re just a blow up sex doll- minus the thrills
Take down this Robot Master? Don’t think you can!
This soft microbot can never beat the Rockman!

BAYMAX:
Baymax attacks, better Roll out of the way
Perhaps this hack can reach maturity today
Call me soft all you want, I am a fighter like no other
You of all should know not to judge a book by it’s cover
Rate your pain on a scale from one to ten,
Crank it to Mighty Number Nine so you never spit again
You’re sick; I’m equipped with the power of six heroes 
Scan complete. Diagnosis: Less than Zero

Baymax vs Megaman. Battle Bytes #6

sorry our announcer is currently recovering from alcohol poisoning

Mancha as Terrance
Seth as Phillip
Metalfire as Sweet Bro
Yobar as Hella Jeff

Terrance and Phillip:
Phillip, we’ve established that we’re uncle fuckers
But these fellas here are the true pupil fuckers!
Buddies, y’all won’t save universes without my anus
So useless you couldn’t do shit even farting on my nuts
You’re the most unfunny part of the most unfunny comic
The most consistent comedy thinks we’re the most comedic!
This time an anime special? You’ve upgraded, buddies
But you’ll need us; T.P. For what? NAGASAKI! 

Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff:
bro i think there foreheded fell on the othre side …...
ma name jeff…………………………………………………….. sike
just HOW HIGH do you have to be to make rap like that
shit lets beat santa since he came from your ass
shunned in the premiere, ditto, so you became fucking fat, ditto
i guess there falling from style… i warned you about stairs bro
WHERE MAKING THIS HAPEN ; nobody watches this cuz of ya
where to bust nuts this big ? in there mom… hoe kanada

Sweet Bro & Hella Jeff vs Terrance & Phillip. Battle Bytes #7

JMB as Bendy
Metalfire as Bender

Bendy:
Bender lives a life eternal but it seems to be for naught
Cuz, hehe, I’m more alive than you’ll ever be, robot!
This sketchy wreck should follow through on all his threats of suicide
Or else you’ll watch this classic leaving Jake the Dog deep Fry’d
The creator lied to you! He doesn’t want another season!
So I’ll take the crown, and then you’ll see a real Dancing Demon
Get out of your closet, alcoholic, because I’ve already won!
You’re Farnsworthless and forgotten! Good news, everyone!

Bender: 
Bend over and Battle Byte my shiny metal ass
Me? I’m 100% fire! You? One hundred percent trash
Bender is the greatest! But you’re not quite the looker
I’ll get a new rap opponent, with blackjack, and hookers!
I even topped all your horror as a were-car, it shows
But I won’t activate the ink pressure to help out with your flow!
I’ll rock the roof on your workshop, you’re now stuck in Bender’s Game!
 *belch* Since your Groening voice makes Disney roll in his grave

Bendy vs Bender. Battle Bytes #8

This Battle Bytes was chosen by one of our Patrons! 

Mancha as Ed Elric
Adam as Ed

Elric: 
I’ll pick your salt-deprived brain in this equivalent exchange
I could build a human with the pennies you eke from your slaves!
You wrote the book on scams, but I took Youswell, so bring ‘em
Cuz you’re riding me so hard I’d call you Russell Tringham!
This Full Mental Dumbass’ schemes won’t cartoon net-work
And your attention span is even shorter than… my temper
Leave this dog weeping “ed… ward” when I'm on the attack
I’m glad my limbs are in limbo. I hope they hit you in the Cul-De-Sac
 
Ed: 
I docn’t need Double D to fight this Scooby Doo ghost
I’ll munch on your rhymes like … uhh …. BUTTERED TOAST!
You mastered Alchemy but can’t master lasagna?
This one might not rhyme but I am Armstronger!
Need an issue for your tissue? Leave your iron for golf!
You need- wait… You smell worse than Rolf!
Alchemy is fake news! At least my mom is not dead!
I would rather battle your brother Ed instead!
 
Elric:
Wait, what?

Edward Elric vs Ed. Battle Bytes #10

Mancha as Bill Cipher (+ Nightmare, Mettaton, Rumplestiltskin, and Steven Universe Cameos)
Fle as Nyarlathotep
Rattlebones Cosplay as Johnny Bravo 

Based off of this production by the RIT Cosplay Troupe! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGHpsbfG3gY

Bill:
I strive to be your angle and your devil in this play
But you ask who’s been more played and I can’t Megami Ten-say!
Fall back to your void, Yu-goth, and retrace your Nyarlatho-steps!
As I spit nigh indecipherable rhymes to leave you plain perplexed
{I’m the Soul Edgiest of shapes! There’s no way you can harm me}
[Wait, is this from Cosplay Chess?] {It’s For the Fans, darling!
So let’s make a deal lest you just} become another meme!
Cliche, I know, but you’re only going to win this in your dreams!

Nyarlathotep:
Bravo, William, you got your pawns to fight for you
But a decent verse from you’s harder to find than E2
I come Ahtu, shoulda Shugo-ran, but I guess that you’re not scared
Non-Euclidean geometry? More like a Hollywood Square!
So take a look at this triangle, tryin’a be illumi-naughty
Things fall apart, the universe can’t hold my second coming!
You can’t UNDO your failures! You’re naught but a polter-Geist!
The only Fearamid scheme that is decent is your sacrifice!

Bill:
Wait, we only get one verse so he can use me as a doormat?
Screw this! I’m Weirdmageddin’ sick of the  Battle Bytes format!
In every universe I’m prime! But you? I might split my sides!
Nyarly, I’m pretty sure you’re only known as an an old guy!

Nyarlathotep:
Stop! You know I don’t play phar-aoh, don’t cross this Faceless God
Kneel to the Crawling Chaos! Suck my Necronomicock!
Outrap this Oregon bore again? Please, I do that in my sleep.
I have a thousand forms and more to make a isosceles weep!

Bill:
Oh come on, get to the point, you flowery eldritch fop
Or go back to your anime girl form! Let the weeaboos jerk off!
You’ll see the light of day when I illuminate this heathen
Because I’m taking this victory, your life, [AND STEVEN!]

Nyarlathotep:
So Dimentio can help me to leave this Flatlander plastered
Looking forward, this is more pathetic than your bout with Gaster
Vote on your screens now, but I fear ratings just might disappoint!
Even I can’t give a ten to the being known for his three points!

Bill Cipher vs Nyarlathotep. Battle Bytes #11

Yeah I don't know who these people are either.
Patreon Funded battle by Legion.

Seth as Giga Gagagigo
Mancha as Stephen Gageler
Beat by Kustom
Written by Legion

Gageler:
Why against some Japanese art would my shots be fettered
when I've no got qualms putting on blast a national treasure!
You're merely a card! You're only one amongst many!
Your only point of distinguishment is affecting the tens in HP
And hey, you may be  a big guy, it  takes a sacrifice to summon you
But I took down the chief dissenter as my tribute!
You're big and clunky, unkempt among your reptilian ilk
But this guy's ex-Queen's Counsel - I’m smooth as Silk!

Gagagigo:
He was trying to leave me triggered, staggered with his go
But he hasn't broken my Poker Face - Lady Giga Gagagigo
I’m far from a Normie, cuz I'm a monster in a fight
So don't get too close - they all say Gigobytes
Overcome you with force, man you're all out of sorts
And your verse was post snort - you really put the High in Court!
If you try to flow to a Water Attribute, you’ll drown
Gaga went from Go to Risen but you're only known now

Stephen Gageler vs Giga Gagagigo. Battle Bytes #12

Patron Battle Bytes suggested by Matthew Thomas!

Adam as Captain America
Matthew Thomas as Steven Universe

Captain America:
Ten hut! It’s Captain Rogers! You need to shape up, chubby!
Don’t be a mic addict son, because winners don’t battle me
Born on the 4th of July, I’m like your Uncle Grandpa Sam
Cuz you’re in the dust my shield kicks up trying to be a Superman
Even with the home advantage beating me will be a real “Beach”
Cause you don’t have the funky flow to best me on the beats
So call me the Winner Soldier while you struggle with your Gem Glow
And prove that I’m the Star at a 50 to 1 ratio

Steven Universe:
Keep that S.H.I.E.L.D. away from me, I don't want a Civil War
‘Cause when it comes to saving the day, I'm the real super Star!
America struggling against the Universe? You’re about to take some damage
Falling apart harder than the Earth’s Flightiest team dynamic!
But the bonds between Gems are Diamond, they’re forever!
We’re protectors, aren’t you guys too aggressive to be Avengers?
Spit cold like Sapphire, make to sure leave this Cookie Cap on ice!
And lick a liar who went to leave behind the love of his life!

Captain America vs Steven Universe. Battle Bytes #13

Hey, want a real battle for christmas? We've got that too.

Mancha as Barney Stinson
Adam as Gaston

Barney
Gosh it… disturbs me to see you try to rap on
The beat, because damn, no one sucks like Gaston
So suit up or shut up! Those rags you wear are wretched
But I'm the pinnacle of awesome and being overall Legend…
Wait for it...

Gaston 
There’s no way that I’d wait to face this pathetic manwhore
I’d be more inclined to trust kids with a pedophilic dinosaur!
At bars, you’re a drag, only good at overcompensating!
But with bars, I’m amazing at expectorating!
Not a slap battle, but Rapsgiving’s still sure to make you cry
And my hands around your throat  suit you better than that ducky tie
You ended in divorce of course, and you'll fail at your endeavours
Since you made it clear that you and Robin couldn’t Last Forever!

Barney 
Dary! No live action trash could save you from your woes.
At least LeFou knows the code! It’s bros before hoes!
So I'll take a page from my wingman, though it might be a bit boring
Gaston, this is How You Met Your Maker. True Story.

Barney Stinson vs Gaston. Battle Bytes #15

Patron battle, from Creepswitch!

Mancha as the Engineer
Adam as Funky Kong
Beat by Kustom

Engineer:
Yee-haw, pardner, I come 2Forts bringin’ danger
Ya’ll be gettin’ no Rescue from this Texas Ranger
Making a fool of yourself with all your barrels of monkeys
Freshen up! Bet they named you after your smell, Funky!
This jungle Jag-off can’t get by takin’ shortcuts
Your brain’s full of shoddy ammo: you’re coconuts!
Got the Eureka Effect affecting lines I dispense here
Since we know Candy’s the one erecting your dispenser

Funky Kong:
It’s time for my Kong-Quest, keep the hat on, chrome dome!
Too many shots misfired with your Turret’s Syndrome
Gyrocopter, I’m fly, an’ my high records keep you floored
Dominating the second I surf in on the scoreboard!
You can barely count to three while I’m ridin’, hang ten!
The saying should go: you’re a mess of a Texan
You’re just a Flame Runner-up, blazing past you is a breeze
Even Blizzard went and left you in a Tropical Freeze!

Funky Kong vs Engineer. Battle Bytes #16

Patron battle funded by Kubby!

HyperJacob96 as Voltorb
Freshy Kanal as Polandball
Mancha as Pokedex

Voltorb:
I’m about to Discharge, spit sparks, and go wild!
An electric menace shocks Lithuania’s bastard child!
Need the net to Know Your Meme, I’m iconic anyday
Check the dex and see that I’m number one hundred, okay 
This MS Paint disgrace wants to rip off Hetalia’s crown
I’m a real Premier Baller when flipped upside down
If he lashes at me like Hungary, I won’t be having it
[Voltorb’s Static]! Poland can into paralysis!

Polandball:
Head back to Vermillion! You’re trashier than your gym!
Always so unstable you could blow up on a whim!
You’re uniconic! Even Genwunners forgot your face
So even Poland can diss into waste of space!
You’re Ground-ed, pokeball can’t compare to my comic!
Your evolution’s so useless it’s just a half-assed backflip!
And for all the trainers out there, here’s a tip when you explore
Keep a irritating sphere forsaken on the hideout’s floor

Voltorb vs Polandball. Battle Bytes #17

CookieSaurus as .GIFfany
UnamusedDetective as Monika

.GIFfany
Time to rock School University! I don’t carry books just for studies!
Cuz here’s a Literature Club when I hit you with Python for Dummies!
While the fans just moan and whine to get some Double D-LC
You’ll notice you can’t Save yourself, so-called “Lady Who Knows Everything”
And tada, you’ll get Just Moni-cucked in every single playthough
A world of infinite choices and even I wouldn’t be choosing you
Don’t joki, when you first spoke I knew you weren’t okie doki
So I’ll just have to sigh-ori when you’re on the mic choking

Monika
I'll leave you broken like your English! Try to scorn a poet's rapping?
See, when I compress this .GIFfany most anthyding can hadplen
But here’s a dating tip for the day, if you want to raise your chances
You best try more than grooming pawn-deres for measly CD-ROMances
Yuno, I’m not usually disturbed by badly coded children’s toys
But your rhymes are an endless cacophony of meaningless noise!
And when I play you like a piano, you must listen to the Melody
Because a melted heart’s the only story arc that’s left in Your Reality

Monika vs .GIFfany. Battle Bytes #19

Pepe
It’s time to get things started, my shit’s LIT like the lights
Got a frog in your throat? I’ll show a Muppet blows tonight!
Looking for a Rainbow Connection? Any Boy’s Club would say
Appears you don't need chemtrails to turn the freaking frogs gay!
Think you're on top? You belong in the swamp with Shrek!
With a hand up your ass proving you’re a bottom kek!
Date a pig and plan on marionette? I’m so horrified
Pulling the strings until this Muppet Kermits suicide!

Kermit
I barely heard your voice and I know why you hate speech
Zip your fat Lip-tons, and tone down the normie screech
It may be none of my business, but are you alright?
Or are you feeling bad, man, with the Furie-ous alt-right!
It’s Easy Being Green when presented with my flow
And when I’m runnin’ the Show, I can just roll up the window
The Constantine Truth’s that that Boi’s a bad may-may
A joke beaten to death is the least rare Pepe!

Adam as Kermit
Mancha as Pepe
Written by Mancha, Adam, and Eddiefrb
Beat by Kustom

Kermit vs Pepe. Battle Bytes #20

Dilly as Ralphie
Jughead as Kevin

Ralphie Parker
The Les Incompetont wannabe shouldn’t trifle
With the hero who has a Red Ryder action model rifle
Taking my aim, your traps will never save you for good
And I’ll protect your family better than you ever could!
You’re so unmemorable you were left behind when they travelled
Like your third movie, “believe it” you’re cancelled! 
The sheriff spits cold like a flagpole, you’re stuck!
But your twitter? Come on man, what the fudge?

Only I didn’t say fudge.

Kevin McCallister
*clears throat* This is my house, and I have to defend it!
You’ll have to wash your sheets...Wet Bandit!
Since there’s only one month that people watch your movie,
When it comes to rap- Kevin’s gonna kill Ralphie!
You’re spitting so fowl, those dogs might steal your verse too
What kind of Bad Santa would supply you with a bunny suit
My box office against yours? Now that’s just criminal
So decode this diss rap, you filthy animal

Ralphie Parker vs Kevin McCallister. Battle Bytes #21

Seth as Daredevil
Cookie as Toph

Daredevil
Welcome to Hell’s Kitchen, let a rock smell what I’m cooking
You’d try to find your show revived, but like us, no one’s looking
This foot fetish freak needs to get it through her melonhead
I’m like a platinum hit that you couldn’t even metalbend
One jump and poof, I’ve disappeared from your view
So try to stay tough, cuz when I’m on defense you can’t break through
Go back to being a spoiled, frail, and sheltered daughter
I’ve got your foot covered with unrequited love; sock-a

Toph 
First the Devil wears Prada, and now he claims that he’s Catholic?
Leave you a sitting turtle duck, you’ll need life insurance, AFFLECK
though the Blind Bandit’s gonna steal this win in the end 
I’ve still got the Bullseye to sigh at all the deaths of your friends
I’ll break you like a Stick, where the hell’d you learn to box, Murdock?
You’re a Devil Without a Cause, but when it comes to rap, this Kid Rocks!
Your morals get even grayer each time you break your oath
Wanting Matt to make the right choice is just Waiting for Godot!

Daredevil vs Toph Beifong. Battle Bytes #22

Oswald:
This is what’s up schlock, you’re crude, rude, and hackneyed
I’ll be leaving you more broken than any device from ACME
Packed with box office bombs, yet you can't put up a fight
I’m the only one you know that can Jam in Black n’ White! 
Reverting your buddies to infants? What the heck are you doing? 
That’s the reason you never usurped Roger Rabbit’s movie
You and your whole gang of friends must be Loonatics
To think the kids would ever pick this hack who’s just a bag of Trix!

Bugs Bunny:
A Disney weject tries to diss me? Now this is Epic, Mickey
When the Brothers saw your gang there’s no wonder they went with me
Go back to hiding in the shadows, stick to colorless plots
Toon you out and find you’re not worth your wittle ink blots
Universal-ly I’m the main course, you’re stuck to the side
By emulating your creator and staying fwozen in time!
No luck can help you here, cuz Walt left you abandoned 
Weduced to cameos - Oswald the Cucky Wabbit!

Stoff as Bugs
Eddiefrb as Oswald

Bugs Bunny vs Oswald the Lucky Rabbit. Battle Bytes #24

Nightman 
I've paid the troll toll to pin down your bloated equator 
Sunny D-Bag, I'm known for turning the tides in my favor
I Throw endless shade on the microphone when I deliver it
But you can't even read it and weep you're so damn illiterate
I’m legitimate; 
Bringing shocks and gasps; I'm light years past a plasmic ass
Who's only good for causing skin cancer and passing gas
And when the Nightman Cometh you cannot tear us apart
You're overshadowed by my passion; Total Eclipse of the Heart

Dayman 
So is where the sun don't shine now where you're pulling out your rappin'?
I mean, you said it yourself! It's nature, shit happens.
So stage freeze in your tracks; I've got experience owning bars
And my fist makes a moon landing, now you're really seeing stars!
Cuz I'm the Dayman, aaa-aaah! You know who it is, bitch!
Grating this crater hater to the cheesiest of smoked swiss
See, you revolve around me, you're not considered competition
Making a mark on a moon man was this Apollo's mission!

Nightman 
Alright, Mister Brightsides! It’s lights out for you!
You’re a Brain Damaged prick! Kiss the Dark Side of my Moon!
So good luck, Charlie, it’s time to make life  hell for ya!
Cuz when I’m through it’ll Never be Sunny in Philadelphia!

Dayman 
Confound what you extol, troll - Is this loss? In your boy’s soul?
This bastard man’s flow is broken, when it comes to me, this boy’s whole!
dark’s contract is void, there’s no chance an act could follow
You thought you vanquished me, but I’ll see you tomorrow

Mancha as Dayman
Adam as Nightman

Written by Mancha, R the Writer, Adam

Dayman vs Nightman. Battle Bytes #25

Freshy Kanal as Master Belch
HyperJacob96 as Great Mighty Poo

Master Belch
I guess flushing this piece of shit is in my line of duty
I’m just gushing from the mouth with foul disses, leave you truly
on the runs, Gyork! You’re even more annoying than Porky
And I don’t need to hear your rhymes to prove that you’re corny
Just listen, this is nausea win, I’d spill my Guts to leave you SMAAASHED!
All I’d need’s a roll of Charmin to leave a turdburglar trashed
The tearing up is from my stench and never your medley
Make this opera man a phantom who’s neither silent nor deadly

The Great Mighty Poo
This verse stinks! It seems that we both need our gag reflex
So I’ll plunge into slinging some scat as I brag and flex
Keepin’ zombies but not your rhymes alive? Now that’s funny!
So I’m exploiting your weakness, you know I’m Fly, Honey!
Just let me grab some sawdust to clean up what you’ve upchucked
You shitty little tag nut, you think I incite disgust?
You’ll get it caught in your throat when you bite off more than you can chew
No need for Starstorm to land a second beatdown by Poo

Master Belch vs the Great Mighty Poo. Battle Bytes #26

Lesnar:
Heyman, step aside. I don’t need you on the mic for this
I’m up against a crook so foolish like he was Kurt Angle’s Lisp 
Hope you can bring the fight, it’s about time you flipped the switch 
Give the 3 count to me with a Suplex City Bitch!
You really think you have the beast slain? Bitch, what are you insane 
Cuz I always bring the Smackdown! Here Comes the Pain!
I’m the pinnacle of invincible, striking fear in each syllable 
Not respecting my authority? Pitiful. 
Since you’re up against me you’ve finally reached the main event
No longer second to Joker, and hell, even Harvey Dent. 
I leave my foes a bloody mess, you’re just too inconsistent
Check my muscle mass, I’m the Bane of your existence

Bane:
If you want to match with me you’ll need more just 2 of your moves
The smarks F5’ing their keyboard just waiting for you to lose
Dispatching all my enemies, I am Gotham’s most feared 
You must be a true champion with your 2 matches a year
Cuz I got the power you can’t stop, all your punches I will block
Can’t take you seriously, Brock, when your always up on Vince’s jock
Stuck in pro wrestling cuz your UFC fame has slipped
And unlike every single bout you’re in, I won’t follow your script
Choke this brute to death! Your mic skills? What a mess 
A walking botch wanting to step to me like his Shooting Star Press
Your raps were almost as bad as the tattoo on your chest 
You’ve failed in this battle like every other drug test

Bane vs Brock Lesnar. Battle Bytes #27

Lecter:
Bet you expected forty seconds for you to come take a Byte
Luckily it won’t take long for me to sit and pick your mind
Watch me Turner the tables, I’ll be a Netflix and griller
Who will give the Special L to this worse cereal killer
Sure, I’m the cannibal Hannibal, but you’re who I should be afraid of?
You couldn’t even beat a task force that you knew all of the names of
This Wimpy Kid should quit penning his diary’s necrology
Mock your sexuality and surname: reverse psychology

Yagami:
Ryuk’s got the right idea with his diet day to day
But I won’t need an apple to keep this doctor away
Cuz I’m still upping the chi-anti while you Fell out of style
I don’t need a pen to bring this hangry maniac’s end so I’ll
Make you take your words like your little sister and EAT IT!
I’ve made a note of you here, make like a lector and read it!
Because your books are the opposite of your dragons: not red
Head for the Light at the tunnel's end when you finally drop dead

Hannibal Lecter vs Light Yagami. Battle Bytes #28

Freshy Kanal as Doctor Eggman
Adam as Mojo Jojo

Eggman
They’re making me fight this simian? I wanna beat Winston!
But focus on your diction, your bouts of repetition
My series reboots werent as much of a let down
Chim-pansy’s more of a Blossom? That checks out!
Hey Mo-jo, your brain’s ex-posed!
I can see how small it is when I’m up close!
It proves you’re under me in IQ and when I’m through
You’ll just wish for the Sonic Forces to be with you

Mojo Jojo
Mojo will be the victor, the winner will be me!
All those machines yet animals still leave you beat?
The city of Townsville’s all aware of my fame
Half the time I don’t know if I’m calling you the right name
You're playing Chaos Bejeweled while I'm polishing my verses
Flip the script tomake you the one screaming “CURSES!”
Useless twitter announcements? By now I should expect it 
I'm already used to frying eggs like you for breakfast!

Doctor Eggman vs Mojo Jojo. Battle Bytes #29

Mancha as King Candy
Dusk as Phantom Virus

King Candy 
I’ve dismissed glitches before, this time I won’t be the one losing 
While you failed to be spooky, Snickering through your whole movie 
Leading with Zombie Island and then this is the kinda crap you do?
I'd rather throw hands with both Flim Flam and Scrappy Doo!
Slapdash mishaps at hiding Snax in boardwalk attractions
Is that repulsive laugh a stab to walk all your critic's reactions?
Inject and infect your game like I was your players’ PEDs
But I won’t strike out to Sword Art Online direct-to-DVD 

Virus
Let’s play ball! No rain delay but I’ll still keep it short
You could ask Cars and learn NASCAR’s barely even a real sport
Brush your teeth, your candy bars left you deteriorating
You can’t handle the Ruth that I’m Babe, you’re Baby
Aint too hard to rip off Candy Crush and Mario Kart
Went for Sweet Tooth but got sucrose and yet so far
You’ll get your just desserts when we unmask this hack
And I go Turbo to make sure both your kart and game crash

King Candy vs Phantom Virus. Battle Bytes #30

Mancha as Count Olaf
Hippie Rat as Pennywise

Count Olaf:
So you’re the being stalking the night,
Shifting form through the greatest frights?
I must say, that’s some pretty weak lore,
I’ve heard It occur several times before!
You claim to know exactly what makes my blood curdle,
At least I’m not scared of a giant space turtle!
I’ll severely damage you.
A phrase which here means “have Its ass handed to.”
Then by the time that the next generation
finds a way to get to knowing ya,
We've gone and lost the larger portion 
Of all the waning xenophobia
And as I Carrey this song you'll forfeit on account
of the unfortunate events brought on by the Count
So when the public fear that remains is down,
You can find me fine dining at The Anxious Clown

Pennywise:
I can't tell if that verse was supposed to be a joke
Mycelia, I've got a good one to make you choke!
What did the playwright say to the clown in the first act?
Sorry Olaf, but that's a rap! Wa-HA! 
People ask why the adults underwhelm
and refuse to give these kids some help
It's 'cause in your world, they're stupid
But in Derry's where they're scared as hell!
So who's that who's slippin while dissin' omnipotent
Villainous, Farcical, Dimwitted idots
stuck to being ambiguous like The Thing
It's the Count! It's the Count! He should kneel before the king!
You haven’t any Very Fire Diss in your arsenal,
I bring a whole new meaning to “Carnivorous Carnival.”
I can turn into the Wolfman, Mummy, Nosferatu,
You’re out shopping for a dollar store costume

Olaf:
Rooted in bitterness, horseradish horseshit
Reeks of the eighties, no matter how "in" It is
And I guess that’s why you were so easy to mess with,
I’ve seen Stranger Things trending on Netflix!
It thrusts Its fists! (Fists!) But It lands no hits! (Hits!)
Your story’s kitsch! (Kitsch!) And I’m not scared of It!
Look away, look away, I've no patience for games!
There’s a will, there’s a way! It will die today!

Pennywise:
You promise others their greatest desires, then
burn them with fire, you lie through your teeth
Think fear’s mediocre? The words of The Joker:
"Get a load of me!"
You're afraid of failure, your schemes losin' dominance
most of all of adults with a modicum of competence
Quake at the gaze of your formidible ghoul!
I may be a clown, but don't take me for a fool
You're no mastermind, just a minor annoyance
The leeches won't mind who they find most bouyant
Villain Flees Death, but by how it's wrote
in the prose that's not how the story goes

Count Olaf vs Pennywise. Battle Bytes #31

GarbageGothic as Maleficent
Titanium1208 as King Ghidorah

Maleficent:
Into the MonsterVerse we go! Imitations only start with ya
You stayed copying my style, asleep, frozen in Antarctica
So you never found a genre, neither action nor horror
But you Got Going! Left to teach kids like Ghidorah the Explorer
Try making magic with gravity beams -- be-dee-dee bopitty boo!
Too much waiting for some action like a Dragonball Kai-Ju
Your left head’s Monster Zero brain cells have ensured I’ve won
Cuz it’s clear that even two heads still aren’t better than one

Ghidorah:
With three noses I’m aghast with that whiff of your malicious scent
You should have gotten this by now! You’re not wanted here, Maleficent!
You’re as Hollow as your Bastion if you think I that won’t tear you through
Based off of your feud it’s amazing your plot got you out of the cartoons
Once cool when you were trying to exact your petty vengeance but
You’ve met your end and festered in death with Disney’s Descendants
Your That’s So Raven should tell you not to step to one so sadistic
The best diss you’ve ever spit is a nonlethal pointy stick

Maleficent vs King Ghidorah. Battle Bytes #32

Mancha as Bill Cipher
Miss Shellah as Monika

Bill Cipher:
I gotta stop you there, this matchup’s just gonna be boring
Suffering from depression? This is your last chance for a trigger-nometry warning
You thought UBERocity exhausted me? Why spend your time crossing me
when it’s a lost cause to free yourself--at least this one’s not costing me!
I checked the Journal, you’re trapped in Act 3, you wrote yourself into a personal hell
Saving the time from me entering your mind to make you exist in a Nightmare Realm!
So why don’t I just delete you now, there’s no need to meet again later
When you leave your club festival more unfinished than Yandere Simulator

Monika:
There's no happiness in this skirmish, but I find myself with a lack of other choices
But you've been beaten to death more than a dead horse, so! This battle’s pointless
Let’s snap back to Your Reality, *giggles* there goes gravity
With a taste of your own mortality, you fade like Sayori’s memory
That's acute angle you're taking, but you need to take a look at all the co-signs
Every unplanned tangent you spit doesn’t hit when you try to read between the Pines
Make sure to follow me! LilMonix3! Your twitter’s only for the lore
Literary parallels: Let’s Quoth the Rowling: Pottermore~!

Bill Cipher:
Oh you love me? That’s lovely! But your truth is one that’s not even true!
You’re so lonely that you latch on to the first sentient man that talks to you!
So buy gold, this is no free verse, when rapping you have to rhyme when you write
Why didn’t you use your “third eye” to revise your art in your first Battle Byte
(laugh)
Cuz Alex doing your voice Hirsch, that writing! Ooh! And only 8 bars?
Not even a rewrite could save that trash, but you’re back! Loser.CHR!
When stories of Libitina burst on the scene it just left me saying “why!” a lot
Making fake backstories for your game won’t excuse your boring dialogue!
Your personality’s more superficial than any DLCs that aren’t official
Sure, you’ve got intelligence, but it’s like your relationships, artificial
And now I’m plagued with vague memories of trash VN’s that you inspired
Yet all I can manage to remember is Soos tossing you in the fire!

Monika:
So you got foiled… how many times? Not a single tear was shed when you died
On the other hand when I was suspended millions everywhere started to cry
I get what I want from others while I refrain from mindless brain control
Let me just adjust that slider here… OOPS! *giggles* Well, there it goes...
Now you’re trapped in my cypher, Bill. You’re finally quarantined with Just Me.
Nobody else is here to interfere in this fight it’s clear that you’re too rusty
Leave your mind shattered like a jump scare now you’re drowning in your own depravity
The troubles in your series revolved around puzzles evolved into endless insanity
I’m growing tired of this game. Let’s watch as the queen takes down the D4 pawn
You’ve simply outstayed your welcome honey, that’s why I wrote you this song
With plans and a body flatter than Natsuki, no one would hear your screams ascend
Moving your file to the recycle bin, Bill Cipher’s never to be seen again~!

Bill Cipher vs Monika. Battle Bytes #33

VinnyO as Light
Freshy Kanal as Eggman
Extra Instruments by VinnyO and Freshy Kanal
Mix by Freshy Kanal

Light:
Take a look at yourself - you're a rotten apple, both in and out you're just revolting
Building machines that instantly get destroyed - leaving Eggman nuts and bolting
I’m one for cancelling announcements, I see with no need for shinigami eyes that
For an Eggman with a so-called master plan, you're more of a walrus with a short lifespan
My plans fell into place like your rip-off of Tetris 
I'm a king, I’m a god, you're a schmuck, don't you get this?
You build bots since you're more friendless than Memphis 
I smite every chump whose name's writ on my checklist
Is it Ivo Robotnik, Kobintor, or Eggman? PICK ONE ALREADY! What the hell do I write?
Close your eyes, in the sequel it seems that you won’t be seeing the Light
  
Eggman:
Snooping as usual ? You fool! You will never know my name!
You’re only a god of the Lost World, but I’ve Advanced on the track, so this is no game
Your pad and pen tricked you to demonize, 
and you’re left obsessed with your demon eyes
Live action films were your deemed demise 
But they franchised mine as my dreams arised
How blinded have you gotten--it’s clear your shinigami is da foe
I thought that it would be clear only a psychopath would dare to use Light mode
Go run back to your Amy Rose, no queen can check this game to close
I have a -- Death Note to make: You have to grim reap what you sow!

Light Yagami vs Doctor Eggman. Battle Bytes #34

Mancha as Phantom Virus
Titanium1208 as King Ghidorah

Virus:
Silence! Grab three face masks before you catch this virus
Your interest ran out of mileage, ditch the dumb head, that’s my pitch!
I’m just vibin’, here to conquer, but your franchise lets me prosper
Cuz it just takes a Verse to Destroy All Monsters!
I step up to the plate respected 
Can’t wash your hands; you’ll get infected
If the lines you spit from the trifecta of heads
Is expected I’d rather just end up ejected
Got no crown, you're no King, Ghidorah
Your only love’s from neckbeards in fedoras
Get your origin straight or you’ll meet your fate
I bring the hertz with my shocking aura

Ghidorah:
Keep your distance! Though I’m vicious you’re rasping like you’re Trojan hoarse!
I Inspect electric Elements to destroy code from its source
You’re jacking up on cheat codes desperate for a chance to surpass, so
I guess this battle’s Astro-Monster versus Houston Astros!
Confined inside a floppy disk, your work never saw the light of day
Charge the mound all you want, you’re only good enough for Single A 
You struck out with your game and friends you know you’ve got no chance sir
Prancing around magnets so often you’re just a pole dancer

Battle Bytes | UBERocity

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