probably listening to playing to lose (kidswaste remix)

im sober now. financial freedom here I come I cant wait to get a job. and be healthy. oh wait... all my money was wasted trying to be healthy. and take care of my family. 

my name is california. or c alejorzia .
why do I wear a medusa shirt.
I still dont understand. nothing out of the seal of the bay. 
pineapples r only good on pizza cuz of the stinging nettles idk. it's a joke with me idk. 

but what im abused I got sick no they like it they want u to get sick idk why. life is so harsh they just get u sick. so u can leave. bcz they can do nothing else. but murder. 
health is free. health is kind. 
love is raw. no pain. love is war. zen. my name Is sun. 
they protest homelessness. just give them electric bikes to ride in public. they make money. working out is free. being clean is free. mental health is free. they like to see them suffer and "raise awareness" protest for what. 
swim wear with no life vest. u let them die. y.
.metal clamps on ur lips look u up and down. why even speak. super glue and bond. why would u get cavities also tbh. 
if I tell someone to be smarter they would feel insecure. dont feel bad I just want to lecture u dont get hurt by rage or tears on camera. u kill me with disease and drugs and bullying tho. u never leave. should I block u or murder u. 
im the milk idk. honey. I taste like it. just for the product. in ur eyes. 
private. 
the good cook tbh. ms. ramen girl
dr. a
no bs
there's always another perfect timeline
it's always another new younger new healthy girl with a better education. how do I keep a man. I can just be useless and stupid and not mean and boring and still there's always drama. just to not be diseased clean not even a show off. secretly smart not even on drugs. no trauma. that's sad. idk.
\
but when I loose control ppl die.
maybe can put up wards and u just stay healthy. 
u dont know idk lookalikes r one thing but intelligence of like no thats still them they just look different. 
bodymorph one is a thing health wise. 
never get sick. if u get sick. maybe u can fix it . u deserve to know what u are walking into. no one should ever get sick. 
u all make me ugly and sick. sickness is health is protection is power.


maybe u are protected. u all r so gross also. I wish everyone wore latex suits everywhere it's like ur trying to get me sick. wear ski masks. I wish that was normal. it's like u all became gods and the gods are killing lower class friends. like being in a homeless shelter and there is still someone above u food chain wise.

now they're in blue and yellow and orange. is orange the rarest. does it mean the most protected. black and yellow tbh. 
maybe if u ripped off ur facial features and ur skin u could just love someone not for their intelligence or looks but just baby someone. 
San Diego. the r. 
wow sorry I look ugly rn im going through alot. I look really good on video depending on the viewer. depends on who takes the picture. is that really what I look like or is that fake skin on u idk. biology whores. 


my name means rainbow. but perfect never exists. always the best. always a better robot or better thing made for u better than what ur supposed to like. 

im too good at music why is everyone drugging me and telling me to be pretty and healthy I have so much potential right? st Ron g? pot ential? wasted? what was I supposed to do I was supposed to sleep every day in my home and not be fucked with I had to be on meds. no I cant come over ur mistreating me. thank god I cant see u irl anymore. my veins are rainbows. I am invisible. what ppl are invisible. I guess. 
I never had friends growing up I was too sentient and posh. babies my age yeah right

no im not looking imma get hurt. how dare u show me that. my own name. 

le y
L girl.
sea zoned women I guess. 
does there need to be pain behind the art. why does it need to be real. I hate u . how dare u. 
im the secret. I dont like the medical industry.
the only way I leave is if u threaten to hurt me I guess im too nice.
\was I supposed to be friends with ppl they hacked? idk u guys. 

san d roses
child development I guess. idk. what a bad childhood u had. idk. doesnt matter just imagine u had a different one and move on. 

 im the t vs d. its the thing with Alexandra's . also my birthday. 

x's bows and poison flowers behind me .
I sound the same as all the fem voices I hate.  make u all my wife on apple. I like ur ring finger. 
u can get ur head blown off in war and it can just shape back together if god favors u. how many shots does it take to kill someone god loves. 
they make women to birth babies with big spines. 
my room fills with piss and I learn to swim.


they didnt even put my middle name on my high school diploma.
silenced. u all knew where I lived u all came over even the good guys/girls  drugged me. I was good. 
I am but one uterus

I like sprinkles. and walls. and moats. 
I hate mushy rooms. 
how else do u say no what a rare color. 
maybe yellow is the rarest color. pink u pay for. women pay extra. 

im smart btw. an idealist for sure. 
why do u need to know what I look like. u can just think I look pretty. idk. it's just in ur mind anyway. we are designed with brains. we are not like other creatures. could be nano robots closing ur hand. or it could be sonic war. or anything. idk. 
why do I look stupid to u. 
the scars disappear. but ur all still a waste of time to me. and ur all killing me. I can sit still and not do anything and not speak. they all would still hurt me. im too annoying just being born. 

zan doe wa? that's jazz idk 
no friends. why do they always just want sex. thats all they want. if friends cant have a fun time with u ur worthless. what do I do make them laugh. I hate spending time with all of u. every day. and I cant even leave. 
{stop doing drugs ZAN} yeah right stop showering and eating bad food make it with chemistry. 
at least I dont turn u on with my music. at least u hate it. 
when will I be ready to make good music public? and look healthy? 

I hope u know what love means. what each word means. what even every color means. u all stalked me since birth. idk. I dont stalk anyone. how do u know tho. how do u know what u sound like. perfect pitch groupthink idk. u know when u say no. but how do u say no. u know love when it's not a dare. how dare u. {make me feel just like this}  no one is forcing u. self awake.

indefinite chaos

"just once in my life. I wish I looked healthy and felt good. and felt healthy. and put rhinestones on my vag. and fucked who I wanted to fuck. and im still a virgin mentally btw. and looked what I wanted to look like. I just wish a man would hold me and massage my shoulders. all they do is fuck my hole and let me sit in filth. and im supposed to be dating them. I want to paint my skin stark white and just be done with color and disease. and germs. why is ur mouth dirty. why do u do this to me. why do u want me"

Ben L is following