Morning Haircut

LL Cool Jew loves the finer things in life, even if he's just looking at them in a museum.

Precious Gems

Boyz Two Guyz is a rap duo made up of LL Cool Jew and Lance Banana, and they're about to take over the world!

Ft. Elana

Boyz Two Guyz

This will be our "Hamilton"

Ft. LL Cool Jew as Louis XIV
Lance Banana as Marie Antoinette and Peasant

Louis XIV, the 'Sun King', was king of France from 1643 to 1715 and widely held to be the greatest monarch of his age. 

Written by Noah Bender & Nathan Kruse

Some artistic license was taken in the portrayal of these historical figures (hehe)

Louis 14

LL Cool Jew goes to 7-Eleven with his friend, a duck. But on what should they spend their collective $10?!

10 Dollas in a 7-Eleven (ft. Ducky)

Baby Shit

LL Cool Jew and Lance Banana are members of the gig economy! Gotta get that 'shmoney!!! 

We are not sponsored by Doordash (yet), though I can boast an impressive 1642 lifetime deliveries and an solid average customer rating of 4.85

Additional Vocals (Beef Boy): Elana Bender

Doordash Money

Bored and alone, LL Cool Jew must find some way to amuse himself in quarantine!

Stuck at Home

My internal rapper voice is loud but my external rapper self is quieeettttt. This is a song about being shyyyy but also being ballerrrrrr.

Quiet Guy

This chicken is too cool for the coup!

This is the first song ever that I've produced and mixed all by myself! Accomplishment!

Follow this chicken on TikTok @bendernoah

Lyrics:
Yeah baby I’m the one cuz I’m a cool chicken
I’m saucin’ on these haters, yeah they call me finger-lickin'
and when I shoot a basketball you know that I ain’t brickin’
cuz they say “he’s so cocky!” yeah LL Cool Chicken

come out to the farm, you can’t come my way
cuz if you pull up on me, you can expect some fowl play
my rap game diseased like it got the chickenpox
but I’m strong, I ain’t winging it like a six-piece box! (boc!)
Yeah I’m free-range (BOC!) not part of any group
I’m too HENdsome (get it?) you can’t keep me in my coup
you best not eat me raw cuz I’ll make you hella sick
just like when I stole your girl (she was my kinda chick!)

Yeah baby I’m the one cuz I’m a cool chicken
I’m saucin’ on these haters, yeah they call me finger-lickin'
and when I shoot a basketball you know that I ain’t brickin’
cuz they say “he’s so cocky!” yeah LL Cool Chicken

Yeah baby I’m the one cuz I’m a cool chicken
I’m saucin’ on these haters, yeah they call me finger-lickin'
and when I shoot a basketball you know that I ain’t brickin’
cuz they say “he’s so cocky!” yeah LL Cool Chicken
 
Eggy ice on my arm!
You know I’m living in a mansion, ain’t no factory farm!
I’m rich, I got money comin’ out my beak
I’m as pleasant as a pheasant, with new chicks every week!
You the bottom, I’m the top of the pecking order
I’ll wear you out and unravel you like a tape recorder
So you best not mess around and find me clucking with you
cuz I’ll barbecue your ass, give you the cock a doodle doo!

don’t take me to KFC or popeyes! 
don’t take me to KFC or popeyes!
don’t take me to KFC or popeyes!
ain’t no McNugget, but I do go well with curly fries!
don’t take me to KFC or popeyes! (hey jumping section)
don’t take me to KFC or popeyes!
don’t take me to KFC or popeyes!
quintessential chicken is what I epitomize! 

Yeah baby I’m the one cuz I’m a cool chicken
I’m saucin’ on these haters, yeah they call me finger-lickin'
and when I shoot a basketball you know that I ain’t brickin’
cuz they say “he’s so cocky!” yeah LL Cool Chicken

Yeah baby I’m the one cuz I’m a cool chicken
I’m saucin’ on these haters, yeah they call me finger-lickin'
and when I shoot a basketball you know that I ain’t brickin’
cuz they say “he’s so cocky!” yeah LL Cool Chicken

Cool Chicken

I wanted to make the most violent song with the chillest sound. The ethos of DMX with the smooth groove of A Tribe Called Quest. 

Lyrics:
I’m tough… but i’m smooth 
Got big muscles and I got groove
I may look fly and be filled with class
but you better not cross me, boy, cuz i’ll kick your ass!

Come on. It’s clear that I am such a baller cuz I fight hard
and I don’t stink cuz my deodorant is Right Guard
kicked out of every soccer game, give me the red card
I’ll beat up every single bully and you know.

you know i never lost a fight to nobody
I’m a man of the people, drive a prius, no bugatti
When i’m flexing the beach they say “damn, there goes a hottie!”
You can never stop me, I’m like Gotti mixed with pavoratti

(opera riff) mama mia! 
I said I always strike first, i never strike out
and you can catch these hands if I ever find out
that you’re cappin while i’m rippin and rappin
movin’ to the beat, and your booty cheeks clapping’
your face to the floor, that’s ‘bout to happen 
cuz inflicting pain is my passion

I’m tough… but i’m smooth 
Got big muscles and I got groove
I may look fly and be filled with class
but you better not cross me, boy, cuz i’ll kick your ass!

Strolling down the block, here comes a jock. 
Tryna pass me, gives a little shoulder knock
I say “hey man, you tryna take this outside?”
he says “what do you mean? we are already outside”

don’t correct me, pal, this is not a school day
mama said knock you out like cool j
Sorry man, you’re messing with the wrong cool jew 
cuz that’s what I came to do, deliver pain to you

I smacked him with a left, I clocked him with a right
i beat him up all day ‘till his hair turned white,
he said “please dude! show some restraint!”
i threw him to the ground “hell no, I ain’t!”

for those of you who don’t think i’m hard
get in a fight with me, we’ll see who comes out scarred!
cuz this nice jewish boy won’t just take you to lunch,
I vanquish my enemies and I pack a punch

I’m tough… but i’m smooth 
Got big muscles and I got groove
I may look fly and be filled with class
but you better not cross me, boy, cuz i’ll kick your ass!

i will seriously kick your ass
if you’re hundred years old or a baby
i will kick your ass on your birthday
i have an inferiority complex so it makes me feel good to imagine that i am physically intimidating
even though i’ve never been in a fight
i just wanna kick somebody’s ass
any volunteers?

Kick Your Ass

This song asks the question, "what do rappers rap about before they get the fat check???" 

Written and produced by Noah Bender

Lyrics:
I always like it when rappers talk bout how rich they are 
With shiny watches and dollas all in a foreign car
But what do you do before you get the cash 
Before you make it big online and your career’s a smash

They kinda frontin’, playacting like they stuntin’
Singing’ bout “M’s in my bank account” when really they got nothin’
Now that’s the phase of my career that I’m in   
The greatest of the great say it’s all about timin’

Gotta act like you the shit, when ain’t got no hits
But your swagger and bravado make people think you got it
Factor, I’m an actor, not really a rapper
But I’d rather be on stage than on a farm pushing a tractor (sheep)

So for now I’m stuck at home fantasizing (fantasizing!)
Not yet raking in the dough from merchandizing (cha-ching!)
I see my future in the sky I’m prophesizing (hmmmm)
Cuz deep down I know my star is rising

I ain’t got a Rolls Royce
I’m just whippin’ in my Prius
But if I had a choice
I would live inside my head and pretend to be rich
Stack up all my dough and smoke it down to the tip
I just wanna be like Jay Z, it’s crazy
That money can make life work out without a hitch
Baby I ain’t spendin’, i’m just pretendin’ to be rich


Now that we know it’s pretense 
I can say anything I want about my life’s opulence (it’s fake!
Like the other day, got a little scratch on my Ferrari (skrrt)
Didn’t even say sorry, i was busy eating calamari (crunch!)

I got six girlfriends and a gold iPhone
Can’t find the charger, it’s in my vacation home (hello?)
no, not that vacation home, it’s in my other one (oohhh)
I’m losin’ track, cuz all this cheddar’s getting troublesome (wah!)
 
My bank account is overflowing and get this
I even know what an Audemars Piguet is (ice!)
My butler’s only job is to groom my mustache
Even when i’m on the toilet, man, I’m flushed with cash!

Yo! Back to reality, I’m broke and I’m full of crap
But you have to believe me cuz I’m singing it in a rap
What do rappers do before they get the private jet? 
I ain’t a failure, I’m just not there yet!

I ain’t got a Rolls Royce
I’m just whippin’ in my Prius
But if I had a choice
I would live inside my head and pretend to be rich
Stack up all my dough and smoke it down to the tip
I just wanna be like Jay Z, it’s crazy
That money can make life work out without a hitch
Baby I ain’t spendin’, i’m just pretendin’ to be rich

I ain’t got a Rolls Royce
I’m just whippin’ in my Prius, baby
But if I had a choice
I would live inside my head and pretend to be rich
Stack up all my dough and smoke it down to the tip
I just wanna be like Jay Z, it’s crazy
That money can make life work out without a hitch
Baby I ain’t spendin’, i’m just pretendin’ to be rich

Pretend To Be Rich

funny. rapper. guy.
Twitter: @bigtimebender
Instagram: @bendernoah

LL Cool Jew

Popular tracks