*Releases Everywhere June 4th 2021*
I really really thought the world was over halfway through the pandemic. It was probably the lowest Ive ever been, my job industry destroyed, my college graduation experience taken, struggling to survive, and everyday feeling like the last. Because of this I used mushrooms as an escape from the same 4 walls that trapped me everyday....but part of me wanted to just give up and end it because my reality was shattered and everything I believed in was broken.

Dear Diary

END OF THE WORLD

Apple Music

[𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗘𝗗] END OF THE WORLD

June 4th
I hate moving. Because I end up having to leave behind a whole life, friends, and memories. Just to probably move again soon, repeating the process.

I Hate Moving

[𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗘𝗗] I Hate Moving

This Wont be mixed in time for the album release, but wanted to share the unmixed version.

This song is about trying to replace all the happy memories you had with someone you lost. Christmas with a loved one that passed, or eating certain foods that make you sick because you remember times with your ex.

Hope to finish this one lyrically and get it mixed.

Tainted Nostolgia

I am having a really hard time trying to unwind. Ive been getting so stressed out and using unhealthy methods to destress. I just want to fucking relax!

Stressed Out

[𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗘𝗗] Stressed Out

(This is not about the one who slandered my name)

Releases on other platforms 01/01/22

Produced and mixed by: @ibemxn

I am having a hard time letting go of you. But the person I remember and miss, I don't think even truly existed...after all, you told me that you said and did anything to make me like you... I just wanted you to be honest with me, instead of lying to me and calling it the grey area so you could avoid the truth. It still hurts inside but I didn't deserve someone who doesn't want me for who I am. Ending it was hard, but I can't be friends after how you hurt me.

Hurts Inside

[𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗘𝗗] Hurts Inside

Beat produced by Siah Misd
mixed by @ibemxn
Now on all platforms

I used to use nicotine as a coping mechanism, and right now Im using weed as one. It has helped me a lot with being more in the moment. before I smoke all I can think about is someone else. After I smoke I focus on myself and feel a lot happier.

[𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗘𝗗] Blood Red Eyes

(This is not about the one who slandered my name)

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/4SBHvQhUFrPoc6UKKP8bCS?si=dPgvVMcLQfarluCtyzbfrg
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Beat Prod by (P4RA)@user-101178172 x 5Head
Mixed by @ibemxn
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I have been trying to fill a hole. Last night I tripped to try and let go. But I just experienced the same heart break I was trying to avoid. I wouldn't call it a bad trip, but when I was in the shower it looked like blood was in the water so I just sat down and hugged myself because I felt more alone than I ever have.

Red Lines

[𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗘𝗗] Red Lines (prod P4RA x 5Head)

Beat Prod by - igormeal (thanks for sending this to me and letting me rearrange the stems)

Releases June 11th
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I have been using nicotine as a coping￼ mechanism every second of every day. Im struggling to quit because I cant get past the verbal abuse, threats, and mind games I was put through when I moved to California. I never had a problem with nicotine, but when I locked myself behind my door, the only thing I felt like I could do was smoke and smoke and smoke, hoping I would feel better and take my mind off of the banging and screaming on the other side of my door.

Since that day I cant stop because if I do, I feel like I’m here.

Nikkis Poison

📹 MUSIC VIDEO

[𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗘𝗗] Nikkis Poison

(This is not about the one who slandered my name)

I love to dance because its one of the best ways for me to express myself. But that night Instead of trying to get out of the house and dance for me. I danced as if you were there, my beautiful wallflower. I fought the attention of others and instead of making me feel confident, I felt mentally tortured. I wished you were there. I wished you wanted me again. I wish you could see I was more than my appearance.

When recording this song. I spent all day trying to express myself about how this night at the downtown experiment made me feel. I became so depressed and disoriented, I ate what little I could. And I went to a bar. Later that night I was arrested for a DUI.
I don’t need you. And I didn’t need you when we met. But you hurt me. You lied to me. You were the one person who made me believe It was okay to let my guard down.

I Love To Dance

🆄🅽🅼🅸🆇🅴🅳 I <3 2 Dance

(This is not about the one who slandered my name)
Beat Prod by (P4RA)@user-101178172 x 5Head
I thought you were different, I spent so much time trying to make sure it was safe to trust you....just to hear you say "I said anything to make you like me"

When I cut my hair for my sisters wedding, it was clear you lost interest. That destroyed my confidence... and I drank until the chills made my nerves feel calm, and continued to drink until I forgot the last few hours. Repeating this process until I felt like I could erase the memory of you. No matter how far I sank, I struggled to let go of your words. “You deserve the bare minimum”
But I’m not worth that, if I don’t look your type.

WHITE WINE

🆄🅽🅼🅸🆇🅴🅳 WHITE WINE (prod P4RA x 5Head)

I wrote this song a year ago, but wanted to save it for another day. Happy Valentines day.

🆄🅽🅼🅸🆇🅴🅳 Sour Sweet Sad

PRE SAVE ON SPOTIFY
https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/beyondthemidwest/red-lines
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Beat Prod by (P4RA)@user-101178172 x 5Head
Mixed by @ibemxn
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I have been trying to fill a hole. Last night I tripped to try and let go. But I just experienced the same heart break again. I wouldn't call it a bad one, but when I was in the shower it looked like blood was in the water so I just sat down and hugged myself because I felt more alone than I ever have.

[Nightcore] Red Lines

PRESAVE

♥𝗡𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧𝗖𝗢𝗥𝗘♥ Red Lines (prod P4RA x 5Head)

OPENING UP

Video of Expression

Stems produced by Young Taylor.
Mixed by yours truly.

This is the hardest song for me to elaborate on. Mainly because this song is about my trust issues, and my sanity's decline. A man only has his word, but California seems to have none. I feel like im crazy trying to make friends but its become too predictable. I dont want to generalize the state of California, but Im loosing hope trying to prove my judgment wrong.

When it comes to my sanity. I started talking to myself, I mean I always talked to myself but I started to get scared when I was responding to myself rather than thinking out loud. It started happening on my 3 hour commutes to work. and then started happening a lot more often. Maybe I felt like I was the only person I could trust, idk. But Ive moved and ever since I moved out of that trauma I only talk to myself very rarely. Please don’t judge me as crazy.

As far the artwork each sticky note holds the cover art for a girl I loved so much. But like the ending of the song, "she will attack me" is the figure in the right hand side. Again that's why I was so heartbroken when the one I loved ended, because she made me feel safe because she saw the truth and found out herself I was not what that monster said I was.

But Ive moved out of that terrible place. And I am taking my life back, my sanity back, and going to move forward healing.

A Lot On My Mind

🟢SPOTIFY🟢

[𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗘𝗗] A Lot On My Mind

Beat produced by: panther beats
Mixed and reproduced by yours truly.

I was let go from work Thursday. I wanted to open up about how they made me forget my worth, and not complain but try my best to focus on keeping my head up and being fearless. I can’t talk about what happened there but I survived two years. And I pray what happened to me doesn’t happen to the other 5 new people that just started. (But with all the screaming and yelling that happens there I don’t see them staying long.)

(honestly I’m panicking trying to find a job) so I hope this song will change my life for the better.

Rings of Saturn

[𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗘𝗗] Rings of Saturn

This is my first draft.
Stems produced by Meal

Ive finally started to let myself move on from the relationship I sing about on "Hurts Inside"

I finally stopped lying to myself and accept she wasnt the person I thought she was. Man when you hear a girl say "you deserve the bare minimum" it makes you want to trust and believe in them forever. Good things always come to an end amd so my love for you follows.

Tellin Me Nothin(Nightcore)

[𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗘𝗗] ♥𝗡𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧𝗖𝗢𝗥𝗘♥ Tellin Me Nothin

This is my second draft.
Stems produced by Meal.

Ive finally started to let myself move on from the relationship I sing about on "Hurts Inside"

I wanted to rewrite it to connect people more with the artwork. Mainly the song is still about moving on, but focusing on one memory that would bother me a lot. Keep in mind I wanted to trust her, so I just kept believing her excuses even though the more situations that would happen the more Id have to pull the truth out like teeth, and didn't want to accept I meant nothing to her.

Thanks for listening, and just remember you are worth something :)

Tellin Me Nothin

[𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗘𝗗] Tellin Me Nothin

Final draft can be found on my profile :)

Outside first Draft

See Me Nightcore V2

I’m just trying to make music to talk about my experiences outside the midwest. Hoping I can find others who relate. In the end, I hope you can connect with my artwork.
IN -> FL -> GA -> CA ->?

If you message me your song I’ll always listen. :)

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