He said no one else, I was done. He said my fight was over and I couldn't win now. And now I find myself in that same place again, fighting another battle from within. I can't take it anymore. It feels like I've lost control. Everything I had is gone now; I've lost my heart and everything else. It doesn't matter what I do; I can't even find the strength anymore. I'm down on my knees, unable to move forward, unable to find a way out. I even begged, but he said no. "You've been there, you've done that; you can't get out." 

I did everything wrong, everything against God, and yet I still feel like I didn't do anything, like I'm nobody. I can't even take myself to that place anymore. Do I want to fight? No. I just want to fall to my knees. This is my decision; I can't even get help. Where am I supposed to go? He said I'm lost and abandoned, that I don't even know how to exist anymore. 

The fight is real; I battle every day. Every time I go home, no one even moves or knows. Oh my God, just take me off this earth. I don't want to be here anymore. You tell me I have to lose, that I have to fight, that I have to win, but for what? I can't give up, God, not anymore. The fight is real; the demons overwhelm me. They want to take control and, meanwhile, you said, "Just one more day." I can see the demons in the background of my mind, laughing at me.

He said no one else I was done


Chasing dreams, I was on my way,  
Thought you’d stand by me, but you couldn't stay.  
In one moment, it all fell apart,  
You took everything, left me with a broken heart.  
Those thousand moments now fade away,  
You had it all, then you chose to stray.  
With an open heart, I gave my all,  
But you walked out, let our hopes fall.


How do I make sense of what you’ve done?  
Took what you needed, then you were gone.  
Was it ever real, or just a fading light?  
You got everything, then vanished from sight.

From the moment we started, I gave my best,  
You took it all, left me with the rest.  
Now I’m searching for a piece of me,  
Wondering how love turned to tragedy.  
Girl, you knew just how to play,  
Took my heart, then you ran away.  
But I’ll keep on finding my way through,  
Somewhere out there, I’ll rise anew.


How do I make sense of what you’ve done?  
Took what you needed, then you were gone.  
Was it ever real, or just a fading light?  
You got everything, then vanished from sight.


Why do you think you can walk away?  
I’ll find my strength, I won’t be led astray.  
To live and to learn from the scars you left,  
Searching for a way to reclaim my self.


One day you loved, then it slipped away,  
Took your piece of me, now I’m left to pay.  
But tomorrow’s a chance to start anew,  
I’ll keep rising, I’ll find my truth. 

Chasing dreams

**[Verse 1]**  
I am done, I am done.  
Oh, I'm not fighting anymore.  
I throw my hands up in the air, and I'm down.  
Oh, I can't feel anything anymore.  
All my dreams are gone; my memories are erased.  
God, I wonder, was it worth it for me?  
He called me, but I don't know.  
The truth is, you pulled me in,  
And everything I ever cared about  
Oh, you've done that so many times, Father God.  
What did I do to deserve the life you've given me?  
God, you would have been enough for me,  
But over and over, just for what?  
So I can break completely? Can I put the pieces back together?  
I need to feel; I'm broken, and I don't know where I fit now.  
I'm all in pieces; I don't fit, God.  
Oh, I'm broken and distressed, and I don't know where to go.  
God, show me where to go; I'm crying now.  
God, I'm on my knees now.  
See now, how do I look to you,  
Oh, when you're not even there for me?  
Father God, why?  
Why did you let this happen to me, Lord?  
Oh, over and over, I've lost it all;  
I don't have anything I had before, I know.  
So many times, I've lost track; I'm broken.  
You know where I am now, God.  
How am I supposed to understand all the things you have in store for me?  
I'm all in pieces now; I'm just a broken man.  
God, I just want to quit.  
I look back on my life and wonder why.  
Why didn't you save me instead of her?  
God, she was just so beautiful to me; she didn't know who she was.

**[Verse 2]**  
See, I just wonder why you let me live this life, God.  
All the pain and anguish—I'm suffering, you know it.  
Take me out of here; take me out of my misery, God, please.  
I need you to break me, save me.  
I'm on my knees; please, save me, help me, Lord.  
I need you, God; I need your love.  
I know I was getting here; you know me, God.  
I need you more than I’ve ever needed you now.  
Father God, I cry to you now.  
Save me, Lord, from the things I'm facing now.  
Why did you let it all happen? Why did you?  
Things have gotten so overwhelming that I just want to end it all.  
Throw it all away; I can't go on anymore.

**[Verse 3]**  
So many struggles, everything that’s dear to me.  
See, God, I don’t know who I am; I don’t know what’s inside me anymore, Father God.  
Come on and help me; surround me, Lord.  
Search for me; I'm nowhere.  
God, I'm on the verge of losing my mind, Lord.  
Keep me strong, God; I don’t know where to go.  
Tell me where I should be; I'm stressed to you now.  
Where am I supposed to go?  
I need you, God; I can't do this anymore.

cant no more


Seems most days, I’m not enough
No, not enough for myself
Can’t be happy with the things I got
Always reaching for somewhere else


Can’t be happy with the things you have
Only if you're chasing more
But what for, what for?
Still I keep knocking on a closed door


Something inside—I don’t understand
I don’t know what’s happening to me
I try, I try, but I’m slipping through
I lost it all… I lost all of me


So long to the love, to the pain
To everything I tried to gain
All I’ve lost, you're all I knew
Now I’m standing in the rain


All that I look to, all that I see
Oh, oh, oh… just me
No light, no sound
Just the echo of who I used to be


I’m not enough, no—not today
Going out of my way to fake
To be something that I’m not
God, I break, but I still hesitate


I stop myself from being real
I don’t know why, I just conceal
All these parts of me I used to know
Now I'm a shadow with no soul

Seems most days, I’m not enough


Did you ever understand the things you were going to see in the blink of an eye? To realize what’s in front of you, yet feel nothing, no emotions. Yeah, love sick; oh my God, I know. Here we go again, another rollercoaster ride of emotions, up and down, you know? I can see the demons every single day, and I can even feel the weight of what’s inside me. Jeez, I’m not grown; I’m just a god. But I tell you, the things I feel every single day now are overwhelming. I feel the world’s touch. I can sense people from another country this way. I don’t even know the feelings that exist inside my mind. Honestly, I feel mentally unhinged.


Yeah, this is a rollercoaster ride. I know what’s in my mind, yet I keep rushing back to a place that no one understands. One day, I’ll sit there, and a wormhole will open up and pull me in. Yeah, I’ll go to another fantasy land of my design. See, no one ever tells me I’m wrong. They may tell me whatever they think I need to know, but in that dimension, oh my God, I can see everything through my life. I can perceive the things you need to see. The only way back is to get to places like New York, Australia, or even the moon, to reach that big place that gives you something. I believe and understand every single thing, yet the colors of feelings are things I can’t fully grasp. But I tell you, if you were here with me, oh. 

Yeah, there’s a moment in time you don’t realize, but right now, I’m experiencing something intense. Maybe, my God, I’m about to go to a place that exists in my mind. What's this feeling, up and down, that never goes away? Oh my God, please give me a way, an escape, a place where I can just exist today.

Blink Of An Eye

[Verse 1]Oh, looking back, can you remember?Just another path not to go into.So much news, I know you're fighting though.In this moment, in this time, I know you got.Stand by your father, with all you got.Be there, be strong, be what you need.God, bro, you've been through so much, you see.Yeah, I know you've lost your way, your fears, and I know that you're crippled, and I know it feels so real, but I tell you what, that no one's needed you. There's a reason for you. Every single thing you do, so stay up out high. Don't let the things beat you down. We can't take yesterday, so come on, just continue on. Make a decision to make every moment of your life. Come on, just go through. You know you can. You got the strength inside of you. You won't even break. You've been there. How old are you? You know how what you mean. But I tell you what, a battle was a front. Yes, and you can beat that. You met us now. Here we go. We'll fight you through it. I hope you get where you need to go. We'll build you up and get you stronger, you know. But I tell you what, don't let the things that you can't change beat you down because it will destroy you every day of your life. I know it sounds so simple to even think about it. Take a moment just to realize what's the good side of the bed is no matter what side. Just get up and have the best day of your life. Even though the pain is still going to hurt you. I understand the things are going through your mind. And yet the pain exists, it's deep inside of you, and you got to find a way to let it all out. Even though your dreams maybe were drifted away, I promise there's another, there's a better way for you out there. You see it, it will come home. If you stop looking at the things that you cannot. [Verse 2]Battles are through and you know that you're strong. You can fight this thing. I know you got your armor on. I think of God, I think of everything. I know your father can come back in so many different ways. Yes, he will be with you. A moment in time, I'll give you all you got, you know. In this moment of time, I ask for heaven to hear. [Verse 3]In this moment in time, I know you're looking for your father to understand God and your intentions. I pray to God right now for angels in heaven to come down, super run that man and let him feel the warmth of the presence. He's never even known. Soften his heart, Father God, for everything that's going on. Yeah, break up those pieces, Father God. Remind, renew, remove his heart indoors. Take up the fight. I know you got, I know you can do this. I know your angels are strong enough to confirm. Bring him to your place, Father God. He needs a savior. Needs you, Father God. Just move down and save him. Let him through your presence, Father God. Let him, oh, even her, Father God, let her feel your work. Let her understand that something's inside there, God. Father God, I thank you for the things that you were.

Oh looking back can you remember Just


I’ve been lost, I’ve been faded,
Seen the things that left me jaded.
Every word, every feeling, every tear I never showed—
Father God, why do I gotta feel it all alone?

I felt You once in my childhood,
Back when the world still felt good.
But now You’ve got me walking
In the shoes of the brokenhearted.
Another soul, another burden—
Why me, Lord? Why am I chosen?

I’m on my knees, can’t take no more.
You put me on this path—I know.
You gave me eyes that feel too deep,
You gave me pain I couldn’t keep.
I put my dukes up, my demons know,
They face me daily, blow for blow.
God, what are You doing these days?
I’m breaking down in a holy haze.


I know You made me strong,
But Lord, I’ve been down so long.
Down, down, down on my knees—
Begging You, God, please…
Take this away from me.


Why is it so hard to breathe,
To stay alive, to just believe?
The war inside, it don’t let up—
And I’ve been screaming, “Is this enough?”

Can You hear me? Do You know me?
Do You see what’s going on below me?
All these burdens I’ve been wearing
Got my spirit torn and tearing.
Confined within this haunted place,
Lost in time, lost in space.

I don’t even know what’s real—
These thoughts ain’t something I can heal.
My mind's a maze I can’t escape,
A thousand wounds I can’t reshape.
Why, God, why this heavy load?
Is this the only way to grow?


I know You need me to be the man
You planned before the world began—
But I’m shattered, scarred, and worn,
Wondering why I was ever born.


Pain.
I can’t.
These dreams… oh my God, please—
Let me find a place where my soul can breathe.
With all my sins, with all this weight,
Lead me to Your mercy gate.
Where I can fall… and finally feel
Relief.

Down on My Knees

**[Verse 1]**  
Yeah, I’m back here for another round,  
Facing the battles life throws at me.  
God, I keep on asking,  
Down on my knees,  
Yearning to understand why this is happening.  
You keep trying to break me,  
And I've given you my life, my heart, my soul—what more do you want from me?  
You took my love, my life, you know,  
You stripped away everything I held dear.  
God, you’ve blessed me with so much,  
And I’ve offered you everything I could.  
But it feels like you don't care about my struggle.  
I’ve begged, "Please, just let me go."  
But here I am,  
Trapped in this fight.  
You keep me here,  
Holding on like I’m your last hope,  
But I feel lost,  
So utterly lost.  
God, please help me see the truth,  
I just want clarity.  
Let me go, Father God,  
Let me break free.  
You keep putting obstacles in my path,  
Maybe that’s what you think I need to grow, Father God.  
God.  

**[Verse 2]**  
Yes, you know it’s heavy,  
Every moment feels like a war.  
The past weighs on me like chains,  
It’s relentless, Father God.  
"Take away these burdens," I plead,  
They swirl in my mind,  
Heavy stones thrown into still waters.  
Every second feels like a battle,  
Tossed by waves of doubt and fear.  
I’ve struggled to hear your voice,  
But I need your guidance more than ever.  
I come back time and time again, seeking help.  

**[Verse 3]**  
I watch you fight every day,  
And I see your power,  
But I’m terrified of the struggle.  
Why do I have to fight this battle alone, Father God?  
Why does it seem like I’m destined for this misery?  
Just for a moment of peace, please.  
Do you believe I have the strength to endure?  
Can I rise above this storm, Father God?  
What are you asking of me?  
I’m not that strong, you know.  
Please, give me to someone else to fight alongside me.  
Father God, I’m lost in this chaos.  
I’m in pain and desperate for relief.  
Accept my plea, my God, Jesus.  
You know what?  
I’m ready to surrender.  
You fight my battles,  
The demons that threaten to consume me.  
I know they lurk, waiting for weakness.  
Every waking moment is a struggle,  
Yes, I see them lurking,  
Watching from the shadows of my mind.  
Where can I turn for refuge now?  

**[Verse 4]**  
There’s no safe haven in my thought.  
There’s no sanctuary within these walls.  
I feel overwhelmed, God,  
This fight follows me wherever I go.  
I need your strength to keep going,  
To face this bigger battle ahead.  

Facing the battles


[Verse 1]
I've been lost. I've been faded.
I've been seeing all the things that I've been hating.
Every word, every feeling, every emotion.
Father God, why do I gotta feel it all?

I felt you once, you know — my childhood.
Why you gotta continue
To keep on making me live
Through another soul, another person, broken?

God, I tell you what—I'm on my knees.
I can't do this no more.
You put me on that path. I know you did.
I understand all the things you need me to do, to feel.

Oh my God, you put me through so much thinking pain…
Why am I chosen?

It's almost like it seems
That today, now, I put up my fight—
I don’t know what, I can’t even know.
I put my dukes up, my demons know.
They're confronting me, in my face
Every moment of my life.
I can't even get away...

God, what are you doing these days?

[Hook]
Yeah… I’m falling apart.
I know you created me
To be the man you needed me to be—
But I'm down, down, down
Down on my knees.
I’m over—begging you, please God…
Take this away from me, God.

[Verse 2]
Why?
Why is it so hard?
To stay alive, to beat the demons inside of me,
The wall—right out.

Can you hear me?
Can you feel me?
Do you know me?
Do you understand my pain?

Father God, now I'm telling you what…
I just can't take it anymore.

I'm confined with so much—yes, the Lord…
Everything that you put me through, my God.
To make this world.
Time functions in pieces… lost.

I'm confined. I didn’t even know it’s lost.
I'm in a starting place in my mind.
I don’t even know there's a place.

Can I even get out…
Of the thoughts of my mind?

Yeah, for making good things—
One idea—oh my God—
Runs through, rushing in pain.

A place I can’t even get out of.
Father God…
Where am I going?
Where am I, God?

Where do I even go now?
What's the purpose?
Because you need what you need with me—
I know you want to do
Everything that I need.
See, see…
What? Hear. Know. Wonder. Wonder.

God, roller coaster ride—
Oh my God, these feelings inside.

[Outro]
Pain.
I can't.
The dreams of my God…
Please…

Let me find a place, Lord—
With all the sins that I can—
Where I can find
Relief.




Take This Away from Me God

My name is John. I have been a broadcaster for five years and have been writing music and poetry for twenty years. I didn’t even realize I could read and write until I discovered I have mirror-touch synesthesia. I perceive everything from right to left: my poetry, words, and compassion. My childhood was challenging, to put it mildly. However, God showed me a way to help others through the words I share. Every song I write serves as a ministry. By addressing various issues, I hope to assist those with troubled pasts find healing through my words. I am a pastor, and this is how I spread God’s message—by feeling the emotions around me and understanding the feelings of the people I encounter, because I have experienced similar struggles. God allows me to see you in ways that others cannot.

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