Regrets

I'm learning to love
The sound of my feet
Walking away from
Troubles I don't need
I'm not gonna do it any more

All I have to give is love
And I'm not sure that's ever enough
All I have to do is walk away
From things that look too tough
I'm not gonna do it any more

I don't like the way things are headed
Complication setting in, need to simplify my life
I don't want to be told what to do
And I'm not gonna do it any more

I've built a pile of stuff
I never needed in the first place
I guess I won!
I never even knew the score

Everyone acts to protect 
the things they have
Until they find there was
So much more to be had
I'm not gonna do it any more

I'm fed up with the way things are
Complications setting in, need to simplify my life
I'm sick and tired of being told what to do
And I'm not gonna do it any more

I'm Not Gonna Do It Anymore

I drew a line around a space
A circle formed to take it's place
When I turned around to flee
The circle had encompassed me

Walking on a tightrope with my head in a noose
Dancing on the tension, trying to shake loose
Everybody says it's not a great place to be
But now everybody wants to be me

Moving forward way too fast
People say that it can't last
But if you were me and I were you
I'd wanna be you...

Ain't it cold how things get old
And fade away before their due
Ain't it sad when things got mad
To find I couldn't depend on you

People ask me, “Bill, how does it feel
to be under the wheels of a moving train?”
Everybody says it's not a great place to be
But now everybody wants to be me

Moving forward way too fast
People say that it can't last
But if you were me and I were you
I'd wanna be you...

Everybody Wants To Be Me

Disappointments

Walking in the darkness
My shadow hiding inside
The face in the mirror looks the same
But the pictures don't lie

Just another setback
In a string of disappointments
Each of them more daunting

In the end, we're only what we've done
Not what we thought
Not what we said
What we've done is our truth

Just another setback
In a string of disappointments
Each of them more haunting...


Disappointments

A good day in the sky today
Takeoffs equaled landings
The only thing between me and my future self
Is time – will I have enough?

We take it as  it comes these days
It often comes relentlessly
I've realized I'm not praying to God
I'm praying to myself

Suicide seems so deliberate
Things might magically improve
Hoping to sleep each night, rising every morning 
Hanging around, expecting nothing better...

We take it as  it comes these days
It often comes relentlessly
I've realized I'm not praying to God
I'm praying to myself


Praying to Myself

I've tried to always think the best
But I am often disappointed
When I am feeling charitable
I'll sometimes admit I've made mistakes

Things I've done that I regret
And all those things I never did
I regret those too
Things I can't unbreak
I'm reaching the edge of what I think I know
I'm approaching the point
Where there is no point anymore...

I've done things I never should have done
Either stupid or hazardous, or some mixture of both
But sometimes I learned
And mostly won't do it again

Things I've done that I regret
And all those things I never did
I regret those too
Things I can't unbreak
I'm reaching the edge of what I think I know
I'm approaching the point
Where there is no point anymore...

Sometimes I reminisce
About a past that never happened
Maybe it's a glimpse into the future?
I write about the things I see
Even if the things I see aren't there

I'm often shocked at how my memory betrays me
Makes me wonder if it really happened at all
Frightened into vigilance
When what I crave is numb

I find most wounds are self-inflicted
Voluntary – a choice we make
If I could get a moment
When all my thoughts are my own


Memories

We we pay our way and take our chances
Never knowing what will happen next
It's never personal, always random
The only way to live without regret
Is to never consider other outcomes

We get to choose our choices
The ones we've defined for ourselves
But once we make our choices
The universe kicks in, like a roulette table
No one knows where the ball is gonna fall

No one knows what cards they'll draw
On any given day
Just like a song I heard once, maybe in a dream?
Sometimes the villain beats the hero
Sometimes the villain gets the girl

We get to choose our choices
The ones we've defined for ourselves
But once we make our choices
The universe kicks in, like a roulette table
No one knows where the ball is gonna fall


Choices

I know how long the night is
I've watched it pass, restlessly
A thousand times or more
No matter how little you have
Seems there's always something more to lose

I've spent my whole life 
being somebody's something
First a son, then a cousin, a brother,
a friend, an enemy, a lover
A husband, a father
An elder, soon to be late

A promise is only a promise once fulfilled
And if it never happens, it was just another lie
No one can test the difference today
Another case of “time will tell”


Somebody's Something

What is a weed?
Something that grows where it's not welcome
Unintended and unwanted
I've been there before

A harsh place
In a world over-run with hard places
The world is not kind
Remember that
And you'll never be disappointed

A weed may be an innocent plant
That strayed into the wrong neighborhood
A corn plant in a bean field is a weed
Grass, in a garden, is out of place

A harsh place
In a world over-run with hard places
The world is not kind
Remember that
And you'll never be disappointed

Weeds

Words are convenient containers 
to carry bits of thought
Devoid of meaning until invested with emotion
And ordered in a particular way

Now I want to say some words out loud
Things I've read, but never said
I know what they mean and how they're spelled
Just don't know how they sound

We mask our thoughts in politeness
At the risk of being pointless

Words are often too precise to describe emotions
Often too clumsy, not adequate for how I feel
Or they're too precise
And betray what I'm concealing

Now I want to say some words out loud
Things I've read, but never said
I know what they mean and how they're spelled
Just don't know how they sound

Regrets

Blunt Objects