Songs from earlier in my catalog, redone with competently played guitars/bass drums (Matt Rendon is that competent player).

Redux

Rendezvous Lovers

Falling Down The Stairs

Regrets

“In the beginning...” is just the start of a fairy tale
To scare you and control you
When I understood Santa isn't real
I realized that God is made from that same stuff as Santa (yeah yeah yeah)
he's just not as fun (no no no)

there's no great father in heaven looking out for us
Take a look around --- no proof 

The bible is a giant game of telephone
Over thousands of years (a long, long time)
through millions of mouths (blah blah blah)
You know it's all made up, right?
A fable devised by popes and kings
to pacify the masses (a-men)
How is that the word of God?

there's no great father in heaven looking out for us
Take a look around --- no proof 

Too much singing, too much hypocrisy (why why why)
Too much that requires suspension of logic (makes no sense)
Mythologies are the failed religions of yesterday (mercy me)
The dogmas of today all share the same destiny

there's no great father in heaven looking out for us
Take a look around --- no proof

No Proof

I don't know the things you know
I can't do the things you do
I don't hope for the same things you hope for
But I like spending time with you

A diagram reveals 
that we share a lot of common space
Rather be with you than without
Let's enjoy the ride together
See where it takes us
I like spending time with you

I can't see the things you see
I don't hear the things you hear
I don't celebrate the same things as you
I know we share some fears

A diagram reveals 
that we share a lot of common space
Rather be with you than without
Let's enjoy the ride together
See where it takes us
I like spending time with you

Time With You

I think I just fell into a hole
And I can't find my way out
The reason I'm hurting is I'm still existing
Not looking to die, I just don't care to live

Some days I just want to go home
But there is no home, no place where I belong
I'm homesick for a house
That isn't mine anymore

Gravity feels like it's seeking me out
Makes me heavy, numb, and dumb
Pulling my energy away from me
It's no wonder I feel cold

The light at the end of the tunnel, extinguished...
No relief on the way, just more of the same
But I'm still here, and the darkness won't win
I've made it this far, may as well keep going

Gravity feels like it's seeking me out
Makes me heavy, numb, and dumb
Pulling my energy away from me
It's no wonder I feel old

Numb

I read the news this morning
All violence and atrocity
What an awful day to know how to read

Sitting here
Sifting fact from fiction
Wondering how to stem the tide
Before we break and run

It's all part of God's mysterious plan
It's a bad plan - time to make a new one
God's not the problem here
But his fan clubs have some issues

Maybe I can summon 
One last ounce of courage
Call on a reserve that does not exist
Salvation comes at such a cost
Sometimes paid in souls, always in blood

It's all part of God's mysterious plan
It's a bad plan - time to make a new one
God's not the problem here
But his fan clubs have some issues

Mysterious Plan

All things considered, 
doing ok is ok by me
Good enough 
is good enough for me

We're human
Humans make mistakes
Often paid in grief...

Dangers facing us
No one can quite pronounce
Silence is an overwhelming weight
The silence is so loud

And even when we win
The memory of a close call
Casts a shadow
on every choice we make

Dangers facing us
That no one can quite pronounce
Silence is an overwhelming weight
The silence is so loud

Dangers facing us
That no one can quite pronounce
Silence is an overwhelming weight
The silence is so loud

Loud Silence

I don't know what's going on
but I know that something's really really wrong
I don't have a plan for it
I don't know what to do at all

It's not easy here for me
To pretend that I'm who I want to be
Once I could be anyone at all

There's no map to shine a light
On where to go or how to sleep at night
No native scouts to guide us
No cover here to hide us now...

It's not easy here for me
To pretend that I'm who I want to be
Once I could be anyone at all

We learned what we did not know
And never guessed where we could never go
I don't have a word for it
Tried one on, but couldn't make it fit

It's not easy here for me
To pretend that I'm who I want to be
Once I could be anyone at all

This was originally released in 2020 on Safe at Home.  Redone recently to clean up some parts that weren't coherent...

Uncharted V.2

Who needs science? Our guy has a hunch!
Who need Facts? Opinions are in big supply!
Who needs truth? Lies are more convenient!

Insist on the truth, and everybody's fine
Dirty tricks and misdirection
These are guys with bad intentions
Insist on the truth, or everybody dies

Who are the adults in the room? Who’s looking after us?
A shepherd, with no remorse, leads his flock to the brink
Groping and staggering forward
While thoughts and prayers produce the usual results...

Insist on the truth

Truth does not compromise
Truth does not temporize
Truth doesn’t vaporize upon inspection


It’s a Kingdom of Lies

Who needs science? We have religion!
Who needs Facts? A miracle is on the way!
Who needs truth? ...unless you want to die


Insist on the truth, and everybody's fine
Dirty Tricks and misdirection
These are guys with bad intentions
Insist on the truth, or everybody dies

Where do we go from here? Who do we listen to?
Who can we trust? Who do we believe in this circus of distraction?
If ignorance is bliss, then it’s wasteful to be wise...
Who cares what’s true when I feel fine?


Truth does not compromise
Truth does not temporize
Truth doesn’t vaporize upon inspection

Kingdom Of Lies V2

It's hard to be bothered
With things I can't perceive
The sun rose in the west today
I deal with things I can see
I don't have a problem
I only drink when I'm awake
These days I'm not sleeping so well...

I won't set myself on fire
Just because you think it's cold
What someone thinks of me
Is none of my business
But now I fear the face 
That's standing next to me

Every accusation, a new confession
Black and white and shades of gray
The colors of disaster, nuance wiped away
Graveyards filled with people 
who were “technically” correct
And everyone else (who were never right at all)


I won't set myself on fire
Just because you think it's cold
What someone thinks of me
Is none of my business
But now I fear the face 
That's standing next to me

None Of My Business

I'm finding these days
that memories are hard to tell from dreams
And those keep changing every day
Tangled up in history and what once might have been

The things I want to remember, 
I tend to forget
I'm shadowed by the things
I thought I left behind

I just wanna be with you
I just wanna show you how I feel
I just wanna hold you in my arms
Just wanna hold you in my heart

Hard to know if anything's ok
Hard to think of planning past today
Hard to tell what's real anymore
I just have to say

I just wanna be with you
I just wanna show you how I feel
I just wanna hold you in my arms
Just wanna hold you in my heart

I Just Wanna V.2

Lately I get most of my clothes
from bands at shows
My look may be disheveled
But sheveled was never my goal

The rhythm of daily work is gone
I fill my days with drilling holes
In an empty bucket of happiness

If everything communicates
One might conclude that I despair
That's not quite correct ---
I don't really care

I don't have much hair anymore
And it never stays where I meant it
Headphones, beds, hats and wind and more
I never know what it looks like
The mirror's not my friend

If everything communicates
One might conclude that I despair
That's not quite correct ---
I don't really care

There's a new mess on top of my old mess
New dust on top of my old dust
My dust bunnies now have
multi-generational families

Everything Communicates V.2

Time never runs down, only out
But we always hasten, though sometimes slowly
It's more tragic than anybody knows

One day this will all be gone
I can't live all my dreams
But I think they'll be ok without me

Death doesn't frighten me
It's the dying part I fear
Hoping it won't take too long
Hoping it won't take years

One day this will all be gone
I can't live all my dreams
But I think they'll be ok without me

I have an anger deep inside of me
I didn't choose it, and I don't want it
But it's there --- I wish it'd go away

OK Without Me

Here's to all those emails I wrote late at night but never sent
Here's to all the things I wish I'd said but never did
Some things are better left unsaid

I've got a thumb drive full of emails never sent
Full of pain and outrage, replete with disappointment
Some things are better left unsaid

(pre-chorus)
Even with this herd of elephants in the room
I know that I preferred it when no one said the quiet part out loud

Chorus
Some things are better left unsaid
All the cold cruel things I might have otherwise said
Pregnant with those awful words that now will never be born
Things can look so different in the cold light of day

I've been a fool, most each and every day
I think of things I want to say but I turn and walk away
Some things are better left unsaid

All those things set right, if only in my head
All the awful things I wrote, but never sent
Some things are better left unsaid

Even with this herd of elephants in the room
I know that I preferred it when no one said the quiet part out loud

Some things are better left unsaid
All the cold cruel things I might have otherwise said
Pregnant with those awful words that now will never be born
Things can look so different in the cold light of day

Unsaid Things V.2

Yesterday is gone
Doesn't matter what happened
All that matters now
What happens next

I don't want that burden
Or the things they've left behind
I don't want to sing
That song of sorrow

Oh, woe is me
It's a common song
Everybody has a personal version
With different verses, tailored perfectly
But the chorus is always the same --- 
Oh, woe is me
Woe is me...

No one wants the burden
Of someone else's trouble
It's more interesting to know
What they intend to do about it
I already know the tale

Oh, woe is me
It's a common song
Everybody has a personal version
With different verses, tailored perfectly
But the chorus is always the same --- 
Oh, woe is me
Woe is me...

Woe Is Me

I'm seeing a girl
She's really the rage
Says she's real vinyl
I think she's real front-page
Claimed by another
So we're real undercover
Meeting discreetly
Rendezvous Lovers

She said not to worry
My story's just fine
But we gotta hurry
There's never much time
Climbing up back stairs
We're real undercover
Meeting discreetly
Rendezvous Lovers

Rendezvous Lovers
Rendezvous Lovers
Rendezvous Lovers
Rendezvous Lovers

Electric Safari

What scares me most is contemplating the things that scare me
I'm anxious about my anxiety
The personals today seem impersonal to me
Being ignored is a hard burden to bear

Deep breaths that feel half-full
It's hard to drink from an empty cup

We're broke --- and broken

Happiness is beyond my budget
Inheritance is looking more like ashes everyday
A generation afraid to answer the phone
Or a knock at the door

Deep breaths that feel half-full
It's hard to drink from an empty cup

We're broke --- and broken

Empty Cup

Some days I can't recall
If I just said what I was thinking
Some days I can't tell where my body ends
and the outside universe begins

When it's gray I always think it's cold outside
I'm always surprised when it's not
Things are just beyond my fingertips
No amount of stretching gets me what I want

Some days I can't be called
By methods, tested and true
Some days I can't tell where I begin and end
Some days not connected to anything at all...

When it's gray I always think it's cold outside
I'm always surprised when it's not
Things are just beyond my fingertips
No amount of stretching gets me what I want

Some Days

Just pass me by, like you’ve done it before
Just pass me by, I won't be asking for more
Every day I’m down on my knees
Praying to god for somebody please to help me
You know?

Just pass me by, someday I’ll get up off the floor
Somebody to love, if not, then what is it for?
Every day I go down on my knees
Praying to god, won't somebody please help me
You know?


Money & love, both nice, but what is it for?
When you can’t find the key to open your front door
Maybe then I'll get off of my knees
Praying to god for somebody please to help you
You know?

Just Pass Me By

I'm learning to love
The sound of my feet
Walking away from
Troubles I don't need
I'm not gonna do it any more

All I have to give is love
And I'm not sure that's ever enough
All I have to do is walk away
From things that look too tough
I'm not gonna do it any more

I don't like the way things are headed
Complication setting in, need to simplify my life
I don't want to be told what to do
And I'm not gonna do it any more

I've built a pile of stuff
I never needed in the first place
I guess I won!
I never even knew the score

Everyone acts to protect 
the things they have
Until they find there was
So much more to be had
I'm not gonna do it any more

I'm fed up with the way things are
Complications setting in, need to simplify my life
I'm sick and tired of being told what to do
And I'm not gonna do it any more

I'm Not Gonna Do It Anymore

I drew a line around a space
A circle formed to take it's place
When I turned around to flee
The circle had encompassed me

Walking on a tightrope with my head in a noose
Dancing on the tension, trying to shake loose
Everybody says it's not a great place to be
But now everybody wants to be me

Moving forward way too fast
People say that it can't last
But if you were me and I were you
I'd wanna be you...

Ain't it cold how things get old
And fade away before their due
Ain't it sad when things got mad
To find I couldn't depend on you

People ask me, “Bill, how does it feel
to be under the wheels of a moving train?”
Everybody says it's not a great place to be
But now everybody wants to be me

Moving forward way too fast
People say that it can't last
But if you were me and I were you
I'd wanna be you...

Everybody Wants To Be Me

Nothing's perfect
Things are rarely personal
Nothing is permanent

Where does a thought go
Once it's passed 
through your head?
A silence bruised by friction
Of any moving parts

Never make permanent decisions
Out of temporary emotions

I can do anything
But I can't do everything
Please don't feed this animal inside
Will I be tortured for information
I don't have?

In relationships
I've begun to be certain
I'm the crazy one
At work 
I've been equally certain
To be the lazy one

I can do anything
But I can't do everything
Please don't feed this animal inside
Will I be tortured for information
I don't have?

Anything/Everything

The future seems more awful than the past
Where every day is better than the next
If looking closely, it's not hard to see
How we got here, and how it came to be
If you're not outraged then you don't understand

Wishes disguised as facts
Too much is never enough
Standing, stunned, staggering
The illusion of safety is a trap
If you're not outraged then you don't understand

I want to believe in hope
But hope does not believe in me
I'd try to change things, try to mend
But first I need to know if the world is gonna end

deluding ourselves with hope
Hope keeps us paralyzed
Hope helps deny what's right in front of us
If you're not outraged then you don't understand

I want to believe in hope
But hope does not believe in me
I'd try to change things, try to mend
But first I need to know if the world is gonna end

Hope V2

You're thinking you're the best 
But you're just weird
A psychopath who cannot tell the truth
Tried to take the last one even
though it wasn't yours
We took a vote
And then you were gone

Accused us all of trying to steal elections
Organized a mob to insurrect
Convicted now of 34 felonies
We took a vote
And then you were gone

We took a vote, and then you were gone
We knew you were a joke all along
We took a vote
Here's your coat
We took a vote
And then you were gone

Flying around with your pal Jeffrey Epstein
Lying about your money to the banks
You told us to drink bleach and take horse medicine
We took a vote
And then you were gone

We Took A Vote

Startled to realize I was staring when we met
Surprised when I realized
You were staring back at me

I'm not looking to be with anyone but you
To live life as we choose
Whether personal or shared
And if I had a preference for anything I do
I'd prefer to end my evenings with you

We borrow from each other for comfort
Each of us sharing what we have
Toward what we want to be
And what we'd like to do

Evenings With You

There've been days when I could not find a friend
Get no replies to the letters that I send
All alone on empty streets, no one between  my sheets
Here I am again --- I'm still my own best friend.

And I know it's a simply awful thing to have to say
But people mostly bore me, anyway
With all that idle chit-chat noise, designer clothes and luxury toys
Here I am Again --- I'm still my own best friend.

There've been days when I could not find a civil thing to say
And certain times I have to push everything from my way
I rarely ever take advice (although I've thought about a few things twice)
Here I am Again --- I'm still my own best friend...

Here I Am Again V2

Maybe I said too many things
Too soon before the facts
And if I promised you the world
I was joking --- it's not mine
Guess I showed my hand too soon 
there's no encore for my act
And if you think that life's too cruel
Please don't blame me - it's for you

I'll write you into my history
But that's the only place you'll hold with me
I'll be on my way
Time to say goodbye

I'd love to have you in my world
But there's not enough to share
And if I promised you the world
I was joking, I take it back
Guess I showed my hand too soon 
there's no encore for my act
And if you think that life's too cruel
Please don't blame me - it's for you

I'll write you into my history
But that's the only place you'll hold with me
I'll be on my way
Time to say goodbye

Time To Say Goodbye

I can't look after myself
Can't imagine looking after someone else
Though I've done it, it's not easy
You learn things you probably should know

It's ok to be selfish
It's ok to be alone
It's ok to want what you want
It's ok to stay at home

Got a case of black hole vertigo
Leaning over an edge too far
I can feel gravity tugging at me
The allure of falling weightlessly

It's ok to be selfish
It's ok to be alone
It's ok to want what you want
It's ok to stay at home

Its OK

Bad starts to look good
When worse shows up at your door
Falling down the stairs might be fun
If it didn't hurt so much

Some things we learn by watching
Some things we learn by doing them ourselves
Some things we learn by listening
Some things we learn by waiting to see what comes next

I have a mirror that shows me what I look like
Instead of who I am
Sometimes the only way to learn is to survive
The things we learn help keep us alive

Some things we learn by watching
Some things we learn by doing them ourselves
Some things we learn by listening
Some things we learn by waiting to see what comes next



Falling Down the Stairs

A good day in the sky today
Takeoffs equaled landings
The only thing between me and my future self
Is time – will I have enough?

We take it as  it comes these days
It often comes relentlessly
I've realized I'm not praying to God
I'm praying to myself

Suicide seems so deliberate
Things might magically improve
Hoping to sleep each night, rising every morning 
Hanging around, expecting nothing better...

We take it as  it comes these days
It often comes relentlessly
I've realized I'm not praying to God
I'm praying to myself


Praying to Myself

I've tried to always think the best
But I am often disappointed
When I am feeling charitable
I'll sometimes admit I've made mistakes

Things I've done that I regret
And all those things I never did
I regret those too
Things I can't unbreak
I'm reaching the edge of what I think I know
I'm approaching the point
Where there is no point anymore...

I've done things I never should have done
Either stupid or hazardous, or some mixture of both
But sometimes I learned
And mostly won't do it again

Things I've done that I regret
And all those things I never did
I regret those too
Things I can't unbreak
I'm reaching the edge of what I think I know
I'm approaching the point
Where there is no point anymore...

Sometimes I reminisce
About a past that never happened
Maybe it's a glimpse into the future?
I write about the things I see
Even if the things I see aren't there

I'm often shocked at how my memory betrays me
Makes me wonder if it really happened at all
Frightened into vigilance
When what I crave is numb

I find most wounds are self-inflicted
Voluntary – a choice we make
If I could get a moment
When all my thoughts are my own


Memories

I don't know how to grieve anymore, 
I've forgotten how to cry 

Everybody's weary, and now too numb to fight 
Impossible things become du jour --- How is that a life? 

Mistakes were made - somebody got it wrong 
Everybody's watching everything go wrong

Rules and order breaking down 
We'll wait another day to take the kids to town 

And now we've held our breath collectively 
At the edge of a future we can't escape 

Time to exhale, time to breathe 
We have a lot of work to do 

Though I'm still breathing, and my heart's still beating 
At least a piece of me has died 

We stand by watching, stupefied at what we see 
The past has passed, we're here right now 

The only answers now that count 
are the ones that shape tomorrow 
We have a lot of work to do...

Tomorrow V2

I Like You
I want to hold your hand
I want to be your man
I want to twist and shout 

I just had a hard day in the life
with a little help from my friends

I've got a feeling
Do you want to know a secret?
I want to tell you
Got to get you into my life

I'll be on my way
I'll follow the sun
I'll be back, it won't be long
Anytime at all

I want you
For now, I'm happy just to dance with you
Across the Universe
Here Comes the Sun!


I Want You V.2

When we talk, we don't talk
We just throw words past each other
I would, if I could 
But I can't get it done...

Part of me is now part of you
and part of you, is me
I hope that I can bear that weight
How can “empty” weigh so much?

I've been alone
Alone on a beach, alone in a crowd
But lonely's not the same as alone
Lonely's so much different than alone...

I know I'm a little broken
Endings often happen fast
Despite all plans and expectations
Sometimes nothing goes as planned

And then it came --- the day before it rained!
My hero cape retired, my regal robes in dust
Now I live alone, Now I sleep alone --- 
I'll likely that I'll pass from this life alone

I've been alone --- I can choose to be alone
on a beach, in a crowd
But lonely's not the same as alone
Lonely's so much different than alone...

Lonely's Not The Same As Alone V2

So now I’m left just standing here with nothing but my name, again
Been through this before
And it always feels the same
Maybe this will someday be my only claim to fame?

Things change and sometimes have to end
And what you get you gotten
This song is dedicated to my best friend,
Whose name I’ve since forgotten..

I took a sad song today, tried to make it better
But things don't always work that way
I heard some sad talk today, that winter's here to stay
And there's no more month called May

Things change and sometimes have to end
And what you'll get you've gotten
This song is dedicated to my best friend,
Whose name I’ve since forgotten..

Learned a few new games I never thought I'd have to play
Thought my time of leisure was here to stay
Ignorance is bliss, I'm told --- that's probably so
Maybe I'll never be happy

Things change and sometimes have to end
And what you get you gotten
This song is dedicated to my best friend,
Whose name I’ve since forgotten..

My Best Friend V2

Flammable and inflammable 
mean exactly the same thing
Something that ignites easily
And burns itself out rapidly

Oxygen is in the air
Heat is furnished by desire
Fuel is the unspent passion
My skin on yours
A chemical reaction
Oxygen, heat, and fuel
The chemistry of fire

Oxygen in the air we share
Proximity builds the heat 
Fueled by desire
The chemistry of fire

Combustion is another name for burning
Flame throws off both heat and light
My skin on yours
A chemical reaction
Oxygen, heat, and fuel
The chemistry of fire


Chemistry Of Fire

Everything I ever wanted
Everything I ever needed
Once I got them 
it was never quite enough

No matter what else we need it to be
No matter how pure the intention

Walking around in a chemical haze
Confused and dazed
Can't remember what day 
it is today

I often don't understand I've started something
Until sometime after it begins
I've also failed to recognize the end
The dead horse continues to be beaten

No matter what else we need it to be
No matter how pure the intention

Is it rude for me to notice
When things don't line up perfectly?
If I could be trusted with the truth
The world would look quite different

Walking around in a chemical haze
Confused and in a daze
Can't remember what day 
it is today


Chemical Haze

Day and night can co-exist beside each other
But never both at the same time
Don't thunder from your mouth
Without lightning in your hands
Brave and foolish often describe the same things

Went out and shook a haystack
A thousand needles appeared
That didn't seem as hard as everybody said
Arguing with a fool requires two fools
And that can make things take much longer than they do

The bad guys sometimes win
And it happens with more frequency than we like
Not everyone will get the love they want
You can't love someone into loving you

Went out and shook a haystack
A thousand needles appeared
That didn't seem as hard as everybody said
Arguing with a fool requires two fools
And that can make things take much longer than they do

1000 Needles

I'm working against the clock
I'm working against routine
I'm working against complacency
I'm working against the way things work
Realizing that nothing ever matters anyway

It's a hard thought to endure
A hard thought to contemplate
That everything I was taught to believe in is wrong
It's a hard way to learn the truth
I didn't get to choose
when I came into this world
Maybe I can choose when I leave

My learning curve on this is pretty steep
It's beginning to look a lot like a circle

I didn't get to choose
when I came into this world
Maybe I can choose when I leave

Departure

I'm dying in slow motion
knowing my limitations
I try to keep from situations that 	
Might end badly for me

Guess it's time to go
I always miss the cues
But now I'm tired, I get so weary
Guess it's time to go...

Being right is of no consequence
If you can't get people to hear you
The smartest person who ever lived
probably died in obscurity

Guess it's time to go
I always miss the cues
But now I'm tired, I get so weary
Guess it's time to go...

I often overstay my welcome
I'm the worst at taking hints
But when I see the lights go out
And the hosts retreating to their bedrooms


Time To Go

We can't think about
We can't talk about
Any thing
Any more

So we don't think about
We don't talk about
Any thing that matters 
any more

So we can choose
instead of react
We can choose our path
We need to choose a path

We need to think
we need to talk
We need to plan
We need to act
Before it is too late
And not possible any more

So we can choose
instead of react
We can choose our path
We need to choose a path

Choose

Gravity and the sun (and every silly thing I've ever done)
shape the contours of my skin
I'm only human, after all
Can't pray to a god I don't believe in

And yours will be the voice I hear
the angel on my shoulder, Devil in my ear

Something's punched a hole in my world
my gravity, leaching away
An ego like an empty honeycomb
All the roles I've played, now retired...

Emotional devotionals, giving form to fictions
The urge to merge has faded, the urge to share no longer there

The urge to purge has taken root, This old dog gets no bone

And yours will be the voice I hear
the angel on my shoulder, Satan in my ear

Here's where we find out who we are
What happens when we learn the truth?
One day we'll wake up and understand what we've done
Open-mouthed in horror as we contemplate that news...

Emotional devotionals, giving form to fictions
The urge to merge has faded, the urge to share no longer there

Cloudy with Storms V2

I have 100 different problems
And yours is not high on that list
I'm getting closer to the end...
Time is not my friend

And now there's nothing happening
And it's happening quite slowly

Slowing down faster, relaxing with intensity
You haven't been unheard
I just don't have the words to describe 
How I'm feeling right now

You say you have to go
And I don't need to know the reasons
My senses are still reeling
But still I have a feeling

And now there's nothing happening
And it's happening quite slowly

Slowing down faster, relaxing with intensity
You haven't been unheard
I just don't have the words to describe 
How I'm feeling right now 

slowing down faster

I woke one day
To find I was still dreaming
Living without shame
Those days I can't remember my name...

Can't rule out the possibility
That I've died, and am now being punished
For the sins I have committed

Lately my world keeps getting smaller
Shrinking to fit what I can do
no halls to wander, walls encase me
floors and ceilings closing in

Seeing without knowing, feeling without growing
If there'd been animals at the watering hole
They'd have looked up suddenly this morning

The laws of nature repealed 
Like a slow-motion train wreck, 
can't turn away
Knowing the ending before we begin
But powerless to change the lane...

I'm often startled by the contrast
Between history and belief
Ignorance and knowledge
Both passed on to future generations
It's never clear which is which
Until the lens of time is applied


Crusaders and Provocateurs

Though I'm sometimes successful
Preparing for a fight
Most days (if I'm honest)
It's like eggs attacking stones
Till I find myself arriving at
The other end of time...



Arriving At

My body has begun to betray me
Familiar parts, once loyal
Rebelling now, rising up inside of me
It's a civil war, hardly civil at all
My cells at war with one another

This is the year I poisoned myself
Trading comfort for the chance to keep on going
This is the year I chose to be sick
To kill the tumors growing inside of me

The dose makes the poison
I've been micro-dosing for years
On food and drink, even oxygen
A larger dose might've killed me
But the smaller dose often feels pretty good

This is the year I poisoned myself
Trading comfort for the chance to keep on going
This is the year I chose to be sick
To kill the tumors growing inside of me


this is the year I poisoned myself

I don't know what's going on 
but I know that something's really wrong 
I don't have a plan for it 
I don't know what to do at all 

It's not easy here for me 
To Pretend that I'm who I want to be 
Once I could be anyone at all 

There's no need to shine a light 
On where to go or how to sleep at night 
No native scouts to guide us 
No cover here to hide us now... 

It's not easy here for me 
To Pretend that I'm who I want to be 
Once I could be anyone at all 


We learned what we did not know 
And never guessed where we could never go 
I don't have a word for it 
Tried one on, but couldn't make it fit

It's not easy here for me 
To Pretend that I'm who I want to be 
Once I could be anyone at all

Blunt Objects

Pinned to spotlight

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